siren text v0.2

public override string GetChat()
{
    int angler = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Angler);
    int dryad = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Dryad);
    int mechanic = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Mechanic);
    int tinkerer = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.GoblinTinkerer);
    int guide = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Guide);
    int dealer = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.ArmsDealer);
    int cyborg = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Cyborg);
    int steampunker = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Steampunker);
    int nurse = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Nurse);
    int pirate = NPC.FindFirstNPC(NPCID.Pirate);
    double playerHP = (double)Main.player[Main.myPlayer].statLife;
    double playerMaxHP = (double)Main.player[Main.myPlayer].statLifeMax2;
    string playerName = Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name;

    //if siren is nearly dead
    if(npc.life < (int)(npc.lifeMax/3)){
        if(nurse >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0)
        {
            return "(beta) " + playerName + ", please, go find " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + "...";
        }
        //if both player and siren are nearly dead
        else if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.33){
            switch (Main.rand.Next(3))
            {
                case 0:
                    return "(placeholder) both crit 1";
                case 1:
                    return "(placeholder) both crit 2";
                default:
                    return "(placeholder) both crit default";
            }
        }
        //if only siren is nearly dead
        switch (Main.rand.Next(3))
        {
            case 0:
                return "(placeholder) siren crit 1";
            case 1:
                return "(placeholder) siren crit 2";
            default:
                return "I can't take much more of this... Even goddesses have their limits...";
        }
    }
    //if player is nearly dead
    else if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.33){
        if(nurse >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0)
        {
            return "(beta) Oh my gosh, " + playerName + "! Someone, get " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " over here, now!";
        }
        switch (Main.rand.Next(3))
        {
            case 0:
                return "You're pushing yourself way too hard, " + playerName + "! Stay here until you've healed!";
            case 1:
                return "(placeholder) player crit 2";
            default:
                return "(beta) Stay close to me, " + playerName + ", I'll protect you.";
        }
    }
    //if alien invasion
    else if(Main.invasionType == 4){
        return "(placeholder) What's going on?! Who are these creatures, where are they coming from?!";
    }
    //if siren HP is low
    else if(npc.life < (int)(2*npc.lifeMax/3))
    {
        if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.67){
            if(nurse >= 0){
                switch (Main.rand.Next(9))
                {
                    case 0:
                        return "Are you alright? Maybe you should go see " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + ". I know she's rude, but she IS good at her job.";
                    case 1:
                        return "That injury looks pretty bad... I think you should go get" + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " to patch that up.";
                    default:
                        break;
                }
            }
            switch (Main.rand.Next(7))
            {
                case 0:
                    return "Are you okay, " + playerName + "? You're limping...";
                case 1:
                    return "That gash looks pretty bad. Hold on, there should be a healing potion around here somewhere, I think...";
                case 2:
                    return "You look like you're in pain, " + playerName + "... Maybe you should hang back for a bit until you're feeling better.";
                default:
                    break;
            }
        }
        if(dealer >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0){
            return "(beta) If " + Main.npc[dealer].displayName + " sells guns, then why do I rarely see him using one? I can't fight off every hostile creature alone...";
        }
        else if(nurse >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(3) == 0){
            return "Have you seen " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " around today? This cut is deeper than I realized.";
        }
        switch (Main.rand.Next(2))
        {
            case 0:
                return "You wouldn't happen to have any spare healing potions, would you, " + Main.npc[dealer].displayName + "? I'm actually hurting a little right now...";
            default:
                return "(beta) I'm not feeling so well. Things have been surprisingly harsh lately.";
        }
    }
    //if player HP is low
    else if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.67){
        if(nurse >= 0){
            switch (Main.rand.Next(9))
            {
                case 0:
                    return "Are you alright? Maybe you should go see " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + ". I know she's rude, but she IS good at her job.";
                case 1:
                    return "That injury looks pretty bad... I think you should go get " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " to patch that up.";
                default:
                    break;
            }
        }
        switch (Main.rand.Next(7))
        {
            case 0:
                return "Are you okay, " + playerName + "? You're limping...";
            case 1:
                return "That gash looks pretty bad. Hold on, there should be a healing potion around here somewhere, I think...";
            case 2:
                return "You look like you're in pain, " + playerName + "... Maybe you should hang back for a bit until you're feeling better.";
            default:
                break;
        }
    }
    //if solar eclipse
    else if(Main.eclipse){
        switch (Main.rand.Next(4))
        {
            case 0:
                return "(placeholder) eclipse 1";
            case 1:
                return "(placeholder) eclipse 2";
            case 2:
                return "(placeholder) eclipse 3";
            default:
                return "(placeholder) eclipse default";
        }
    }
    //if blood moon
    else if(Main.bloodMoon){
        if(nurse >= 0 && mechanic >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(5) == 0){
            return Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " and " + Main.npc[mechanic].displayName + " have been at each other's throats all night... I know everybody's on edge from the blood moon, but that's no reason to take it out on each other.";
        }
        else if(nurse >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0){
            return "What's " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + "'s problem? All I did was greet her and she bellowed at me as if I'd flooded her house or something...";
        }
        else if(dryad >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(3) == 0){
            return "I don't understand why all the women here are so angry tonight... Even " + Main.npc[dryad].displayName + " has been snapping at people for no reason.";
        }
        switch (Main.rand.Next(2))
        {
            case 0:
                return "(placeholder) blood moon 1";
            default:
                return "(placeholder) blood moon default";
        }
    }
    //if pirate invasion
    else if(Main.bloodMoon){
        if(pirate >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(3) == 0){
            return "(placeholder) pirates with pirate town npc";
        }
        switch (Main.rand.Next(2))
        {
            case 0:
                return "(placeholder) pirates 1";
            default:
                return "(placeholder) You'd think that the pirates would have learned by now.";
        }
    }

    //general
    else if(cyborg >= 0 && steampunker >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(11) == 0){
        return Main.npc[dealer].displayName + " keeps asking me advice on how to sweep " + Main.npc[angler].displayName + " off her feet. I didn't realize humans had so much trouble with courtship. What about you? Do you need any dating advice?";
    }
    else if(dealer >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(10) == 0){
        return Main.npc[dealer].displayName + " could really stand to learn that it's only cute when I'm the one making moves... If I hear one more cheesy pickup line or innuendo from that man, I'm tossing him into the ocean.";
    }
    else if (Main.rand.Next(9) == 0)
    {
        if(angler >= 0)
        {
            return "I'd strongly appreciate you have a word with " + Main.npc[angler].displayName + " about his hours. I had figured a moonlight swim would have been safe, but nooo...";
        }
        else if(NPC.savedAngler){
            return "(beta) I wonder where the angler's gone off to? He didn't seem like the type to just pack his bags and leave... Is he okay?";
        }
        else{
            return "(placeholder) Have you seen a child wandering the beach? He looks lost.";
        }
    }
    else if (dryad >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(8) == 0)
    {
        return "Please let " + Main.npc[dryad].displayName + " know I apologize for last week. I didn't realize she actually thought she hid modesty beneath that overgrowth. Hmhmhm~";
    }
    else if (dryad >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(7))
    {
        return "(beta) " + Main.npc[dryad].displayName + " always uses her age for why she's always so serious, as if 500 years means anything - I'm 10 times that age! Between you and me, I think she just needs to loosen up a little.";
    }
    else if (mechanic >= 0 && tinkerer >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(6) == 0)
    {
        return "Look, I know that he keeps telling me to stop playing matchmaker, and I respect that... But " + Main.npc[tinkerer].displayName + " really WOULD be cute with " + Main.npc[mechanic].displayName + ", right?";
    }
    else if (angler >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(5) == 0)
    {
        return "(beta) " + Main.npc[guide].displayName + "'s always asking me questions about what lies below the waves. With how much mankind knows about the rest of Terra, I never would have guessed that they knew so little about its oceans!";
    }
    switch (Main.rand.Next(4))
    {
        case 0:
            return "I'm glad we've been getting so friendly lately. Would you like a private concert later? ... Or, perhaps something more... interesting? Hmhmhm~";
        case 1:
            return "(placeholder) generic 2";
        case 2:
            return "(placeholder) generic 3";
        default:
            return "(placeholder) Oh, hello, " + playerName + "! Good to see you again. Are you well?";
    }
}