I (26m) destroyed my gf's (24f) plants in a fit of rage and I think she may leave me

Okay I am a long time reddit observer but first time poster so I apologize if I do anything wrong.

I have been in a relationship with the girl of my dreams for almost 7 years. She is the light of my life. We met in college and it was love at first site for me. She is the most loving, goal minded, smart, creative, gentle person I know.

Our relationship has always been pretty peaceful. Even when we "fight" it's not so much "fighting" as it is just talking out our frustrations and maybe some tears shed.

I've had a rough couple of months. I got laid off, rejected from my top choice grad school, had to dump a huge chunk of our savings into a new car when mine took a crap. Looking back I think all of this contributed to what happened that night. I truly feel like I blacked out. I've never had a episode like this in my life.

Last week we were arguing about some financial decisions that we were trying to come to an agreement on. Like she always does when an argument has drained her for the day she sighed, rubbed her eyes, stood up and kissed my cheek and said she was making some tea (we have tea every night) and asked if I wanted some before bed.

I always know this is a sign that she can't productively contribute to the argument anymore right now. She needs to refocus and recharge.

For whatever reason I didnt accept it that night. I asked her to sit down so we couldcontinue. I was sick of arguing and wanted to push through until it was over. She responded that she would not be contributing for the rest of the night and that I am welcome to come to bed whenever I'm ready. She put my tea on the table in front of me and took hers to the bedroom.

When she walked out of the kitchen I called for her three more times insisting that she come back to talk, and she ignored me.

Something in me snapped. Instead of having tea I started drinking. I drink maybe once or twice a year, all we had in the house even was a bottle of nasty brandy.

She has this room in the back of our house that is mostly windows, she has put a lot of time and money into it. It's her plant room. She put in new floors and custom shelves that she built herself to hold plants.

My gf's plant room has always been her special place. Her career is pretty demanding and does a lot of speaking with important people and at the end of the day she is often looking to escape somewhere. She has a bookshelf to keep her favorite books out there and all these cool looking plants. One of them got passed down from like her great grandma or someone, and a lot of them are from other countries. I think she names them. Or maybe that's the actual names of the plants, idk.

Sometimes I'd go out there too to spend time with her and she would always be wiping the leaves and gushing about the way the light is coming in or how excited she was about a new plant she was expecting in the mail. Her plant room was probably her most favorite space. The walls literally looked green because she had so many. Idk, I couldn't really keep up, I just liked to be near her. Sometimes I'd open the blinds from the house to room to just watch her in her rocking chair reading around her plants.

Anyway, so I snapped. I literally do not know. I backed my truck up and put every plant in the room in the back. And I took them to the pond a few blocks from our house and dumped them in. Still drinking. Amazing I didnt crash my new truck. I passed out on the couch.

The next morning I got up not remembering a lot until I saw her through the open blinds sitting in the empty room. I immediately ran out there. My stomach hurt thinking about what I have done. Her eyes were so wide and full of tears. She kept taking these shaky breaths and looking around like she was seeing it for the first time over and over.

I told her I'm sorry. She asked what happen. I told her. She asked my great grandma's ivy too? I said yes. She did this little sob thing. It was really quiet. She's never been a loud crier.

Ever since then my best friend is gone. She goes to work and comes home and sits in the empty room and looks out the window. She looks sad every night.

I miss her. I miss her making tea for us before bed (I'm not saying I miss the tea, I am capable of that myself) I just miss all of the little ways she made my life complete. She was the most full of life I've ever seen a person. Sometimes shed just grab me as I'm walking by and get up on her tiptoes and kiss me like it was the first time.

My actions are killing me. She drifts past me like a ghost when she's near. She doesnt kiss me, doesnt return my affection. I want to start rebuilding her room but I dont even know where to start. Please, reddit, help me. If there is any hope for me to get my best friend and (hopefully) future wife back, I need help.