Jun 10th, 2015
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  1. "So... I'm dead then? And you're here to take me away? To take me to Equestria?"
  2. >Her frown spread into a scowl as her angry eyes opened to meet yours.
  3. >"Do you really think you deserve that? After everything you've done in your life?"
  4. >"Think, Anonymous. Think /hard/ about your life's actions. Everytime you pushed Billy on the floor. Or when you broke up with your girlfriend. There's a reason you died alone."
  5. >...
  6. >Your head tilts to the ground, thoughts racing through your head
  7. >Fuck
  8. >You did do a lot of awful shit
  9. >But...
  10. "There's gotta be /some/ way to get into Equestria!"
  11. >The Celestial God swiftly turns around, flicking your face with her tail
  12. "C-C'mon, Celestia! I can change," desperately, you rush over to the Princess and try to reason with her, "I can! I promise! Just let me into Equestria, /please/!"
  13. >She continues to trot away from you, the abyss around you getting darker and darker...
  14. >Until
  15. >Her hoofsteps stop, your blurry vision getting clearer
  16. >"..."
  17. "Celestia...?"
  18. >"Anon, I'll let you in my kingdom--"
  19. "YES!"
  20. >You fist pump in the air, excited about your trip to Equestr--
  21. >"However..."
  22. >FUCK
  23. >You hate shit like this
  24. >You can never have your fun, can you?
  25. >Excitement fading, you stand still, curious about her "catch"
  26. >She faces you again, putting a hoof under your chin
  27. >"You can not harm any of my ponies I'm any way, shape, or form."
  28. >Pfft
  29. >Easy
  30. >"You can not--..."
  31. >She stops herself, showing discomfort with whatever she's about to say
  32. >".../fuck/ any of my ponies."
  33. >Oh fuck you, Celestia
  34. >Seriously?
  35. >"Seriously."
  36. >Oh.
  37. >She can apparently read your mind, too
  38. >...Fuck
  39. >"And last but not least, you /must/ to be nice to everypony you see."
  40. >And once again, easy
  41. >Come on, 'Tia
  42. >At least provide a challenge
  43. >"Trust me, Anonymous; knowing you, this will /not/ be a trot in the park."
  44. >She gets in your face, frowning at you
  45. >"I'll /make/ it hard for you, if I have to."
  46. >She means business...
  47. >She removes her hoof from your chin, turning away from you and trotting away
  48. >"I hope you like it in Ponyville, Anonymous. I promise you won't last long..."
  49. >Everything turns blurry again
  50. >You collapse to the floor, your eyes forcefully falling
  51. >You're so... sleepy...
  52. >...
  54. >You awaken, tired, and... around crystals
  55. >Twilight’s castle?
  56. >Turning to your left, you notice Twilight’s cutie mark on the side of the wall
  57. >Huh, so she wasn't lying
  58. >You suppose you should make the best of your time here, if she's really gonna try your patience that hard
  59. >Rising out of your bed--Wow, this bed surprisingly fits you
  60. >Anyway, you rise out of it and look at yourself in the mirror to the right of the bed
  61. >You look as handsome as ever, sporting--oh
  62. >You're wearing the clothes that you killed yourself in
  63. >There's bloodstains around the collar of your white t-shirt
  64. >Good thing your blue jeans and sketchers are fine, though
  65. >You'll have to lie about--
  66. >Someone knocks at the door
  67. >"Hello? Human? Are you awake yet?"
  68. >Oh, it's Twilight
  69. >Casually walking over to the door, you open it, and look... not that far down from yourself
  70. >She's surprisingly five feet to your six
  71. >That isn't short, for a pony
  72. >Everybody else must be four or below, then
  73. >Since Celestia was exactly your height, if not, taller, because of her horn
  74. >Man, Princesses are tall...
  75. >"Oh, good! You're awake," she exclaims, looking at you with a smile
  76. >You only nod, smiling back
  77. >"Princess Celestia asked me to show you around Ponyville, since she told me you'll be staying here awhile."
  78. >Thanks, Tia
  79. >"However, I'm curious. You know a bit about Ponyville, am I correct?"
  80. >What
  81. >How does sh--...
  82. >Fuck you Celestia
  83. >All you do is nod
  84. >"So, what place do you want to see first?"
  85. >You're vagina--NOPE
  86. >Don't say that, Anon...
  87. >Ugh, where should you go first?
  88. >Sugarcube Corner it is, then!
  89. "Uh, why not Sugarcube Corner, if that's fine with you?"
  90. >It's gonna be hard being overly nice
  91. >But, it's gonna be worth it
  92. >You hope
  93. >"And why do you want to head there, Anonymous?"
  94. >Uh...
  95. >Shit
  96. "Because... my favorite pony lives there!"
  97. >"And who might /that/ be?"
  98. >Quick!
  99. "Pinkie Pie, of course!"
  100. >"Really," she asks with sarcasm.
  101. >Again, you nod, as she sighs
  102. >"Alright. Follow me, human!"
  103. >She switches from calling you Anon to Human
  104. >Oh boy
  105. >She turns around and trots away from you
  106. >You follow close behind and... holy damn
  107. >This castle looks fucking beautiful!
  108. >Shitposters on /mlp/ were wrong about this place
  109. >"So, Human, tell me," she starts, trotting down the staircase
  110. >The staircase is one of those fancy circle staircases, too
  111. >And it goes like, five stories high...
  112. >Jesus
  113. >"What brings you to Ponyville, anyway? Princess Celestia told me you were brought here for something important."
  114. >You know what, fuck you, Princess
  115. >Suddenly, something enters your head...
  116. >Fuck, it hurts--
  117. >'I can hear you in here, Anonymous.'
  118. >WHAT
  119. >'I won't be listening often, but I will tune in. Be on your best behavior, or else you know what happens...'
  120. >Fuck
  121. >You feel a presence leaving you, as you continue down the stairs with Twilight
  122. "Well, uh... I'm here for..."
  123. >Damn it
  124. >You can't think of anything
  125. >...Anything /clean/, anyway
  126. >Twilight just looks at you funny, a curious look on her face
  127. >"For...?"
  128. >Quick, think of something!
  129. "Friendship!"
  130. >She stops in her place in the staircase, looking at you with doubt
  131. >Fuck
  132. >"You humans don't strive for friendship. Celestia told me so."
  134. >She might pop in again
  135. >"Tell me the truth, Human. What are you here for?"
  136. "To learn about friendship."
  137. >You stop in your tracks, while Twilight looks at you in major disbelief
  138. >You could work with this...
  139. "You're right, humans don't strive for it. I want to learn, to see if it truly is all it's cracked up to be."
  140. >Is she smiling?
  141. >Did she smile at that?
  142. >"That's--...," you think she's choked up, "That's really nice, Anonymous."
  143. >You smile at her warmly, walking up to her and putting an arm on her shoulder
  144. "Please, call me 'Anon', Twilight."
  145. >She smiles hard, looking up at you with glee
  146. >This was way too easy
  147. >A womanly growl is heard in your head
  148. >You meant what you said to Twilight!
  149. >P-Promise, Princess!
  150. >It stops soon after, as you sigh
  151. >"What's wrong, Anon?"
  152. >You notice Twilight’s already at the door, curiously looking up at you
  153. >You're like, ten feet above her
  154. "Nothing, nothing. I'll be right down!"
  155. >Rushing down the staircase as fast as you can, Twilight opens the door and holds it open for you
  156. >Seemingly, though, you have a friend in Twilight
  157. >Which is good
  158. >You need her magical power
  159. >It might help you later
  160. >You stop short at the door, and follow Twilight outside
  161. >You admire Ponyville on this walk, it's so fresh and clean
  162. >Better than your shitty cit--
  163. >"Anon, we're getting closer to Sugarcube Corner. I think we'll be there in a bit, but..."
  164. >But what?
  165. >"Tell me, where you come from, what is it like? Celestia tells me it's an awful place but... I want to hear it from you. What's it like there, Anon? Is it nice?"
  166. >There's a reason you killed yourself
  167. "Well..."
  168. >...Fuck
  169. >Thinking back, you try to hold back tears
  170. >You sigh
  171. "Twilight... I lied to you a little bit, back there."
  172. >She looks at you with shock
  173. >"Y-...You lied?!"
  174. >You only nod your head
  175. "I lied about my reason for coming here--"
  176. >"YOU /WHAT/?!"
  177. >This hurts her tremendously, you feel like she would walk away from you at any moment
  178. >"How could you--"
  179. >You shush her, and sigh
  180. "Let me explain. You see... Y-You see..."
  181. >Fuck, you can't speak
  182. >You're choking up
  183. "Back on my world, I went to a prestigious college. You know about colleges, right?"
  184. >Calming down, she nods, looking at you with interest
  185. >"Yeah. I went to one for magic, with Princess Celestia."
  186. >You can't help but gulp, clenching your fists
  187. "Well, I went to college for about three years, before being overwhelmed by it all. I-...I couldn't handle the workload, it was too much. I was put on academic suspension from then on, and my parents..."
  188. >No
  189. >Fuck no
  190. >You can't talk about that
  191. >You fucking can't
  192. >It hurts too much
  193. >"Your parents?"
  194. >...
  195. >Fuck
  196. "They... they became so--," you choke up, covering your eyes, "they wouldn't pay attention to me anymore. They didn't care about me, or what else I did anymore. They just... disowned me."
  197. >Twilight looks at you with full blown sympathy, as you try to keep away the tears
  198. "I was so depressed after that that I couldn't even find a job... and I--"
  199. >Don't say it
  200. >Don't fucking say it
  201. "I just... ended it."
  202. >Damn it
  203. >She gasps, putting her left wing over her mouth
  204. >"Wait... if you're dead then... how are you still alive? How are you even talking to me?"
  205. "You can thank Celestia, for that."
  206. >You decide to not tell her the whole story to that, yet, anyway
  207. "She brought me here. It's why I'm here right now."
  208. >You think you have control over your emotions again
  209. >You sigh and walk with the alicorn
  210. "What makes it worse is that I used to live in a place where people are hit by things that go faster than Rainbow Dash. I'm just glad I wasn't one of them."
  211. >She looks at you, guilt-tripped to hell and back
  212. >"I-I'm so sorry, Anon. Maybe Pinkie Pie can help you start a new here more than me."
  213. >The two of you reach Sugarcube Corner, Twilight asking you to go first
  214. "Please, m'lady, you go first."
  215. >She giggles, and obliges
  216. >Wait
  217. >Did you just say "m'lady"
  218. >What the fuck is wrong with you
  219. >Sighing, you follow behind the purple mare, as she walks up to the counter
  220. >Pinkie immediately zooms to the counter, a gigantic smile on her fa--
  221. >"HI TWILIGHT! Who's your hew friend?"
  222. >She's really excited...
  223. >Is her tail wagging?
  224. >Fuck, it is
  225. >"Hello, Pinkie," Twilight points at you with her left hoof, with a smile, "This is the new human in town, Anon--"
  226. >"What's a human? Is that a fish? You know Percival--"
  227. >"Opalescence," Twilight says, matter of factly
  228. >"That's what I said!"
  229. >"You said Percival, again."
  230. >"/Really/?"
  231. >The pink horse looks genuinely curious, like she just forgot what she said
  232. >"Pinkie, Anonymous is a human."
  233. >The pink horse looks at you, and smiles
  234. >"OH!"
  235. >She looks at Twilight again, with a smirk
  236. >"Why didn't you say that before, Twily?"
  237. >The alicorn rolls her eyes and orders a cupcake
  238. >"Pinkie, can I have a--"
  239. >"Red velvet?"
  240. >"How did you--"
  241. >Suddenly, the pastry chef puts the red velvet cupcake on the counter, and smiles
  242. >"I know my customers, Twilight~!"
  243. >Twilight just sighs at the improbability of Pinkie, and turns to face you
  244. >"You want anything, Anon?"
  245. >Yes
  246. >A ponut
  247. >Nobody knows what that is, so you can say it safely
  248. >Thankfully
  249. >Looking at the pink pastry chef, you put a hand under your chin and wonder...
  250. >What should you get?
  251. "Ponut, please," you say with an ever living confidence
  252. >"Uh," Twilight confronts you, tapping on your shoulder with her wings, "You mean... /donut/, right?"
  253. >'Anonymous...,' the mature voice comes back, growling your name at you
  254. >Did you fuck up?
  255. "No, I meant ponut," you look down at alicorn with a smile, "Why, is something the matte--"
  256. >"YIPPEE," the pink pony squeaks in glee, "Glazed or jelly?"
  257. "Glazed, please."
  258. >The pony full of joy giggles, "You know, I only give this dish to very /special/ customers, but you, Nonny," she stops and gives you a sultry look, "You seem like a special kind of guy~!"
  259. >You might've fucked up
  260. >The pink pony rushes out, as you and Twilight take a seat
  261. >The purple mare left a bit on the counter before heading to the table, taking the cupcake in hoof
  262. >Or rather, wing
  263. >She does a lot with her wings
  264. >As soon as you two sat down, Twilight asks you with concern and curiosity
  265. >"You DO know what a "ponut" is, right, Anon?"
  266. >Acting oblivious for the sake of it, you shake your head from side to side
  267. >"Oh boy..."
  268. >Next thing you know, Pinkie Pie immediately hops onto the table, her asshole--excuse you, her GLAZED ASSHOLE near your lips
  269. >"What're ya waiting for, Nonny? Take a lick~!"
  270. >The pony speaks with glee, smiling
  271. >Your little self can't help but grow hard, twitching
  272. >Dear Celestia--
  273. >'You called, Anonymous?'
  274. >Fuck
  275. >'Take one lick of Pinkie, and you're out of my world, Anonymous.'
  276. >She sounds so fucking serious holy shit
  277. >But...
  278. >Oh god fuck you Celestia
  279. >What do you do?!
  280. >Know what, Anon?
  281. >Just... relax
  282. >You didn't expect this
  283. >Just ask for a doughnut
  284. >"So, what'cha gonna do, Anon?"
  285. "I'm going to decline."
  286. >The mare sitting across from you beams at you with smiles
  287. >The pink mare turns around to face you, as your erection calms down, thank god
  288. >"Awh. Why? You ordered it!"
  289. "Yes, but I didn't expect...," you point to Pinkie's ass, "/that/. I thought I was going to get something else."
  290. >"Like /what/?" Twilight asks, confused
  291. "I don't know! Just not... /that/. Jeez..."
  292. >A fading growl is heard in your head from the Princess--Wait, no
  293. >Celestia!
  294. >'What, Anonymous?'
  295. >Can you fuck m--no!
  296. >Explain. What the fuck just happened?
  297. >'You asked for a ponut, thinking they wouldn't give you butt. Then they gave you butt. What more is there to the situation?'
  298. >How about the fact that they know what a ponut is?
  299. >'It's slang, here. There's a lot of words you used that are slang here for something else.'
  300. >You're fucking with me
  301. >'Not at all, Anonymous.'
  303. "You think he's okay, Pinkie?"
  304. >Rubbing your purple mane, you look at your human friend with worry
  305. >He's just... sitting there
  306. >Why?
  307. >Did Pinkie fart in his face?
  308. >The pink mare climbs off the table and stands next to you
  309. >"Not sure, Twilight. Maybe he's just lost in thought!"
  310. "About what," you question, looking at your pink friend with curiosity
  311. >She just shrugs
  312. >Sighing, you munch on your cupcake and jump off your seat
  313. >You turn to Pinkie again, looking at her questioningly
  314. "Do I have to pay for... what just happened," you ask, your eyes directed at the table
  315. >"It's on the house, Twily! Besides, if they don't lick me, it doesn't count!"
  317. >/That/ too?! You're such a fucking dick!
  318. >'I'm not the one who made up the slang. My ponies did.'
  319. >You feel her presence leave your head once more
  320. >Sighing a sigh of relief, you look at your alicorn friend talking with the pink pony
  321. >"Look who's awake," the pink mane jokes, smiling at you
  322. >"What were you thinking about, Anon...?"
  323. "Ponies."
  324. >"...Ponies?"
  325. >You repeat yourself, as you get up out of your chair
  326. "Ponies."
  327. >Pushing the chair into the table, you look down at the curious alicorn
  328. >"Uh... okay then," she starts, awkwardly, "So, where to now, Anon?"
  329. "Let me think about it..."
  330. >...You hear Rarity's place is good this time of year
  331. "Let's go to the Boutique!"
  332. >"Ooh," Pinkie speaks up, "Rarity's place! She's the best modiste in all of Ponyville!"
  333. >...Uh, what?
  334. >You can't help but look at her in confusion
  335. >"Oh, sorry! That's a word Rarity taught me!"
  336. >"It means dressmaker, Anon," Twilight speaks up, trotting over to you
  337. >Oh
  338. >You knew that
  339. >Duh
  340. "Where does Rarity get these words from, anyway," you find yourself muttering to none other than yourself
  341. >Twilight, knowing what you just said, shrugs and walks to the front door
  342. >You follow in quick pursui--
  343. >"Anonymous, wait!"
  344. >You stop short, as the pink one runs up to you and gives you a smile
  345. >Out of nowhere, she takes out a very small party cannon, handing it--...uh
  346. >Hoofing? it to you
  347. >"Keep this, Nonny! It's a memento, just to remind you to visit tomorrow!"
  348. >Fuck this really makes you smile
  349. >Stupid pink pony
  350. >Thanking the pastry chef, you pocket the blue cannon and walk off out of the restaurant
  351. >The pink pony waves goodbye to you, as you and Twilight head on your way to Rarity's
  352. >You wonder how she'll like you
  353. >Maybe you can get some free clothes out of it
  354. >Possibly even fix the bloodstain around your collar
  355. >As you and Twilight walk, she asks you a question
  356. >"Anon, why do you want to go to Rarity's, anyway?"
  357. "Well, it's a boutique, right?"
  358. >She nods, still walking in front of you
  359. >"Yeah, it is, but--"
  360. "Well, maybe I can knack some clothes out of her."
  361. >Twilight chuckles, just as the two of you reach the Boutique
  362. >"Good luck on that, Anon," the mare opens the door for you, as bell rings above her head, "She doesn't make clothes for 'animals'."
  363. >You enter the shop, as you question her choice of words
  364. >Twilight and Rarity are animals, too
  365. >Fuck, they're more animal than you!
  366. >You see the white unicorn walk down the steps onto the shop floor, looking quite proud
  367. >Her eyes are closed as she walks down those steps, however
  368. >"Hello, darling, and welcome to my fabulous boutique! We make hats, dresses, suits, ties, whatever you like! Just place an order an--"
  369. >Her eyes open, and her proud expression fades as she looks at you in fear
  370. >Oh no
  371. >As you hear the bell chime again, Rarity's horn glows, a pair of scissors floating towards her
  372. >Funnily enough, however, it isn't glowing her horn color
  373. >"I'm not afraid to use these, heathen..."
  374. >There's a hint of confidence in her voice, but it's mostly overshadowed by fear
  375. >The unicorn takes slow steps down the rest of the staircase, getting closer to you
  376. >You just stand there like an idiot
  377. >You're in slight shock, so it's not like you can blame yourself
  378. >Actually, yes you can, because you can SPEAK
  379. >Talk to her, moron
  380. >Show her you mean peace!
  381. "H-Hey! Put those down before you hurt yourself!"
  382. >This only succeeds in making her angry
  383. >"Why? Do you think just because I'm a /lady/ that I can't hold a simple pair of SCISSORS?!"
  384. >She gets dangerously close to you with those scissors, pointing them at your neck
  385. >'Shouldn't have said that, Anonymous~'
  386. >Fuck off Celestia
  387. >"Rarity...?"
  388. >Twilight to the rescue! Thank God!
  389. >She walks up to the mare with confusion
  390. >"What are you doing...?"
  391. >The unicorn looks at Twilight fiercely, putting the scissors closer to your neck
  392. >"Before you had walked in, darling, I was about to kill this monster that walked into my shop."
  393. >Monster?
  394. >You're anything but
  395. >'Tell that to Billy, Anonymous.'
  396. >Fuck off Celestia. What the hell are you still doing talking?
  397. >'I finished my paperwork, if you must know, Anonymous. So I've decided to listen in to you for the rest of the day.'
  398. >...
  399. >Fuck
  400. >'Be nice to Rarity, Anonymous, or you know what's coming...'
  401. >Yeah, yeah
  402. >Fuck
  403. >So now you've got a princess into your head, listening to everything you do and say
  404. >Can she see out of your eyes, too, like this?
  405. >You wouldn't doubt it
  406. >"Anonymous isn't a monster, Rarity. He's my new friend, a human!"
  407. >The unicorn can't help but look at Twilight with a sincere look of 'You're insane'
  408. >"He's a HEATHEN!"
  409. >Now it's Twilight's turn to be confused
  410. >"...Uh, /heathen/?"
  411. >The white mare nods, still ready to cut your head off, or at least slit your throat, at a given moment's notice
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