siren text v0.1

if(npc.life < (int)(npc.lifeMax/3)){
    if(nurse >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0)
    {
        return Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + ", please, go find " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + "...";
    }
    //if both player and siren are nearly dead
    else if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.33){
        switch (Main.rand.Next(3))
        {
            case 0:
                return "placeholder both crit 2";
            case 1:
                return "placeholder both crit 3";
            default:
                return "placeholder both crit 1";
        }
    }
    //if only siren is nearly dead
    switch (Main.rand.Next(3))
    {
        case 0:
            return "placeholder siren crit 2";
        case 1:
            return "placeholder siren crit 3";
        default:
            return "I can't take much more of this... Even goddesses have their limits...";
    }
}
//if player is nearly dead
else if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.33){
    if(nurse >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0)
    {
        return "Oh my gosh, " + Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + "! Someone, get " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " over here, now!";
    }
    switch (Main.rand.Next(3))
    {
        case 0:
            return "placeholder player crit 2";
        case 1:
            return "placeholder player crit 3";
        default:
            return "Stay close to me, " + Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + ". I'll protect you.";
    }
}
//if alien invasion
//if siren HP is low
else if(npc.life < (int)(2*npc.lifeMax/3))
{
    if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.67){
        if(nurse >= 0){
            switch (Main.rand.Next(9))
            {
                case 0:
                    return "Are you alright? Maybe you should go see " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + ". I know she's rude, but she IS good at her job.";
                case 1:
                    return "That injury looks pretty bad... I think you should go get" + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " to patch that up.";
                default:
                    break;
            }
        }
        switch (Main.rand.Next(7))
        {
            case 0:
                return "Are you okay, " + Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + "? You're limping...";
            case 1:
                return "That gash looks pretty bad. Hold on, there should be a healing potion around here somewhere, I think...";
            case 2:
                return "You look like you're in pain, " + Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + "... Maybe you should hang back for a bit until you're feeling better.";
            default:
                break;
        }
    }
    if(dealer >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0){
        return "If " + Main.npc[dealer].displayName + " sells guns, then why do I rarely see him using one? I can't fight off every hostile creature alone...";
    }
    else if(nurse >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(3) == 0){
        return "Have you seen " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " around today? This cut is deeper than I realized.";
    }
    switch (Main.rand.Next(2))
    {
        case 0:
            return "You wouldn't happen to have any spare healing potions, would you, " + Main.npc[dealer].displayName + "? I'm actually hurting a little right now...";
        default:
            return "I'm not feeling so well. Things have been surprisingly harsh lately.";
    }
}
//if player HP is low
else if (playerHP < playerMaxHP * 0.67){
    if(nurse >= 0){
        switch (Main.rand.Next(9))
        {
            case 0:
                return "Are you alright? Maybe you should go see " + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + ". I know she's rude, but she IS good at her job.";
            case 1:
                return "That injury looks pretty bad... I think you should go get" + Main.npc[nurse].displayName + " to patch that up.";
            default:
                break;
        }
    }
    switch (Main.rand.Next(7))
    {
        case 0:
            return "Are you okay, " + Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + "? You're limping...";
        case 1:
            return "That gash looks pretty bad. Hold on, there should be a healing potion around here somewhere, I think...";
        case 2:
            return "You look like you're in pain, " + Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + "... Maybe you should hang back for a bit until you're feeling better.";
        default:
            break;
    }
}
//if solar eclipse
//if blood moon
//if pirate invasion
//general
else if(cyborg >= 0 && steampunker >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(10) == 0){
    return Main.npc[dealer].displayName + " keeps asking me advice on how to sweep " + Main.npc[angler].displayName + " off her feet. I didn't realize humans had so much trouble with courtship. What about you? Do you need any dating advice?";
}
else if(dealer >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(9) == 0){
    return Main.npc[dealer].displayName + " could really stand to learn that it's only cute when I'm the one making moves... If I hear one more cheesy pickup line or innuendo from that man, I'm tossing him into the ocean.";
}
else if (angler >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(8) == 0)
{
    return "I'd strongly appreciate you have a word with " + Main.npc[angler].displayName + " about his hours. I had figured a moonlight swim would have been safe, but nooo...";
}
else if (dryad >= 0)
{
    switch (Main.rand.Next(7))
    {
        case 0:
            return "Please let " + Main.npc[dryad].displayName + " know I apologize for last week. I didn't realize she actually thought she hid modesty beneath that overgrowth. Hmhmhm~";
        case 1:
            return Main.npc[dryad].displayName + " always uses her age for why she's always so serious, as if 500 years means anything - I'm 10 times that age! Between you and me, I think she just needs to loosen up a little.";
        default:
            break;
    }
}
else if (mechanic >= 0 && tinkerer >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(5) == 0)
{
    return "Look, I know that he keeps telling me to stop playing matchmaker, and I respect that... But " + Main.npc[tinkerer].displayName + " really WOULD be cute with " + Main.npc[mechanic].displayName + ", right?";
}
else if (angler >= 0 && Main.rand.Next(4) == 0)
{
    return Main.npc[guide].displayName + "'s always asking me questions about what lies below the waves. With how much mankind knows about the rest of Terra, I never would have guessed that they knew so little about its oceans!";
}
switch (Main.rand.Next(3))
{
    case 0:
        return "I'm glad we've been getting so friendly lately. Would you like a private concert later? ... Or, perhaps something more... interesting? Hmhmhm~";
    case 1:
        return "placeholder 3";
    default:
        return "Oh, hello, " + Main.player[Main.myPlayer].name + "! Good to see you again. Are you well?";
}