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- "So... I'm dead then? And you're here to take me away? To take me to Equestria?"
- >Her frown spread into a scowl as her angry eyes opened to meet yours.
- >"Do you really think you deserve that? After everything you've done in your life?"
- >"Think, Anonymous. Think /hard/ about your life's actions. Everytime you pushed Billy on the floor. Or when you broke up with your girlfriend. There's a reason you died alone."
- >...
- >Your head tilts to the ground, thoughts racing through your head
- >Fuck
- >You did do a lot of awful shit
- >But...
- "There's gotta be /some/ way to get into Equestria!"
- >The Celestial God swiftly turns around, flicking your face with her tail
- "C-C'mon, Celestia! I can change," desperately, you rush over to the Princess and try to reason with her, "I can! I promise! Just let me into Equestria, /please/!"
- >She continues to trot away from you, the abyss around you getting darker and darker...
- >Until
- >Her hoofsteps stop, your blurry vision getting clearer
- >"..."
- "Celestia...?"
- >"Anon, I'll let you in my kingdom--"
- "YES!"
- >You fist pump in the air, excited about your trip to Equestr--
- >"However..."
- >FUCK
- >You hate shit like this
- >You can never have your fun, can you?
- >Excitement fading, you stand still, curious about her "catch"
- >She faces you again, putting a hoof under your chin
- >"You can not harm any of my ponies I'm any way, shape, or form."
- >Pfft
- >Easy
- >"You can not--..."
- >She stops herself, showing discomfort with whatever she's about to say
- >".../fuck/ any of my ponies."
- >Oh fuck you, Celestia
- >Seriously?
- >"Seriously."
- >Oh.
- >She can apparently read your mind, too
- >...Fuck
- >"And last but not least, you /must/ to be nice to everypony you see."
- >And once again, easy
- >Come on, 'Tia
- >At least provide a challenge
- >"Trust me, Anonymous; knowing you, this will /not/ be a trot in the park."
- >She gets in your face, frowning at you
- >"I'll /make/ it hard for you, if I have to."
- >She means business...
- >She removes her hoof from your chin, turning away from you and trotting away
- >"I hope you like it in Ponyville, Anonymous. I promise you won't last long..."
- >Everything turns blurry again
- >You collapse to the floor, your eyes forcefully falling
- >You're so... sleepy...
- >...
- >You awaken, tired, and... around crystals
- >Twilight’s castle?
- >Turning to your left, you notice Twilight’s cutie mark on the side of the wall
- >Huh, so she wasn't lying
- >You suppose you should make the best of your time here, if she's really gonna try your patience that hard
- >Rising out of your bed--Wow, this bed surprisingly fits you
- >Anyway, you rise out of it and look at yourself in the mirror to the right of the bed
- >You look as handsome as ever, sporting--oh
- >You're wearing the clothes that you killed yourself in
- >There's bloodstains around the collar of your white t-shirt
- >Good thing your blue jeans and sketchers are fine, though
- >You'll have to lie about--
- >Someone knocks at the door
- >"Hello? Human? Are you awake yet?"
- >Oh, it's Twilight
- >Casually walking over to the door, you open it, and look... not that far down from yourself
- >She's surprisingly five feet to your six
- >That isn't short, for a pony
- >Everybody else must be four or below, then
- >Since Celestia was exactly your height, if not, taller, because of her horn
- >Man, Princesses are tall...
- >"Oh, good! You're awake," she exclaims, looking at you with a smile
- >You only nod, smiling back
- >"Princess Celestia asked me to show you around Ponyville, since she told me you'll be staying here awhile."
- >Thanks, Tia
- >"However, I'm curious. You know a bit about Ponyville, am I correct?"
- >What
- >How does sh--...
- >Fuck you Celestia
- >All you do is nod
- >"So, what place do you want to see first?"
- >You're vagina--NOPE
- >Don't say that, Anon...
- >Ugh, where should you go first?
- >Sugarcube Corner it is, then!
- "Uh, why not Sugarcube Corner, if that's fine with you?"
- >It's gonna be hard being overly nice
- >But, it's gonna be worth it
- >You hope
- >"And why do you want to head there, Anonymous?"
- >Uh...
- >Shit
- "Because... my favorite pony lives there!"
- >"And who might /that/ be?"
- >Quick!
- "Pinkie Pie, of course!"
- >"Really," she asks with sarcasm.
- >Again, you nod, as she sighs
- >"Alright. Follow me, human!"
- >She switches from calling you Anon to Human
- >Oh boy
- >She turns around and trots away from you
- >You follow close behind and... holy damn
- >This castle looks fucking beautiful!
- >Shitposters on /mlp/ were wrong about this place
- >"So, Human, tell me," she starts, trotting down the staircase
- >The staircase is one of those fancy circle staircases, too
- >And it goes like, five stories high...
- >Jesus
- >"What brings you to Ponyville, anyway? Princess Celestia told me you were brought here for something important."
- >You know what, fuck you, Princess
- >Suddenly, something enters your head...
- >Fuck, it hurts--
- >'I can hear you in here, Anonymous.'
- >WHAT
- >'I won't be listening often, but I will tune in. Be on your best behavior, or else you know what happens...'
- >Fuck
- >You feel a presence leaving you, as you continue down the stairs with Twilight
- "Well, uh... I'm here for..."
- >Damn it
- >You can't think of anything
- >...Anything /clean/, anyway
- >Twilight just looks at you funny, a curious look on her face
- >"For...?"
- >Quick, think of something!
- "Friendship!"
- >She stops in her place in the staircase, looking at you with doubt
- >Fuck
- >"You humans don't strive for friendship. Celestia told me so."
- >YOU KNOW WHAT CELESTIA--...Ugh
- >She might pop in again
- >"Tell me the truth, Human. What are you here for?"
- "To learn about friendship."
- >You stop in your tracks, while Twilight looks at you in major disbelief
- >You could work with this...
- "You're right, humans don't strive for it. I want to learn, to see if it truly is all it's cracked up to be."
- >Is she smiling?
- >Did she smile at that?
- >"That's--...," you think she's choked up, "That's really nice, Anonymous."
- >You smile at her warmly, walking up to her and putting an arm on her shoulder
- "Please, call me 'Anon', Twilight."
- >She smiles hard, looking up at you with glee
- >This was way too easy
- >A womanly growl is heard in your head
- >You meant what you said to Twilight!
- >P-Promise, Princess!
- >It stops soon after, as you sigh
- >"What's wrong, Anon?"
- >You notice Twilight’s already at the door, curiously looking up at you
- >You're like, ten feet above her
- "Nothing, nothing. I'll be right down!"
- >Rushing down the staircase as fast as you can, Twilight opens the door and holds it open for you
- >Seemingly, though, you have a friend in Twilight
- >Which is good
- >You need her magical power
- >It might help you later
- >You stop short at the door, and follow Twilight outside
- >You admire Ponyville on this walk, it's so fresh and clean
- >Better than your shitty cit--
- >"Anon, we're getting closer to Sugarcube Corner. I think we'll be there in a bit, but..."
- >But what?
- >"Tell me, where you come from, what is it like? Celestia tells me it's an awful place but... I want to hear it from you. What's it like there, Anon? Is it nice?"
- >There's a reason you killed yourself
- "Well..."
- >...Fuck
- >Thinking back, you try to hold back tears
- >You sigh
- "Twilight... I lied to you a little bit, back there."
- >She looks at you with shock
- >"Y-...You lied?!"
- >You only nod your head
- "I lied about my reason for coming here--"
- >"YOU /WHAT/?!"
- >This hurts her tremendously, you feel like she would walk away from you at any moment
- >"How could you--"
- >You shush her, and sigh
- "Let me explain. You see... Y-You see..."
- >Fuck, you can't speak
- >You're choking up
- "Back on my world, I went to a prestigious college. You know about colleges, right?"
- >Calming down, she nods, looking at you with interest
- >"Yeah. I went to one for magic, with Princess Celestia."
- >You can't help but gulp, clenching your fists
- "Well, I went to college for about three years, before being overwhelmed by it all. I-...I couldn't handle the workload, it was too much. I was put on academic suspension from then on, and my parents..."
- >No
- >Fuck no
- >You can't talk about that
- >You fucking can't
- >It hurts too much
- >"Your parents?"
- >...
- >Fuck
- "They... they became so--," you choke up, covering your eyes, "they wouldn't pay attention to me anymore. They didn't care about me, or what else I did anymore. They just... disowned me."
- >Twilight looks at you with full blown sympathy, as you try to keep away the tears
- "I was so depressed after that that I couldn't even find a job... and I--"
- >Don't say it
- >Don't fucking say it
- "I just... ended it."
- >Damn it
- >She gasps, putting her left wing over her mouth
- >"Wait... if you're dead then... how are you still alive? How are you even talking to me?"
- "You can thank Celestia, for that."
- >You decide to not tell her the whole story to that, yet, anyway
- "She brought me here. It's why I'm here right now."
- >You think you have control over your emotions again
- >You sigh and walk with the alicorn
- "What makes it worse is that I used to live in a place where people are hit by things that go faster than Rainbow Dash. I'm just glad I wasn't one of them."
- >She looks at you, guilt-tripped to hell and back
- >"I-I'm so sorry, Anon. Maybe Pinkie Pie can help you start a new here more than me."
- >The two of you reach Sugarcube Corner, Twilight asking you to go first
- "Please, m'lady, you go first."
- >She giggles, and obliges
- >Wait
- >Did you just say "m'lady"
- >What the fuck is wrong with you
- >Sighing, you follow behind the purple mare, as she walks up to the counter
- >Pinkie immediately zooms to the counter, a gigantic smile on her fa--
- >"HI TWILIGHT! Who's your hew friend?"
- >She's really excited...
- >Is her tail wagging?
- >Fuck, it is
- >"Hello, Pinkie," Twilight points at you with her left hoof, with a smile, "This is the new human in town, Anon--"
- >"What's a human? Is that a fish? You know Percival--"
- >"Opalescence," Twilight says, matter of factly
- >"That's what I said!"
- >"You said Percival, again."
- >"/Really/?"
- >The pink horse looks genuinely curious, like she just forgot what she said
- >"Pinkie, Anonymous is a human."
- >The pink horse looks at you, and smiles
- >"OH!"
- >She looks at Twilight again, with a smirk
- >"Why didn't you say that before, Twily?"
- >The alicorn rolls her eyes and orders a cupcake
- >"Pinkie, can I have a--"
- >"Red velvet?"
- >"How did you--"
- >Suddenly, the pastry chef puts the red velvet cupcake on the counter, and smiles
- >"I know my customers, Twilight~!"
- >Twilight just sighs at the improbability of Pinkie, and turns to face you
- >"You want anything, Anon?"
- >Yes
- >A ponut
- >Nobody knows what that is, so you can say it safely
- >Thankfully
- >Looking at the pink pastry chef, you put a hand under your chin and wonder...
- >What should you get?
- "Ponut, please," you say with an ever living confidence
- >"Uh," Twilight confronts you, tapping on your shoulder with her wings, "You mean... /donut/, right?"
- >'Anonymous...,' the mature voice comes back, growling your name at you
- >Did you fuck up?
- "No, I meant ponut," you look down at alicorn with a smile, "Why, is something the matte--"
- >"YIPPEE," the pink pony squeaks in glee, "Glazed or jelly?"
- "Glazed, please."
- >The pony full of joy giggles, "You know, I only give this dish to very /special/ customers, but you, Nonny," she stops and gives you a sultry look, "You seem like a special kind of guy~!"
- >You might've fucked up
- >The pink pony rushes out, as you and Twilight take a seat
- >The purple mare left a bit on the counter before heading to the table, taking the cupcake in hoof
- >Or rather, wing
- >She does a lot with her wings
- >As soon as you two sat down, Twilight asks you with concern and curiosity
- >"You DO know what a "ponut" is, right, Anon?"
- >Acting oblivious for the sake of it, you shake your head from side to side
- >"Oh boy..."
- >Next thing you know, Pinkie Pie immediately hops onto the table, her asshole--excuse you, her GLAZED ASSHOLE near your lips
- >"What're ya waiting for, Nonny? Take a lick~!"
- >The pony speaks with glee, smiling
- >Your little self can't help but grow hard, twitching
- >Dear Celestia--
- >'You called, Anonymous?'
- >Fuck
- >'Take one lick of Pinkie, and you're out of my world, Anonymous.'
- >She sounds so fucking serious holy shit
- >But...
- >Oh god fuck you Celestia
- >What do you do?!
- >Know what, Anon?
- >Just... relax
- >You didn't expect this
- >Just ask for a doughnut
- >"So, what'cha gonna do, Anon?"
- "I'm going to decline."
- >The mare sitting across from you beams at you with smiles
- >The pink mare turns around to face you, as your erection calms down, thank god
- >"Awh. Why? You ordered it!"
- "Yes, but I didn't expect...," you point to Pinkie's ass, "/that/. I thought I was going to get something else."
- >"Like /what/?" Twilight asks, confused
- "I don't know! Just not... /that/. Jeez..."
- >A fading growl is heard in your head from the Princess--Wait, no
- >Celestia!
- >'What, Anonymous?'
- >Can you fuck m--no!
- >Explain. What the fuck just happened?
- >'You asked for a ponut, thinking they wouldn't give you butt. Then they gave you butt. What more is there to the situation?'
- >How about the fact that they know what a ponut is?
- >'It's slang, here. There's a lot of words you used that are slang here for something else.'
- >You're fucking with me
- >'Not at all, Anonymous.'
- "You think he's okay, Pinkie?"
- >Rubbing your purple mane, you look at your human friend with worry
- >He's just... sitting there
- >Why?
- >Did Pinkie fart in his face?
- >The pink mare climbs off the table and stands next to you
- >"Not sure, Twilight. Maybe he's just lost in thought!"
- "About what," you question, looking at your pink friend with curiosity
- >She just shrugs
- >Sighing, you munch on your cupcake and jump off your seat
- >You turn to Pinkie again, looking at her questioningly
- "Do I have to pay for... what just happened," you ask, your eyes directed at the table
- >"It's on the house, Twily! Besides, if they don't lick me, it doesn't count!"
- >/That/ too?! You're such a fucking dick!
- >'I'm not the one who made up the slang. My ponies did.'
- >You feel her presence leave your head once more
- >Sighing a sigh of relief, you look at your alicorn friend talking with the pink pony
- >"Look who's awake," the pink mane jokes, smiling at you
- >"What were you thinking about, Anon...?"
- "Ponies."
- >"...Ponies?"
- >You repeat yourself, as you get up out of your chair
- "Ponies."
- >Pushing the chair into the table, you look down at the curious alicorn
- >"Uh... okay then," she starts, awkwardly, "So, where to now, Anon?"
- "Let me think about it..."
- >...You hear Rarity's place is good this time of year
- "Let's go to the Boutique!"
- >"Ooh," Pinkie speaks up, "Rarity's place! She's the best modiste in all of Ponyville!"
- >...Uh, what?
- >You can't help but look at her in confusion
- >"Oh, sorry! That's a word Rarity taught me!"
- >"It means dressmaker, Anon," Twilight speaks up, trotting over to you
- >Oh
- >You knew that
- >Duh
- "Where does Rarity get these words from, anyway," you find yourself muttering to none other than yourself
- >Twilight, knowing what you just said, shrugs and walks to the front door
- >You follow in quick pursui--
- >"Anonymous, wait!"
- >You stop short, as the pink one runs up to you and gives you a smile
- >Out of nowhere, she takes out a very small party cannon, handing it--...uh
- >Hoofing? it to you
- >"Keep this, Nonny! It's a memento, just to remind you to visit tomorrow!"
- >Fuck this really makes you smile
- >Stupid pink pony
- >Thanking the pastry chef, you pocket the blue cannon and walk off out of the restaurant
- >The pink pony waves goodbye to you, as you and Twilight head on your way to Rarity's
- >You wonder how she'll like you
- >Maybe you can get some free clothes out of it
- >Possibly even fix the bloodstain around your collar
- >As you and Twilight walk, she asks you a question
- >"Anon, why do you want to go to Rarity's, anyway?"
- "Well, it's a boutique, right?"
- >She nods, still walking in front of you
- >"Yeah, it is, but--"
- "Well, maybe I can knack some clothes out of her."
- >Twilight chuckles, just as the two of you reach the Boutique
- >"Good luck on that, Anon," the mare opens the door for you, as bell rings above her head, "She doesn't make clothes for 'animals'."
- >You enter the shop, as you question her choice of words
- >Twilight and Rarity are animals, too
- >Fuck, they're more animal than you!
- >You see the white unicorn walk down the steps onto the shop floor, looking quite proud
- >Her eyes are closed as she walks down those steps, however
- >"Hello, darling, and welcome to my fabulous boutique! We make hats, dresses, suits, ties, whatever you like! Just place an order an--"
- >Her eyes open, and her proud expression fades as she looks at you in fear
- >Oh no
- >As you hear the bell chime again, Rarity's horn glows, a pair of scissors floating towards her
- >Funnily enough, however, it isn't glowing her horn color
- >"I'm not afraid to use these, heathen..."
- >There's a hint of confidence in her voice, but it's mostly overshadowed by fear
- >The unicorn takes slow steps down the rest of the staircase, getting closer to you
- >You just stand there like an idiot
- >You're in slight shock, so it's not like you can blame yourself
- >Actually, yes you can, because you can SPEAK
- >Talk to her, moron
- >Show her you mean peace!
- "H-Hey! Put those down before you hurt yourself!"
- >This only succeeds in making her angry
- >"Why? Do you think just because I'm a /lady/ that I can't hold a simple pair of SCISSORS?!"
- >She gets dangerously close to you with those scissors, pointing them at your neck
- >'Shouldn't have said that, Anonymous~'
- >Fuck off Celestia
- >"Rarity...?"
- >Twilight to the rescue! Thank God!
- >She walks up to the mare with confusion
- >"What are you doing...?"
- >The unicorn looks at Twilight fiercely, putting the scissors closer to your neck
- >"Before you had walked in, darling, I was about to kill this monster that walked into my shop."
- >Monster?
- >You're anything but
- >'Tell that to Billy, Anonymous.'
- >Fuck off Celestia. What the hell are you still doing talking?
- >'I finished my paperwork, if you must know, Anonymous. So I've decided to listen in to you for the rest of the day.'
- >...
- >Fuck
- >'Be nice to Rarity, Anonymous, or you know what's coming...'
- >Yeah, yeah
- >Fuck
- >So now you've got a princess into your head, listening to everything you do and say
- >Can she see out of your eyes, too, like this?
- >You wouldn't doubt it
- >"Anonymous isn't a monster, Rarity. He's my new friend, a human!"
- >The unicorn can't help but look at Twilight with a sincere look of 'You're insane'
- >"He's a HEATHEN!"
- >Now it's Twilight's turn to be confused
- >"...Uh, /heathen/?"
- >The white mare nods, still ready to cut your head off, or at least slit your throat, at a given moment's notice
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