TIFU by burning my ringhole out!

So it's been half an hour now and I am beginning to come to terms with it but "MY GOD" what a rude awakening.

After a long week's training at work, I decided to have a few beers last night and maybe one too many has left me in a rather undesirable state in regards to bowel movements and consistency. Well perhaps not consistency, but more so viscosity, and I am certain everyone knows that this can be uncomfortable at the best of times. Needless to say, it already felt red raw as it was.

Nevertheless I needed to visit the throne once again, last nights regrets churning in the depths of my stomach, screaming to make it down to its future watery grave. So much so that it happened in an almost explosive fashion. Clearly, this would take some polish to rectify my rectum, hence my impending fuck up.

As I stand up from the lavatory, pants still around my ankles, I shimmy my way to the vanity cupboard and pull out a packet of moisturising baby wipes and proceed to buff up my bunghole with the soothing, cool & moist towelette.

Suddenly, as all the fire and brimstone of hell itself makes its way into every crevice of my all too exposed anal sphincter, I come to the realisation that I had not picked up the packet of soothing moist towelettes I so solemnly sought, but mistook a pack of industrial hard surface alcohol wipes instead!

Now, almost instantly, I am left in agonising pain as the alcohol really starts to sink in, not disappearing anywhere near as quickly as I had hoped. Flailing around like a cartoon character with their ass on fire, squealing in pain, pants shackling my ankles and a bunch of shitty alcohol wipes on the bench, my Fiance walks in and sees me in all my glory in perhaps one of my finest hours so far. The only positive out of this situation is the smile on her face followed by her uncontrollable laughter as she realised the stupid mistake I had just made. I really am lucky she loves me!

TL:DR - I wiped my ass with high percentage alcohol wipes instead of baby wipes causing a terrible burning sensation on my already tender butt hole.

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