LAND

Username: welcome2thejam

Franchise: That's So Raven: Only show here I've actually watched full episodes of, shoutout early teenage crush Chelsea

That's So Raven: 8 Time to gaze into the future! I'll say... idk like 48th place?

Some Call It Magic: 4 Weirdly tries to have it both ways by only vaguely referring to the plot so it can fit on Disney radio or something, but also just straight up says the two friends' names, not to mention the spoken word bridge. Raven's fun and holding her own, but the song's holding her back

Franchise: The Cheetah Girls

Cinderella: 7 I assume Cindy got the last laugh by getting into Walt's frozen ear and keeping this off streaming

The Party's Just Begun: 8 Definitely the makings of something super strong here, but not quite there

Strut: 10 Dude's still following them with the acoustic guitar, thanks for the intro but we stopped needing you thirty seconds in

Cheetah Sisters: 6 Maaan, this was solid but after that riff I honestly wanted to see them rock

Cheetah Love: 8 Cheetos mascot rule:

Franchise: Hannah Montana

The Best Of Both Worlds: 6

If We Were A Movie: 3 Two thumbs down

Nobody's Perfect: 7 A 10 if after she said "it's just one of those days" she immediately launched into Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit

Hoedown Throwdown: 6 Honestly, low bar but a million times better than I expected

You'll Always Find Your Back Home: 8 Nice slice of pop rock! Grew on me over its three minute span.

He Could Be The One: 4 Always such an interesting yet frustrating thing to have so many good parts but then stumble hard at the chorus

Ordinary Girl: 4

I'll Always Remember You: 9 Best for last, I guess. Idk I have a soft spot for songs looking back at and saying goodbye to your past self.

Franchise: High School Musical: This series came out when I was a teenager, so while I still haven't watched a full movie, I learned a ton about it through cultural osmosis and watching clips. It's the one franchise in this rate I have solid nostalgia for.

Start of Something New: 6 I assume this is an actual song in the HSM universe, but I find it much funnier to believe that it was a karaoke machine that only played original songs

Get'cha Head in the Game: 9 High School Musical talking about the importance of shooting the outside J while Steph Curry was still *in* high school... they truly had their head in the game

Bop to the Top: 8

Breaking Free: 10 If I saw a jock and a nerd on stage singing? Hell no, I'd pull a fire alarm and shut that thing down asap

We're All In This Together: 9 Scored high because this is the platonic ideal of the Disney Channel song, for better and worse

Fabulous: 8 Gonna do that weird Troy "yeah-hah-hah" if this wins

I Don't Dance: 10 Celebrating home runs by doing a Fosse neck around the bases

Gotta Go My Own Way: 5 Damn... hope those crazy kids work it out

Bet On It: 7 The image of Troy in the water made me laugh so hard I got a side cramp

Now Or Never: 10 Bro how is High School Musical hitting 3 for 3 in sports-themed bangers

I Want It All: 10 In one number it feels like they spent the combined budget of the last two films

All I Want: 7 yeah this is what i expected pre-breakout Olivia Rodrigo to sound like

Franchise: Jump In!

Push It to the Limit: 9 Cool bridge with the bucket drums

Jump to the Rhythm: 2 Briefly interesting at the bridge, but zzzz otherwise

Franchise: iCarly

Leave It All to Me: 8 "So wake up the members of my nation / it's your time to be" that's what the evil sorcerer sings as they plot with their minions to take over the throne

About You Now: 7 It's a surprise Y2UK tool that will help us later

Franchise: Camp Rock

Too Cool: 5 Is this the "camp" in Camp Rock?

Play My Music: 3 Jonas Brothers hard carry, which is a crazy thing to say, but wow these are some terribly generic lyrics

This Is Me: 7 Kelly Clarkson song (complimentary)

We Rock: 7 That is as hard as the Disney Channel is legally allowed to rock

It's On: 9 Bleh at times, but I'll definitely come down on defending this. If this soundtracked the opening video package to some late 2000s NBA on ABC game, I would jam a bit

Introducing Me: 1 Jason Mraz could copyright strike this song and it would get a hit

Franchise: Sonny With A Chance

So Far So Great: 8 It did not need that final "yow!"

Me, Myself and Time: 7

Franchise: Big Time Rush: Deserves 75% of the misandry about to be thrown their way

Big Time Rush: 9 You get one, BTR. Wait did he just sing "we can't die?" Is Big Time Rush immortal???

Famous: 3 This feels like the song the evil rival boy band is supposed to sing, did somebody give BTR the wrong sheet music?

Boyfriend: 1 I took a sip of water just so I could spit take at "ft. Snoop Dogg"

Worldwide: 3 Dale!

Windows Down: 5 Seems that invoking the powers of Mr. Worldwide gave them access to the most Pitbull-type beat I've ever heard

Franchise: Victorious: A lot of these songs blend together, but thankfully that sound is generally solid

Make It Shine: 6

Give It Up: 10 It's Lady Marmalade

Freak the Freak Out: 8 Let them say Frick

Beggin' On Your Knees: 7 Would've loved to be in the editing room when they realized her "me" and "centipede" didn't rhyme

Best Friend's Brother: 6 My Best Friend's Brother has got it going on

Take A Hint: 10 Flawless victory

Franchise: Shake It Up

Shake It Up: 3 Whatever the opposite of a club banger is

Watch Me: 5

TTYLXOX: 8 A few small changes and you can pass this off as some lost kinda quirky indie pop rock track from the late 00s/early 10s that's a clone of the Ting Tings/that one CSS "music is my boyfriend!" song

Something to Dance For: 4

Franchise: Lemonade Mouth: Wait what Determinate seemed like the obvious climax song how did they get to an arena, how are there more songs after, this rate is making me look up the plot to Lemonade Mouth smdh

Determinate: 11 Wildest roller coaster of the entire rate

She's So Gone: 6

Breakthrough: 5 If Determinate is Disneyfied indie pop rock, this is Lemonade Mouth's sellout era

Franchise: A.N.T. Farm: Think this is the only franchise here that I knew absolutely nothing about except the name (edit: WTH is Austin & Ally!?)

Exceptional: 5 Good voice, decent sounding, the track itself doesn't stand out at all though

Dynamite: 5 From the club to the concert hall

Calling All The Monsters: 9 We didn't need another Halloween club banger, everybody shakes it to the Monster Mash already

Franchise: Teen Beach Movie

Cruisin' for a Bruisin': 8 Tearing up the sock hop with this ditty

Can't Stop Singing: 10 Oh no my love of fun meta/fourth wall breaking things is making me want to watch Teen Beach Movie help

Franchise: Descendants: Alright which one of you fcked Jafar???

Rotten to the Core: 4 Sale on Disney merch at Hot Topic, theatre kids get an extra 20% discount

What's My Name: 10 How many bad songs did I hear in the k-pop rates that tried for this exact sound and just got run out by Disney's Descendants sequel

Chillin' Like a Villain: 8 Screw you all for making me listen to this early due to the discourse and getting it stuck in my head for weeks

Queen of Mean: 5 Live Laugh Love to Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss pipeline

Franchise: Miscellaneous

What Dreams Are Made Of: 5 Not a fan, but I recognize its iconicness

I Found A Way: 10 Why does this have to be the power pop bop entirely inside of my wheelhouse. Hate this, an easy 11 contender if it weren't for the obvious terrible baggage

Follow Me: 5

Everything Is Not As It Seems: 5

Change It Up: 8 Ooh, this one ended up being fun

L.A. Baby (Where Dreams Are Made Of): 4 Call me when you do the song about how much you hate L.A.

One and the Same: 7

Hang In There Baby: 7 This is how I realize that I thought the cast of Good Luck Charlie was instead in Dog with a Blog

Not a Love Song: 5

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