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- >Day “I waited two months for this shit?” in Equestria.
- >You are now Berry Punch.
- >Or, as everyp0ny else called you: Alkie Anon.
- >You never did find out why they called you Anon…or why they even called you Alkie.
- >You say your name at least six times to everyp0ny you meet, and you’ve never even touched alcohol.
- >M: “How far do you think we’ve walked, Alkie?”
- I DON’T KNOW, TWELVE? I’M MOT YOUR PERSHONAL GPSHH YOU TWAT!
- >Guess it was just one of those mysteries of life.
- >Although…Monk did have a point; you’ve been walking for half of the day, and the two of you broke into a sprint after that tree fell.
- >Silence wrapped around you as the two of you walked through the night.
- >M: ”You know Alkie, if this place wasn’t a giant rape dungeon, it would actually be kinda nice.”
- Hm? Oh yeah, right.
- >As you spoke, you looked around and could see that Monk was right:
- >The vast dark blue sky, dotted by stars and broken by trees, flowers thriving in the moonlight near the scattered bushes, the giant metal horn that’s shining like a bit in a goat’s ass, the-
- >”Wait a second…flowers at night?”
- >M: “What the hell is that?” Tinges of fear colored Monk’s voice.
- >You trotted over to the bushes and began examining the fruits on them.
- Monk; We’re in an open-air rape dungeon with a Hunger Gamesh motif, and you’re reallllllllly going to ashk about the gigantic shilver ho-*hic*-rn?
- >Monk looks at the ground and kicks at the pebbles with his hoof.
- >M: “The book says it’s a different color…”Monk mumbles something about books being better under his breath.
- >The berries are small and oval shaped with a bright cherry red skin…
- >A plan begins to form in your head, and I would tell you what it is, but that would ruin it for the readers.
- These might make a nice wine.
- >You say as you gather them up by the hoofful, giggling slightly as they seemingly stick to your hoof of their own accord.
- >Nop0ny knew if it was either magic or roadside gum and poo that allowed things to stick to their hooves, but everyp0ne believes it’s magic.
- >Magic makes everything seem nicer…except for rape dungeons.
- >With the berries gathered safely in your very poofy mane, you turn back to Monk, who started mumbling about iron prices.
- So, what do we do now, Mishter “Issaw the book and read the movie”?
- >M: “Well the-…’saw the book?’”
- …You’re drunk!
- >Monk stares at you for a few seconds; clearly your witty retort went right over his head.
- >Clearly.
- >M: “Okay: we have two options: We can either walk down to the Cornucopia now, or we can wait for Silent Canary to send her genetically augmented rape-wolf clones after us.”
- >”Hmmmm…” you think.
- Hmmmm…
- >M: “ARE YOU REALLY THINKING ABOUT WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE?!”, Monk yells as he lunges in your face.
- >Tiny flames dance behind his pupils.
- I fell asleep near this part of the movie.
- >Steam whistles from his ears as Monk sighs and rubs behind his eyes.
- >M: ”Okay. How about we walk down to the big shiny thing before the mean bad doggies fuck our brains out?”
- Thersh no need to be a dick about it.
- >After pulling yourself off the floor, you and Monk proceed to walk to the Cornucopia, blissfully unaware of the rape-wolves that were NOT racing lustily after you.
- >It’s a shame, really.
- >I had this whole scene planned out too.
- >But Flutterrapist didn’t have room for rape-wolves in her budget.
- >So they got cut.
- >Five minutes later, you and Monk found yourself at the base of the Cornucopia.
- >And you were startled to find…absolutely nothing.
- >Well, nothing aside from the gaudy, seven-meter long horn which towered above the prairie.
- >M: “This is really weird.”
- What? Getting kidnapped into a death-game wasn’t odd enough for*hic* ya’?
- >M: ”It’s not that…it’s just that there should be more of us le-THE FUCK!?”Monk’s voice goes high enough to shrivel even the mightiest of testicles.
- What’s the matter with you?
- >M: “SOMETHING PUSHED MY LEG UP!”
- >Which is what you would have heard, if Monk wasn’t screaming like a dog whistle.
- >S: “MY EARS!” Smudgey howls as he breaches the surface and knocks Monk onto his side.
- OHCELESTIATHERAPEWOLVESAREHERETOFUCKUSRUNMONK!!
- >Just as you turn to flee the rape, a wet, gritty and vaguely p0ny-shaped blob crashes into the right side of your face.
- >And it scurries across your body and latches itself onto your back.
- OHCELESTIATHERAPEWOLFCAUGHTMEFUCKNODONTFUCKMONKHELPME
- >S: “MY EARS ARE BLEEDING”
- >SS: “WHY ARE WE YELLING”
- >M: ”I DON’T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN”
- >wat.
- >Everyone stops yelling and stares at Monk.
- >The scabby Slasher on your back is the first to break the silence.
- >SS: “That’s really inappropriate, Monk.”
- >Wait…you know this voice.
- Slasher?
- >SS: “Alkie?” Slasher responds in kind.
- >S: ”Alkie!”
- Smudgey!
- >SS: “Smudgey!”
- >M: “Slasher!”
- >SS: “Monk!”
- >M: “Alkie!”…
- >The introductions went on for another five hours, until you were super sure that everyone knew everyone else’s name.
- “So,” you growl, your voice a little horse from non-stop talking, “are we all that’s left?”
- >Smudgey takes off Neil’s hat and clutches it to his chest.
- >Slasher gurgles out a mixture between a sigh and a laugh, and then hacks a spongy red mass onto the side of the Cornucopia.
- >Monk breaks the silence with his equilly horse voice.
- >M: “What about the pickle-monster and the giant cat?”
- >FS: “F-for the LAST TIME: THEY PROBABLY S-STROKED EACH OTHER TO DEATH BY N-NOW!”
- >A speaker pushes out of the ground underneath Slasher, and shakes him onto the ground.
- >FS: “Welcome, g-gentlecolts…T-TO THE FINAL EVENT!”
- >Everyone stares at the speaker with nervous, fearful, anticipation.
- >Except for Slasher, whose eyes roll back into his head as thick blood drips from his mouth.
- >”Did he have…no; they don’t cause that.”
- >But something did beat the shit out of him pretty good….bad?
- >Whatever it was, it whooped his ass.
- >FS: “Until now, all of you have been out through a test of will to see how worthy of me you are. An-”
- >M: “We didn’t take a test of will,” Monk gestures at himself and you, “so can we just leave?”
- Yeah, I’d be a terrible match for you.
- >M: “He’s right: Alkie rapes trees.”
- I just can’t help myself near foliage.
- >M: “He likes the feeling of bark as it scrapes across his anus”
- And Monk’s a virgin!
- >FS: “SHUT UP! WHAT IS WITH THE RAPIDFIRE DIALOGUE BETWEEN YOU GUYS?”
- >Normally, you’d have launched some kind of “snappy” comeback by now.
- >But you were busy slap-fighting with Monk over the whole “virgin” comment.
- >Apparently, he has a Caneighdian mare-friend.
- >And they have lots of sex.
- >Out of the corner of your eye, you see the speaker turn to Slasher and Smudgey, and it begins speaking giddily.
- >FS: “It looks like Monk and Alkie have started without you, but I explain the challenge to be fair:”
- >FS: “You will all fight to death, and whoever survives will get loved by me forever.”
- > The speaker retracts into the ground, and a table covered in knives and guns rises up in its place.
- >FS: “Good luck~~!”
- >As you stand over Slasher, knife in hoof, poised for the kill, you can’t help but think back to the berries in your hair.
- >”Maybe now would…when did I get this knife?”
- >You feel your hoof get guided towards his chest.
- >SS: “Just stab right here between the ribs.”
- >You drop the knife as you leap off him, and it strikes point-down near his cheek.
- WHAT THE FUCK SLASHER?
- >Slasher stays on his back, and tears start rolling down his face.
- >SS: “I’ve been beaten, crushed, flew a hundred feet though the air when Disc’s death machine exploded, and lost enough blood to paint a castle.”
- >His voice is crawling out, lacking the strength to project further than a couple feet.
- >Another lump of spongy flesh frees itself from Slasher’s throat in a raspy, hacking birth.
- >SS: “So forgive me if I want to try and finish what the u-”
- Shut up.
- >You pull out some of the berries from your mane and toss them onto Slasher’s chest, each landing with a soft “thunk”.
- >SS: “What the hell are these?”
- >You let out a small chuckle and begin digging out the rest of the berries.
- I had planned on using these to make a wine for Fluttershy if I ended up winning this game.
- >You divvy them out between Smudgey, Monk and yourself.
- Moon Treacle Berries. INSANELY high levels of cyanide.
- >You smile as Slasher quickly swallows the hoofful of poison, and you quickly follow suit
- So gents,
- >Slasher’s body starts twitching as foamy spittle pours past his lips.
- >You can feel your jaw begin to lock up as the poison spreads.
- What do you say we deny her the pleasure of watching us kill for her love?
- >The ground greets you with a heavy embrace.
- >Before your mind clocks out for its final shift, you can hear the sound of chewing and swallowing.
- Epilogue one
- >Underneath the Field, a twice dead p0ny ran through the main tunnel to Fluttershy’s Control Booth.
- >You are now that pony.
- >And that pony is not a pony.
- >But more on that later.
- >What matters now is that you are Raritan.
- >And you were approaching the Magical barrier.
- Dammit. I’m running out of time.
- >In order to make sure no one stumble onto the Field, you had Twilight help you carve out a section of land and transport it into a dimension which co-existed with the Equestrian plane.
- >But the land happens to be part of a Buffalo graveyard, and they probably wouldn’t be too happy if they found out their ancestors had been defiled…
- >Or that the whole graveyard was missing for the two days they were gone.
- >But that wasn’t what was worrying you.
- >Stopping in front of the barrier, you lift your wing and press the button strapped underneath.
- >Any angry spirits watching would notice a snow white Pegasus slowly dissolving from view, and the ripple of a magic wall being penetrated.
- >If there were such a thing as spirits.
- >Silly Buffalo with their outdated beliefs.
- >Back in Equestria, the doors to her chamber stood in front of you.
- I hope she hasn’t left yet
- >You mumble to yourself, before pressing the button underneath your wing.
- >You grimace as your bones and skin stretch and deform to fit your new body.
- >You are now Neil Peart.
- >Bet you though he died, huh?
- >Nope!
- >You push open the doors to find Flutters getting up from her seat.
- >She turns toward the sound of the creaking hinges, and a big grin appears when she sees you.
- Did you have fun?
- >FS: “OHMYGOSHNEILITWASSOMUCHFUN! This was one of the BEST LARPG’s I’ve ever played.”
- >She’s hopping around now, excitement practically oozing out of her.
- >”Remember what this was all for. Ask her now!”
- >Oh yeah!
- >Gathering up your courage and shaking away you nervousness, you begin to speak.
- So, Fluttershy?
- >FS: ”Yes Neil?”
- Is being the dungeon master of a tsundere “love me or die” RPG your fetish?
- >Yellow Quiet bursts out in loud peals of laughter.
- >FS: ”Nope! But thanks anyway Neil. This was the most fun I’ve had in long t-time.”
- >She flitters out of the door that leads to Ponyville, giggling to herself.
- >You stand there in the silence of rejection for a brief period.
- >Well shit.
- >”Well shit.”
- Damnit.
- >A defeated moan escapes your lips as you lift your wing once more and grimace in anticipation of the pain.
- >A small shock travels from the button to your body, prepping your cells to take on a new form.
- >Your wings retract into your back, and their bones migrate around your thrashing form.
- >Your hooves fracture into segments as layers of muscle and skin grow over them, and your arms and legs stretch and compress to accommodate your new posture.
- >You stand up shakily as your tail shrinks and your fur turns thin and colorless.
- >You grasp the desk for balance, grateful for the use of the hands you were born with.
- >You are now Anon.
- >Looking out of the window, you can see the corpses casting shadows on the Cornucopia.
- How am I going to clean this up?
- >You pace around the room, stroking your beard in deep thought.
- Well…Twilight did say she wanted to experiment with Neighcromancy. And it would let me try a new fetish!
- >Giggling like a schoolgirl, you skip towards Ponyville to get your autographed copy of the Necronomicon, definitely certain that the upcoming zombie apocalypse will end with you
- >Fucking Fluttershy
- Epilogue two
- >Off towards the edges of the graveyard, having finally returned home to the Equestrian Plane, the starting room lay quiet.
- >The walls had lowered back into place after the tributes tried to flee from Anon’s elaborate fetish guessing attempt.
- >A guess that ended in a very long cold shower.
- >Come to think of it, the walls never closed completely.
- >A large rock was placed in the way of one of the panels, leaving a gap that was just large enough to squeeze through with a bit of effort.
- >A light draft carried air out of the room, and anyone standing by in the way of the breeze would notice…a very particular aroma.
- >It’s a musky smell, with hints of sweat, shame, dander and brine.
- >A paw reaches out from inside the building, spotted with bite marks and covered by a thin layer of fur.
- >A green, bumpy figure quickly follows after the arm, and then he turns back to reach under the gap.
- >”Easy!” He cries as claws dig into his wrist, drawing green ichor in their search for a firm grip.
- >He pulls out his companion, who is drenched in a fluid that smells strongly of vinegar.
- >They stared silently into the afternoon sky for a few moments before the picklewolf broke the silence.
- >J: “So…my place on Tuesday?”
- The large cat smiles at this.
- >P: “I’ll bring the handcuffs.” He said before drawing in his lover for a long, deep kiss.
- >Picklehead and Jchallo, the cat and the picklewolf, broke the kiss to exchange a single look before beginning the long, bowl-legged walk home.
- >It was a look that said:
- >”Best. Aduction. Ever.”
- (And with that, The Not The Hunger Games came to a close: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY)
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