Conduit: Chapter 3 - Unexpected Connections

>The dark, subterranean chamber greets you upon awakening from the haze of slumber once more.
>As with the night before, strange and befuddling dreams clouded your sleep, though thankfully with a lessened intensity of terror. All that really stood out though was the one where you had become some manner of sexually charged undead. You made a mental note to ask Twilight if any other creatures that had been unwittingly pulled into this world talked of any similar trouble with dreams.
>Twilight... yes, near as you could tell you were still in that crazy magical horse world. Any thoughts of this all being a dream were now thoroughly put to rest with the beginning of your second day within it. You moved on to the theory that you were in some sort of coma. You'd never been in a coma before, but you figured they had to have some wild, long-lived dreams, otherwise coma victims would probably wake up out of sheer boredom more often. You begrudgingly ascend the stairs to begin your second day of not knowing what in the ever-loving hell was going on.
>Entering the main room of the library you find Twilight sitting at the center table, reading a book, as you figure she's most often found doing. She looks up and smiles when you grunt a greeting.
“Mornin'.”
>”Afternoon, actually.”
“Whatever. You got any food that's not cupcakes? After yesterday I think I may no longer have the capability to make my own insulin.”
>”You can have half of my sandwich if you'd like.” She levitates a diagonally cut sandwich half into your hand. Cautiously, you lift the slice of bread and peer inside to find... daisies? Who the hell eats daisies on a sand- oh right, society of horses. You lay the foreign delicacy back on her plate and start lumbering towards the kitchen.
“I think I'll just have an apple or two.”
>”Suit yourself.” She pauses to take another bite as you begin to raid the magically powered fridge. “So, how are you feeling today?”
“Better, I guess. Still a bit of soreness all over, but for the most part I guess I can go back to functioning somewhat normally.”
>You stop your search to more critically examine what you just said. The term 'normal' applied to this situation in no reasonable capacity. You wonder if it ever would again, as you take two apples from the fruit bin and bite into one.
>”Well, that's good. We've got an appointment to see the Princess later today, so I hope you'll at least be able to travel.”
>You shut the metal door and look up at your temporary roommate. The apple you bit into holds fast in your mouth, muffling your confused reply.
“Hurnh?”
>”The train leaves in an hour, so take care of anything you need to before then.”
>Choking down the lump of apple flesh, you walk back into the main room, a slight bit of distress in your voice.
“Wait, we're going to see the Princess? So soon?”
>”Well you'd have more time  to get ready if you'd wake up before noon for once.”
“No, I mean... I've only been here like, a day. How did you get an appointment with what I can only assume is the leader of the whole wherever we are already?”
>Twilight smiles proudly. “The Princess is usually busy, but she generally makes exceptions for her personal protege in the field of magical studies.”
“Personal... protege?”
>”Of course. Princess Celestia selected me to be her prime student when I was a filly. In fact, the entire reason I came to Ponyville in the first place was to study the greater workings of the magic of friendship.”
>Did she really just say 'the magic of friendship'? That's got to be the sappiest thing you've ever heard. This place just continues to get get stranger and stranger. You steer back to the topic at hand after a moment of contemplation.
“Well, anyway. I don't think I'm in any sort of state to be meeting royalty. My clothes are still pretty shredded from that stupid bush I landed in. And I've slept in them for two nights now.”
>”You could wear that outfit Rarity gave you.”
>The glare you give her just about burns a hole in the wall behind her.
>”Alright, alright. I'm not nearly as good a seamstress as she is, but I'll see if I can't fix them up a bit while you go wash up. ...Your people DO have showers, don't they?”
“I can think of a few heavily bearded individuals who I'm sure have never heard of the concept, but yes, we do.”
>”Good. Bathroom's upstairs, leave your clothes outside the door.”


>The hot water felt good splashing against your aching body, though your back never got the chance to straighten out while you were hunched over in order to fit inside. Blasted pony architecture. So far the tallest thing you've seen was Pinkie Pie, and only because she was standing on her hind legs, mimicking your own movements at the party last night. These ponies had some strange anatomy; none of the horses back home could move anything like them. They were as if in flux; half the time they walked and moved fully quadrupedal, while others they seemed to have the same dexterity and ambulatory abilities as a bipedal organism. You made another mental note to ask Twilight about that.
>Struggling a bit to wrap the tiny towel fully around your midsection, you finally come face to face with yourself in the mirror. Faint scratches and light bruising was all that remained of your unplanned meeting with the ground. All that left was your body's natural state of unfitness, caused by years of fast food and only ever driving to and from work, shambling around the aisles at one place and sitting in front of a computer for hours on end at the other. You always said you'd take up walking, but you never were in any sort of mood after the mind-numbing shifts at work.
>A knock at the door rouses you from your thoughts.
>“Anon, are you ready? We have to get going!”
“Alright, I'm coming already.”
>You fling the door open to find your shirt and pants levitating in front of you, above a moderately perplexed purple unicorn.
>”Oh! Umm... sorry. I just realized I haven't seen you without these on before.”
“Yeah, there's a reason humans usually wear clothes all the time.”
>She furrows her brow a bit. “I didn't mean it like that.”
“Don't worry about it.” You take the shirt and pants from her invisible grasp. “Wow, they look like new. I thought you said you sucked at sewing.”
>”I said I wasn't as good as Rarity.” You detect a hint of offense in her voice. “And besides, Spike actually fixed them for you.”
>As if on cue, the little dragon thing dashes into the hallway and skids to a halt next to Twilight.
>”Yep! I've been taking lessons from Rarity when she'll let me.”
“Huh, well thanks. And I figured something like this would be easier for somebody with...” You trail off, looking at your hand. “...Well. I'll keep this in mind if I ever need any clothes that wouldn't be outlawed by the Anti-Tackiness Organization.”
>Twilight looks off in the distance, concern combining with the confusion set on her face as she rubs her chin with a hoof. ”So your world has an entire organization devoted to the legal control of fashions... interesting.”
“No, I... there's not really... it was a j... guh. Forget it. Gimme a minute to get dressed and I'll be ready to go.”

>Finally back to not looking like you'd up and fallen out of the sky a day and a half ago, you make your way to the door ahead of Twilight, as she says goodbye to spike and gives him an almost comically long list of things she wants him to do while you're gone. As your hand touches the doorknob however, a sudden cry halts your movement.
>”Wait! You can't go out there looking like that!”
“I thought we were past this,” you sigh in reply. “I took a shower, your little buddy fixed my clothes, what else I gotta do, put on makeup and perfume?”
>”No, I mean... me and my friends are still the only ponies that have actually seen you. It was the middle of the night when you first got here. Nopony else even knows you're here, much less what you are.” A black hooded cloak floats off of the coat rack and makes its way over to you. “You'll need a disguise.”

>”Come on, get lower, I can still see your legs sticking out under the cloak.”
“It's not my fault this thing was made for a creature half my damn size, alright? I'm having enough trouble as it is without my back hurting.”
>”Just... walk on all fours, like a pony. Can't you do that?”
“Well I could, but I'd feel like a doofus. Walking on fours is for dogs and infants. ...And on occasion for ascending stairs.”
>”I don't under... urgh.”
>The hushed whispers of your conversation, not to mention your currently very bizarre form draws many a glare from the ponies out and about this afternoon. Struggling to not look like a six foot tall creature not of this world- and failing quite hard- you hardly notice that crouching lower has let the front of the cloak find it's way under your foot. With all the grace of a trapeze performer with a sack full of bowling balls tied to his neck you tumble forward and face-plant the cold hard cobblestones of the road.
>After a moment of scrambling, you toss the entangling garment off of you, the annoyance coursing through you making you forget your volume.
“Well thanks a lot miss magic-nopants, now I have an in-depth knowledge of what the street tastes like.”
>The irritation subsides as you notice the nervous look on your companion’s face. Turning around, you find quite a number of terrified and confused ponies staring at you, their idle tasks all halted abruptly. The silence drags on for nearly a minute.
“...Uh... Hi.”
>This simple act of courtesy causes total chaos, as every one of the wildly colorful creatures yells and screams and scatters like panicked insects. Eventually the commotion dies down, leaving you and your magical acquaintance alone in the town square. With no more need for subtlety you stand fully upright and stretch out a bit.
“Well that wasn't very neighborly.”
>Twilight sighs, half in relief and half exasperation. “Yeah, they do that a lot.”
“This sort of thing happens often?” you ask somewhat surprised.
>”Well, no, not EXACTLY this. But a couple times. Like when my friend Zecora first started coming to town, everypony hid from her before even trying to get to know her.”
“Hmph, what's she, some kinda big crazy dragon or something?”
>”No, just a zebra.”
>You stop mid-stride.
“Wait, hold up. Your entire town hid from and was terrified of someone they had never met solely because, and I stress this next part, she had STRIPES?”
>”I told you it happens often.”
“That much is now evident to me.” You both walk a bit more before an idea crosses your mind. “Hey, so if your entire town is the sort to run fleeing from anything even remotely unusual, why couldn't you like, I dunno, use some kinda magic spell to disguise me?”
>This time Twilight stops in the middle of a step. She then promptly brings a hoof to her face and sighs again.
>”Gaahhhh, I'm an idiot.”
“That is also now evident to me.”
>She shoots you a glare before aiming her crackling horn at you. Unlike before, this procedure involved firing a large bullet of pure purple right at the part of your body around pony-head level, which unfortunately for you was the crotch. You instinctively brace your body for the incoming comedic impact, but none comes. Instead, you merely catch a glimpse of the purple glow fading from your body as you tentatively open your eyes.
>You take a moment to look over your new form. It looks, as you are keen to notice, exactly like your old one.
“Uh, I don't think that one did anything.”
>”I wouldn't be so sure.”
>You turn towards the nearby fountain and peer over into the faintly turbulent waters. A small, forest green pony stares back at you, immensely large eyes and all. You raise a hand, it raises a hoof. You scratch at your hair, it scratches it's mane. Twilight walks up next to you, beaming over her command of the arcane.
“Huh, how about that. It's even my favorite color and everything.” Something strikes you as off about the current situation. “...Hey, wait. You're looking up at me. Shouldn't you be looking straight across at me or something?”
>”Actually, I am.”
“You... what?”
>”This particular disguise spell contains elements of both the Illusa and Midora schools of magic. The illusion of your disguise affects not only the minds of everypony that looks at you, but you yourself as well. So on both ends, everyone seems to be looking and speaking to and from the correct places. It's kind of like a magical anti-confusion clause.”
>You scratch your head again.
“...Okay.”
>Twilight sighs. “It's magic.”
“Got it.”
>”Now come on already, our train leaves in only a few minutes.”

>Arriving at the train station with only a minute to spare, your eyes are suddenly violently accosted by the most garish transportation vehicle that has ever graced your retinas with it's presence. Multiple patterned hearts adorn the engine, including a heart-shaped front window. Each car behind it seems to be painted a different bright and cheery color, without any rhyme or reason. It's as if it was designed by a little girl who's only orders were “make more pretty”. And yet, insanely, looking at it created within you a deep-seated urge to find and buy a toy model of  it. You quickly shake the misplaced feeling off as you notice Twilight boarding the pastel abomination, urging you to follow.
>Once inside, the two of you make your way to your seats, and settle in in for a long train ride. Twilight sits across from you, in the style you recall dogs often taking. You pause to wonder if the magic of the disguise would give you a similar position, but another glance about the car brings to your attention a mint-green pony, sitting back against the bench seat in a manner much more befitting of humans. She catches your gaze, appears to notice the similarity, and gives a wave with a wide smile. You return the gesture, though with markedly less enthusiasm.
>”So,” Twilight begins as the train lurches into motion, “You mentioned a familiarity with zebras earlier. I was wondering, does your world have any kind of ponies of it's own?”
“Uhh... sort of.” You scratch awkwardly at the back of your head. You've been doing that a lot lately. “We have ponies, yes, and their larger cousins horses. But they're not nearly as colorful, usually being muted earth tones; brown, black and white, that sort of thing. They're also a bit longer in the face, and their eyes aren't nearly as big, kinda beady actually...”
>”Interesting... what sort of role do they play in your society? Do they have any special talents?”
“Well, see, that's the thing. They're not really that... intelligent, at least not anything like here. For the most part we used them as beasts of burden over the centuries of our development. In recent years that's sorta slacked off though, especially after the industrial revolution, but a lot of people keep them like pets, sorta.”
>Twilight's expression begins to show faint traces of disgust as she takes in your information. “So... you keep them as uneducated slaves?”
“No, it's not- they don't... it's not that they're 'uneducated', so much as they really just don't have the capacity for being... like that. Like... they're not entirely self-aware, or something. And I mean, it's not like people haven't TRIED to educate them; I think some guy once taught one to count to four by stomping the ground, but... man. I am really bad at explaining things.”
>In a practice you are fast becoming used to, Twilight sighs. “It's okay. What about other creatures; are any of them self-aware?”
“...I don't... think so? For the most part it's just humans that are fully... uh, what's that word, not sentient, but the other one that's like it but not?”
>”Sapient?”
“That one, yeah. I mean, I guess some species are pretty up there, some of the great apes can use simple tools and stuff, and I remember hearing a lot of talk about dolphins actually being a lot smarter than we thought, nearly at the level of humanity in fact, but I think they stopped just short of getting a handle on empathy for other creatures, which results in them actually being pretty big jerks that steal away unattended swimmers and drag them to undersea caves in order to do unspeakable you know I think I'm getting sidetracked a bit.”
>The look of vaguely confused disappointment on your traveling companion’s face confirms these suspicions. You look out the window and nervously cram your hands into your pockets, uncaring of how bizarre such an act might look to an outside observer not keen to your disguise. A full minute passes excruciatingly slowly, before you desperately attempt to break the deafening silence.
“Hey, so, let's talk about your world instead. I've been curious about something ever since I got here ...I mean, more than everything else.”
>”Hm? What's that?”
“Well, what's up with these, uh, symbol things on everyone's ass?”
>”I don't follow.”
>You point at your own behind, idly wondering if your disguise included one such thing, as well as what it may have been. This seems to get the message across regardless.
>”Ohhh, you mean cutie marks?”
“Cuteawhatnow?”
>”They're called Cutie Marks. Every pony gets one eventually, once they figure out their special talent.” She shifts on her seat, turning to the side. “See, mine's a magical starburst, since I'm good with magic.”
>You weren't entirely sure how well the “magic” part was represented, but the starburst was definitely there. You took a moment to contemplate the concept of magical ass tattoos.
“So like, whenever somebody- er, pony, whatever, figures out what they're good at, something vaguely representing it shows up on their backside?”
>”Mhm.”
“That seems alarmingly convenient. I can think of a lot of people back home that could benefit from something like that.”
>”What do you mean?”
“I mean it's not really that easy for a lot of people. We don't just wake up one day and go 'Oh, look, there's a guitar on my ass, guess I'll be a musician'. There's nothing to really indicate whether or not we're where we want to be in life quite that clearly.”
>”Can't you at least... feel it, though? I can't imagine the absence of cutie marks would prevent humans from doing what makes them happy. For instance, I didn't get to where I am just because of this thing. I got there because I enjoyed discovering how the pieces of our world fit together, and how I could take a little control of them from time to time. It wasn't random chance, I knew in my heart that this is what I was meant to do.”
“And I'm super happy for you that you get to do it. But not everyone from my world really has that luxury.”
>”Why not?”
“Because... look. It's complicated. And I thought we were going to talk about your world instead.”
>”Fine, fine.”
>The two of you talk about several other things over the course of the ride. Eventually, coming out of a tunnel, an odd sight catches your eye. It was a tremendous castle, numerous gilded edifices jutting up out of the side of a ridiculously steep mountainside. In fact, you suddenly recalled seeing something peculiar all the way from Ponyville, but you hadn't noticed that gravity had apparently given the entire structure a complete pass. Twilight takes note of the awestruck look you had, and presents an introduction.
>”Anonymous, welcome to Canterlot.”


>The two of you make your way down one of the main thoroughfares, you marveling at the architecture, astoundingly different in comparison to the quaint little village you had just come from. Twilight remarks on some of the more important structures; apparently she used to live here, probably part of the whole “apprentice to royalty” thing. Soon, the looming spires of the castle proper take up nearly the entire sky, blotting out the sun and enveloping the opulent courtyard in shadow. Two pony guards, both pegasi in matching uniforms, stand at either side of the main entrance. They start to block your path, but upon recognizing your escort, lower their wings and allow entry. Having a VIP as a friend could be nice, you thought.
>The marbled floor of the throne room bounces the sounds of three sets of footsteps around it's confines, while the light from the afternoon sun is tinted and scattered by  a series of stained glass windows. You can't help but notice their depictions of tiny ponies engaged in battle with all manner of bizarre creatures, and more importantly, that the group of six ponies on each bear a striking resemblance to Twilight and her friends. You were so absorbed in admiring them, in fact, that you nearly tripped over said purple unicorn as she suddenly came to a halt. Looking up, you wonder how you missed the most obvious feature of the entire room.
> You suddenly laid eyes on who you could only imagine was that Princess Celestia you kept hearing about, primarily based on the fact that she was sitting in the bigass fancy chair at the apex of the room. Something you weren't quite expecting, however, was that she was nearly twice the size of any pony you had seen so far, to the point that you figured she would be at eye level with you on equal footing. Even more unexpected was the presence of both a horn and a pair of wings attached to her body. You could have sworn there was another term for that, but it escaped your somewhat muddled mind at the moment. Twilight does a moderate bow and greets her mentor.
>“Good day, Princess Celestia. It's nice to see you again.”
>The benevolent smile of the equine ruler does not falter in the slightest as she answers back. ”As it is you, Twilight Sparkle.” Her gaze shifts to you. “I assume this creature veiled by a magical disguise is the 'Anonymous' you wrote to me about?”
>She was damn perceptive, you had to give her that.
>”He is. Gimme a minute to dispel the disguise.”
>Twilight turns her horn on you once more, firing another purple blast of magic. You fail to catch yourself instinctively recoiling from it slightly, relaxing as it's familiar tingle spreads throughout your body.
>Celestia's eyes widen somewhat at the sight of your true form, through not in concern, but of genuine curiosity. “Interesting... I've never seen a creature quite like you in all of my kingdom.”
>”We found him at the edge of the Everfree Forest two days ago, after having fallen quite literally from the sky.”
>Now concern seems to creep into her features. ”Oh dear, I do hope you are alright, Anonymous.”
>There is a beat, before you realize the imposing royal is speaking to you. You snap out of your minor daze.
“Oh, uh, yeah. I'm fine. Twilight used some kind of healing spell on me.”
>She seems relieved to hear this, her expression brightening up considerably. ”For you to be back to the condition you are in so soon, I must assume my student's magical abilities are progressing much quicker than before.”
>”Actually, Princess, it was just a basic Mendas spell. I don't think I'm any more powerful than usual, though something else has definitely affected the potency of the spell I used on him.”
>”Indeed it must have. Perhaps this phenomenon warrants further study...”
>”I understand; I'll look deeper into it over the coming weeks.”
>Whoa wait, hold the phone. Coming weeks? Just how long were they intending to keep you around? This sudden revelation shakes you free from your ongoing indifference to the events of the past two days.
“Uh, hold on a sec. Did you say weeks?”
>Twilight seemed to understand your concern. “Hm.. you're right. Figuring this out could take months, or even years...” On second thought, she understood nothing.
“That is precisely NOT what I was getting at. Look, Princess, This is a nice place and all, and I'm totally ecstatic about the prospect of being a magical guinea pig for the next forever, but if it's all the same to you, I'd like to find my way back home and put some work into researching what types and volumes of liquor I'll need to ingest to forget any of this ever happened.”
>Interestingly enough, your outburst does not draw any ill will from the unusually compassionate figure, only more concern. She seems to take a moment to determine how best to approach answering.
>”That may be something of an issue, I'm afraid. Currently, neither I nor anypony in my court know exactly through what means you arrived in this world, or even where you arrived in it from. As well, in my over one thousand years of reign, this is the first case of extra-universal travel I've seen.”
“Well... can't you just use some kind of magic to send me back? This place has magic doesn't it? From what I've seen there's magic all over the damn place, so how is it none of that is capable of sending me back the way I bloody came?”
>Your tone and volume steadily rise as a feeling of dread begins to set in. Twilight urgently pulls at your pants leg, trying to calm you down. “Anonymous, please! Even magic has it's limits-”
“No the hell it doesn't, it's fucking magic! It's not supposed to have limits, it's supposed to be MAGIC!”
>The growing concern on the two ponies' faces and the distant clattering of metal weaponry from just outside the door bring you to your senses a bit. With a heavy sigh you drop to the floor in a sitting potion, cradling your knees in your arms. The Princess breathes a sigh of relief herself before continuing.
>”I am truly sorry that this fate has befallen you, Anonymous. You can be sure I'll have my top archivists search for any spells that might assist in bringing you home. But due to the unprecedented nature of this situation, I'm afraid I must ask you to prepare for a long stay here in Equestria. Possibly even a permanent one.”


>Much of the train ride back to Ponyville is spent in silence, you staring out the window with your head resting in your hand, and Twilight too concerned by your sudden change in demeanor at the palace to say anything. You couldn't blame her, honestly. Not even you're entirely sure why you reacted the way you did. Just barely over two days ago you were so fed up with your place in life that you wished for nothing more than to be as far away from it as was physically possible. And here you were, many times further away than you could ever have hoped to dream, with the added bonus of potentially never having to look back even once. So why were you so upset by the concept you so desperately wanted being actualized? The multitudes of vibrant forests, fields, and mountains of the distant scenery offered no input.
>After a time, Twilight seemed to have mustered up enough courage to try alleviating your withdrawn state.
>”Anonymous... I'm sorry we couldn't send you back home. But I know the princess very well, she'll figure something out, I'm sure of it. It may take some time, but I wholeheartedly believe you have nothing to worry about. You can trust me on that.”
>You don't entirely believe her words, at first. But after a moment, the sincerity of them hits you. The same sincerity you detected coming from the very ruler of the land you were now stranded in. A kind of sincerity you hadn't seen in a very long time. The thought contributes to the revelation that finally decided to surface in your mind.

“You have a very beautiful world.”