TIFU by having a sexual dream about Voldemort

This happened last night/early this morning.

So before we get to the hook, let me start by saying: my girlfriend and I have recently completed a full start to finish Harry Potter marathon, AND during the lockdown I’ve been having some really weird ass dreams.

So regarding the Harry Potter marathon, I was a big fan of the books as a kid but had never really got in to the films. I’d seen the first two but never really bothered after that. When we finished the marathon, we were both in agreement that Voldemort isn’t the impressive mastermind villain that I remembered from my childhood. If anything he came off as quite comical... constantly getting beaten by teenagers, super over-exaggerated wand movements, some down right hilarious facial expressions... and when he hugged Malfoy in the last film it was game over. All fear factor withered! This was not the terrifying dude I remembered reading about.

 ...That is, until last night.

I was tied to a wooden board with my arms and legs stretched out and bolted down, like someone was going to use me as a target. Voldemort entered the room in a dark robe, and slowly walked towards me. His robe dropped to the floor and he was wearing nothing but a snakeskin thong. He started licking from my chest upwards running his long slimy tongue up my chin, across my face and finishing on my forehead. I woke up screaming like a little girl, by the time my eyes focused my hand was bouncing off the side of my girlfriends head. I had just punched my girlfriend in the side of the head. She was not happy.

I spared her the details until the morning, luckily she was not hurt only startled, and knows I’m prone to sleep walking. Once she heard the full story she decided I can make it up to her by posting the full details of my sexual-Voldemort-dream online for internet strangers. (And I have to describe it as a ‘sexual dream’ not a ‘terrifying nightmare’).

Tldr: watched my favourite childhood stories during lock down, had a sexual dream about Voldemort, woke up and punched my girlfriend in the head.

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