Billy Mays in Equestria

>Day who gives a fuck in Equestria
>Wake up from a dream about watching TV back on earth
>Really starting to wish they had TV here
>Look at your calendar
>The day is circled in bold, bright red
>Holy shit! It's the day Billy Mays died!
>You feel a deep sorrow in your stomach and slump
>You miss that loud bastard, even more than MJ or Feral Faucet
>You start crying softly
>You go to your kitchen and reach around in the shelf above your fridge
>You pull out a 20-year-old bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey
>Well, now's a better time than ever
>You think about pouring a glass, but then decide you'll just drink it straight from the bottle
>That's probably what crazy old Billy would have done
>But first...
>You walk outside and pour a little of the drink out for Billy, like black people do for their dead homies
>Yeah, poor out a little for your late homie Billy
>Even though you never actually met him
>Oh well
>You go back inside and shut your door, then sit down at your table and bring the bottle to your lips
>Right as you're about to take a long gulp...
>*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
>Jesus Christ...
>You open it and see Fluttershy hovering and spreading her pussy lips
>They are covered in nasty krust
>Something about that kunt krust just makes you want to...clean it
>"Are krusty kunts your fetish Anon?"
"No, that's disgusting, now fuck off before I smash your face with this bottle."
>You slam the door
>You turn around, but then there is a knocking again
>Jesus fucking Christ!
>You open the door
"Fluttershy, don't make me--OH!"
>The ghost of Billy Mays is standing in your doorway!
>You get down on your knees and bow to him
>"HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH KUNT KRUST REMOVAL! ARE YOU TIRED OF YELLOW PONIES WITH DISGUSTING PUSSIES TRYING TO RAPE YOU?"
"Yes!"
>"WELL THEN GIVE THEIR GNARLY VAGINA LIPS A FEW SQUIRTS OF THE INCREDIBAL KUNT KRUST REMOVAL! ONLY $19.99"
"I'll buy it!" You whip out your wallet.
>"BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!"
"What more is there, oh divine Billy?!?
>"ORDER NOW AND--OW!"
>Suddenly Vince punched Billy out of the way.
>"Hey, don't listen to that guy. I'm the top salesman now. It's Vince, here with Kuntwow!"
"Fuck off, Vince, you faggot wannabe!"
>"Hey, don't make me beat the shit out of you like a hooker!"
>Billy got up and started strangling Vince
>Fuck yeah, it was on
>The fight to end all fights
"GO BILLY!!!"
>Vince elbowed Billy in the crotch
>That was a cheap shot, what a fucking fag
>But Billy had balls of steel, and he simply socked Vince in the gut, knocking the wind out of him
>Vince stumbled back, but then pulled out a pair of nunchucks
>Billy whipped out two small knives
>They charged at each other
>Vince smacked Billy in the arm with the nunchucks and he dropped one of his knives
>But Billy used the other knife to stab Vince through the hand
>Vince dropped the nunchucks, held his hand and gasped with wide eyes
>Then he pulled the knife out of his hand slowly, growling
>He whipped the knife at Billy's leg but Billy rolled away and dodged it
>Vince screamed, "That's it, Billy! No more games! It's time to end this once and for all!"
>He pulled out an AK47 and blasted Billy in the chest
>Billy fell over onto the ground
"BILLLYYY!!! NOOO!!!"
>But luckily Billy was wearing a bulletproof vest under his shirt!
>He picked his knife up off the ground, rushed Vince, grabbed him, and stabbed him in the chest, over and over, until they were both soaked in blood
>Vince let out one last breath and then collapsed
>Billy crouched down and with several cuts he severed Vince's head
>He held it up like a trophy in one hand, then walked over to your mailbox
>He kicked the box part of your mailbox off and then put Vince's head on the wooden post as a warning sign to any other salesmen/ponies
>He walked over to you and handed you Kunt Krust Removal
>You hand him money, but he says "THIS ONES ON THE HOUSE, BOY!"
>Tears of joy stream down your face
"Oh thank you based Billy Mays!"
>Billy rocketed off into the sky with his rocket boots and dissapeared into the clouds
>Fluttershy came up to you and said, "Oh, I get it! Severed heads are your fetish Anon!"
>You spray her in the eyes with Kunt Krust Removal, which burns her pupils off
>She screams and runs away
>You go back into your home, lock your door, and furiously jerk off to fantasies of Billy Mays
>Today was a good day.