Fatanon 4

>"Bad news? What's that mean?"
>Twilight looks down at the ground and sighs, motioning for you to follow her into the library; you do so.
>Once you and Dash are inside Twilight shuts the door with her magic and turns to you.
"Anon... I don't know how to say this so I'll just be blunt. We can't get you home."
>"... What?"
"I'm sorry, we don't know how you got here, and we don't know how to send you home. At first I thought it could have been caused by magic, but... there's nothing to support that. When you first got here I didn't sense any magical remnants from you, and I still don't, that leaves scientific means, which is borderline impossible. I'm sorry Anon."
>So that's it.
>You're never going to see your family and friends again.
>You're never going to go out to get wasted with your bro every Saturday.
>You're never going to be able to play video games or watch TV.
>You are Anonymous.

>And you're stuck here in Equestria for the rest of your life.

>Day 5 in Equestria
>You feel like shit when you climb out of the bed Twilight made for you.
>Your head is so God damn fuzzy you're hallucinating, it looks like there's a giant lizard at your bedside looking up at you.
"Morning Anon, my name is Spike."
>Holy fuck your hallucination just talked! Twilight must have drugged you or something. You don't trust her, she's too much like a scientist.
>You rub your eyes and let out some sort of unintelligible noise, kind of like your alcoholic uncle did before he died of an exploding liver.
>Somehow you manage to get out of bed and on your feet, standing over the little creature.
"I'm Twilight's assistant, she's out right now shopping, but she left your breakfast on the table."
>"The fuck are you?"
"I'm a dragon!"
>The pride in his voice makes you grin.
>"Aren't you a bit... small for a dragon?"
>He kicks you in the shin.
>"OW! Shit you little..."
>You're tempted to punt him, but he knows Twilight, so she'd probably be mad at you.
>You do something better.
>You grab the sheets from your bed, reach down, and pick up 'Spike' by his head. He struggles and starts screaming at you, blowing smoke and green fire every which way, but his reach is way to short.
>You're glad you didn't kick him now, he's obviously a kid.
>You tie him to the bed using your sheet, making sure he can't reach it with his claws, then you take the pillow case from your pillow and stuff it in his mouth.
"MMMPH, MMMRPH!"
>"Now sit there and think about what you've done while I eat breakfast nice and slow. I'll let you go before I meet with Dash."
>You make your way to the small table in the center of the room and sit down with a grin.
>Salad and eggs again.
>Meh... not like you couldn't get used to it.
>Where you sit you have the perfect view of an angry Spike, glaring at you as you ever so slowly eat your breakfast.
>Every once in a while he tries to yell through the pillow case.
>His resistance only makes you eat the breakfast slower.
>After what seems like an eternity of amusement Twilight returns, letting out a stressed little sigh as she drags a few bags full of stuff behind her with her magic.
>She takes a minute to get settled in before noticing you.
"Anon, what are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be out running with Dash?"
>Your answer is to point at Spike, still tied to the bed.
>Twilight lets out a noise that sounds like something between choking and laughing.
"Why would you do that?!"
>She sounds like she's trying to admonish you for doing this to Spike, but you can tell she's trying not to laugh.
>"I found out yesterday that I can't ever go home again, so I wasn't in the mood to take anyone's shit. He woke me up this morning, I cracked a small joke at his expense and he kicked me in the shin, I... retaliated."
>Twilight brings a hoof to her mouth, obviously trying to cover up her smile as she unties Spike with her magic.
>Spike growls at you.
"What the heck is your problem?!"
>Twilight shakes her head.
"Spike, you should know better than to hit ponies, especially ones you don't know, and Anon..."
>She turns to you.
"You could have kept the joke to yourself, not to mention your... hehe... extreme methods of retaliating."
"It's not FUNNY Twilight!"
>You grin, "It IS kinda funny."
>Spike huffs and storms upstairs, grumbling something under his breath.
>"Well, thank you both for the interesting morning, I should go and meet Dash, she's probably pissed at me for being late."
>Twilight frowns.
"Anon?"
>"Yeah?"
"Are you feeling alright?"
>"As alright as I can. I'm still alive, that's something."
"If you ever wanna talk... me and my friends are here for you, you know. Just let me know."
>"I will, thanks Twi."
>She smiles at the nickname.
--------
>The town square is more crowded today.
"Alright Big Guy, same thing as yesterday!"
>You raise an eyebrow, "Big guy?"
"Yeah, you're uh... you're big, so I'm gonna call you Big Guy from now on."
>"What about when I lose weight?"
"You'll still be bigger than me!"
>You have a new name for this... Rainbow Dash logic. She can fly fast, fuck everything else, especially science and math.
>Granted you WOULD be bigger than her, these ponies were only a bit larger than dogs, but still.
>You proceed with the routine.
>You feel better today.
>Despite what you found out yesterday, running with Dash helps you clear your head, and it's a lot less painful than the first time.
>When you get done you're still about to collapse, but you feel a lot better than you did the day before.
>Dash lands next to you when you make it to the edge of town, she takes a look back, then grins up at you.
"You didn't stop."
>You take a few deep breaths before you can answer, "What?"
>Her grin gets a bit bigger.
"You didn't walk for any of it, you're tougher than I gave you credit for Big Guy."
>She holds up one of her forehooves to you.
>Is this...
>No it couldn't be...
>'Brain?'
Yeah guy?
>'Is she doing what I think she's doing?'
I dunno, fucking go for it.
>You shrug and bump your fist with her hoof.
>Bro established.
"Alright, it's been a good start. Since it's Saturday you wanna go out and get plastered tonight? Pinkie's way too busy and I need somep0ny to hang out with."
>fuckyea.png
>One bath and a healthy lunch later and you help out Twilight in the library for a few hours.
>This mare obviously has OCD, but there's a reason you're doing this.
>Twilight slides another book into place with her magic.
"So do you want a permanent job here? Spike and Owlicious are great at what they do, but it couldn't hurt to have another assistant."
>"Eh... I wouldn't have an issue with it. I gotta do something or I'll feel like I'm mooching off you."
"Oh don't worry about that, it's what friends are for. I'll write the Princess a letter and we'll see if we can get you on a salary by tomorrow."
>That's another thing.
>"Shouldn't I meet this princess?"
"Yes, eventually, but she's busy in the Griffon Kingdoms right now, and she can only do so much for her subjects. She's very excited to meet you though, and wants to come to Ponyville as soon as she gets back."
>"Sounds like an interesting per... pony."
"She's very kind, you shouldn't have any issues, she's just curious."
>"Ha, now I know where you got it from."
"Some of it yeah. Oh! it's almost dusk!"
>You look outside the window, and the sun is indeed going down.
>"Guess I better head to the bar then."
"Have fun!"