discworld mud mock generator, randomgen code

$name : Discworld Mud Mock Generator
$author : Janeka
$description : Generates a scathing mockery.
$amount : 1
$button : Mock!

$hags
[|our |Old ][hags2]
your [own|dear|own dear] grandmother {15%}

$hags2
Wicked Kikimora
Biddy Jaceth
Mother Quotid
Nasty Nefret
Janeka Summers
Granny Weatherwax
Gennie Applebottom
Aunty Ogg-San
Gammer Nudity
Nanny Ogg
Agnes Nitt
Hilta Goatfounder
Mama Diksha
Millie Hopgood
Ethel Applebaum
Annie Spindlewit
Mum Blithesome
Wee Flaudia
Kebbles
Kiki

$action
abjuring {infl:abjure}
brewing {infl:brew}
casting {infl:cast}
chanting {infl:chant}
dancing {infl:dance}
enchanting {infl:enchant}
channeling {infl:enchant}
evoking {infl:evoke}
fueling {infl:fuel}
circling {infl:circle}
mocking {infl:mock}
scribing {infl:scribe}
squinting {infl:squint}
bashing {infl:bash}
bludgeoning {infl:bludgeon}
striking {infl:strike}
dodging {infl:dodge}
parrying {infl:parry}
slashing {infl:slash}
stabbing {infl:stab}
throwing {infl:throw}
godbothering {infl:godbother}
performing {infl:perform}
praying {infl:pray}
backstabbing {infl:backstab}
concealing {infl:conceal}
cracking {infl:crack}
hiding {infl:hide}
lockpicking {infl:lockpick}
palming {infl:palm}
probing {infl:probe}
slipping {infl:slip}
sneaking {infl:sneak}
stealing {infl:steal}
playing {infl:play}
serenading {infl:serenade}
sewing {infl:sew}
judging {infl:judge}
vurdering {infl:vurdere}
watching {infl:watch}
dying {infl:die}
idling {infl:idle}
surviving {infl:survive}

$ramtops
Brass Neck
Mad Stoat
Slice
Creel Springs
Mad Wolf
Ohulan-Cutash
Razorback
Listener's Valley
Lancre Town

$shitty
a blind [cockroach|frog] without [arms|legs]
Noobie
a [dirty|misdarned] sock
Bessie the cow

$terrible
[badadv,x1-3][badadj][| and [badadv,x1-3][badadj]]

$badadj
awful
terrible
abysmal

$badadv
completely,
unredeemably,
ridiculously,
horribly,
incredibly,
intriguingly,

$interjection
Anyway
Now that I think of it
You know
Now
Why
My goodness
Oh
Well
I'm sorry
Really
You daft bugger
Lawks

$subclause
[interjection], [longsubclause]
[shortsubclause] [Longsubclause]
[Longsubclause]

$shortsubclause
what were you thinking?
I'll [give you a good [#mtarg]|[#mtarg,as infl] you] upside the head, I will.
you might as well go back home to [ramtops].
what would [hags] say?
you really believe that's [#mtarg]?
what kind of [#mtarg] do you call that?
you should be ashamed.

$longsubclause
I've seen better [#mtarg] from [[hags], and she was [asleep|dead|just a wee bairn|falling off the cliffs of [ramtops]|being stabbed repeatedly|underwater|in diapers|actively trying to fail|dead drunk on a pint of scumble|burdened at [7-14]0%|living on a prayer|in a yellow submarine]|[shitty]][|, you [terrible] person]!
that reminds of the time when I saw [hags] in [ramtops] and she [was just [#mtarg] away, [why, you should have seen it!|that woman could [#mtarg,as infl]]!|said to me, 'You call that [#mtarg]? [subclause]']
[that [[#mtarg]|abomination] is|you are] just [terrible]! There's no other way to put it[|, except possibly [terrible]|, and [hags] would agree]. {50%}
[am I hurting your feelings|are your feelings hurt], dearie? [Well, they'd better be!|Not as hurt as [hags] would be if she saw your [terrible] attempt [at [#mtarg]|to [#mtarg,as infl]].|[interjection], I tried that in front of [hags] once and she [glared a hole in my torso, you could see right through! Was I hurt then.|said to me, 'You call that [#mtarg]? [subclause]']]
I'm surprised you've got the [gumption|courage|mettle] to show your [face|[#mtarg]] in public.
if you keep this up, you'll be [contracted|lynched] by the [Assassins' Guild for your criminal lack of style|Butcher's Guild for butchering the [noble|age-old|grand] art of [#mtarg]|Unseen University for encroaching on their exclusive [right to|monopoly on] sheer [foolishness|stupidity]|the Hublandish Barbarians for making them look civilised|the Coffee Nostra, for murdering their consigliere|Sek the Seven-Handed, for being more terrible than he is, but in a bad way]!
that looks more like [breakdancing|passionate sex|[action]|falling over after tripping on a cat] than [#mtarg]. {50%}
you're more of a danger to yourself than anything else, with that kind of [#mtarg]. {50%}
if the [asbadas,#aba] as you are at [#mtarg], [my word |my goodness |][#aba,as consequence].
I hope you're better at [[action]|something] than you are at [#mtarg], you disappointment. {50%}

$asbadas
Patrician were as bad at ruling the city {consequence:Ankh-Morpork would be a smoking hole in the ground}
Balancing Monks were as bad at keeping the Disc balanced {consequence:magic would be downgraped again}
The Venerable Council of Seers were as bad at seeing {consequence:they'd all go blind}
Zoon Liars were as bad at lying {consequence:they'd practically be standing up}
City Watch were as bad at keeping the peace {consequence:the peace would be in pieces}
dwarves were as bad at mining {consequence:all their gold would be mine}
Guild of Butchers were as bad at butchery {consequence:they'd be dead meat}
Guild of Teachers were as bad at teaching {consequence:they'd be history}
bees were as bad at collecting honey {consequence:they wouldn't bee here today}

$detour
[[Detour2]|[interjection], [detour2]]

$detour2
back in my day, [myday]
that reminds me of back when [myday]
people these days. You know, it used to be that [myday]

$myday
[people|witches|kids|all y'all] were more [respectful|competent|serious|hardcore], they were! We wouldn't stand for this kind of [thing|[#mtarg]] back in [the war|the old country|the war in the old country].
we didn't have these newfangled broomsticks, we had to [will|lift|float] ourselves into the sky by sheer [force of will|bloody-mindedness|upper body strength|adventuring.acrobatics.vaulting].
we didn't have these newfangled [swords|maces|nanomachines, son], you know, we had to [beat in heads with our bare fists. And they weren't as nice as the fists you get these days, either, [they were made of [wood|cardboard|old cheese|mere flesh and bone]|we couldn't afford new fists for everyone so [they were practic'ly family heirlooms|we had to time-share them with the neighbours]]|throw honey at our enemies and hope bees would sting them].
we didn't have [the ground|democracy|the sun|the Disc|mountains|witching|gravity|magic] yet, so I got up and I walked uphill both ways through the snow and created it with [my own bare hands|nothing but a [length of copper tubing|fresh onion|ceremonial bronze knife|lit candle|dozen apples] and a [good run-up|couple of friends|powerful attack|inspiring speech|few hundred gp]]. [People|Witches|Kids|All y'all] these days are too soft, I tell you.
[you weren't good at [#mtarg] until you could [#mtarg,as infl]|we used to [#mtarg,as infl]|[children were|[hag] was] [#mtarg]|it wasn't real [#mtarg] until you were [#mtarg]] [against the might of a raging ocean|under a thundering mountain waterfall|with your bare hands|lightning itself|sunlight|the east wind|the darkness that lies within our hearts|with the lives of everyone you love on the line].
we had these [weird|old|ugly|annoying] hags around, and they'd [harangue|be sarcastic at|mock] you over the [slightest|tiniest|smallest] [mistake|thing] and [natter on|talk|reminisce] about the good old days all the time. [Why, you don't know how easy you have it.|Thank goodness they're all dead now.|Things are so much better without them, and good riddance.]

$conclusion
[Now go|Go] away and try harder[|, or I'll mock you again].
[Now put|Put] some [effort|spirit] into it[|, or I'll mock you again].
[Now hop|Hop] to it[|, or I'll mock you again].
Hah!
And tell all your friends!
[interjection]!

$dikedm
You call that [action,#mtarg], Unlucky Charlie? [Shortsubclause] [Subclause] [Subclause] [Subclause] [detour] [[Hags], [hags], and [hags]|[Hags] and [hags]] [would be ashamed of you|are [watching|pointing at you] from far away, [mockingly|laughing about your [terrible] skills]]. [conclusion]

$main
alias m.[action,#mtarg] in "randommocks" mock $arg:group$ [#mtarg] by saying [Shortsubclause] [Subclause] [Subclause] [Subclause] [detour] [[Hags], [hags], and [hags]|[Hags] and [hags]] [would be ashamed of you|are watching from far away, mockingly|are pointing at you from far away, laughing about your [terrible] skills]. [conclusion]