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I (29m) have a confusing relationship with my roommate (30f)

Apr 19th, 2020
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  1. hi, r/relationships. longtime lurker, first time poster. i'll get right to the point. just about a year ago I got an apartment with a friend of several friends of mine. let's call her P. we'd met at a few points previously, but didn't ever really get to know each other. before we decided to move in together, we had a few hangouts, and really hit it off. we have a lot of shared interests and similar life experiences, and we're both very driven, career focused people.
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  4. one thing we discussed beforehand was relationships - i was coming out of a rough breakup, and P's never been in a "serious" relationship. at the time we got to know each other, she was exclusively dating women, and i wasn't actively looking to meet anyone new. after a couple of months of living together, our friends were teasing us about how much we did together (shopping, going to shows or clubs, etc) or how often we talked about each other, but we'd both laugh it off and do the "yeah, haha, they really don't get us" thing.
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  7. over time we started telling each other more about ourselves. eventually, after a few months, P explained that while she prefers women, she just likes "interesting people", and that she thinks that's why her relationships tend to not last long. she gets bored. i made a joke about how she would eventually stop finding me interesting, too, and she laughed and said something like "don't worry, you're never boring". around the same time, i started spending some time with an ex, which P disapproved of - "you should be happy and she makes you unhappy", etc.
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  10. i didn't really think anything of that until around the end of 2019. one night we ended up pulling an all-nighter and both had a lot to drink, and it ended up getting a little touchy-feely. nothing sexual happened, but we got very cuddly, which we'd never done before. the next day P apologized and basically said she acted foolishly because she'd drank too much, and that she didn't want to make things weird, but within a couple of weeks the same thing happened again after a party. we ended up having a heart to heart and talking about the situation, and she said again that she didn't want to mess up our relationship or our living situation. we talked things out and i eventually asked her, point blank, if she'd feel differently if we didn't live together, and she said yes. i'll admit i didn't really know what to say to that, but i agreed with her that we have a good thing going with our place and anything romantic would be risky.
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  13. after that we agreed we were spending too much time together, and that things were getting strange. we stopped going out together, which was something we'd been doing pretty regularly, and she started dating again here and there, while i spent a lot more time with my friends. we weren't hostile or anything towards each other, just more distant than we had been.
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  16. of course, then the coronavirus quarantines came, and we've been together pretty much every day. recently, she told me, out of the blue, how happy she was that we're together during this thing, instead of being "stuck with people we don't like", and that led to talking about our relationship in general. we didn't get specifically into anything that happened previously, although she did admit she had been trying to get some space from me over the last few months. we talked about how much we'd both enjoyed spending time with each other again, and i made a comment about how, since we get along so well, i wish we'd got to know each other when we'd met previously, and she just said "well, you were with your ex then", and then changed the subject. recently, she's been talking about moving to a new city in the next couple of years, and has suggested that i should come with, which i laughed off as a joke but she apparently meant sincerely.
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  19. P is a really great person, and i'm so glad we've become close friends, but i'm genuinely confused as to what (if anything) is going on. i don't want to read too much into anything she's said or done, but it feels like there's more going on here than either of us want to say. i'd just ask her directly, but i don't want to make things tense, especially given the fact we can't really get away from each other right now. am i misinterpreting this stuff? is not saying anything the right call? should i just wait and see what happens?
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  22. TLDR - roommate seems to be interested in a closer relationship, but is afraid of disrupting our living situation and friendship. maybe. should i ask her about it?
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