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- Username: welcome2thejam
- Album: Invasion of Privacy
- Get Up 10: 10 Oh, I just know the student athletes went crazy for this one
- Drip (feat. Migos): 8 "Mac n' cheese in the bowl, how it sound / I got that gushy" What Did She Know?
- Bickenhead: 8
- Bodak Yellow: 8 I'm too tired to riff on the Bodak Yellow indieheads pasta just pretend it's here and I did something clever w/ it
- Be Careful: 7 Honestly the hook is super catchy, I think I'd like this more if it didn't feel like the opposite of what I want from a Cardi B track
- Best Life (feat. Chance the Rapper): 9 Man, remember when the reaction to his appearances was "Oh god, it's Chance the Rapper!" and not "Oh god, it's Chance the Rapper"
- I Like It (feat. Bad Bunny & J Balvin): 10 Kids Bop cover is the 11
- Ring (feat. Kehlani): 7 I really enjoyed the Kehlani album from this year! Shame I didn't like this as much
- Money Bag: 7
- Bartier Cardi (feat. 21 Savage): 8 I would like to party with Cardi
- She Bad (feat. YG): 10 He Good
- Thru Your Phone: 5 Hate this chorus, it's got a "really annoying electronic/alternative-ish song that plays on tiring phone or computer commercials" sound
- I Do (feat. SZA): 5 That did not hit as much as I'd hope from a Cardi/SZA teamup
- Album: Hot Pink
- Cyber Sex: 5 Woah Doja, save it for next week's rate
- Won't Bite (feat. Smino): 5 every rate about doja cat getting accepted as if ratcom didn't find evidence of cannibalism in her mid song she made in 2019
- Rules: 7 Thin beat dragging down a really good Doja performance
- Bottom Bitch: 10 Catchy, fun, great beat, love the background chorus vocals, just a good time
- Say So: 8 Nah, the hard rock version still takes the spot for me
- Like That (feat. Gucci Mane): 8
- Talk Dirty: 10 Glad Jason Derulo related trauma doesn't prevent me from thinking this sounds fantastic
- Addiction: 10 Gut buster of a beat
- Streets: 10 This is at least a good nine streets ahead
- Shine: 9
- Better Than Me: 7 Good but hell if this isn't a tired ass guitar sound
- Juicy: 8 Did somebody say Juice!? [hurls you into popheadscirclejerk, an abyss from which you will not return unscatched]
- Album: Good News
- Shots Fired: 10 Got both middle fingers way up
- Circles: 10 Oh shit! It's a bop
- Cry Baby (feat. DaBaby): 4 Taking a ride in the DaBaby car one more time and driving it off the bridge
- Do It on the Tip (feat. City Girls & Hot Girl Meg): 8 Feels like they're trying to hypnotize me to do it on the dick
- Sugar Baby: 6 Help why does this sound like what plays when the rival appears out of nowhere to battle you in Pokemon Red/Blue
- Movie (feat. Lil Durk): 7
- Freaky Girls (feat. SZA): 8 Yeah this was the better one
- Body: 9 I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control. I want a perfect Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody, ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody, I want a perfect soul
- What's New: 7
- Work That: 10 I like when she goes "Ah 👅"
- Intercourse (feat. Popcaan & Mustard): 6 Thought the the title was Interlude and had my finger ready by the 1-5 keys
- Go Crazy (feat. Big Sean & 2 Chainz): 7 Go crazy? Don't mind if I do! Ah 🤪
- Don't Rock Me to Sleep: 7 Not sure if this totally works for her, but I appreciate the swing
- Outside: 10 What is this is JRPG music she's rapping over, this a Siivagunner track?
- Savage Remix (feat. Beyoncé): 11 It's the goddamned banger (okay)
- Girls in the Hood: 9 Something something anime rate
- Don't Stop (feat. Young Thug): 9
- BONUS TRACKS
- Maroon 5 - Girls Like You (feat. Cardi B): 1 You'll all pay for the warcrimes of this bonus rate
- Ed Sheeran - South of the Border (feat. Camila Cabello & Cardi B): 4
- Blackpink - Bet You Wanna (feat. Cardi B): 4 What a nothingburger of a song
- Tove Lo - Equally Lost (feat. Doja Cat): 7 If I graded this bonus on its own curve this would be a 10
- Bebe Rexha - Baby I'm Jealous (feat. Doja Cat): 4 Maybe I'll give this a solid score just for being competent [One "jelly jelly jelly jelly jelly" later] Nah
- Ariana Grande - 34+35 Remix (feat. Doja Cat & Megan Thee Stallion): 9 If I graded this bonus on its own curve this would be a 40
- Maroon 5 - Beautiful Mistakes (feat. Megan Thee Stallion): 1 Absolutely not
- BTS - Butter Remix (feat. Megan Thee Stallion): 7
- DJ Snake - SG (with Ozuna, Megan Thee Stallion, & Lisa of Blackpink): 7 The audible groan I made when this video made me realize I'm attracted to Lisa of Blackpink
- END
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