Unbelievable!!!!! (2020) EN

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1
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(film reel ticking)

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(air whooshing)

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(upbeat music)

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- In the spring of 1956, Archangel Films,

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00:00:24,370 --> 00:00:28,520
a landmark studio located
in Culver City, California,

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produced a science fiction
movie of such immense scope,

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it was said it would eclipse anything

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yet seen on the silver screen.

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Mr. Archibald Angel,
Chairman of the studio held

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a private screening of this film

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for a select group of shareholders.

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Reportedly, the movie earned its title

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when the VIP's screamed
out, "Unbelievable,"

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on several occasions
during the first reel.

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It was then that Mr. Angel allegedly

16
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went berserk trying to
set fire to the film.

17
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:05,260
In the early morning
hours of April 13th, 1956,

18
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the entire studio burned
to the ground and those

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00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:13,310
who had seen the movie tragically
perished in the flames.

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00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:18,117
Incredibly, one of the only items

21
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to survive the fire was the film itself.

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Inside one of the metal canisters

23
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was a note Mr. Angel wrote to his wife,

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making her promise not to show anyone

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the movie until quote,

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"It decomposes into a
mass of gelatinous goo."

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After she recently passed away,

28
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film preservationists were astounded

29
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to discover this cinematic treasure

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at a garage sale in Bel Air.

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Purchased for the sum of $3,

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it has been restored
to its original luster

33
00:01:58,950 --> 00:02:02,936
and it's now ready to be
presented to the world.

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00:02:02,936 --> 00:02:05,769
(dramatic music)

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00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,890
Produced before computerized
special effects,

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00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:14,860
and bloated production budgets,

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it is a true reflection of
Hollywood during its Golden Age.

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You will be among the
first to see this movie.

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Lost for more than 50 years,

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it is my distinct pleasure to present

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the world premier of, "Unbelievable!!!!!"

42
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("Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy")

43
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- If you stare at it
for another five hours,

44
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,753
I'm sure they'll call.

45
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The studio's not interested.

46
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- How could they treat us
like this after all we did?

47
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,800
- We don't appeal to their demographic.

48
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Live long and prosper my ass.

49
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(all laughing)

50
00:03:10,692 --> 00:03:12,890
- I say let's wake this town up.

51
00:03:12,890 --> 00:03:14,610
- How do you plan to do that?

52
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:16,690
- With this.

53
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- A lousy script?

54
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- What's it about?

55
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,803
- It's like "Airplane!" only funnier,

56
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:24,240
or "Spaceballs" but ballsier.

57
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- But who's gonna produce it?

58
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Us?
- Come on.

59
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We know a lot of people.

60
00:03:30,890 --> 00:03:35,410
- Most everyone I know is
either here or at Forest Lawn.

61
00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:36,390
(hand thuds)

62
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- I'll tell you who we need.

63
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We need Kirk.

64
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- Kirk, are you kidding?

65
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Is he still alive?

66
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- Better than alive.

67
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He's immortal.

68
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- What the hell?

69
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Don't tell me he sold his
soul to the Weinstein's?

70
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- Nope, rumor has it he went

71
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to the best plastic surgeon in town.

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He's been vacuu-formed.

73
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- Get him on the phone.

74
00:03:56,749 --> 00:04:01,749
(upbeat music)
(phone ringing)

75
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,390
- Yeah, this is Kirk.

76
00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:11,223
Who's this?

77
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:13,233
Oh, yes.

78
00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:15,253
Always glad to hear
from the little people.

79
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,450
What's that?

80
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:19,423
You want me to do your film?

81
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,043
Well, my normal day rate's six figures.

82
00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:25,697
Scale (laughs)?

83
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- No.

84
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- No.

85
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- Listen, when they find a
cure for Alzheimer's, call me.

86
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,828
- Daddy, we want a role.

87
00:04:32,828 --> 00:04:34,260
- Yes.
- Please.

88
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:35,353
- Yeah?
- Oh, I want a role.

89
00:04:35,353 --> 00:04:37,157
- Okay, If you want me,
- Please.

90
00:04:37,157 --> 00:04:40,208
you have to give all my
girls roles in the film.

91
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- Oh, yay!

92
00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:42,417
(girls exclaiming)

93
00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,260
- And my pony gets some face time, too.

94
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:46,900
You know how I love horses (chuckles).

95
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:47,733
Okay.

96
00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:48,836
Okay, we got a deal.

97
00:04:48,836 --> 00:04:50,836
Good, good.
- Thank you!

98
00:04:55,443 --> 00:05:00,443
(dramatic music)
(dog whining)

99
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(air hissing)

100
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(engine stalling)

101
00:06:30,818 --> 00:06:35,818
(engine rumbling)
(dramatic music)

102
00:07:06,014 --> 00:07:09,220
(door whirring)

103
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,970
(elevator dings)

104
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- [Announcer] Two games left.

105
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(ball bouncing)
(Jack grunting)

106
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(audience applauding)

107
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,360
- Do you have to strut around like that?

108
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- I've been stranded here

109
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for six months with no hairdresser,

110
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no manicures, no masseuse.

111
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:38,760
The least I can do is
keep my tan from fading.

112
00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:41,589
- Well, I'm not sure my
fiance would approve.

113
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- (scoffs) Please.

114
00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:45,860
You're as bad as that
fruity husband of mine.

115
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The only time I get a rise out of you

116
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is when you want a beer.

117
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- Well, I could use a
cold one right about now.

118
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- Dream on, Jack.

119
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I drank the last of it three weeks ago.

120
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(doorbell rings)

121
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Are you expecting someone?

122
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- Must be a Jehovah's Witness.

123
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Tell 'em to hit the road.

124
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(Cheryl gasps)

125
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:12,454
(dramatic music)
(Cheryl panting)

126
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,070
What's with you?

127
00:08:18,070 --> 00:08:19,910
- It was...

128
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:20,820
I saw a...

129
00:08:22,112 --> 00:08:22,945
It looked like a bush!

130
00:08:25,496 --> 00:08:26,329
(Cheryl gasps)

131
00:08:26,329 --> 00:08:29,364
- Well, get a bikini wax.

132
00:08:29,364 --> 00:08:32,160
- No, it's scraggly and green.

133
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:35,543
- Well, that's a little more
information than I need.

134
00:08:35,543 --> 00:08:36,800
And your personal problems should

135
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,943
be shared between you and your husband.

136
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You hear me?

137
00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:43,882
Cheryl?

138
00:08:43,882 --> 00:08:47,108
(leaves rustling)
(electricity whizzing)

139
00:08:47,108 --> 00:08:47,941
Cheryl?

140
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,153
Oh my God!

141
00:08:51,153 --> 00:08:53,810
It's all over her body.

142
00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:56,876
She must've caught some
extraterrestrial STD.

143
00:08:56,876 --> 00:08:59,550
(dramatic music)

144
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Oh, holy herpes!

145
00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:02,204
I've got it, too.

146
00:09:02,204 --> 00:09:04,897
Why in the hell did I wash
her panties with mine?

147
00:09:04,897 --> 00:09:06,414
Oh no!

148
00:09:06,414 --> 00:09:08,283
It's spreading!

149
00:09:08,283 --> 00:09:09,116
Oh!

150
00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:12,223
- Hi, Miss Hastings?

151
00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:14,563
- Yeah?

152
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:19,690
- I'm Private Durwood, radio operator 171,

153
00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:21,143
reporting for A.S.S duty.

154
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,530
- Contact Lunar Base.

155
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:25,363
- Yes, Ma'am.

156
00:09:28,663 --> 00:09:30,250
(electricity whirring)

157
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:34,810
Lunar Base, this is
Mission Control in Houston.

158
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:36,550
Do you read Lunar Base?

159
00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:37,980
Do you read me Lunar Base?

160
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:39,680
Do you read?

161
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,550
Over.

162
00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:42,008
- They still can't read?

163
00:09:42,008 --> 00:09:44,690
- Yeah, why can't we train
them to be more polite?

164
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:45,773
- What do you think?

165
00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:48,810
- I guess I don't think.

166
00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:51,147
- And that's why we hired you, Dillwood.

167
00:09:52,145 --> 00:09:53,260
- It's Durwood.

168
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,133
- Yeah, whatever.

169
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:57,183
- Okay.

170
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:00,383
Sorry.

171
00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:01,493
Should I just keep contacting them?

172
00:10:01,493 --> 00:10:04,810
- [Miss Hastings] Just keep
contacting the Lunar Base.

173
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:05,643
Oh!

174
00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:08,867
- It's my first day (scoffs).

175
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:12,480
- Aunt Jemima (sighs).

176
00:10:15,774 --> 00:10:19,227
Oh, smiley face emoticon.

177
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,597
Mrs. Butterworth (moans)!

178
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:23,690
- Tatty Tayle here, reporting

179
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:26,360
from Captain Kirk Stillwood's ready room.

180
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,170
It's been quiet here
for the past few hours.

181
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,672
The Space Agency's always
been open with the press,

182
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:35,750
but with this launch, A.S.S.
has become incredibly tight.

183
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,610
- Hey, put a sock in it.

184
00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:39,790
Some of us are trying to sleep.

185
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:40,720
- Sorry.

186
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,113
Let's see what happens next.

187
00:10:42,113 --> 00:10:44,613
(eerie music)

188
00:10:46,653 --> 00:10:49,060
- Amber, where did you come from?

189
00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:50,293
- Well, I came from the launch site

190
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:51,720
if that's what you're asking.

191
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:52,630
- Hello?

192
00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:53,900
Aren't you forgetting to mention

193
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,832
the 800 pound doughnut in the room?

194
00:10:55,832 --> 00:10:56,665
- [The Gardener of Frickin'
Forever] Whoa, whoa,

195
00:10:56,665 --> 00:10:57,850
whoa, whoa, whoa, pally, okay?

196
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:58,950
I'm not a doughnut.

197
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,940
I am The Gardener of Frickin' Forever.

198
00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:03,930
- You jacked that thing like 50 years ago.

199
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,130
- Oh, stealing an artifact
from another world

200
00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:07,840
is against the prime derivative.

201
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,400
I'd rather hollow out my
eyes with a rusty corkscrew

202
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,510
than violate that sacred law.

203
00:11:12,510 --> 00:11:13,710
- [The Gardener of Frickin'
Forever] This putz,

204
00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:16,360
this narcissistic putz!

205
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,530
It'll take him frickin' forever

206
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:20,850
to admit he's a full on kleptomaniac.

207
00:11:20,850 --> 00:11:22,470
- Where did you get those cribbles?

208
00:11:22,470 --> 00:11:23,970
- Oh, that's Nay Nay
- I'm Nay Nay.

209
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:25,760
- and that's Tay Tay,

210
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:26,850
space groupies.
- I'm Tay Tay.

211
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:27,733
They mean nothing to me.

212
00:11:27,733 --> 00:11:29,153
(Tay Tay chittering)
(Nay Nay chittering)

213
00:11:29,153 --> 00:11:30,780
Hey, you two shut it.

214
00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:31,910
- Boy!
- Stop makin' a scene.

215
00:11:31,910 --> 00:11:34,100
Quiet!
- Boogie my block.

216
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:35,320
- We're ready for launch.

217
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,265
Just, please try to make everything look

218
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,800
as routine as possible, okay?

219
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,820
- You must think I'm one
hell of an actor, huh?

220
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:45,580
- In your wettest of dreams, Kirk.

221
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,450
You know, if something
goes wrong up there,

222
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:50,140
this'll be the end of the program.

223
00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:52,480
- Well, I thought we
had 80 more minutes...

224
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,600
Oh, that program.

225
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,433
Oh.

226
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:56,600
- Before you leave, somebody
wants to debrief you.

227
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,730
- Oh Amber, I've told you
1,000 times, I'm straight.

228
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:01,833
Why won't anyone believe me?

229
00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:06,350
So, I like sweaty puppets on steroids.

230
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,489
Does that make me weird?

231
00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:10,187
- You can come in now.

232
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:11,020
- [The Gardener of
Frickin' Forever] I can be

233
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:13,580
a gateway to your own past.

234
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:17,070
All you gotta do is say the
word and I'll be your gateway.

235
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,720
Now, many such journeys are possible.

236
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:22,070
Just enter and allow me to show you

237
00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,893
The Gardener of Frickin'
Forever, to show you--

238
00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:25,525
(horn tooting)

239
00:12:25,525 --> 00:12:26,556
Damn it!

240
00:12:26,556 --> 00:12:28,739
I didn't have time to finish the shpeel.

241
00:12:28,739 --> 00:12:30,790
- To all inferior creatures,

242
00:12:30,790 --> 00:12:32,568
I bring great tidings of joy.

243
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:36,930
His Holiest of Holies will
be amongst you in seconds.

244
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,130
- This is interesting.

245
00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:40,587
Maybe we can get some
real news for a change.

246
00:12:40,587 --> 00:12:45,587
(alarm wailing)
(pensive music)

247
00:12:46,485 --> 00:12:51,485
(hip hop music)
(air whooshing)

248
00:13:21,653 --> 00:13:24,932
(Major Bushe laughs)

249
00:13:24,932 --> 00:13:26,482
- Greetings.

250
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:27,990
Shizzle my nizzle.

251
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:30,900
Before you stands the most righteous,

252
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:34,933
the most spectacular Major LeGrande Bushe,

253
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:40,903
here for you to obey, honor,

254
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:45,903
bow down, to kneel before,
you lame ass humans.

255
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,140
You may proceed.

256
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:50,668
- [Nay Nay] Oh, Tay Tay.

257
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:53,263
- [Tay Tay] LeGrande Bushe!

258
00:13:53,263 --> 00:13:55,130
Oh (laughs)!
- Well, hello ladies.

259
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:58,078
Climb onboard the good ship, Bushe,

260
00:13:58,078 --> 00:13:59,499
for a ride like
- Oh, Nay Nay!

261
00:13:59,499 --> 00:14:00,332
- you've never known.

262
00:14:00,332 --> 00:14:01,470
(Tay Tay laughs)

263
00:14:01,470 --> 00:14:03,820
- Hey, find your own women, pal.

264
00:14:03,820 --> 00:14:05,310
- So you're Tay Tay,
(Tay Tay babbling)

265
00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:06,730
and you're Nay Nay,
(Nay Nay babbling)

266
00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:09,003
or are you Nay Nay and you Tay Tay?

267
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:15,050
Gets a bit confused since
you're so luscious, both of you.

268
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,610
- You'll be sorry.

269
00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:17,850
- Why is that my man?

270
00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:19,430
- 'Cause their sister for Va-Jay Jay

271
00:14:19,430 --> 00:14:21,169
was the only one born female.

272
00:14:21,169 --> 00:14:23,752
(eerie music)

273
00:14:24,801 --> 00:14:26,213
- Oh, now who?

274
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,173
- That would be my most
awesome military aid.

275
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:35,435
I present, Captain Buttock Snortz.

276
00:14:35,435 --> 00:14:37,935
(eerie music)

277
00:14:54,974 --> 00:14:56,102
- [Captain Snortz] I am Buttock,

278
00:14:56,102 --> 00:14:58,720
Captain of the spaceship, Facetious,

279
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,440
from the First Federation
of the second nation,

280
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,500
to the third conglomeration.

281
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,600
You are obviously primitive creatures

282
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,560
who have no reason to live.

283
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,247
Yet, the great and powerful Bushe

284
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:11,580
has graced you with his presence.

285
00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:12,980
Honor this opportunity

286
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:16,590
or you shall certainly perish
in everlasting torment.

287
00:15:16,590 --> 00:15:17,827
- I never forget a face.

288
00:15:17,827 --> 00:15:21,070
Didn't you destroy the
Star Ship Constipation?

289
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:22,007
- [Buttock] Silence!

290
00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:24,840
(Buttock sneezes)

291
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,240
- Whoa.

292
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,620
Excuse you.

293
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,010
- [Buttock] Refrain from speaking

294
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:33,130
when the great and powerful
Bushe is addressing you.

295
00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:35,440
- Thank you, Captain Snortz.

296
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,540
Yo Pups, the Lunar Base has been

297
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,682
on the down low for the past two weeks.

298
00:15:39,682 --> 00:15:43,120
Nobody knows squat about
our homies up there.

299
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,310
We don't know why they took a powder,

300
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:47,530
but this Star Trekker voice,

301
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:51,010
it's gotta look completely routine.

302
00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:53,270
- There's nothing routine
about our routine--

303
00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:54,789
- [Buttock] Shut your hole.

304
00:15:54,789 --> 00:15:55,622
(Buttock sneezes)

305
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,455
- [Tay Tay] Oh hell no (chittering)!

306
00:15:57,512 --> 00:16:01,050
- Can I get a PA to
bring me a towel please?

307
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:02,590
- Is that really necessary?

308
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:03,980
- Oh!
- Nasty.

309
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:06,570
- [Kirk] Just who do you think you are?

310
00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:09,240
- Well, lil homie, I'm really an alien

311
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,813
here to take over the world.

312
00:16:11,813 --> 00:16:16,530
- So, how did you get here
on our planet, the Earth?

313
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:21,070
- Well, we arrived in a 5,000
mile long mothership fool.

314
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:23,177
It's double parked on
the backside of the Moon.

315
00:16:23,177 --> 00:16:24,340
(Kirk chuckles)

316
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:26,120
- That's very funny, Major.

317
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,210
If this alien thing
doesn't work out for you,

318
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:30,650
you've always got a future in stand-up.

319
00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:31,483
- [Buttock] Insolence!

320
00:16:31,483 --> 00:16:33,490
(Buttock sneezes)
(cribbles chittering)

321
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:34,323
- Damn it, Bones.

322
00:16:34,323 --> 00:16:36,047
I'm a captain, not an exorcist.

323
00:16:36,047 --> 00:16:38,080
(Buttock laughs)

324
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,760
- [Buttock] That's just
another demonstration

325
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,340
of our superiority.

326
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:45,708
- Well, it's been fun,
but we have to get going.

327
00:16:45,708 --> 00:16:48,208
(eerie music)

328
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,750
- These stupid ass humans.

329
00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:55,510
Soon I will take over the planet

330
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,407
with my army of plants (laughs).

331
00:16:59,484 --> 00:17:02,234
(Buttock laughs)

332
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:06,828
Damn, you got some big
teeth, Captain Snortz.

333
00:17:06,828 --> 00:17:08,797
- [Captain Snortz] I'm
big all over, Major.

334
00:17:08,797 --> 00:17:13,380
(Major Bushe laughs)
(Captain Snortz laughs)

335
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:14,213
- Yeah.

336
00:17:14,213 --> 00:17:17,670
(Captain Snortz laughs)
(eerie music)

337
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,110
- [Captain Snortz] Let's roll a blunt.

338
00:17:19,110 --> 00:17:20,710
- This is the launchman.

339
00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:25,110
Launch T-minus four hours,
22 minutes and counting.

340
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,980
Clear the launch area immediately.

341
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,490
All authorized personnel are requested

342
00:17:30,490 --> 00:17:32,390
to leave the launch site.

343
00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:33,980
All unauthorized personnel

344
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,785
can do whatever the hell they want.

345
00:17:35,785 --> 00:17:39,080
(hip hop music)
(phone rings)

346
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:39,913
- Hello?

347
00:17:42,277 --> 00:17:44,113
Yeah, we'll accept the charges.

348
00:17:46,778 --> 00:17:48,380
(air hissing)

349
00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,023
Yeah, she's right here.

350
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,883
It's Amber Earhardt for you.

351
00:17:53,996 --> 00:17:56,449
(orchestral music)

352
00:17:56,449 --> 00:17:58,297
(Miss Hastings sniffs)

353
00:17:58,297 --> 00:17:59,740
- Ah!

354
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,510
(air hissing)

355
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:03,670
Hey, Amber girl.

356
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,320
Did you get any last night?

357
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,110
- Let's not go there.

358
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:10,372
Hey, what's the deal with that Bushe?

359
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:12,070
- Oh, Bushe.

360
00:18:12,070 --> 00:18:14,250
I thought you said you
didn't wanna go there.

361
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:16,593
- No, I meant the Major who briefed us.

362
00:18:16,593 --> 00:18:20,160
He looked like he was
growing out of his clothes

363
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,170
like some sort of a weed.

364
00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:23,520
- What the hell?

365
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,620
I'll contact the personnel
director and see what she knows.

366
00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:29,733
Keep the press canned though
and everything will be a-okay.

367
00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:31,963
- Okay.

368
00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:34,860
- Is there trouble?

369
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,407
- What do you think?

370
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,240
- I don't think.

371
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,833
- And that's why you make
the big bucks, Dagwood.

372
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:44,740
- It's Durwood.

373
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:47,033
- Yeah, close enough.

374
00:18:47,033 --> 00:18:48,410
(tongue lapping)

375
00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:49,720
- Joe Durwood!

376
00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:54,357
Durwood.

377
00:18:54,357 --> 00:18:55,540
(Miss Hastings laughs)

378
00:18:55,540 --> 00:19:00,540
(upbeat music)
(air hissing)

379
00:19:44,831 --> 00:19:47,360
- [Launchman] Clear the
launch area immediately.

380
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,333
Clear the launch area immediately.

381
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:56,420
(Connie sighs)
(gentle music)

382
00:20:00,914 --> 00:20:02,182
(toy squeaks)

383
00:20:02,182 --> 00:20:07,182
(seatbelts clinking)
(gentle music)

384
00:20:10,055 --> 00:20:11,880
(air whooshing)

385
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,470
- Oo, we have leaks in
five primary systems.

386
00:20:15,470 --> 00:20:17,890
Our fuel line is ruptured and we have loss

387
00:20:17,890 --> 00:20:19,970
of power in our life support batteries.

388
00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:21,643
- Can you override?

389
00:20:23,434 --> 00:20:25,130
(fist thuds)
(electronics whirring)

390
00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:25,963
- It's a go!

391
00:20:27,512 --> 00:20:28,970
- What time is it?

392
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,292
- 27 minutes to launch.

393
00:20:31,292 --> 00:20:32,560
(air whooshing)

394
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,430
- How much longer?

395
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:36,088
- Mm, just under 10 minutes.

396
00:20:36,088 --> 00:20:39,540
(sweat splashing)

397
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:40,629
Why are you so nervous?

398
00:20:40,629 --> 00:20:43,602
- 'Cause I built this
piece of crap (groans)!

399
00:20:43,602 --> 00:20:44,742
(air whooshing)

400
00:20:44,742 --> 00:20:49,742
(Charlie grunting)
(gentle music)

401
00:20:50,623 --> 00:20:52,195
- This isn't givin' me
a lot of confidence.

402
00:20:52,195 --> 00:20:53,830
- I'm surprised you have any at all.

403
00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:55,330
- Oh, I can't stand this.

404
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,292
What time is it?

405
00:20:56,292 --> 00:20:58,875
(Kirk snoring)

406
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:01,740
(notification beeping)

407
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:06,740
(Charlie groaning)
(gentle music)

408
00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:10,870
- We leave in two minutes.

409
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,620
Let me now acquaint you with

410
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:15,210
the various safety
features aboard our craft.

411
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,050
We have life vests under your seats

412
00:21:17,050 --> 00:21:20,043
and inflatable rafts over both coat racks.

413
00:21:21,230 --> 00:21:24,913
- We're down to one
minute, T-minus 60 seconds.

414
00:21:26,738 --> 00:21:30,453
Yeah, lemme get a large pepperoni
and onion, light cheese.

415
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,073
Everything is a go.

416
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,223
T-minus 40 seconds.

417
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,330
Yeah, my number?

418
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:44,330
Yeah, it's 987-654-3210.

419
00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:47,085
(engine whirring)

420
00:21:47,085 --> 00:21:48,212
No, not yet!

421
00:21:48,212 --> 00:21:51,045
(engine whirring)

422
00:21:56,990 --> 00:21:57,823
Oh.

423
00:21:58,900 --> 00:21:59,733
Oh, damn.

424
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,163
Oh, I'm so blamin' this on someone else.

425
00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:08,230
Yeah, no, I'm gonna pick that up.

426
00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:09,790
Yeah, no, no, I'm comin' now.

427
00:22:09,790 --> 00:22:11,047
Oh, yeah, thanks.

428
00:22:11,047 --> 00:22:13,735
(receiver clattering)
(gentle music)

429
00:22:13,735 --> 00:22:17,362
(rocket whooshing)

430
00:22:17,362 --> 00:22:18,195
- Whoa!

431
00:22:18,195 --> 00:22:21,407
(upbeat music)

432
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:22,240
Warp speed.

433
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,823
(ship beeping)

434
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,180
(Charlie groaning)

435
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,968
- Don't flush till we're over the ocean.

436
00:22:31,968 --> 00:22:36,968
(upbeat music)
(ship beeping)

437
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,823
- Good thing I changed my underwear.

438
00:22:38,823 --> 00:22:40,640
(phone ringing)

439
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:41,473
- What's wrong?

440
00:22:41,473 --> 00:22:44,210
- Well, for starters I'm being chased

441
00:22:44,210 --> 00:22:46,120
around the block house by an alien.

442
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,040
- Oh, don't jump to conclusions.

443
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:48,873
Are you sure

444
00:22:48,873 --> 00:22:49,706
it's an alien, Amber?
- Go away!

445
00:22:49,706 --> 00:22:52,430
Well, it's ugly and it's
disgusting and green.

446
00:22:52,430 --> 00:22:55,330
Ew, it's roots are outrunning me.

447
00:22:55,330 --> 00:22:56,630
- Don't panic.

448
00:22:56,630 --> 00:22:58,530
We've gotta keep a lid on this.

449
00:22:58,530 --> 00:22:59,880
Now if the press finds out we have

450
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:03,190
an alien running around the block house,

451
00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:05,453
we'll never get another dime.

452
00:23:05,453 --> 00:23:06,286
- Oh!

453
00:23:06,286 --> 00:23:07,777
But, but--

454
00:23:07,777 --> 00:23:09,348
- Yeah, yeah, don't worry.

455
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:10,310
- Stop it!
- Don't worry,

456
00:23:10,310 --> 00:23:13,060
- Stop it!
- I'll get back to you.

457
00:23:13,898 --> 00:23:14,731
- Aliens?

458
00:23:14,731 --> 00:23:15,716
(Miss Hastings chuckles)

459
00:23:15,716 --> 00:23:16,800
- Yeah.

460
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:17,843
What do you think?

461
00:23:19,819 --> 00:23:20,931
- I don't think.

462
00:23:20,931 --> 00:23:24,670
- And therefore you don't exist, Deadwood.

463
00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:26,260
- It's Durwood.
- Get back down there.

464
00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:28,312
- Okay.

465
00:23:28,312 --> 00:23:29,145
- Oo.

466
00:23:29,145 --> 00:23:34,145
(dramatic music)
(ship whirring)

467
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:40,870
- Ah, we've slipped the
surly bonds of Earth.

468
00:23:40,870 --> 00:23:43,487
There goes the big, blue marble.

469
00:23:44,850 --> 00:23:45,765
What the what?

470
00:23:45,765 --> 00:23:48,800
(dramatic music)

471
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,553
There's a potted plant out there.

472
00:23:51,928 --> 00:23:52,761
- What?

473
00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:58,930
- Oh, there's a potted plant out there.

474
00:23:58,930 --> 00:24:00,290
- Nope.

475
00:24:00,290 --> 00:24:03,000
You're hallucinating as usual.

476
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,173
- Why is he always trying to scare me?

477
00:24:05,173 --> 00:24:07,013
- I will pop a cap in your wood ass.

478
00:24:09,373 --> 00:24:14,373
(pensive music)
(ship beeping)

479
00:24:16,979 --> 00:24:19,632
(dramatic music)
(Kirk screams)

480
00:24:19,632 --> 00:24:23,420
- Whoa, it's the flamin', coitus.

481
00:24:24,290 --> 00:24:25,794
- Don't even think about it, hickory nut.

482
00:24:25,794 --> 00:24:27,420
- Oh!

483
00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:28,498
But, but.

484
00:24:28,498 --> 00:24:31,331
(engine whirring)

485
00:24:33,516 --> 00:24:37,101
(pensive music)
(ship whirring)

486
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,083
- Boris, this is Natasha.

487
00:24:39,940 --> 00:24:42,263
I am activating my 3D holographic display.

488
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:44,023
Come in.

489
00:24:44,023 --> 00:24:45,827
- This is Boris coming in.

490
00:24:47,258 --> 00:24:48,940
Report, comrade.

491
00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:52,400
- I have successfully
penetrated Americana airspace.

492
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,226
No challenge, no resistance.

493
00:24:55,226 --> 00:24:57,245
It would be futile.

494
00:24:57,245 --> 00:24:58,078
- Panama, come in.

495
00:24:58,078 --> 00:24:59,718
State your current location.

496
00:24:59,718 --> 00:25:02,973
- Wait, comrade, I'm receiving
another transmission.

497
00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:05,350
I'll see what they want.

498
00:25:07,858 --> 00:25:08,728
(transmitter beeps)

499
00:25:08,728 --> 00:25:09,873
- Mm.

500
00:25:09,873 --> 00:25:11,103
Panama, come in.

501
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,370
Please state your current location, over.

502
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:16,920
- Over the Cape.

503
00:25:19,058 --> 00:25:20,240
- What do you see down there?

504
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,073
Over.

505
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,890
- It's unbelievable.

506
00:25:25,890 --> 00:25:28,690
Cars abandoned in the road.

507
00:25:28,690 --> 00:25:30,363
There's no sign of life.

508
00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:31,610
Lights in the tower are on

509
00:25:31,610 --> 00:25:34,280
but I don't see anyone down there.

510
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,224
Just a lotta plants.

511
00:25:37,224 --> 00:25:38,245
Over.

512
00:25:38,245 --> 00:25:39,229
- [Roger] Plants?

513
00:25:39,229 --> 00:25:41,039
Over.
- Yeah, Roger, plants.

514
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:45,670
(Major Bushe laughs)
(Captain Snortz laughs)

515
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:48,710
- Please return to base, over.

516
00:25:48,710 --> 00:25:50,210
- Roger, Roger.

517
00:25:50,210 --> 00:25:52,793
(upbeat music)

518
00:25:54,827 --> 00:25:57,388
(gentle music)

519
00:25:57,388 --> 00:26:01,150
Boris, the Americana's are
fleeing their homeland.

520
00:26:01,150 --> 00:26:04,130
They must have received word
of our impending invasion.

521
00:26:04,130 --> 00:26:06,720
- Excellent news, Natasha.

522
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,639
I'll inform Placidium.

523
00:26:08,639 --> 00:26:11,698
You will receive order of
landing for your bravery.

524
00:26:11,698 --> 00:26:12,949
- [Natasha] Returning to base.

525
00:26:12,949 --> 00:26:16,150
(upbeat music)
(audience applauding)

526
00:26:16,150 --> 00:26:17,813
- Good evening and welcome

527
00:26:17,813 --> 00:26:20,880
to another edition of "One on One."

528
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,639
I'm your host, Laura Luzair.

529
00:26:23,639 --> 00:26:27,880
Tonight, we have with us Dr.
Samantha Stamen, Head Botanist

530
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:31,159
at the U.S. Department of
Agriculture in Washington, D.C.

531
00:26:31,159 --> 00:26:32,550
(audience applauding)

532
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:35,970
Dr. Stamen, thank you for joining us.

533
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,550
- The pleasure is all yours.

534
00:26:37,550 --> 00:26:39,250
- Indeed!
(audience laughs)

535
00:26:39,250 --> 00:26:43,310
So, how did you become a head botanist?

536
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:46,150
I wasn't aware that plants had heads.

537
00:26:46,150 --> 00:26:47,501
- I wasn't aware that you didn't.

538
00:26:47,501 --> 00:26:48,340
(audience laughs)

539
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:49,840
As to my chosen profession,

540
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,290
I guess I was destined to be a botanist

541
00:26:52,290 --> 00:26:54,490
since my family name is synonymous

542
00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:57,170
with the plants' reproductive sack.

543
00:26:57,170 --> 00:26:59,920
I got a lot of taunting at school,

544
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,760
but I'm sure
- Aw!

545
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,650
- you can relate to that, Luzair.

546
00:27:03,650 --> 00:27:05,320
- Of course!
(audience laughs)

547
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,780
- Tonight, we are facing the
greatest threat to humanity.

548
00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:13,030
I am talking about the household plant.

549
00:27:13,030 --> 00:27:16,613
We invite them into our homes
because they look innocent

550
00:27:16,613 --> 00:27:18,300
and they don't give us any crap,

551
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:21,760
but my research shows that they are

552
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,410
the first wave of a massive
invasion force headed

553
00:27:25,410 --> 00:27:28,850
for this planet at this very moment.

554
00:27:28,850 --> 00:27:32,020
Let me demonstrate a
quick and effective way

555
00:27:32,020 --> 00:27:34,963
to rid yourselves of these
treacherous creatures.

556
00:27:36,890 --> 00:27:40,620
Put the noose around the
stem and pull it taught

557
00:27:40,620 --> 00:27:43,363
so the plant can't escape and then,

558
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:49,110
push it off the closest
ledge or window sill.

559
00:27:49,110 --> 00:27:50,173
- Oh, dear God!

560
00:27:51,010 --> 00:27:53,030
Why didn't you warn us?

561
00:27:53,030 --> 00:27:55,270
Ladies and gentlemen,
if it's not too late,

562
00:27:55,270 --> 00:27:57,980
please send your children
into another room.

563
00:27:57,980 --> 00:27:59,613
- You fools!
(Major Bushe laughing)

564
00:27:59,613 --> 00:28:01,642
You're in danger!
(Captain Snortz laughing)

565
00:28:01,642 --> 00:28:02,911
Don't you see it?

566
00:28:02,911 --> 00:28:04,680
They're after you!

567
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,340
They're after all of us.

568
00:28:06,340 --> 00:28:08,920
Your wives, your children.

569
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:10,950
Oh, they're already here!

570
00:28:10,950 --> 00:28:11,920
Oh!

571
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,599
You're next!

572
00:28:13,599 --> 00:28:14,599
You're next!

573
00:28:15,980 --> 00:28:17,823
(eerie music)

574
00:28:17,823 --> 00:28:19,293
- I don't see anyone.

575
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:25,243
Just these plants, everywhere.

576
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:29,513
- Where did all the people go?

577
00:28:30,580 --> 00:28:34,123
- It's like they're still here but aren't.

578
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:38,193
- What's with all these weird spores?

579
00:28:39,180 --> 00:28:41,971
- I don't know, but they better
not clog up our air supply.

580
00:28:41,971 --> 00:28:43,459
- Hey, you guys?

581
00:28:43,459 --> 00:28:45,959
(eerie music)

582
00:28:48,979 --> 00:28:50,963
- What the hell is this?

583
00:28:52,190 --> 00:28:54,853
- I don't know, one of
them damn vegans from LA?

584
00:29:00,090 --> 00:29:03,263
- It says right here his
name is Benjamin Ficus.

585
00:29:04,610 --> 00:29:07,060
- Hey, there's plants in
all the other cars, too.

586
00:29:08,513 --> 00:29:09,346
- Call headquarters.

587
00:29:09,346 --> 00:29:13,070
This whole town's turning
into a giant nursery.

588
00:29:13,070 --> 00:29:16,173
- Say, are you feelin' all right?

589
00:29:17,670 --> 00:29:18,770
You look kinda tired.

590
00:29:18,770 --> 00:29:19,912
You gettin' enough sleep?

591
00:29:19,912 --> 00:29:21,000
(air whooshing)

592
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,411
- Get your eyes checked.

593
00:29:22,411 --> 00:29:23,244
You're the one looking

594
00:29:23,244 --> 00:29:24,490
like roadkill.
(air whooshing)

595
00:29:24,490 --> 00:29:26,150
- Well, if you ask me both

596
00:29:26,150 --> 00:29:28,390
of you should find the
nearest funeral home.

597
00:29:28,390 --> 00:29:31,290
- Yeah, well nobody's askin'
you Miss Recedin' Hairline.

598
00:29:31,290 --> 00:29:32,123
- Oh, really?

599
00:29:32,123 --> 00:29:33,920
Look who's talking, Miss It Took Me

600
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:36,170
a Week to Cover my Bald Spot!

601
00:29:36,170 --> 00:29:38,890
- What you two need is
a good plastic surgeon.

602
00:29:38,890 --> 00:29:41,356
Your faces are hanging
down below your ankles.

603
00:29:41,356 --> 00:29:42,630
- What?
- Hey, come to think of it,

604
00:29:42,630 --> 00:29:44,730
you're startin' to look like her.

605
00:29:44,730 --> 00:29:46,530
- That's funny, I was thinkin'

606
00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:48,806
the same thing about you two losers.

607
00:29:48,806 --> 00:29:50,968
- Oh, my God!
- Oh!

608
00:29:50,968 --> 00:29:51,904
(all screaming)

609
00:29:51,904 --> 00:29:53,622
- We're starting to mutate!

610
00:29:53,622 --> 00:29:57,723
No, no, no, no, I can't
look as hideous as you!

611
00:29:57,723 --> 00:30:00,220
- I can't tell if that's
your face or your ass!

612
00:30:00,220 --> 00:30:01,220
Oh my God!
(Captain Snortz laughs)

613
00:30:01,220 --> 00:30:05,263
What a way to go.
(Major Bushe laughs)

614
00:30:07,118 --> 00:30:10,337
- (gasps) What the hell
is happening to us?

615
00:30:10,337 --> 00:30:11,420
- Let me see!

616
00:30:12,521 --> 00:30:13,724
(screams)

617
00:30:13,724 --> 00:30:16,703
I look like the Crypt
Keeper's father (screams)!

618
00:30:16,703 --> 00:30:17,612
- Come here!

619
00:30:17,612 --> 00:30:19,676
Get back here (screams)!

620
00:30:19,676 --> 00:30:21,893
- [Captain Snortz] Shut your hole!

621
00:30:21,893 --> 00:30:25,970
- Holy Botox, my husband'll
never lay me again.

622
00:30:25,970 --> 00:30:27,387
- He'll never lay me again either.

623
00:30:27,387 --> 00:30:30,680
- (gasps) You're the one
who's been screwin' him?

624
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,120
- Oops, sorry.

625
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,066
What are friends for?

626
00:30:33,066 --> 00:30:34,189
- I oughta!

627
00:30:34,189 --> 00:30:37,590
Yeah, well, better you than her.

628
00:30:37,590 --> 00:30:39,123
- Guess it's time to confess.

629
00:30:40,670 --> 00:30:41,503
- Uh oh.

630
00:30:42,527 --> 00:30:45,066
- You cheap little tartelette!

631
00:30:45,066 --> 00:30:47,545
You whore of Babylon!
- Don't fight, don't fight!

632
00:30:47,545 --> 00:30:48,807
No, no, no, no!

633
00:30:48,807 --> 00:30:49,697
Don't fight!

634
00:30:49,697 --> 00:30:52,666
(all yelling)

635
00:30:52,666 --> 00:30:54,219
Don't fight, don't fight!
- Watch my hair.

636
00:30:54,219 --> 00:30:56,567
My hair, my hair (screams)!

637
00:30:59,850 --> 00:31:02,070
- Miss Hastings, I have the latest report

638
00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:03,579
from the National Guard.

639
00:31:03,579 --> 00:31:05,830
- Read it to me, Douchewood.

640
00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:06,663
- Okay.

641
00:31:08,607 --> 00:31:11,997
"Blackout has spread
throughout the county,

642
00:31:11,997 --> 00:31:13,237
"including the Cape.

643
00:31:13,237 --> 00:31:17,800
"No apparent reason or
explanation yet discovered."

644
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:18,830
Wait.

645
00:31:18,830 --> 00:31:20,020
Oh my God.

646
00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:21,240
What is that?

647
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:22,740
It's moving right for us.

648
00:31:22,740 --> 00:31:23,573
Terry, don't!

649
00:31:23,573 --> 00:31:25,294
Oh, come on, man.

650
00:31:25,294 --> 00:31:26,507
I just wanna touch it.

651
00:31:26,507 --> 00:31:28,196
(Durwood imitates shots firing)

652
00:31:28,196 --> 00:31:31,640
Oh, no, Terry, open fire.

653
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,080
Joe, open fire!

654
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,180
(Durwood imitates machine gun firing)

655
00:31:35,180 --> 00:31:37,351
Shoot that green son of a bitch.

656
00:31:37,351 --> 00:31:39,980
(Durwood imitates shots firing)

657
00:31:39,980 --> 00:31:40,920
Wait!

658
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,420
How the hell did it get behind me?

659
00:31:42,420 --> 00:31:43,700
Get it off my face!

660
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:44,770
I can't breathe.
- Oh!

661
00:31:44,770 --> 00:31:45,603
- I can't breathe.

662
00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:48,163
I can't, I can't, it's changing me!

663
00:31:49,860 --> 00:31:52,777
(Durwood grunting)

664
00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:57,828
(Durwood giggles)

665
00:31:57,828 --> 00:32:00,308
(gentle music)

666
00:32:00,308 --> 00:32:02,151
(Miss Hastings gasps)

667
00:32:02,151 --> 00:32:03,400
I'm afraid that's it.

668
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,420
- Well, you better call the President.

669
00:32:06,420 --> 00:32:08,380
This is a national emergency

670
00:32:08,380 --> 00:32:13,287
and all action taken should
be thorough and (grunting)...

671
00:32:17,652 --> 00:32:20,485
- [Captain Snortz] Shut your hole!

672
00:32:21,991 --> 00:32:24,203
- Immediate (laughs).

673
00:32:24,203 --> 00:32:27,370
(Miss Hastings sighs)

674
00:32:28,755 --> 00:32:33,088
Assure him that I'm staying
on top of the situation.

675
00:32:34,398 --> 00:32:37,406
- Busy, busy, busy, busy again.

676
00:32:37,406 --> 00:32:39,640
I'm the President of the United States.

677
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,020
You'd think I could at least
get ahold of my bookie.

678
00:32:42,020 --> 00:32:44,620
- All our communications are being jammed.

679
00:32:44,620 --> 00:32:48,333
Every cell tower in America is
being overwhelmed with vines.

680
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,093
- Secretary Downe, you
send the Army over there

681
00:32:53,093 --> 00:32:55,230
with some great big weed
whackers, all right?

682
00:32:55,230 --> 00:32:59,860
I want those towers cleared
and those damn vines whacked.

683
00:32:59,860 --> 00:33:01,390
- I wish we could, Sir.

684
00:33:01,390 --> 00:33:04,615
Here are these, the latest
satellite surveillance photos.

685
00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:06,700
(pensive music)

686
00:33:06,700 --> 00:33:07,800
- Sweet Mother of God.

687
00:33:11,024 --> 00:33:14,320
There are vines everywhere.
(phone ringing)

688
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,580
What am I gonna say to millions
and millions of people?

689
00:33:17,580 --> 00:33:19,440
They're all gonna lose their leaves.

690
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,483
- Mr. President, I've
got A.S.S. on the phone.

691
00:33:21,483 --> 00:33:23,009
- You got what?

692
00:33:23,009 --> 00:33:25,170
- I've got A.S.S. on the phone.

693
00:33:25,170 --> 00:33:26,630
- Ass?

694
00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:28,810
You got a ass on the phone?

695
00:33:28,810 --> 00:33:31,530
Well, then spray somethin'
on the damn thing.

696
00:33:31,530 --> 00:33:32,363
Put some disinfectant on it

697
00:33:32,363 --> 00:33:34,230
if you're gonna put that thing in my face.

698
00:33:34,230 --> 00:33:35,845
- No sir, no.
- Clean your own ass

699
00:33:35,845 --> 00:33:37,200
- Sir, Sir--
- for Christ sakes.

700
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:38,033
- No, no, no.

701
00:33:38,033 --> 00:33:38,866
No, Sir.
- What the hell are you doin'?

702
00:33:38,866 --> 00:33:40,280
- What are you thinkin'?
- It's the Space Agency.

703
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,513
Some private named Doodywood is calling.

704
00:33:42,513 --> 00:33:44,330
- Doodywood and an ass phone.

705
00:33:44,330 --> 00:33:46,530
What the hell is this country coming to?

706
00:33:46,530 --> 00:33:47,780
Put him on speaker phone.

707
00:33:48,813 --> 00:33:50,100
(phone beeping)

708
00:33:50,100 --> 00:33:51,480
- Go ahead, Doodywood.

709
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,640
This is National Security
Advisor, Russell Sprout.

710
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,510
I'm here with President Dover,
- Yeah.

711
00:33:58,510 --> 00:34:00,853
- and Defense Secretary Downe.

712
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:03,373
What's goin' on?

713
00:34:04,490 --> 00:34:06,150
- Doodyhead, you're on the phone

714
00:34:06,150 --> 00:34:07,900
with Neil Downe and Ben Dover.

715
00:34:07,900 --> 00:34:09,244
Will you respond, Sir?

716
00:34:09,244 --> 00:34:12,090
(pensive music)

717
00:34:12,090 --> 00:34:14,210
- [President Dover] Say
somethin' you (horn honks) idiot.

718
00:34:14,210 --> 00:34:17,490
- I'm sorry, Sir, I'm afraid
we're cut off from the world.

719
00:34:17,490 --> 00:34:19,860
- All right, that's enough.

720
00:34:19,860 --> 00:34:22,560
Now it's time to nuke
these green goblin bastards

721
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,430
right down to their stem cells.

722
00:34:24,430 --> 00:34:25,370
Right?

723
00:34:25,370 --> 00:34:28,640
Total, complete, absolute deforestation.

724
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:29,600
You understand?

725
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,410
- Mr. President, right now,

726
00:34:31,410 --> 00:34:33,747
I couldn't order us a pizza.

727
00:34:33,747 --> 00:34:35,616
- Well, who the hell's gonna eat a pizza?

728
00:34:35,616 --> 00:34:38,023
Unless you cook it at 9,000 degrees.

729
00:34:38,860 --> 00:34:42,100
I want nuclear ash up
to the windows in here.

730
00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:43,350
I'm gonna take 'em out.

731
00:34:43,350 --> 00:34:44,690
I'm gonna take 'em down.

732
00:34:44,690 --> 00:34:46,440
It's over for them vines and that's it

733
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,810
or my name ain't Ben Dover.

734
00:34:48,810 --> 00:34:51,080
- We'll be at your command
bunker in a minute.

735
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,040
You can run the attack from there.

736
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:54,363
- If we make it alive because

737
00:34:54,363 --> 00:34:55,994
this idiot's all over the road.

738
00:34:55,994 --> 00:34:58,595
(tires squealing)
(all yelling)

739
00:34:58,595 --> 00:34:59,845
Hang on, honey!

740
00:35:00,707 --> 00:35:03,093
You got to get a new wardrobe my dear.

741
00:35:03,093 --> 00:35:05,323
I can't feel my legs!

742
00:35:05,323 --> 00:35:06,156
Where is the slide?

743
00:35:06,156 --> 00:35:07,801
Get me outta here!

744
00:35:07,801 --> 00:35:09,769
- Mr. President, help!
- Come on!

745
00:35:09,769 --> 00:35:11,767
(Major Bushe laughs)

746
00:35:11,767 --> 00:35:13,247
(Captain Snortz laughs)

747
00:35:13,247 --> 00:35:14,486
Give me my hand.

748
00:35:14,486 --> 00:35:16,764
- Sir!
- Go ahead, kill him!

749
00:35:16,764 --> 00:35:17,905
Let go of my pants!

750
00:35:17,905 --> 00:35:20,655
(dramatic music)

751
00:35:22,853 --> 00:35:24,340
- This way, Mr. President.

752
00:35:24,340 --> 00:35:26,080
I'm gon' shield you with my Afro.

753
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:27,509
Shoot, let's go.
- Well, thank you.

754
00:35:27,509 --> 00:35:28,342
Let's go.

755
00:35:28,342 --> 00:35:29,803
Get the hell outta here.

756
00:35:31,020 --> 00:35:31,950
Come on, Eileen.

757
00:35:31,950 --> 00:35:34,154
- Okay, Dad, don't burst a valve.

758
00:35:34,154 --> 00:35:36,737
(gentle music)

759
00:35:40,773 --> 00:35:42,260
- Mr. President?
- Yeah?

760
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:44,060
- Your wife will be
joining you any minute.

761
00:35:44,060 --> 00:35:45,536
- Oh, thanks for reminding me.

762
00:35:45,536 --> 00:35:48,320
(door slams)

763
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,153
- Oh no.

764
00:35:49,153 --> 00:35:50,040
- Oh, there, there.

765
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,250
Sweetheart, I'm sure
your mom's gonna be okay.

766
00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:54,140
- I've got no bars.

767
00:35:54,140 --> 00:35:56,100
Wait, what are we doing
in this creepy place?

768
00:35:56,100 --> 00:35:58,220
- Honey, this is the presidential bunker.

769
00:35:58,220 --> 00:35:59,053
All right?

770
00:35:59,053 --> 00:35:59,886
You'll be safe here.

771
00:35:59,886 --> 00:36:01,200
- I don't wanna be safe.

772
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,530
I wanna go to the mall.

773
00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:04,640
- Mr. President?

774
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,170
- Yeah?

775
00:36:06,170 --> 00:36:10,087
- We have a situation.
(dramatic music)

776
00:36:12,343 --> 00:36:14,783
- Listen, your name is Sprout, right?

777
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,433
So why don't ya like talk plant to them?

778
00:36:20,962 --> 00:36:24,540
(briefcase thuds)

779
00:36:24,540 --> 00:36:26,600
(gentle music)

780
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,893
- We come in peace.

781
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:41,670
We mean you no harm.

782
00:36:44,544 --> 00:36:48,115
(dramatic music)

783
00:36:48,115 --> 00:36:50,620
- You know, it ain't workin' so,

784
00:36:50,620 --> 00:36:53,020
this blows my reelection
completely to hell.

785
00:36:53,020 --> 00:36:55,920
I'm just gonna go over there
and shoot myself in the face.

786
00:36:56,813 --> 00:37:00,170
(air whooshing)

787
00:37:00,170 --> 00:37:02,440
- Well, gang, I think it's a good time

788
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:03,980
to talk about ourselves.

789
00:37:03,980 --> 00:37:06,540
That way we'll get to
know each other better.

790
00:37:06,540 --> 00:37:07,520
- Why?

791
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,560
- The audience has to bond with us.

792
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,815
Otherwise we're nothing more
than cardboard characters.

793
00:37:13,815 --> 00:37:16,315
(eerie music)

794
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,033
I'll start.

795
00:37:18,980 --> 00:37:21,710
I am an Aires with a Taurus rising

796
00:37:21,710 --> 00:37:23,880
and my Moon in Libra.

797
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,130
I was an Eager Beaver
Scout at the age of 10,

798
00:37:26,130 --> 00:37:30,770
then graduated three years later
with a PhD in astrophysics.

799
00:37:30,770 --> 00:37:32,439
Now, although I'm married,

800
00:37:32,439 --> 00:37:36,460
I've never been sexually
aroused by my wife.

801
00:37:36,460 --> 00:37:38,970
I'm intelligent, resourceful,

802
00:37:38,970 --> 00:37:42,700
loyal, honest, and squeaky clean.

803
00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:47,700
I'm also highly naive and
possess a nonexistent libido.

804
00:37:47,740 --> 00:37:51,383
My main goal in life is to live forever.

805
00:37:52,250 --> 00:37:54,260
Okay, your turn.

806
00:37:54,260 --> 00:37:57,220
- I was born and raised
in the sewers of New York.

807
00:37:57,220 --> 00:38:00,750
I found out pretty quickly
that I needed an education,

808
00:38:00,750 --> 00:38:03,240
so I knocked over a bank and entered one

809
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:05,628
of those ritzy finishing schools.

810
00:38:05,628 --> 00:38:08,913
Then, I was ready for the world.

811
00:38:10,057 --> 00:38:11,657
I started making phone calls.

812
00:38:11,657 --> 00:38:16,311
I got ahold of some big shot
who worked at the agency.

813
00:38:16,311 --> 00:38:18,040
I told him about my qualifications

814
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,023
to be an astronaut and he hired me.

815
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,340
- How about you guys?

816
00:38:24,340 --> 00:38:28,884
- I don't know where,
when or why I was born.

817
00:38:28,884 --> 00:38:31,973
A pack of wolves found
me at Yellowstone Park.

818
00:38:32,910 --> 00:38:35,821
I lived with them for 23
years before I bailed.

819
00:38:35,821 --> 00:38:39,413
It taught me all about
nature and the wilderness.

820
00:38:40,574 --> 00:38:43,380
(chuckles) I still sleep
on a bed of leaves.

821
00:38:43,380 --> 00:38:45,863
My best friends are plants and animals.

822
00:38:45,863 --> 00:38:48,530
(dog whines)

823
00:38:48,530 --> 00:38:51,790
I'm sensitive, shy, loving,

824
00:38:51,790 --> 00:38:54,253
and have hidden wells of creative talent.

825
00:38:55,470 --> 00:38:58,633
I crave orange juice and nudity.

826
00:39:01,050 --> 00:39:05,730
My secret desire is to
spread mustard on my--

827
00:39:05,730 --> 00:39:07,270
- Thanks, Charlie.

828
00:39:07,270 --> 00:39:09,800
Okay, Doc, what's your story?

829
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,200
- Well, I come from a
large Chinese farm family.

830
00:39:13,230 --> 00:39:14,480
When I got tired of picking rice,

831
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,558
I hopped a banana boat to Houston.

832
00:39:16,558 --> 00:39:18,853
I inherited psychic abilities from Buddha.

833
00:39:20,116 --> 00:39:21,980
A few years ago, I found my medical degree

834
00:39:21,980 --> 00:39:23,513
in a Cracker Jack box.

835
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,246
Pretty easy bein' a doctor.

836
00:39:26,246 --> 00:39:28,796
All you have to do is double
talk to sick bastards.

837
00:39:30,650 --> 00:39:34,634
I'm pretty materialistic and
I have a pretty short temper,

838
00:39:34,634 --> 00:39:36,580
and I've killed or maimed dozens

839
00:39:36,580 --> 00:39:38,213
with my stunning incompetence.

840
00:39:39,500 --> 00:39:42,350
- Don't you guys feel the love?

841
00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:44,910
Well, now people will
actually care about us.

842
00:39:44,910 --> 00:39:46,090
- Wanna bet?

843
00:39:46,090 --> 00:39:48,185
- Let's float back to our bunks.

844
00:39:48,185 --> 00:39:51,018
(engine whirring)

845
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,930
Ah, the feeling of weightlessness.

846
00:39:56,930 --> 00:39:58,430
Isn't this awesome (chuckles)?

847
00:39:59,290 --> 00:40:00,878
- Words don't do it justice.

848
00:40:00,878 --> 00:40:03,564
(Kirk chuckles)

849
00:40:03,564 --> 00:40:04,397
- Whoa!

850
00:40:04,397 --> 00:40:07,205
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

851
00:40:07,205 --> 00:40:09,788
(gentle music)

852
00:40:13,391 --> 00:40:16,040
Connie, read me a story.

853
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,574
- Not tonight, Kirk.

854
00:40:17,574 --> 00:40:18,630
I've got a headache.

855
00:40:18,630 --> 00:40:20,860
- Oh, come on, Charlie, be a pal.

856
00:40:20,860 --> 00:40:23,510
- We're going 10,000 miles an hour.

857
00:40:23,510 --> 00:40:24,900
I'll get space sick.

858
00:40:24,900 --> 00:40:25,733
- Bob?

859
00:40:25,733 --> 00:40:26,566
- Don't even ask.

860
00:40:26,566 --> 00:40:27,400
- Oh.

861
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,350
Well, then I'll read it to you.

862
00:40:29,350 --> 00:40:32,205
It's one of my best stories.

863
00:40:32,205 --> 00:40:35,300
- Wait, you're gonna read
us something you wrote?

864
00:40:35,300 --> 00:40:38,687
- Of course, I can't get enough of myself.

865
00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:40,537
"Goodnight, Earth.

866
00:40:40,537 --> 00:40:43,007
"Goodnight, joy and mirth.

867
00:40:43,007 --> 00:40:46,580
"Goodnight to my belt
and ever expanding girth.

868
00:40:46,580 --> 00:40:47,717
(Charlie sighs)

869
00:40:47,717 --> 00:40:48,877
"Goodnight, Earth.

870
00:40:48,877 --> 00:40:51,235
"Goodnight to those lights in Perth.

871
00:40:51,235 --> 00:40:55,576
"Goodnight to my agents and
my outstanding networth."

872
00:40:55,576 --> 00:40:56,409
(gun cocks)

873
00:40:56,409 --> 00:40:57,450
- That's enough of that noise.

874
00:40:57,450 --> 00:40:59,180
- Huh?
(record screeching)

875
00:40:59,180 --> 00:41:01,283
- Hey, we all need some rest.

876
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,290
- Okay, then.

877
00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:04,540
Goodnight, Connie.

878
00:41:04,540 --> 00:41:05,530
- Goodnight, Kirk.

879
00:41:05,530 --> 00:41:06,363
- Goodnight, Charlie.

880
00:41:06,363 --> 00:41:08,060
- Goodnight, Kirk.
- Goodnight, Charlie.

881
00:41:08,060 --> 00:41:08,893
- Goodnight, Connie.

882
00:41:08,893 --> 00:41:09,732
- Goodnight, Bob.

883
00:41:09,732 --> 00:41:10,565
- Goodnight, Connie.

884
00:41:10,565 --> 00:41:11,490
- Goodnight, Bob.

885
00:41:11,490 --> 00:41:12,323
- Yeah, yeah, okay, goodnight.

886
00:41:12,323 --> 00:41:13,450
- Goodnight, Bobby Boy.

887
00:41:13,450 --> 00:41:14,672
- And don't call me boy.

888
00:41:14,672 --> 00:41:16,400
(shot firing)
(glass shattering)

889
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:17,233
I'm Chinese.

890
00:41:17,233 --> 00:41:18,066
- What?

891
00:41:18,066 --> 00:41:19,350
You're Chinese?

892
00:41:19,350 --> 00:41:21,833
- [Miss Hastings] Where's the shuttle now?

893
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:24,193
- Oh my God.

894
00:41:25,310 --> 00:41:27,660
It's three minutes from lunar impact.

895
00:41:27,660 --> 00:41:28,800
- Better wake 'em up.

896
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,260
- Yes, my mistress.

897
00:41:30,260 --> 00:41:32,193
- Slither off, slave.

898
00:41:33,899 --> 00:41:36,399
(air hissing)

899
00:41:37,247 --> 00:41:38,806
(Miss Hastings laughs)

900
00:41:38,806 --> 00:41:41,473
(gentle music)

901
00:41:44,010 --> 00:41:45,873
Do you approve, Sensei?

902
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:51,338
- I find your need for approval annoying.

903
00:41:51,338 --> 00:41:53,839
(eerie music)
(Miss Hastings choking)

904
00:41:53,839 --> 00:41:57,845
Never attempt to curve my favor

905
00:41:57,845 --> 00:42:00,415
with such a shameful display.

906
00:42:00,415 --> 00:42:02,270
(Miss Hastings coughing)

907
00:42:02,270 --> 00:42:04,210
You have much to learn.

908
00:42:04,210 --> 00:42:06,550
- Oh, thank you, Sensei.

909
00:42:06,550 --> 00:42:08,460
I shall try harder.

910
00:42:08,460 --> 00:42:09,293
- Do.

911
00:42:10,558 --> 00:42:11,938
There is no try.

912
00:42:11,938 --> 00:42:16,938
(upbeat music)
(all yelling)

913
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:23,259
(alarm blaring)
(upbeat music)

914
00:42:23,259 --> 00:42:26,641
(explosion booming)

915
00:42:26,641 --> 00:42:29,570
- Houston, this is Lunar Shuttle Five.

916
00:42:29,570 --> 00:42:33,210
We've made a successful landing
and everything's just swell.

917
00:42:33,210 --> 00:42:34,330
- Oh, hold on.

918
00:42:34,330 --> 00:42:36,923
- I hereby promise the
people of Earth one thing,

919
00:42:36,923 --> 00:42:39,170
that we won't contact you again

920
00:42:39,170 --> 00:42:41,988
until we've solved this vexing enigma.

921
00:42:41,988 --> 00:42:43,239
(dial tone beeping)

922
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:44,289
- [Automated Voice] We're sorry,

923
00:42:44,289 --> 00:42:46,369
you have reached a number
that has been disconnected

924
00:42:46,369 --> 00:42:48,199
or is no longer in service.

925
00:42:48,199 --> 00:42:50,949
(Charlie groans)

926
00:42:54,108 --> 00:42:56,340
(upbeat music)

927
00:42:56,340 --> 00:42:58,850
- Hey, shouldn't we be wearing suits?

928
00:42:58,850 --> 00:43:00,843
- This isn't a formal occasion.

929
00:43:05,045 --> 00:43:07,373
I sure hope my friend
Jack's okay in there.

930
00:43:07,373 --> 00:43:09,227
- What about your wife?

931
00:43:09,227 --> 00:43:11,173
- (groans) Her too.

932
00:43:12,490 --> 00:43:13,970
- [Jack] Who is it?

933
00:43:13,970 --> 00:43:17,863
- It's Kirk and Connie
and Bob and Charlie.

934
00:43:22,410 --> 00:43:23,710
- Hey.

935
00:43:23,710 --> 00:43:24,616
Look who's here.

936
00:43:24,616 --> 00:43:27,820
- Hi.

937
00:43:27,820 --> 00:43:28,920
- How are you, Connie?

938
00:43:31,368 --> 00:43:33,360
(Kirk laughs)

939
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:38,360
(Kirk smooching)
(Jack smooching)

940
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:44,780
- [Kirk] Good to see you, too.

941
00:43:45,810 --> 00:43:46,810
- Kirk, how are you?

942
00:43:48,220 --> 00:43:49,743
- Have you lost your mind?

943
00:43:50,810 --> 00:43:51,643
- Come on in.

944
00:43:51,643 --> 00:43:54,276
(upbeat music)

945
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,893
- Hello, Cheryl.

946
00:43:58,870 --> 00:43:59,962
Did you miss me?

947
00:43:59,962 --> 00:44:02,300
(upbeat music)

948
00:44:02,300 --> 00:44:03,773
Are you happy to see me?

949
00:44:06,192 --> 00:44:07,542
Are you having a good time?

950
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,315
Are you happy to be going home?

951
00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:13,898
(upbeat music)

952
00:44:14,930 --> 00:44:16,330
Good talking to you, Cheryl.

953
00:44:17,190 --> 00:44:20,133
- Connie, how long are you staying?

954
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:23,021
- As long as--
- As long as necessary.

955
00:44:23,021 --> 00:44:25,493
- I think Jack was talking to me.

956
00:44:25,493 --> 00:44:28,076
(upbeat music)

957
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:33,470
Bob, I want you to give these
two a through examination.

958
00:44:33,470 --> 00:44:35,450
- You need my report as soon as possible.

959
00:44:35,450 --> 00:44:37,630
- [Kirk] I need your
report as soon as possible.

960
00:44:37,630 --> 00:44:38,614
- So do I.

961
00:44:38,614 --> 00:44:39,676
Come with me.

962
00:44:39,676 --> 00:44:42,259
(upbeat music)

963
00:44:43,232 --> 00:44:46,050
(record screeching)

964
00:44:46,050 --> 00:44:46,923
- What happened?

965
00:44:48,490 --> 00:44:49,323
What gives?

966
00:44:49,323 --> 00:44:51,793
What is it, what, what's going on?

967
00:44:52,990 --> 00:44:54,990
What happened to my Jack?

968
00:44:54,990 --> 00:44:56,762
- What indeed?

969
00:44:56,762 --> 00:45:00,160
- I bet he's been brainwashed
by that slutty ho of yours.

970
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:01,920
- No, I think it's something

971
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,860
more than that slutty ho of mine.

972
00:45:04,860 --> 00:45:05,696
- Let's look around.

973
00:45:05,696 --> 00:45:07,400
(air whooshing)

974
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:08,233
- Wow.

975
00:45:09,350 --> 00:45:10,183
Odd.

976
00:45:12,900 --> 00:45:16,203
Trail of dirt seems to
lead to this drawer.

977
00:45:20,458 --> 00:45:21,291
Hm.

978
00:45:22,647 --> 00:45:25,147
(Kirk grunts)

979
00:45:26,079 --> 00:45:26,996
Plant food.

980
00:45:28,493 --> 00:45:29,326
Hm.

981
00:45:29,326 --> 00:45:31,231
Interesting plot development.

982
00:45:31,231 --> 00:45:32,540
(air whooshing)

983
00:45:32,540 --> 00:45:34,430
♪ Freaky, freaky boys ♪

984
00:45:34,430 --> 00:45:35,500
♪ Sexy, sexy boys ♪

985
00:45:35,500 --> 00:45:37,402
What's the verdict, Doc?

986
00:45:37,402 --> 00:45:38,980
- Well, they seem strong enough.

987
00:45:38,980 --> 00:45:41,050
I'll have my final report later.

988
00:45:41,050 --> 00:45:42,960
- Kirk, you have to go downstairs

989
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:44,833
and get our computerized
flight plan ready.

990
00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:47,010
- All right, then--
- all right, we can,

991
00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:50,141
this time he's talking to me.

992
00:45:50,141 --> 00:45:50,974
- Hm.

993
00:45:52,351 --> 00:45:55,360
- I mean, we can go
right now if you'd like.

994
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:56,214
- Great.

995
00:45:56,214 --> 00:45:58,797
(upbeat music)

996
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,760
- They want outta here bad.

997
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:06,330
- Are you havin' a
psychic impression, Bob?

998
00:46:06,330 --> 00:46:07,963
- Yeah, you could call it that.

999
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:10,700
I'll stay here and finish my report.

1000
00:46:11,687 --> 00:46:13,890
- Let's go after 'em.

1001
00:46:13,890 --> 00:46:14,723
- Oop!

1002
00:46:16,579 --> 00:46:17,699
(Charlie sighs)

1003
00:46:17,699 --> 00:46:20,366
(gentle music)

1004
00:46:22,121 --> 00:46:27,121
(elevator whirring)
(gentle music)

1005
00:46:30,683 --> 00:46:31,633
- Is this a sauna?

1006
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,923
- Nope, it's an elevator.

1007
00:46:36,330 --> 00:46:38,820
- It looks like a sauna.

1008
00:46:38,820 --> 00:46:41,223
- Trust me, it's an elevator.

1009
00:46:44,150 --> 00:46:45,360
- It's gettin' pretty hot in here.

1010
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:46,260
- It's an elevator, okay?

1011
00:46:46,260 --> 00:46:48,243
- Okay, okay, it's an elevator.

1012
00:46:49,910 --> 00:46:52,342
- Now what's downstairs, Charlie?

1013
00:46:52,342 --> 00:46:53,970
- It's a top secret room where

1014
00:46:53,970 --> 00:46:56,810
our most sophisticated computers are.

1015
00:46:56,810 --> 00:46:58,771
Only a few people in
the world have access.

1016
00:46:58,771 --> 00:46:59,604
- Hm.

1017
00:46:59,604 --> 00:47:01,500
Well, how do you keep
unauthorized personnel

1018
00:47:01,500 --> 00:47:03,600
from just wandering it?

1019
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,630
- Besides being 240,000 miles from Earth,

1020
00:47:06,630 --> 00:47:09,680
and 100 feet below the lunar surface,

1021
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,020
there are five security
devices that we have to pass.

1022
00:47:13,020 --> 00:47:15,020
- Can you elucidate?

1023
00:47:15,020 --> 00:47:18,286
- I could, but who's gonna clean it up?

1024
00:47:18,286 --> 00:47:19,150
- Hm.

1025
00:47:19,150 --> 00:47:20,678
Well, not me.

1026
00:47:20,678 --> 00:47:21,637
(air whooshing)

1027
00:47:21,637 --> 00:47:24,304
(upbeat music)

1028
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,120
- [Dr. Deystrum] Sinus analyzer.

1029
00:47:28,870 --> 00:47:31,318
Cover nose and breathe deeply.

1030
00:47:31,318 --> 00:47:33,507
(analyzer beeping)

1031
00:47:33,507 --> 00:47:35,220
- Oh, breathalyzer, all right.

1032
00:47:35,220 --> 00:47:36,420
Whoa!

1033
00:47:36,420 --> 00:47:38,421
- [Dr. Deystrum] Sinus analysis complete.

1034
00:47:38,421 --> 00:47:39,360
(Kirk groans)

1035
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:40,262
You may proceed.

1036
00:47:40,262 --> 00:47:41,095
(air whooshing)

1037
00:47:41,095 --> 00:47:42,260
- What's this room?

1038
00:47:42,260 --> 00:47:44,090
- [Dr. Deystrum] Footprint analyzer.

1039
00:47:44,090 --> 00:47:45,683
Place feet on sensor.

1040
00:47:47,060 --> 00:47:48,690
Footprint analysis complete.

1041
00:47:48,690 --> 00:47:50,463
You may proceed.

1042
00:47:51,693 --> 00:47:54,970
(air whooshing)
(upbeat music)

1043
00:47:54,970 --> 00:47:56,850
Bite analyzer.

1044
00:47:56,850 --> 00:47:57,975
- What?

1045
00:47:57,975 --> 00:48:00,890
(air hissing)

1046
00:48:00,890 --> 00:48:02,740
- [Dr. Deystrum] Bite down on sponge.

1047
00:48:04,047 --> 00:48:05,860
(liquid gushing)

1048
00:48:05,860 --> 00:48:06,693
- Really?

1049
00:48:06,693 --> 00:48:08,489
- [Dr. Deystrum] Bite down on sponge.

1050
00:48:08,489 --> 00:48:11,120
(playful music)

1051
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:12,980
Bite down on sponge, damn it!

1052
00:48:12,980 --> 00:48:14,614
- [Kirk] All right.

1053
00:48:14,614 --> 00:48:17,353
- [Dr. Deystrum] Bite analysis complete,

1054
00:48:17,353 --> 00:48:18,186
(Kirk spits)

1055
00:48:18,186 --> 00:48:20,030
at last.

1056
00:48:20,030 --> 00:48:20,863
You may proceed.

1057
00:48:20,863 --> 00:48:21,696
(air whooshing)

1058
00:48:21,696 --> 00:48:23,200
- What the hell is this?

1059
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,620
- [Dr. Deystrum] Belly button analyzer.

1060
00:48:25,620 --> 00:48:28,280
Place plunger over belly button.

1061
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,208
Belly button analysis complete.

1062
00:48:30,208 --> 00:48:31,048
(plunger popping)

1063
00:48:31,048 --> 00:48:32,010
- Stupid.

1064
00:48:32,010 --> 00:48:33,099
- [Dr. Deystrum] You may proceed.

1065
00:48:33,099 --> 00:48:36,520
(air whooshing)

1066
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,000
- Is this the last of it?

1067
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,390
- Yes.

1068
00:48:39,390 --> 00:48:40,785
- What's this one do?

1069
00:48:40,785 --> 00:48:43,452
(playful music)

1070
00:48:44,867 --> 00:48:46,705
- Anal analyzer?

1071
00:48:46,705 --> 00:48:50,897
(machinery whirring)
(pensive music)

1072
00:48:50,897 --> 00:48:53,647
(wheel creaking)

1073
00:48:55,228 --> 00:48:58,228
(elevator whirring)

1074
00:49:00,488 --> 00:49:01,628
(Kirk groans)

1075
00:49:01,628 --> 00:49:02,770
(Kirk squeaks)

1076
00:49:02,770 --> 00:49:03,603
Oi!

1077
00:49:03,603 --> 00:49:06,197
(Kirk groaning)

1078
00:49:12,050 --> 00:49:14,350
- We're gonna get that
computerized print out.

1079
00:49:15,630 --> 00:49:17,130
- I don't think I can make it.

1080
00:49:19,375 --> 00:49:21,880
- Well, that's strange.

1081
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:23,730
- What do you mean?

1082
00:49:23,730 --> 00:49:27,050
- We just got TSA'd big time.

1083
00:49:27,050 --> 00:49:28,860
How are they able to move?

1084
00:49:28,860 --> 00:49:30,540
- Good question.

1085
00:49:30,540 --> 00:49:32,910
We need to talk but not here.

1086
00:49:32,910 --> 00:49:34,980
Jack and Cheryl might hear us.

1087
00:49:34,980 --> 00:49:36,283
- [Jack and Cheryl] No we won't.

1088
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:39,850
- There's a conference room on level two.

1089
00:49:39,850 --> 00:49:41,090
We can talk there.

1090
00:49:41,090 --> 00:49:42,280
- Great.

1091
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:44,130
Let's see if we can stand (groaning).

1092
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:47,550
Oh, man.

1093
00:49:47,550 --> 00:49:49,973
Anal analyzer, mother...

1094
00:49:49,973 --> 00:49:50,806
(wood cracks)

1095
00:49:50,806 --> 00:49:52,073
Oh!

1096
00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:54,600
Oo!
(wood cracks)

1097
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:56,802
Wow, man!

1098
00:49:56,802 --> 00:49:58,453
Wowza!

1099
00:49:58,453 --> 00:49:59,805
That yoga's really payin' off.

1100
00:49:59,805 --> 00:50:01,600
(air whooshing)

1101
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,513
- Get out here now!

1102
00:50:05,475 --> 00:50:06,690
(Durwood coughs)

1103
00:50:06,690 --> 00:50:08,033
Oo, whoa!

1104
00:50:09,590 --> 00:50:12,710
White boy's packin' some
serious heat up in here.

1105
00:50:12,710 --> 00:50:13,543
Yeah!

1106
00:50:14,710 --> 00:50:16,320
- It's not what you think.

1107
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:20,330
- Oh, well you certainly
have come to the right girl.

1108
00:50:20,330 --> 00:50:21,797
Let's take a little peek.

1109
00:50:21,797 --> 00:50:23,311
- Okay.

1110
00:50:23,311 --> 00:50:25,540
Careful.
(stalks snapping)

1111
00:50:25,540 --> 00:50:30,540
- Oh, what the Jolly Green Giant is this?

1112
00:50:30,700 --> 00:50:34,221
Have you been rippin'
off the commissary again?

1113
00:50:34,221 --> 00:50:35,054
- It just grew.

1114
00:50:36,030 --> 00:50:37,421
- Grew?

1115
00:50:37,421 --> 00:50:39,910
- What else do you have down here?

1116
00:50:39,910 --> 00:50:42,220
- Two great big onions.

1117
00:50:42,220 --> 00:50:45,150
- Well, this is a real
mess ain't it, Farmer John?

1118
00:50:45,150 --> 00:50:47,713
Didn't you attend any of my
personal hygiene courses?

1119
00:50:47,713 --> 00:50:48,546
(stomach gurgling)

1120
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:49,545
- Oh no.

1121
00:50:49,545 --> 00:50:51,726
I feel a tomato coming on.

1122
00:50:51,726 --> 00:50:53,200
Oh, what do I do?

1123
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,950
- Well, grow some lettuce or
I'm gonna toss me a salad.

1124
00:50:56,824 --> 00:50:58,625
(Durwood grunting)

1125
00:50:58,625 --> 00:51:00,763
- I'm so thirsty.

1126
00:51:00,763 --> 00:51:01,844
Are you thirsty?

1127
00:51:01,844 --> 00:51:03,167
- I'm thirsty.

1128
00:51:03,167 --> 00:51:04,143
- I need water.

1129
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,537
Lots and lots of water.

1130
00:51:07,537 --> 00:51:09,370
- Hey, water?
- Water.

1131
00:51:10,596 --> 00:51:12,346
- Hey.
- What happened?

1132
00:51:12,346 --> 00:51:13,179
- No, no.

1133
00:51:14,030 --> 00:51:16,299
I need to be watered, you got to water me.

1134
00:51:16,299 --> 00:51:17,433
(water splashing)

1135
00:51:17,433 --> 00:51:18,966
This won't be enough.

1136
00:51:18,966 --> 00:51:23,276
(Miss Hastings moaning)
(Durwood moaning)

1137
00:51:23,276 --> 00:51:24,263
Find another jug.

1138
00:51:26,204 --> 00:51:28,410
- It's too dark in here, huh?

1139
00:51:28,410 --> 00:51:29,243
I need light.

1140
00:51:29,243 --> 00:51:30,300
- I need, no.

1141
00:51:30,300 --> 00:51:31,197
- Warm, wonderful light.

1142
00:51:31,197 --> 00:51:33,170
- No, no, no.

1143
00:51:33,170 --> 00:51:34,330
I need light.

1144
00:51:34,330 --> 00:51:35,910
Get to one side.

1145
00:51:35,910 --> 00:51:36,820
- [Durwood] I can't.

1146
00:51:36,820 --> 00:51:38,168
My roots are stuck to the floor.

1147
00:51:38,168 --> 00:51:40,501
(Miss Hastings gasps)

1148
00:51:40,501 --> 00:51:42,678
- I'm afraid it's too late.

1149
00:51:42,678 --> 00:51:45,248
We're turning into plants.

1150
00:51:45,248 --> 00:51:47,204
(Major Bushe laughing)
(Captain Snortz laughing)

1151
00:51:47,204 --> 00:51:48,964
I guess this is the end.

1152
00:51:48,964 --> 00:51:50,814
Goodbye, Durwood.

1153
00:51:50,814 --> 00:51:52,766
(bubbles popping)

1154
00:51:52,766 --> 00:51:54,436
- You called me Durwood.

1155
00:51:54,436 --> 00:51:55,936
- I did, didn't I?

1156
00:51:57,681 --> 00:51:58,870
- Let's pollinate.

1157
00:51:58,870 --> 00:52:00,350
- I love you.

1158
00:52:00,350 --> 00:52:01,867
I have always loved you.

1159
00:52:01,867 --> 00:52:03,274
- I'm gonna lick your fruit gub.

1160
00:52:03,274 --> 00:52:06,630
- I want us to have wild, botanic sex.

1161
00:52:06,630 --> 00:52:08,970
- I'm gonna squeeze your melon.

1162
00:52:08,970 --> 00:52:10,520
- Kneel down, Durwood.

1163
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:13,994
Kneel down and feast upon
the fruit of my loins.

1164
00:52:13,994 --> 00:52:15,226
Yeah!
- Tug on my banana, baby.

1165
00:52:15,226 --> 00:52:16,517
- [Miss Hastings] I'll tug hard.

1166
00:52:16,517 --> 00:52:17,780
Yeah!

1167
00:52:17,780 --> 00:52:18,650
Yeah!

1168
00:52:18,650 --> 00:52:23,650
(Miss Hastings laughing)
(produce thudding)

1169
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:26,393
- Oh, good, you're here.

1170
00:52:28,020 --> 00:52:31,283
Guys, we're on this end over here.

1171
00:52:32,851 --> 00:52:33,794
- Hey.

1172
00:52:33,794 --> 00:52:35,070
Hey.

1173
00:52:35,070 --> 00:52:35,903
Guys?

1174
00:52:35,903 --> 00:52:38,414
(Kirk grunting)

1175
00:52:39,854 --> 00:52:41,433
- Man, this table's big.

1176
00:52:43,130 --> 00:52:43,963
Oo.

1177
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:49,980
Hey guys, what do you
say we change it up a bit

1178
00:52:49,980 --> 00:52:52,400
and meet on the other end of the table?

1179
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:53,700
- No, we're good here.

1180
00:52:53,700 --> 00:52:55,190
- We like it here.

1181
00:52:55,190 --> 00:52:56,023
- Oh.

1182
00:52:57,540 --> 00:52:59,710
Oh, this table is so long.

1183
00:52:59,710 --> 00:53:01,377
Oh, chest pains.

1184
00:53:01,377 --> 00:53:04,044
(Kirk groaning)

1185
00:53:09,410 --> 00:53:14,410
Garrison, must have mouth-to-mouth.

1186
00:53:15,038 --> 00:53:17,460
(Kirk groaning)

1187
00:53:17,460 --> 00:53:18,863
Oh, yeah.

1188
00:53:21,830 --> 00:53:23,630
- That's my medical report.

1189
00:53:23,630 --> 00:53:24,753
I've gone over it and over it.

1190
00:53:24,753 --> 00:53:26,198
- Is this all you've got?

1191
00:53:26,198 --> 00:53:27,610
- So far.

1192
00:53:27,610 --> 00:53:29,690
I didn't have time to give
'em the full treatment.

1193
00:53:29,690 --> 00:53:31,170
- What have you found?

1194
00:53:31,170 --> 00:53:33,200
- Well, they're in perfect shape.

1195
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:34,950
I've never seen two people more healthy.

1196
00:53:34,950 --> 00:53:37,200
- She hasn't said a
word since we got here,

1197
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:38,720
maybe she's hiding something.

1198
00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:40,010
- Yeah, she wasn't hiding much.

1199
00:53:40,010 --> 00:53:43,160
You ever seen a woman
wear a bikini backwards?

1200
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,732
- No, but I sure hope it's a trend.

1201
00:53:46,732 --> 00:53:49,220
- There's one thing we know for sure.

1202
00:53:49,220 --> 00:53:50,630
Something happened to those two.

1203
00:53:50,630 --> 00:53:52,880
- Another psychic impression, Bob?

1204
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,160
- You could call it that.

1205
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,150
- They've certainly been acting strange.

1206
00:53:56,150 --> 00:53:59,220
Jack thinks I'm Kirk and thinks Kirk's me.

1207
00:53:59,220 --> 00:54:02,000
- Yes, I noticed that, too.
- Yeah.

1208
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,160
They haven't eaten any of
their food in two weeks.

1209
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:05,540
- And we haven't heard from them

1210
00:54:05,540 --> 00:54:06,644
in the past couple of weeks.

1211
00:54:06,644 --> 00:54:09,070
- So, the obvious answer is--

1212
00:54:09,070 --> 00:54:10,890
- They've been on a diet for two weeks

1213
00:54:10,890 --> 00:54:12,240
and didn't wanna tell us.

1214
00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:13,628
- Now we're getting somewhere.

1215
00:54:13,628 --> 00:54:14,957
- The thing I don't understand is--

1216
00:54:14,957 --> 00:54:17,820
(shuttle whirring)

1217
00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:19,603
That's a shuttle taking off.

1218
00:54:20,667 --> 00:54:22,605
(playful music)

1219
00:54:22,605 --> 00:54:26,365
- Well, at least they didn't
jack the nuclear reactor.

1220
00:54:26,365 --> 00:54:27,613
(alarm blares)

1221
00:54:27,613 --> 00:54:28,960
Huh?

1222
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:29,928
Those fucking dicks!

1223
00:54:29,928 --> 00:54:33,650
(Kirk panting)
(alarm blaring)

1224
00:54:33,650 --> 00:54:36,091
Intercom, activate hummingbird.

1225
00:54:36,091 --> 00:54:38,084
(helicopter blades whirring)

1226
00:54:38,084 --> 00:54:40,079
(intercom beeps)

1227
00:54:40,079 --> 00:54:42,770
Connie, Charlie, Bob, get back down here.

1228
00:54:42,770 --> 00:54:45,280
The nuclear reactor's
going super critical.

1229
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:46,330
And it's about to explode!

1230
00:54:46,330 --> 00:54:49,610
This will cause a large scale destruction.

1231
00:54:49,610 --> 00:54:50,693
Hey, wait up.

1232
00:54:53,108 --> 00:54:54,668
- Look at the door!

1233
00:54:54,668 --> 00:54:55,948
- It's fused shut.

1234
00:54:55,948 --> 00:54:57,963
- Is there another way in?

1235
00:54:57,963 --> 00:54:59,870
- Connie, go get a laser gun.

1236
00:54:59,870 --> 00:55:01,700
Maybe we can blast our way through.

1237
00:55:01,700 --> 00:55:02,533
- Right.

1238
00:55:02,533 --> 00:55:04,210
- Bob, go call Houston.

1239
00:55:04,210 --> 00:55:07,350
Tell them of our situation
and of Jack and Cheryl.

1240
00:55:07,350 --> 00:55:08,183
- Sure thing.

1241
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:10,900
- Wait, I almost forgot.

1242
00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:13,312
- Can we attain ingress
through another passage?

1243
00:55:13,312 --> 00:55:15,493
- No, but there's another way in.

1244
00:55:17,580 --> 00:55:18,790
- Having that piece of chalk

1245
00:55:18,790 --> 00:55:21,990
was certainly fortuitous, Charlie.

1246
00:55:21,990 --> 00:55:23,330
- Lucky, too.

1247
00:55:23,330 --> 00:55:25,192
Now, okay, here we have the kitchen

1248
00:55:25,192 --> 00:55:27,621
and over here are the bathrooms,

1249
00:55:27,621 --> 00:55:30,830
and this is the master bedroom.

1250
00:55:30,830 --> 00:55:32,833
- Yes, but where is the reactor room?

1251
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:36,313
- Sorry.

1252
00:55:36,313 --> 00:55:37,146
Wrong complex.

1253
00:55:38,180 --> 00:55:39,520
- Hurry Charlie, we don't have much time.

1254
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:42,027
- Okay, now this is the reactor room.

1255
00:55:42,027 --> 00:55:45,860
There's an access tube
that leads in here but--

1256
00:55:45,860 --> 00:55:46,743
- But?

1257
00:55:47,620 --> 00:55:50,810
- It's connected to the
third floor computer complex.

1258
00:55:50,810 --> 00:55:52,970
- You mean, I've got to go through

1259
00:55:52,970 --> 00:55:56,560
all those security devices again?

1260
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,807
- I'll keep in touch with you by intercom.

1261
00:55:57,807 --> 00:55:59,200
- Sounds swell.

1262
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:00,033
Wish me luck.

1263
00:56:00,033 --> 00:56:01,660
- [Charlie] Good luck, Kirk.

1264
00:56:01,660 --> 00:56:02,910
We're all counting on ya.

1265
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:04,720
- All right.

1266
00:56:04,720 --> 00:56:05,828
(air whooshing)

1267
00:56:05,828 --> 00:56:06,661
(Kirk panting)

1268
00:56:06,661 --> 00:56:07,770
- [Dr. Deystrum] Sinus analyzer.

1269
00:56:07,770 --> 00:56:09,030
- Whoa!
- Cover nose

1270
00:56:09,030 --> 00:56:10,480
- Guys!
- and breath deeply.

1271
00:56:11,930 --> 00:56:13,523
Sinus analysis complete.

1272
00:56:14,390 --> 00:56:15,870
You may proceed.

1273
00:56:15,870 --> 00:56:19,817
- Must hurry, must hurry,
must hurry (panting).

1274
00:56:22,830 --> 00:56:23,663
- Stand back!

1275
00:56:24,829 --> 00:56:27,760
(blaster whirring)

1276
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:28,677
- Nothing's happening.

1277
00:56:28,677 --> 00:56:30,390
- I know.

1278
00:56:30,390 --> 00:56:32,250
I'll increase to full power.

1279
00:56:32,250 --> 00:56:33,083
- Isn't that a little risky?

1280
00:56:33,083 --> 00:56:35,360
- Maybe but we've gotta get in there.

1281
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:36,560
Where's Kirk?

1282
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:37,393
- I'll check.

1283
00:56:39,603 --> 00:56:40,880
(Kirk panting)

1284
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:42,184
- Footprint analyzer.

1285
00:56:42,184 --> 00:56:44,767
(gentle music)

1286
00:56:48,490 --> 00:56:50,580
place feet on sensor.

1287
00:56:50,580 --> 00:56:51,850
- [Kirk] They're on!

1288
00:56:51,850 --> 00:56:53,373
- Footprint analysis complete.

1289
00:56:55,385 --> 00:56:56,392
You may proceed.

1290
00:56:56,392 --> 00:56:58,819
(gentle music)

1291
00:56:58,819 --> 00:57:01,460
(Kirk panting)

1292
00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:03,240
Bite analyzer.

1293
00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:04,313
Bite down on sponge.

1294
00:57:06,630 --> 00:57:08,890
Bite down on sponge!

1295
00:57:08,890 --> 00:57:11,401
- Bite down on sponge you little wuss.

1296
00:57:11,401 --> 00:57:12,400
(sponge thuds)
(Kirk gasps)

1297
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:13,531
- Ow, come here!

1298
00:57:13,531 --> 00:57:16,114
(gentle music)

1299
00:57:18,173 --> 00:57:19,451
- Mm.

1300
00:57:19,451 --> 00:57:21,740
Bite analyzer complete.

1301
00:57:21,740 --> 00:57:23,040
You may proceed.

1302
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:27,980
(Kirk panting)
(upbeat music)

1303
00:57:27,980 --> 00:57:30,370
It's wet t-shirt time, Ramora,

1304
00:57:30,370 --> 00:57:31,880
and you're gonna get it.

1305
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:35,153
- Dr. Deystrum, you don't
have a long enough hose.

1306
00:57:35,153 --> 00:57:36,600
- Well, we'll see...

1307
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:40,193
Belly button analyzer.

1308
00:57:41,540 --> 00:57:44,360
Place plunger over belly button.

1309
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:45,660
- I did, I did.

1310
00:57:45,660 --> 00:57:47,320
- [Dr. Deystrum] Belly
button analysis complete.

1311
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:48,972
You may proceed.

1312
00:57:48,972 --> 00:57:49,805
(plunger pops)

1313
00:57:49,805 --> 00:57:50,638
- Ouch!

1314
00:57:51,991 --> 00:57:56,978
(Kirk panting)
(upbeat music)

1315
00:57:56,978 --> 00:57:58,279
(alert beeps)

1316
00:57:58,279 --> 00:57:59,883
Anal analyzer.

1317
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:01,940
- Oh, God.

1318
00:58:01,940 --> 00:58:02,813
I forgot the KY!

1319
00:58:04,148 --> 00:58:09,146
(machinery whirring)
(Kirk groaning)

1320
00:58:09,146 --> 00:58:14,146
(wheel creaking)
(upbeat music)

1321
00:58:14,565 --> 00:58:15,445
(Kirk groans)

1322
00:58:15,445 --> 00:58:17,700
(Kirk speaking in foreign language)

1323
00:58:17,700 --> 00:58:18,710
- Kirk?

1324
00:58:18,710 --> 00:58:20,050
There's only seconds left.

1325
00:58:20,050 --> 00:58:21,630
Ahead of you is the tube hatch.

1326
00:58:21,630 --> 00:58:23,569
Enter one, two, three
on the security keypad

1327
00:58:23,569 --> 00:58:25,280
and the hatch will open.

1328
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:28,080
Climb into the tube and
you'll be in the reactor room.

1329
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:29,377
Can you do it?

1330
00:58:29,377 --> 00:58:32,673
- I think I can.

1331
00:58:32,673 --> 00:58:33,840
I think I can.

1332
00:58:35,377 --> 00:58:39,002
I think I can.

1333
00:58:39,002 --> 00:58:41,590
(upbeat music)
(electricity crackling)

1334
00:58:41,590 --> 00:58:43,210
Oh, no.

1335
00:58:43,210 --> 00:58:44,240
Oh, please.

1336
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:47,310
Please little gerbil, don't fail us now.

1337
00:58:47,310 --> 00:58:49,267
Not in our most desperate hour.

1338
00:58:49,267 --> 00:58:52,268
We beseech you to keep
the wheels spinning.

1339
00:58:52,268 --> 00:58:55,730
Although we are only
human and you are not,

1340
00:58:55,730 --> 00:58:57,410
- So what?
- please grant

1341
00:58:57,410 --> 00:58:59,920
us deliverance from the dark.

1342
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:00,753
Amen.

1343
00:59:02,654 --> 00:59:04,357
- [Hammy The Hamster] Okay.

1344
00:59:04,357 --> 00:59:07,462
(electricity whirring)

1345
00:59:07,462 --> 00:59:10,665
(Kirk sighs)

1346
00:59:10,665 --> 00:59:13,498
(buttons beeping)

1347
00:59:15,220 --> 00:59:17,153
- I'll remember you, always.

1348
00:59:18,786 --> 00:59:19,807
Hm.

1349
00:59:19,807 --> 00:59:23,290
(Kirk grunting)
(upbeat music)

1350
00:59:23,290 --> 00:59:24,349
Whoa!

1351
00:59:24,349 --> 00:59:26,984
(wheel creaking)
(electricity whirring)

1352
00:59:26,984 --> 00:59:28,421
- [Hammy The Hamster] Jerk-off.

1353
00:59:28,421 --> 00:59:29,254
(door slams)

1354
00:59:29,254 --> 00:59:30,087
(alarm blaring)

1355
00:59:30,087 --> 00:59:31,148
- What's happening?

1356
00:59:31,148 --> 00:59:31,981
- Watch out!

1357
00:59:31,981 --> 00:59:33,199
You'll get killed by the laser.

1358
00:59:33,199 --> 00:59:34,032
- Oh, sorry.

1359
00:59:34,032 --> 00:59:35,387
- Shield your eyes.

1360
00:59:35,387 --> 00:59:37,090
That light can blind you.

1361
00:59:37,090 --> 00:59:38,060
- How much time do we have?

1362
00:59:38,060 --> 00:59:40,198
- It's gonna blow any second.

1363
00:59:40,198 --> 00:59:42,114
- What about this door?

1364
00:59:42,114 --> 00:59:44,613
- Oh, silly me, there is another door.

1365
00:59:44,613 --> 00:59:46,092
Come on!

1366
00:59:46,092 --> 00:59:47,772
(hen clucking)

1367
00:59:47,772 --> 00:59:50,767
(alarm blaring)
(dramatic music)

1368
00:59:50,767 --> 00:59:55,767
(all yelling)
(dramatic music)

1369
01:00:00,927 --> 01:00:05,927
(symbols crashing)
(dramatic music)

1370
01:00:17,694 --> 01:00:18,620
(Charlie sighs)

1371
01:00:18,620 --> 01:00:19,614
- We fixed it!

1372
01:00:19,614 --> 01:00:21,420
- That was a close one.

1373
01:00:21,420 --> 01:00:22,761
- Yeah, but Bob saved the day.

1374
01:00:22,761 --> 01:00:24,476
- (chuckles) Aw, shucks.

1375
01:00:24,476 --> 01:00:26,924
I'd like you guys to know that
I did it just to save myself.

1376
01:00:26,924 --> 01:00:28,220
(latch whirring)

1377
01:00:28,220 --> 01:00:29,422
(Kirk groaning)

1378
01:00:29,422 --> 01:00:30,790
- Okay.

1379
01:00:30,790 --> 01:00:31,623
Yes.

1380
01:00:34,601 --> 01:00:37,780
(metal clangs)

1381
01:00:37,780 --> 01:00:39,260
Okay, Charlie.

1382
01:00:39,260 --> 01:00:40,093
I'm in.

1383
01:00:41,290 --> 01:00:42,123
What now?

1384
01:00:42,964 --> 01:00:43,797
Huh?

1385
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,936
I was supposed to save us.

1386
01:00:46,936 --> 01:00:48,880
- (scoffs) We couldn't
wait any longer, Kirk.

1387
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:52,240
- [Kirk] Oh, so what do you
have to say for yourselves?

1388
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:53,940
- [All] We're sorry.

1389
01:00:53,940 --> 01:00:55,632
- What do you make of it, Doc?

1390
01:00:55,632 --> 01:00:57,980
- Well, it may be advanced schizophrenia

1391
01:00:57,980 --> 01:01:00,620
or perhaps a drug related
psychosis impairing

1392
01:01:00,620 --> 01:01:02,829
their ability to rationalize
their thoughts and actions.

1393
01:01:02,829 --> 01:01:05,610
Whatever it is, I'm gonna jack 'em up

1394
01:01:05,610 --> 01:01:07,680
if they pull that crap again.

1395
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,767
- Come on, let's go after 'em.

1396
01:01:11,580 --> 01:01:12,570
- Did you see that?

1397
01:01:12,570 --> 01:01:13,403
- What?

1398
01:01:13,403 --> 01:01:16,160
- These plants, they're shaking.

1399
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:18,020
- I think they're tryin'
to tell us something.

1400
01:01:18,020 --> 01:01:20,590
- Charlie, plants are your best friends.

1401
01:01:20,590 --> 01:01:23,665
Do you think you can
make telepathic contact?

1402
01:01:23,665 --> 01:01:24,933
- I can try.

1403
01:01:25,856 --> 01:01:29,709
Ohm.
(eerie music)

1404
01:01:29,709 --> 01:01:32,626
(Charlie grunting)

1405
01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:36,890
- [Kirk] Well?

1406
01:01:36,890 --> 01:01:38,424
- It's Jack.

1407
01:01:38,424 --> 01:01:39,850
- [All] Huh?

1408
01:01:39,850 --> 01:01:40,940
- It's Jack.

1409
01:01:40,940 --> 01:01:42,320
He says he wants a beer.

1410
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,240
- No.
- Come on.

1411
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:45,073
Ask him.

1412
01:01:46,220 --> 01:01:49,283
- Jack, is it really you?

1413
01:01:50,130 --> 01:01:52,830
Oh, Jack, it is you.

1414
01:01:52,830 --> 01:01:54,725
Why did you do this to yourself?

1415
01:01:54,725 --> 01:01:56,400
(leaf whacks)
(Kirk gasps)

1416
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:59,600
- I think they were turned
into plants by aliens.

1417
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:01,830
- What kind of aliens?

1418
01:02:01,830 --> 01:02:03,880
- Probably the same kind who were taking

1419
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:05,230
over Earth when we left.

1420
01:02:05,230 --> 01:02:08,500
- So, those other two were aliens?

1421
01:02:08,500 --> 01:02:10,880
- You certainly are psychic, Bob.

1422
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:12,575
I'm glad you're on our side.

1423
01:02:12,575 --> 01:02:14,175
- I know you are.

1424
01:02:14,175 --> 01:02:16,380
- We gotta get those miserable aliens.

1425
01:02:16,380 --> 01:02:17,550
- She's right.

1426
01:02:17,550 --> 01:02:20,245
Let's expel some gas.

1427
01:02:20,245 --> 01:02:22,828
(Kirk farting)

1428
01:02:27,287 --> 01:02:29,830
(engine whirring)

1429
01:02:29,830 --> 01:02:30,663
Down periscope.

1430
01:02:30,663 --> 01:02:32,484
(machinery whirring)

1431
01:02:32,484 --> 01:02:34,236
Oh, we're gaining on them.

1432
01:02:34,236 --> 01:02:37,210
(engines whirring)

1433
01:02:37,210 --> 01:02:39,075
Scootie, we need more power!

1434
01:02:39,075 --> 01:02:40,948
- Me poor bombs are about
to overheat, Captain,

1435
01:02:40,948 --> 01:02:42,898
but I'll try to get you a wee bit more.

1436
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:46,610
- Steady, steady.

1437
01:02:46,610 --> 01:02:48,890
Fire futon torpedoes.

1438
01:02:48,890 --> 01:02:51,556
- This isn't a TV show Captain Jerk.

1439
01:02:51,556 --> 01:02:53,379
We don't have weapons.

1440
01:02:53,379 --> 01:02:56,462
(machinery whirring)

1441
01:02:57,765 --> 01:02:59,783
- Look at the size of that thing.

1442
01:02:59,783 --> 01:03:02,004
- It's like a gigantic greenhouse.

1443
01:03:02,004 --> 01:03:07,004
(pensive music)
(machinery whirring)

1444
01:03:14,270 --> 01:03:15,250
- We're too late.

1445
01:03:15,250 --> 01:03:16,295
Now what do we do?

1446
01:03:16,295 --> 01:03:20,610
(machinery whirring)
(dramatic music)

1447
01:03:20,610 --> 01:03:22,245
- It's time to crash this party.

1448
01:03:22,245 --> 01:03:23,149
Hang on!

1449
01:03:23,149 --> 01:03:23,982
(engine whirring)

1450
01:03:23,982 --> 01:03:26,982
(explosion booming)

1451
01:03:28,980 --> 01:03:33,980
(plants yelling)
(explosions booming)

1452
01:03:49,763 --> 01:03:52,430
(gentle music)

1453
01:03:55,209 --> 01:03:58,060
- I feel a disturbance in the force,

1454
01:03:58,060 --> 01:04:01,470
as if a million plants
just cried out in terror.

1455
01:04:01,470 --> 01:04:03,060
- To hell with those weeping willows.

1456
01:04:03,060 --> 01:04:05,210
- At least we stopped their invasion.

1457
01:04:05,210 --> 01:04:07,450
- But now we've got to warn humanity.

1458
01:04:07,450 --> 01:04:09,863
Let's get to Earth as fast as we can.

1459
01:04:09,863 --> 01:04:11,137
(engine whirring)

1460
01:04:11,137 --> 01:04:14,137
(explosion booming)

1461
01:04:24,097 --> 01:04:27,750
(groans) Well, now that
we're back on Earth,

1462
01:04:27,750 --> 01:04:29,673
maybe we should take a look around.

1463
01:04:30,811 --> 01:04:34,040
(Charlie groaning)
(Kirk groans)

1464
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:34,873
Whew!

1465
01:04:34,873 --> 01:04:37,447
(Bob groaning)

1466
01:04:39,042 --> 01:04:41,709
(hip hop music)

1467
01:04:44,514 --> 01:04:45,347
Huh?

1468
01:04:45,347 --> 01:04:48,014
(hip hop music)

1469
01:04:50,959 --> 01:04:51,792
What?

1470
01:04:52,697 --> 01:04:53,703
Oh.

1471
01:04:53,703 --> 01:04:56,165
I'm not going to this party.

1472
01:04:56,165 --> 01:04:58,915
(hip hop music)

1473
01:05:04,670 --> 01:05:05,840
Connie, this is Kirk.

1474
01:05:05,840 --> 01:05:07,010
What do you got?

1475
01:05:07,010 --> 01:05:08,639
- Just plants and trees.

1476
01:05:08,639 --> 01:05:09,903
All sorts of 'em.

1477
01:05:11,822 --> 01:05:13,813
What do you suppose it means?

1478
01:05:13,813 --> 01:05:14,677
- Huh, I don't know

1479
01:05:14,677 --> 01:05:17,744
but there's somethin'
awfully shady about this.

1480
01:05:17,744 --> 01:05:18,577
(sighs)

1481
01:05:18,577 --> 01:05:19,513
Bob, report.

1482
01:05:20,483 --> 01:05:21,770
- Nothing yet.

1483
01:05:21,770 --> 01:05:24,760
Still scanning the area.

1484
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:25,593
- [Kirk] Okay.

1485
01:05:25,593 --> 01:05:27,150
Charlie?

1486
01:05:27,150 --> 01:05:28,370
- Yes?

1487
01:05:28,370 --> 01:05:31,190
- [Kirk] Have you seen anything unusual?

1488
01:05:31,190 --> 01:05:33,011
- Nothing I haven't seen before.

1489
01:05:33,011 --> 01:05:35,123
- Okay, Charlie, I'll get back to you.

1490
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:37,120
- [Connie] This is Connie.

1491
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:38,213
- Oh, I'm sorry.

1492
01:05:39,417 --> 01:05:42,179
Charlie, okay, I'll get back to you.

1493
01:05:42,179 --> 01:05:43,190
- [Bob] This is Bob.

1494
01:05:43,190 --> 01:05:44,163
- Oh, hi Bob.

1495
01:05:45,190 --> 01:05:47,939
Oh, I got a headache.

1496
01:05:47,939 --> 01:05:50,493
(crow cawing)

1497
01:05:50,493 --> 01:05:51,353
(dinosaur growls)

1498
01:05:51,353 --> 01:05:52,186
Whoa!

1499
01:05:52,186 --> 01:05:55,019
(dinosaur growls)

1500
01:05:57,981 --> 01:05:59,693
(Kirk grunts)
(air whooshing)

1501
01:05:59,693 --> 01:06:03,500
(boulder thuds)
(Kirk gasps)

1502
01:06:03,500 --> 01:06:05,943
50 years later and he's still pissed.

1503
01:06:07,740 --> 01:06:09,410
- Crazy kid.

1504
01:06:09,410 --> 01:06:11,640
Throw the rock then growl.

1505
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:14,133
- [Dinosaur] Sorry, Daddy.

1506
01:06:15,135 --> 01:06:18,023
- Stupid flower out in
the middle of nowhere.

1507
01:06:18,023 --> 01:06:23,023
(Kirk grunting)
(shoe squeaking)

1508
01:06:23,150 --> 01:06:24,940
- What are you doin', fool?

1509
01:06:24,940 --> 01:06:27,160
You just kicked over a plant.

1510
01:06:27,160 --> 01:06:28,670
Your carelessness just cost the life

1511
01:06:28,670 --> 01:06:29,975
of a innocent by-stalker.

1512
01:06:29,975 --> 01:06:31,450
(air whooshing)

1513
01:06:31,450 --> 01:06:33,893
- Ladies and gentlemen,

1514
01:06:33,893 --> 01:06:35,040
boys and girls--
(popcorn crunching)

1515
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:37,189
Stop eatin' the popcorn
while I'm doin' my scene.

1516
01:06:37,189 --> 01:06:38,591
(drink slurping)

1517
01:06:38,591 --> 01:06:39,424
(take beeps)

1518
01:06:39,424 --> 01:06:42,287
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls--

1519
01:06:42,287 --> 01:06:43,474
(phone rings)

1520
01:06:43,474 --> 01:06:44,559
Now the phone's ringin'?

1521
01:06:44,559 --> 01:06:45,392
(take beeps)

1522
01:06:45,392 --> 01:06:49,230
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

1523
01:06:49,230 --> 01:06:50,680
Apollo commands the--

1524
01:06:51,730 --> 01:06:52,921
- [Director] Stop it!

1525
01:06:52,921 --> 01:06:55,254
- Let's get ready some more!

1526
01:06:56,715 --> 01:06:57,548
(air whooshing)

1527
01:06:57,548 --> 01:06:59,190
- Hummingbird motion.

1528
01:06:59,190 --> 01:07:00,394
Let's go.

1529
01:07:00,394 --> 01:07:01,916
Here we go.

1530
01:07:01,916 --> 01:07:03,148
Come on.

1531
01:07:03,148 --> 01:07:03,981
Let's go.

1532
01:07:06,220 --> 01:07:08,077
(fist thudding)
(Kirk grunting)

1533
01:07:08,077 --> 01:07:10,286
Yeah, take that, oh.

1534
01:07:10,286 --> 01:07:11,119
Oo.

1535
01:07:11,119 --> 01:07:12,109
- Oh, you a little wild one.

1536
01:07:12,109 --> 01:07:16,610
(air whooshing)
(dramatic music)

1537
01:07:16,610 --> 01:07:17,443
(Kirk calling)

1538
01:07:17,443 --> 01:07:18,276
(foot thuds)

1539
01:07:18,276 --> 01:07:19,109
Oh!

1540
01:07:20,046 --> 01:07:23,384
- Oh, give me--
(fist thuds)

1541
01:07:23,384 --> 01:07:26,302
(Kirk calling)

1542
01:07:26,302 --> 01:07:27,742
Take that.

1543
01:07:27,742 --> 01:07:28,760
(fist thuds)

1544
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:30,415
Oh!

1545
01:07:30,415 --> 01:07:31,854
Missed me.

1546
01:07:31,854 --> 01:07:32,687
(fist thuds)

1547
01:07:32,687 --> 01:07:34,386
- Man, don't touch my hair, man.

1548
01:07:34,386 --> 01:07:35,516
Get away from me.

1549
01:07:35,516 --> 01:07:37,761
- You ain't got nothin',
you ain't got nothin'.

1550
01:07:37,761 --> 01:07:39,441
(foot thuds)

1551
01:07:39,441 --> 01:07:41,012
I'm Captain Kirk Stillwood.

1552
01:07:41,012 --> 01:07:43,702
(Kirk grunting)
(playful music)

1553
01:07:43,702 --> 01:07:47,399
(Kirk imitates punches thudding)

1554
01:07:47,399 --> 01:07:48,372
(Kirk calling)

1555
01:07:48,372 --> 01:07:52,040
(foot thuds)
(gong clangs)

1556
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:54,200
Who are you Bushe and what do you want?

1557
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:57,823
- I am the Lord Sovereign of
the Plant Kingdom, Holmes.

1558
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:01,590
Millions of years ago, plants were brought

1559
01:08:01,590 --> 01:08:05,200
to the planet Earth but
they were used and abused.

1560
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:06,363
Some were even eaten.

1561
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:11,420
And for that, mankind has to pay,

1562
01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:13,940
and bitch better have my money.

1563
01:08:13,940 --> 01:08:16,600
- You mean all these plants?

1564
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:18,650
- What's left of the human race (laughs).

1565
01:08:22,470 --> 01:08:24,010
At least everyone's gone green.

1566
01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:26,040
- How did you do it?

1567
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:28,480
- Our spores were blown all over the world

1568
01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:31,230
and inhaled by you fool ass humans.

1569
01:08:31,230 --> 01:08:33,670
They immediately became plants.

1570
01:08:33,670 --> 01:08:34,961
- How's that possible?

1571
01:08:34,961 --> 01:08:36,373
- Shit if I know.

1572
01:08:37,810 --> 01:08:39,680
- Hey man, can you help us out?

1573
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,200
- Who the hell are you?

1574
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:43,496
- We're the Choom Gang.

1575
01:08:43,496 --> 01:08:46,610
I'm Buzz, this here is my bro, Budd.

1576
01:08:46,610 --> 01:08:49,611
- We just got in from Venus.

1577
01:08:49,611 --> 01:08:51,300
(Buzz chuckles)
(Budd chuckles)

1578
01:08:51,300 --> 01:08:53,276
- Somethin' smells about you two.

1579
01:08:53,276 --> 01:08:55,083
There's a strange odor.

1580
01:08:55,940 --> 01:08:57,033
Are you cannabis?

1581
01:08:57,033 --> 01:08:58,060
- No man.
- No.

1582
01:08:58,060 --> 01:08:58,893
- No man,
- No.

1583
01:08:58,893 --> 01:08:59,726
- no, you got it all wrong.
- You got it all--

1584
01:08:59,726 --> 01:09:00,980
- [Major Bushe] Captain Snortz?

1585
01:09:00,980 --> 01:09:02,370
- [Captain Snortz] At your service, Major.

1586
01:09:02,370 --> 01:09:03,500
- Take over.

1587
01:09:03,500 --> 01:09:06,490
These plants are in need
of some real tough love.

1588
01:09:06,490 --> 01:09:07,730
- [Captain Snortz] Careful, Sir.

1589
01:09:07,730 --> 01:09:08,633
They mights be narcs.

1590
01:09:08,633 --> 01:09:10,450
(air whooshing)

1591
01:09:10,450 --> 01:09:12,010
- Feel no shame in what you are.

1592
01:09:12,010 --> 01:09:16,230
Pounds is the newest line of
five blast bongs and bubblers

1593
01:09:16,230 --> 01:09:18,390
which offer a premium smokin' experience.

1594
01:09:18,390 --> 01:09:21,710
The Battleship has a rim around the top,

1595
01:09:21,710 --> 01:09:26,700
makin' it easy to get to the
suction for those massive hits.

1596
01:09:26,700 --> 01:09:27,666
- That's what I'm talkin' about.

1597
01:09:27,666 --> 01:09:28,952
- Yeah.
(Budd chuckles)

1598
01:09:28,952 --> 01:09:31,313
- The 13 inch Mothership, whew,

1599
01:09:32,370 --> 01:09:37,370
she's built with a
barrel and a percolator.

1600
01:09:37,717 --> 01:09:40,477
The Rocketship, let me tell
you about the Rocketship.

1601
01:09:40,477 --> 01:09:41,716
Mm, mm, mm.

1602
01:09:41,716 --> 01:09:46,360
The Rocketship has a diffused downstream,

1603
01:09:46,360 --> 01:09:47,955
allowing the user to cover the hole

1604
01:09:47,955 --> 01:09:52,780
with the ideal suction
when they spark it up.

1605
01:09:52,780 --> 01:09:55,151
So, whether you into flower or oil,

1606
01:09:55,151 --> 01:09:58,170
Pounds has the perfect product for you.

1607
01:09:58,170 --> 01:10:01,250
And remember, my most excellent hempsters

1608
01:10:01,250 --> 01:10:04,780
go to maryjane.com for all
the latest industry news

1609
01:10:04,780 --> 01:10:06,518
for all things cannabis, baby.

1610
01:10:06,518 --> 01:10:07,820
(air whooshing)

1611
01:10:07,820 --> 01:10:09,083
- What do you want Bushe?

1612
01:10:09,083 --> 01:10:11,399
- On Mars you stole somethin'.

1613
01:10:11,399 --> 01:10:13,750
Somethin' that didn't belong to you.

1614
01:10:13,750 --> 01:10:15,500
- You mean the Big Bang Bean?

1615
01:10:15,500 --> 01:10:17,790
- The Big Bang Bean.

1616
01:10:17,790 --> 01:10:19,010
We want it back.

1617
01:10:19,010 --> 01:10:22,170
- You'll never get it you
despicable odious alien.

1618
01:10:22,170 --> 01:10:25,373
- Captain Snortz, release the
hounds on his cray cray ass.

1619
01:10:25,373 --> 01:10:26,206
(Kirk grunts)

1620
01:10:26,206 --> 01:10:30,180
(Major Bushe laughs)
(playful music)

1621
01:10:30,180 --> 01:10:31,055
- [Kirk] Whoa!

1622
01:10:31,055 --> 01:10:32,396
Ah!

1623
01:10:32,396 --> 01:10:33,229
Whoa!

1624
01:10:33,229 --> 01:10:34,062
Ah!

1625
01:10:34,062 --> 01:10:36,337
- Shut your hole!
- Whoa!

1626
01:10:36,337 --> 01:10:37,420
Whoa!

1627
01:10:37,420 --> 01:10:38,253
- He's in trouble.
- Run, run for it!

1628
01:10:38,253 --> 01:10:39,565
- And so are we.

1629
01:10:39,565 --> 01:10:42,315
(dramatic music)

1630
01:10:46,018 --> 01:10:47,044
(fist thuds)

1631
01:10:47,044 --> 01:10:49,794
(dramatic music)

1632
01:11:13,841 --> 01:11:15,131
(Connie sighs)

1633
01:11:15,131 --> 01:11:16,700
Those aliens are everywhere.

1634
01:11:16,700 --> 01:11:17,780
- Wait a minute.

1635
01:11:17,780 --> 01:11:19,420
Where's Kirk?

1636
01:11:19,420 --> 01:11:20,253
- I thought he was with you.

1637
01:11:20,253 --> 01:11:22,580
- Oh, we must've passed him somehow.

1638
01:11:22,580 --> 01:11:24,830
- Where the hell could his little butt be?

1639
01:11:24,830 --> 01:11:25,663
- There he is.

1640
01:11:25,663 --> 01:11:27,315
He's out there with the aliens.

1641
01:11:27,315 --> 01:11:29,390
- Oh dear God, he's surrounded.

1642
01:11:29,390 --> 01:11:30,280
- Is he dead?

1643
01:11:30,280 --> 01:11:32,050
- No, it looks like he's playing possum.

1644
01:11:32,050 --> 01:11:33,482
- I'm a possum.

1645
01:11:33,482 --> 01:11:34,649
I'm a possum.

1646
01:11:44,952 --> 01:11:46,119
- [Aliens] Ah!

1647
01:11:54,232 --> 01:11:56,444
- Come on, come on, come on, come on.

1648
01:11:56,444 --> 01:11:58,670
(bottle clattering)

1649
01:11:58,670 --> 01:11:59,721
- Huh?

1650
01:11:59,721 --> 01:12:00,554
What?

1651
01:12:02,350 --> 01:12:03,734
Weed killer?

1652
01:12:03,734 --> 01:12:05,070
(Kirk laughs)

1653
01:12:05,070 --> 01:12:05,903
Die!

1654
01:12:07,087 --> 01:12:08,774
I wanna make out with you.

1655
01:12:08,774 --> 01:12:09,993
(Kirk laughs)

1656
01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:11,063
Yeah!

1657
01:12:11,063 --> 01:12:11,896
Oh!

1658
01:12:11,896 --> 01:12:12,729
Weed killer.

1659
01:12:12,729 --> 01:12:13,562
Yeah.

1660
01:12:15,420 --> 01:12:16,471
Unbelievable.

1661
01:12:16,471 --> 01:12:17,634
Open the door, open the door!

1662
01:12:17,634 --> 01:12:19,077
Open the damn door!

1663
01:12:19,077 --> 01:12:21,289
(aliens chittering)

1664
01:12:21,289 --> 01:12:24,073
(Kirk gasping)

1665
01:12:24,073 --> 01:12:25,550
- [Connie] Are you okay?

1666
01:12:25,550 --> 01:12:26,570
- Yeah.

1667
01:12:26,570 --> 01:12:27,720
- They'll be back.

1668
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:28,826
You can bet on it.

1669
01:12:28,826 --> 01:12:31,493
(pensive music)

1670
01:12:38,754 --> 01:12:40,911
(Kirk groans)

1671
01:12:40,911 --> 01:12:42,450
- All right.

1672
01:12:42,450 --> 01:12:44,500
Aliens have conquered Earth.

1673
01:12:44,500 --> 01:12:46,463
The whole human race gone.

1674
01:12:46,463 --> 01:12:48,290
- What do they want from us?

1675
01:12:48,290 --> 01:12:50,860
- They want the Big Bang Bean.

1676
01:12:50,860 --> 01:12:51,810
- What?

1677
01:12:51,810 --> 01:12:52,730
- The Big Bang Bean.

1678
01:12:52,730 --> 01:12:54,230
I brought it back from Mars.

1679
01:12:54,230 --> 01:12:55,770
They want it returned.

1680
01:12:55,770 --> 01:12:57,010
- So, give it to them.

1681
01:12:57,010 --> 01:12:58,550
What good is it anyway?

1682
01:12:58,550 --> 01:13:01,444
- Well, the Big Bang
Bean has awesome power.

1683
01:13:01,444 --> 01:13:03,360
They could use it against us.

1684
01:13:03,360 --> 01:13:05,520
Yeah, well, maybe we
could use it against them.

1685
01:13:05,520 --> 01:13:06,353
- Yeah.

1686
01:13:06,353 --> 01:13:07,186
Where is it?

1687
01:13:07,186 --> 01:13:09,233
- It's in a top secret hiding place.

1688
01:13:09,233 --> 01:13:11,530
Only the President of the United States

1689
01:13:11,530 --> 01:13:14,210
and I know where it's actually located.

1690
01:13:14,210 --> 01:13:16,360
- Yes, but now that the
President's a geranium,

1691
01:13:16,360 --> 01:13:17,358
you're the only one.

1692
01:13:17,358 --> 01:13:19,090
- I guess so.

1693
01:13:19,090 --> 01:13:20,540
- Just give us the Big Bang Bean

1694
01:13:20,540 --> 01:13:21,650
and they'll leave us alone.

1695
01:13:21,650 --> 01:13:24,113
- No, I found it and I'm keeping it.

1696
01:13:25,260 --> 01:13:27,970
- I think it's time for
some gentle persuasion.

1697
01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:31,780
- I won't give up the Big Bang Bean,

1698
01:13:31,780 --> 01:13:33,450
not even for the trillions of dollars

1699
01:13:33,450 --> 01:13:35,033
out there completely unguarded.

1700
01:13:36,410 --> 01:13:37,600
- What did you say?

1701
01:13:37,600 --> 01:13:39,240
- Well, think of it, all those banks

1702
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:41,710
and credit unions just wide open waiting

1703
01:13:41,710 --> 01:13:43,870
for someone to walk in and clean 'em out.

1704
01:13:43,870 --> 01:13:44,840
- Yeah.

1705
01:13:44,840 --> 01:13:46,370
What a thought.

1706
01:13:46,370 --> 01:13:47,671
- I suppose none of that matters...

1707
01:13:47,671 --> 01:13:49,830
(air whizzing)

1708
01:13:49,830 --> 01:13:50,663
Guys?

1709
01:13:51,860 --> 01:13:52,693
Where'd they go?

1710
01:13:53,700 --> 01:13:56,980
Oh, yeah, I bet they're going
on a reconnaissance mission,

1711
01:13:56,980 --> 01:13:58,650
spyin' on those aliens (chuckles).

1712
01:13:58,650 --> 01:14:00,750
Hope they bring back somethin' we can use.

1713
01:14:00,750 --> 01:14:03,900
- Oh, you can count on it.

1714
01:14:03,900 --> 01:14:04,900
- [Kirk] Hm.

1715
01:14:06,093 --> 01:14:07,666
(clock ticking)

1716
01:14:07,666 --> 01:14:10,060
It's been four hours.

1717
01:14:10,060 --> 01:14:11,940
We should've heard from them by now.

1718
01:14:11,940 --> 01:14:13,720
- Oh, give 'em time.

1719
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,344
They've probably got their hands full.

1720
01:14:16,344 --> 01:14:17,177
(symbols crashing)

1721
01:14:17,177 --> 01:14:18,860
- [Kirk] Oh, someone
just climbed the fence.

1722
01:14:18,860 --> 01:14:19,773
That must be them.

1723
01:14:21,010 --> 01:14:22,770
- I knew they'd have their hands full.

1724
01:14:22,770 --> 01:14:24,093
- [Kirk] Oh, they sure do.

1725
01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:26,633
Look at those aliens.

1726
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:30,374
No, don't stop.

1727
01:14:30,374 --> 01:14:31,997
- Oh!

1728
01:14:31,997 --> 01:14:33,300
I can't look.

1729
01:14:33,300 --> 01:14:34,770
- Oh!

1730
01:14:34,770 --> 01:14:36,530
- [Captain Snortz] This is Buttock.

1731
01:14:36,530 --> 01:14:38,350
Escape is impossible.

1732
01:14:38,350 --> 01:14:41,130
You have three minutes left.

1733
01:14:41,130 --> 01:14:42,250
- They've got us surrounded.

1734
01:14:42,250 --> 01:14:43,890
It's hopeless.

1735
01:14:43,890 --> 01:14:46,754
Maybe I should just give
them the Big Bang Bean.

1736
01:14:46,754 --> 01:14:50,180
- No wait, I just had a stroke of genius.

1737
01:14:50,180 --> 01:14:52,120
- Well, whatever it is, it won't work.

1738
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:54,743
- We left it on the Moon!

1739
01:14:54,743 --> 01:14:56,791
- They won't fall for that.

1740
01:14:56,791 --> 01:14:58,625
(car beeps)
(car doors slamming)

1741
01:14:58,625 --> 01:15:02,750
(engine rumbling)
(gentle music)

1742
01:15:02,750 --> 01:15:05,770
Well, they fell for that (chuckles).

1743
01:15:05,770 --> 01:15:07,583
Boy, plants really are stupid.

1744
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:11,670
I guess that takes care of the aliens.

1745
01:15:11,670 --> 01:15:12,503
- Not quite.

1746
01:15:13,400 --> 01:15:14,233
(bat thuds)

1747
01:15:14,233 --> 01:15:15,066
- Oh!

1748
01:15:15,066 --> 01:15:15,899
(bat thudding)

1749
01:15:15,899 --> 01:15:16,732
Oh, oh the violence!

1750
01:15:16,732 --> 01:15:18,169
- I'm sorry, Stillwood,

1751
01:15:18,169 --> 01:15:21,795
but I've gotta kill those aliens myself.

1752
01:15:21,795 --> 01:15:22,795
- Ow, okay.

1753
01:15:25,404 --> 01:15:30,404
(dramatic music)
(engine whirring)

1754
01:15:34,684 --> 01:15:35,517
- Kirk?

1755
01:15:35,517 --> 01:15:38,255
(Kirk groaning)

1756
01:15:38,255 --> 01:15:39,232
Can you hear me?

1757
01:15:39,232 --> 01:15:41,910
(Kirk groaning)

1758
01:15:41,910 --> 01:15:44,707
- I feel so, so woody (groaning).

1759
01:15:47,390 --> 01:15:49,260
- Can you hear me, Kirk?

1760
01:15:49,260 --> 01:15:50,093
- Connie?

1761
01:15:50,093 --> 01:15:50,926
Is that you?

1762
01:15:50,926 --> 01:15:51,970
- Who else?

1763
01:15:51,970 --> 01:15:54,180
- Well, you could be an alien.

1764
01:15:54,180 --> 01:15:56,950
The computer shows you're
only 30 miles from the Moon.

1765
01:15:56,950 --> 01:15:58,290
Why are you going there?

1766
01:15:58,290 --> 01:15:59,840
- [Connie] I am gonna give
them the Big Bang Bean.

1767
01:15:59,840 --> 01:16:02,965
- Well, you don't have the Big Bang Bean.

1768
01:16:02,965 --> 01:16:04,861
- [Connie Oh, really?
(Big Bang Bean chittering)

1769
01:16:04,861 --> 01:16:06,390
Go check the secret hiding place.

1770
01:16:06,390 --> 01:16:07,223
- Huh?

1771
01:16:07,223 --> 01:16:08,079
(air whooshing)

1772
01:16:08,079 --> 01:16:09,380
(Kirk grunts)

1773
01:16:09,380 --> 01:16:12,383
All right, I know the Big Bang
Bean is in here somewhere.

1774
01:16:13,224 --> 01:16:14,160
Where is it?

1775
01:16:14,160 --> 01:16:14,993
Where is it?

1776
01:16:15,910 --> 01:16:17,009
Damn it!

1777
01:16:17,009 --> 01:16:18,090
(Kirk groans)

1778
01:16:18,090 --> 01:16:19,190
Okay.

1779
01:16:19,190 --> 01:16:20,710
How did you know where it was?

1780
01:16:20,710 --> 01:16:22,600
- You talk in your sleep.

1781
01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:23,520
- What else did I say?

1782
01:16:23,520 --> 01:16:25,680
- Oh, something about dipping me in honey

1783
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:28,453
and strapping me into gravity boots.

1784
01:16:28,453 --> 01:16:30,450
- Oh, I must've been delirious.

1785
01:16:30,450 --> 01:16:31,890
Look, if you damage the Big Bang Bean,

1786
01:16:31,890 --> 01:16:35,630
there'll be a huge
explosion like a supernova.

1787
01:16:35,630 --> 01:16:36,463
- It's okay.

1788
01:16:36,463 --> 01:16:38,191
I have to give my life away.

1789
01:16:38,191 --> 01:16:39,930
It's something I've always wanted to do.

1790
01:16:39,930 --> 01:16:41,130
- Stop it!

1791
01:16:41,130 --> 01:16:42,379
Connie, please, stop it.

1792
01:16:42,379 --> 01:16:43,970
You can't do this to me.

1793
01:16:43,970 --> 01:16:45,901
(Kirk grunting)

1794
01:16:45,901 --> 01:16:46,734
Connie!

1795
01:16:49,686 --> 01:16:54,686
Connie!
(dramatic music)

1796
01:16:58,967 --> 01:17:00,878
(rocket whizzing)
(dramatic music)

1797
01:17:00,878 --> 01:17:05,878
(Kirk panting)
(dramatic music)

1798
01:17:08,796 --> 01:17:10,603
(Connie screams)
(dramatic music)

1799
01:17:10,603 --> 01:17:12,539
- [Connie] The Moon!

1800
01:17:12,539 --> 01:17:14,423
(explosion booming)

1801
01:17:14,423 --> 01:17:16,333
- Oh no!

1802
01:17:16,333 --> 01:17:21,333
(explosion booming)
(dramatic music)

1803
01:17:32,725 --> 01:17:35,308
(solemn music)

1804
01:17:40,908 --> 01:17:43,366
No.

1805
01:17:43,366 --> 01:17:44,199
No!

1806
01:17:45,094 --> 01:17:47,165
No, no.

1807
01:17:47,165 --> 01:17:51,160
The Moon is gone.

1808
01:17:51,160 --> 01:17:52,610
The Moon gone.

1809
01:17:52,610 --> 01:17:53,443
Gone.

1810
01:17:53,443 --> 01:17:54,276
Gone.

1811
01:17:54,276 --> 01:17:55,110
Gone is the Moon.

1812
01:17:55,110 --> 01:17:56,860
That means Connie's gone.

1813
01:17:56,860 --> 01:17:57,693
Bob's gone.

1814
01:17:57,693 --> 01:17:58,526
Charlie's gone.

1815
01:17:58,526 --> 01:17:59,359
Gone!

1816
01:17:59,359 --> 01:18:01,570
Oh, everybody's gone.

1817
01:18:01,570 --> 01:18:02,703
No, no, no!

1818
01:18:05,428 --> 01:18:06,430
Wait a minute.

1819
01:18:06,430 --> 01:18:07,886
I'm still here.

1820
01:18:07,886 --> 01:18:12,750
I guess every cloud does
have a silver lining.

1821
01:18:12,750 --> 01:18:14,370
Let's see.

1822
01:18:14,370 --> 01:18:15,620
The radiation from that blast

1823
01:18:15,620 --> 01:18:17,930
will reach lethal levels in four hours.

1824
01:18:17,930 --> 01:18:20,650
Just enough time for me to jump

1825
01:18:20,650 --> 01:18:23,913
a shuttle and go someplace else.

1826
01:18:24,910 --> 01:18:27,972
Maybe Uranus.

1827
01:18:27,972 --> 01:18:30,833
I've always wondered how it got that name.

1828
01:18:31,840 --> 01:18:33,690
Must've been a deranged proctologist.

1829
01:18:34,570 --> 01:18:35,403
Yes.

1830
01:18:36,855 --> 01:18:37,688
Hm.

1831
01:18:37,688 --> 01:18:39,986
(fire crackling)
(gentle music)

1832
01:18:39,986 --> 01:18:42,624
(rooster crowing)

1833
01:18:42,624 --> 01:18:45,054
(Kirk sighs)

1834
01:18:45,054 --> 01:18:45,887
Okay.

1835
01:18:47,690 --> 01:18:49,143
Yeah, uh huh.

1836
01:18:51,200 --> 01:18:52,053
All right.

1837
01:18:53,842 --> 01:18:57,264
(Kirk smooching)

1838
01:18:57,264 --> 01:18:59,926
(air hissing)

1839
01:18:59,926 --> 01:19:01,213
Whoa.

1840
01:19:06,510 --> 01:19:07,890
Cheryl?

1841
01:19:07,890 --> 01:19:09,321
What are you doing here?

1842
01:19:09,321 --> 01:19:12,999
- My name is Anne, Anne Droid.

1843
01:19:12,999 --> 01:19:16,327
I was designed in the image of your wife.

1844
01:19:16,327 --> 01:19:18,670
- Somebody must really hate me.

1845
01:19:18,670 --> 01:19:20,220
- You are my purpose.

1846
01:19:20,220 --> 01:19:22,122
My reason to exist.
- Oh.

1847
01:19:22,122 --> 01:19:24,010
- I was programmed to function like

1848
01:19:24,010 --> 01:19:26,300
a normal human female to provide

1849
01:19:26,300 --> 01:19:30,993
for your satisfaction and to
quench every carnal desire.

1850
01:19:31,913 --> 01:19:34,410
- I didn't wanna be with the real one.

1851
01:19:34,410 --> 01:19:36,801
Why would I engage in
coitus with an imitation?

1852
01:19:36,801 --> 01:19:39,860
- I am to be the mother
of the next human race.

1853
01:19:39,860 --> 01:19:41,750
This body is yours.

1854
01:19:41,750 --> 01:19:44,633
Let me be your mate for all eternity.

1855
01:19:45,481 --> 01:19:48,148
(Kirk grunting)

1856
01:19:51,095 --> 01:19:51,928
Oo.

1857
01:19:52,960 --> 01:19:54,745
Uranus, here I come!

1858
01:19:54,745 --> 01:19:58,607
(Kirk screams)
(air whooshing)

1859
01:19:58,607 --> 01:20:03,607
(Kirk snoring)
(gentle music)

1860
01:20:06,259 --> 01:20:07,092
(machinery beeping)

1861
01:20:07,092 --> 01:20:08,510
- Oh, I can't stand this.

1862
01:20:08,510 --> 01:20:09,473
What time is it?

1863
01:20:10,310 --> 01:20:12,971
- We leave in two minutes.

1864
01:20:12,971 --> 01:20:14,441
Huh?

1865
01:20:14,441 --> 01:20:15,894
- What's your problem?

1866
01:20:15,894 --> 01:20:19,624
(heartbeat pounding)
(gentle music)

1867
01:20:19,624 --> 01:20:22,173
- Stillwood's heartbeat
just jumped off the scale.

1868
01:20:23,007 --> 01:20:26,160
- Kirk, are you doing
what I think you're doing?

1869
01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:28,225
- Of course, it was a premonition.

1870
01:20:28,225 --> 01:20:30,580
I've seen the future.

1871
01:20:30,580 --> 01:20:33,690
I know what will happen,
but now I can change it.

1872
01:20:33,690 --> 01:20:36,130
- Have you lost your mind?

1873
01:20:36,130 --> 01:20:38,370
- Connie, contact Amber Earhardt.

1874
01:20:38,370 --> 01:20:40,400
Tell her to find Bushe and inject him

1875
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,580
with a lethal dose of Dick Weed Killer.

1876
01:20:42,580 --> 01:20:43,797
- [Connie] Dick Weed Killer?

1877
01:20:43,797 --> 01:20:44,630
(rooster clucks)

1878
01:20:44,630 --> 01:20:45,540
- Don't argue with me.

1879
01:20:45,540 --> 01:20:47,050
It's the only thing that will stop him.

1880
01:20:47,050 --> 01:20:48,780
- Are you sure you're all right?

1881
01:20:48,780 --> 01:20:52,293
- Bob, for the first time in
my life, I know what I'm doing.

1882
01:20:54,730 --> 01:20:57,265
I'm ready for them this time.

1883
01:20:57,265 --> 01:21:02,265
(rocket whizzing)
(gentle music)

1884
01:21:15,806 --> 01:21:17,234
(Major Bushe yawns)

1885
01:21:17,234 --> 01:21:19,817
(gentle music)

1886
01:21:21,260 --> 01:21:24,260
- It's time to flower my little kumquat.

1887
01:21:26,466 --> 01:21:27,963
Bloom.

1888
01:21:27,963 --> 01:21:31,210
- Oh, Auntie Petunia, it's you.

1889
01:21:31,210 --> 01:21:32,823
How long was I hibernating?

1890
01:21:33,740 --> 01:21:36,963
- Oh, it's been nearly three harvests now.

1891
01:21:36,963 --> 01:21:39,333
Are you strong enough to sprout?

1892
01:21:40,530 --> 01:21:41,747
- I suppose so.

1893
01:21:41,747 --> 01:21:43,893
What a horrible dream I had.

1894
01:21:46,570 --> 01:21:47,680
Oh, that feels good.

1895
01:21:47,680 --> 01:21:49,270
Can I have another?

1896
01:21:49,270 --> 01:21:51,020
- Of course, dear.

1897
01:21:51,020 --> 01:21:55,623
- Oh, Auntie Petunia, you sure
know how to till the soil.

1898
01:21:55,623 --> 01:21:58,540
- (chuckles) I certainly should,

1899
01:21:58,540 --> 01:22:01,889
after all the fields
I've plowed (chuckles).

1900
01:22:01,889 --> 01:22:03,950
(Major Bushe laughs)

1901
01:22:03,950 --> 01:22:04,980
- And who are you?

1902
01:22:04,980 --> 01:22:07,480
- Like, I'm Nurse Uri (laughs).

1903
01:22:07,480 --> 01:22:10,058
I'm gonna need a stool sample (laughs).

1904
01:22:10,058 --> 01:22:11,442
- [Major Bushe] Wait a minute.

1905
01:22:11,442 --> 01:22:13,314
(stem pops)

1906
01:22:13,314 --> 01:22:15,250
(Major Bushe gasps)

1907
01:22:15,250 --> 01:22:17,880
- You gave us all quite a scare.

1908
01:22:17,880 --> 01:22:19,798
For awhile there, we thought

1909
01:22:19,798 --> 01:22:23,090
you were going to leave us (chuckles).

1910
01:22:23,090 --> 01:22:24,930
- Oh, but I did leave.

1911
01:22:24,930 --> 01:22:26,805
Aunt Petunia, I leave to Mars

1912
01:22:26,805 --> 01:22:31,433
and went to Earth and you and
you and you were there, too.

1913
01:22:32,890 --> 01:22:35,380
The people there weren't very nice,

1914
01:22:35,380 --> 01:22:37,569
especially this little limp idiot.

1915
01:22:37,569 --> 01:22:38,500
- [Aunt Petunia] Hm!

1916
01:22:38,500 --> 01:22:41,590
- He even tried to pump me
full of Dick Weed Killer.

1917
01:22:41,590 --> 01:22:42,720
- Oh my dear.

1918
01:22:43,847 --> 01:22:46,276
You have such an imagination.

1919
01:22:46,276 --> 01:22:47,450
(Big Bang Bean chittering)

1920
01:22:47,450 --> 01:22:48,994
- Oh, Dodo, we're home,

1921
01:22:48,994 --> 01:22:53,260
and I'm never going to leave
again because I love you all.

1922
01:22:53,260 --> 01:22:54,520
Oh, Auntie Petunia?

1923
01:22:54,520 --> 01:22:55,500
- Yes, dear?

1924
01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:57,286
- There's no place like home.

1925
01:22:57,286 --> 01:23:00,119
(uplifting music)

1926
01:23:05,866 --> 01:23:07,783
- [Captain Snortz] Holy horse dump,

1927
01:23:07,783 --> 01:23:10,333
what a massive bender that was.

1928
01:23:11,410 --> 01:23:15,403
My head's pounding so
hard, it's turning blue.

1929
01:23:16,370 --> 01:23:19,343
What the hell was this cheap ass shit?

1930
01:23:21,170 --> 01:23:23,753
Oh, this damn Cranya again.

1931
01:23:23,753 --> 01:23:26,146
Serves me right for drinking anything

1932
01:23:26,146 --> 01:23:28,430
with a flying skull on it.

1933
01:23:28,430 --> 01:23:30,521
What a nightmare.

1934
01:23:30,521 --> 01:23:34,201
I was surrounded by plants and a puppet,

1935
01:23:34,201 --> 01:23:36,829
a hamster and a chicken

1936
01:23:36,829 --> 01:23:38,879
and the stupidest people in the universe.

1937
01:23:40,698 --> 01:23:41,717
I told 'em to shut their holes
but they wouldn't listen.

1938
01:23:44,994 --> 01:23:47,652
(cow laughing)

1939
01:23:47,652 --> 01:23:49,641
What's so funny?

1940
01:23:49,641 --> 01:23:50,852
- [Cow] I've been laughin' since

1941
01:23:50,852 --> 01:23:54,859
you passed out, fool (laughs).

1942
01:23:54,859 --> 01:23:58,442
- [Captain Snortz] Oh,
just shut your hole.

1943
01:23:59,379 --> 01:24:00,212
- [The Gardener Of Frickin' Forever] Yo,

1944
01:24:00,212 --> 01:24:01,045
over here not over here.

1945
01:24:01,045 --> 01:24:02,099
Yo, sit down, all right?

1946
01:24:02,099 --> 01:24:03,010
You thought it was over.

1947
01:24:03,010 --> 01:24:04,093
Well, forget about it.

1948
01:24:04,093 --> 01:24:06,160
This damn thing is never gonna
end, you understand that?

1949
01:24:06,160 --> 01:24:07,280
You're in purgatory.

1950
01:24:07,280 --> 01:24:10,300
That's why they call me The
Gardener of Frickin' Forever.

1951
01:24:10,300 --> 01:24:11,890
Watch what happens when they enter

1952
01:24:11,890 --> 01:24:13,330
this hot mess in an award show.

1953
01:24:13,330 --> 01:24:16,058
- [Presenter] Welcome, to
the Gilded Horn Awards.

1954
01:24:16,058 --> 01:24:17,075
What, Mommy?

1955
01:24:17,075 --> 01:24:17,908
Stop it.

1956
01:24:20,420 --> 01:24:25,319
♪ After today, I'll be incredible ♪

1957
01:24:25,319 --> 01:24:30,039
♪ After today, I'll be unbelievable ♪

1958
01:24:30,039 --> 01:24:35,039
♪ After today, no one's
gonna push me around ♪

1959
01:24:35,225 --> 01:24:40,225
♪ No one's gonna bring
me down after today ♪

1960
01:24:43,508 --> 01:24:46,008
♪ After today ♪

1961
01:24:50,109 --> 01:24:52,807
(triumphant music)
(audience applauding)

1962
01:24:52,807 --> 01:24:57,150
- This year's Gilded Horn
Award for best original song,

1963
01:24:57,150 --> 01:24:58,906
goes to Miss Emily Stanton.

1964
01:24:58,906 --> 01:24:59,739
(audience applauding)

1965
01:24:59,739 --> 01:25:01,240
- I would like to thank the Academy.

1966
01:25:01,240 --> 01:25:03,386
You love me, you really love me!

1967
01:25:03,386 --> 01:25:06,636
(audience applauding)

1968
01:25:09,317 --> 01:25:13,020
- The Gilded Horn Awards have
celebrated artistic merit

1969
01:25:14,010 --> 01:25:19,010
in the motion picture industry
for the past 2,000 years.

1970
01:25:19,500 --> 01:25:22,450
- Coveted by filmmakers around the world,

1971
01:25:22,450 --> 01:25:23,930
there's little doubt that everyone wants

1972
01:25:23,930 --> 01:25:25,586
to get their hands on a Horny.

1973
01:25:25,586 --> 01:25:30,586
- Congratulations to all the
Horny winners here tonight,

1974
01:25:31,310 --> 01:25:36,310
and to the Horny losers,
better luck next time.

1975
01:25:36,340 --> 01:25:40,500
- And now to introduce the
final award of the evening.

1976
01:25:40,500 --> 01:25:44,860
It is my privilege to
introduce to sci-fi legends.

1977
01:25:44,860 --> 01:25:47,220
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

1978
01:25:47,220 --> 01:25:49,940
the lovely Marina Sirtis
and Robert Picardo.

1979
01:25:49,940 --> 01:25:53,107
(audience applauding)

1980
01:25:59,030 --> 01:26:01,917
- The nominees for Best Picture are,

1981
01:26:01,917 --> 01:26:04,059
"Back with the Wind,"

1982
01:26:04,059 --> 01:26:05,470
the heart wrenching story

1983
01:26:05,470 --> 01:26:09,083
of a submarine crew battling
suffocating flatulence.

1984
01:26:09,949 --> 01:26:11,364
- "The Sodfather,"

1985
01:26:11,364 --> 01:26:16,060
the saga of a poor gardener
turning his day job

1986
01:26:16,060 --> 01:26:18,867
into a dirty family business.

1987
01:26:18,867 --> 01:26:20,650
- "Westside Story,"

1988
01:26:20,650 --> 01:26:23,990
a tale of millions of Angeleno's searching

1989
01:26:23,990 --> 01:26:27,433
in vain for that dream, a parking space.

1990
01:26:28,407 --> 01:26:30,280
- "Forrest Dump,"

1991
01:26:30,280 --> 01:26:33,480
the tragic tale of a young man forced

1992
01:26:33,480 --> 01:26:36,500
to relieve himself in the wilderness.

1993
01:26:36,500 --> 01:26:39,467
- And finally, "The Sound of Muzak."

1994
01:26:40,520 --> 01:26:45,450
A young nun descends into
madness after being von Trapp-ed

1995
01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:47,963
in an elevator for 98 harrowing hours.

1996
01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:51,433
- And the award goes to,

1997
01:26:55,840 --> 01:26:56,673
unbelievable!

1998
01:26:58,426 --> 01:27:00,380
- Oh, thank you, thank you!

1999
01:27:00,380 --> 01:27:01,970
Thank you very much.

2000
01:27:01,970 --> 01:27:03,610
I'd like to thank the Academy

2001
01:27:03,610 --> 01:27:07,870
for this overdue recognition
of my immense talent.

2002
01:27:07,870 --> 01:27:09,925
Oh yes, of course, my fellow thespians

2003
01:27:09,925 --> 01:27:12,340
come join me up here on stage.

2004
01:27:12,340 --> 01:27:13,720
Come on guys (chuckles)!

2005
01:27:13,720 --> 01:27:15,370
Make room (chuckles).

2006
01:27:15,370 --> 01:27:17,594
Get those nasty aliens up here, too.

2007
01:27:17,594 --> 01:27:20,794
(Kirk chuckles)
(audience applauding)

2008
01:27:20,794 --> 01:27:23,720
I'd like to thank all
the captains before me,

2009
01:27:23,720 --> 01:27:25,830
Captain Ahab, Kangaroo, Morgan,

2010
01:27:25,830 --> 01:27:29,183
Stubing, Picard, Phillips and Tennille!

2011
01:27:29,183 --> 01:27:32,538
(audience applauding)

2012
01:27:32,538 --> 01:27:34,231
(Kirk chuckles)

2013
01:27:34,231 --> 01:27:37,070
It all all began for me
back on a summer's day

2014
01:27:37,070 --> 01:27:39,290
when my parents were feeling frisky.

2015
01:27:39,290 --> 01:27:41,440
Oh, hello (chuckles).
- Excuse me.

2016
01:27:41,440 --> 01:27:42,273
- Yes?

2017
01:27:42,273 --> 01:27:43,510
- That award isn't for you.

2018
01:27:43,510 --> 01:27:45,290
- Well, of course it is.

2019
01:27:45,290 --> 01:27:47,590
We're the cast and crew
of "Unbelievable!!!!!"

2020
01:27:48,550 --> 01:27:50,810
- Excuse me, excuse me, I'm really sorry,

2021
01:27:50,810 --> 01:27:53,560
but I was just surprised at the picture

2022
01:27:53,560 --> 01:27:58,150
which had one and just kind
of blurted out unbelievable.

2023
01:27:58,150 --> 01:28:01,392
I'm really sorry if
there's been any confusion.

2024
01:28:01,392 --> 01:28:03,941
- So, who won?
- I'm not sorry.

2025
01:28:03,941 --> 01:28:06,280
It wasn't confusing to me.

2026
01:28:06,280 --> 01:28:07,877
- So--
- Me either (laughs).

2027
01:28:07,877 --> 01:28:11,200
- So, I'm afraid, would you
all go back to your seats?

2028
01:28:11,200 --> 01:28:12,398
I'm afraid you all have
- Whoa!

2029
01:28:12,398 --> 01:28:13,633
- to go back to your seats.
- Run for it, guys.

2030
01:28:13,633 --> 01:28:14,466
Run for it!

2031
01:28:14,466 --> 01:28:16,139
(all exclaiming)

2032
01:28:16,139 --> 01:28:16,972
- What?

2033
01:28:16,972 --> 01:28:20,901
(triumphant music)
(audience applauding)

2034
01:28:20,901 --> 01:28:24,055
- Must leave building (panting)!

2035
01:28:24,055 --> 01:28:25,497
♪ Today ♪

2036
01:28:25,497 --> 01:28:30,267
♪ No one's gonna push
me around after today ♪

2037
01:28:30,267 --> 01:28:32,996
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

2038
01:28:32,996 --> 01:28:36,341
(Kirk squeaks)

2039
01:28:36,341 --> 01:28:38,200
(Kirk groans)

2040
01:28:38,200 --> 01:28:41,283
I do my own stunts but why?

2041
01:28:44,223 --> 01:28:47,140
(firewoman laughs)

2042
01:28:48,062 --> 01:28:50,895
(engine rumbling)

2043
01:28:56,462 --> 01:28:57,545
- Warp speed!

2044
01:28:58,851 --> 01:29:02,203
(Kirk squeaks)
(wood cracking)

2045
01:29:02,203 --> 01:29:07,203
(siren wailing)
(hip hop music)

2046
01:29:11,287 --> 01:29:14,317
(paramedics coughing)

2047
01:29:14,317 --> 01:29:15,229
- Hang in there, guy.

2048
01:29:15,229 --> 01:29:16,140
(paramedic coughs)

2049
01:29:16,140 --> 01:29:16,973
We're almost there.

2050
01:29:16,973 --> 01:29:18,390
- You're lookin' good.

2051
01:29:18,390 --> 01:29:21,691
- (coughs) Don't quit on us, fella.

2052
01:29:21,691 --> 01:29:22,990
The ER's right around the corner.

2053
01:29:22,990 --> 01:29:23,823
- Stay strong.

2054
01:29:23,823 --> 01:29:25,046
Have faith.

2055
01:29:25,046 --> 01:29:25,944
(paramedic coughing)

2056
01:29:25,944 --> 01:29:27,760
Try to ignore the Angel
of Death surrounding you.

2057
01:29:27,760 --> 01:29:29,160
- Don't worry, pal (coughs).

2058
01:29:30,410 --> 01:29:32,326
I'm sure someone can sew
the head back on for ya.

2059
01:29:32,326 --> 01:29:33,224
(paramedic coughs)

2060
01:29:33,224 --> 01:29:35,381
- Oh God, I can't take it.

2061
01:29:35,381 --> 01:29:38,041
(hip hop music)

2062
01:29:38,041 --> 01:29:39,613
- What the hell is goin' on here?

2063
01:29:39,613 --> 01:29:40,828
Is that the victim?

2064
01:29:40,828 --> 01:29:42,257
I need to get his statement.

2065
01:29:42,257 --> 01:29:43,927
- Get lost, gumshoe.

2066
01:29:43,927 --> 01:29:46,763
- Nobody blows off Detective Dan Marr.

2067
01:29:47,629 --> 01:29:48,462
You know something.

2068
01:29:48,462 --> 01:29:50,140
Now cough it up.

2069
01:29:50,140 --> 01:29:53,500
(paramedic coughing)

2070
01:29:53,500 --> 01:29:54,932
Oh, won't talk, huh?

2071
01:29:54,932 --> 01:29:57,350
I know how to get a confession
out of a punk like you,

2072
01:29:57,350 --> 01:29:58,550
and go get your partner.

2073
01:30:02,541 --> 01:30:04,890
- This is a triage area.

2074
01:30:04,890 --> 01:30:06,560
You'll have to leave.

2075
01:30:06,560 --> 01:30:08,140
- Do I need to take everybody downtown

2076
01:30:08,140 --> 01:30:09,690
and beat 'em with a rubber hose?

2077
01:30:09,690 --> 01:30:11,970
I still have to get his statement.

2078
01:30:11,970 --> 01:30:12,922
- Take it outside.

2079
01:30:12,922 --> 01:30:15,589
(hip hop music)

2080
01:30:17,900 --> 01:30:19,053
Pulse zero.

2081
01:30:20,090 --> 01:30:21,800
Blood pressure, 0/0.

2082
01:30:21,800 --> 01:30:22,870
We're losing him.

2083
01:30:22,870 --> 01:30:24,547
- Get the neurosurgeon, stat.

2084
01:30:24,547 --> 01:30:25,380
Stat!

2085
01:30:26,899 --> 01:30:30,000
- I'm a doctor, damn
it, not a messenger boy.

2086
01:30:32,440 --> 01:30:33,640
- Let's use the paddles.

2087
01:30:35,480 --> 01:30:36,313
Clear!

2088
01:30:36,313 --> 01:30:39,867
(paddles thudding)
(hip hop music)

2089
01:30:39,867 --> 01:30:44,425
(gentle music)
(paddles thudding)

2090
01:30:44,425 --> 01:30:46,206
- Do it like this.

2091
01:30:46,206 --> 01:30:47,625
- No, like this.

2092
01:30:47,625 --> 01:30:49,840
- Oh, forgive me my young lieutenants

2093
01:30:49,840 --> 01:30:51,881
but I have failed once again.

2094
01:30:51,881 --> 01:30:54,700
Oh, Grandmaster,
(children giggling)

2095
01:30:54,700 --> 01:30:56,430
I know I'm destined for some great thing,

2096
01:30:56,430 --> 01:30:58,000
but what I do not know.

2097
01:30:58,000 --> 01:31:00,540
If only I can be assured that I was

2098
01:31:00,540 --> 01:31:02,133
on my true and spiritual path.

2099
01:31:02,995 --> 01:31:05,940
If only I can be given a sign.

2100
01:31:05,940 --> 01:31:07,700
Just a small sign.
(children giggling)

2101
01:31:07,700 --> 01:31:09,439
Nothing too dramatic.

2102
01:31:09,439 --> 01:31:10,567
Whoa!

2103
01:31:10,567 --> 01:31:12,350
(paddle thudding)
(monitor beeping)

2104
01:31:12,350 --> 01:31:13,183
- Oh!

2105
01:31:13,183 --> 01:31:14,029
Faint signs of life.

2106
01:31:14,029 --> 01:31:16,603
He still has a snowball's chance in hell.

2107
01:31:17,450 --> 01:31:19,220
- Doctor, patient's not breathing.

2108
01:31:19,220 --> 01:31:21,220
His temperature is 80
degrees below normal.

2109
01:31:21,220 --> 01:31:24,130
His body's devoid of
blood, flesh and bone.

2110
01:31:24,130 --> 01:31:25,223
- I say we call it.

2111
01:31:27,053 --> 01:31:28,860
It's margarita time.

2112
01:31:28,860 --> 01:31:32,430
- Is there any chance
to save him, Dr. Soon?

2113
01:31:32,430 --> 01:31:35,143
- [Dr. Soon] I suppose it's possible.

2114
01:31:36,690 --> 01:31:40,873
I could transform him into
an artificial life form.

2115
01:31:43,050 --> 01:31:45,593
- But doctor, what if you're wrong?

2116
01:31:47,840 --> 01:31:49,680
- It's a chance you'll have to take.

2117
01:31:49,680 --> 01:31:51,126
Let's have a closer inspection.

2118
01:31:51,126 --> 01:31:53,959
(monitor beeping)

2119
01:31:56,703 --> 01:31:57,786
Unbelievable!

2120
01:32:00,421 --> 01:32:03,004
(upbeat music)

2121
01:32:04,787 --> 01:32:06,112
- Hey, yeah.

2122
01:32:06,112 --> 01:32:09,120
Well, we're having the
premier at the Coliseum.

2123
01:32:09,120 --> 01:32:11,890
Yeah, the LA Coliseum,
can you believe that?

2124
01:32:11,890 --> 01:32:15,000
We're expecting 100,000 or more.

2125
01:32:15,000 --> 01:32:15,833
That's right.

2126
01:32:15,833 --> 01:32:16,666
No, no.

2127
01:32:16,666 --> 01:32:18,020
You can't have tickets.

2128
01:32:18,020 --> 01:32:18,973
Try a scalper.

2129
01:32:20,626 --> 01:32:21,676
- TMZ, how about BFD?

2130
01:32:23,677 --> 01:32:26,170
(sighs) Get in line, Harvey.

2131
01:32:26,170 --> 01:32:28,690
Kirk is doing "Conan" and "The View."

2132
01:32:28,690 --> 01:32:29,720
(Kirk groans)

2133
01:32:29,720 --> 01:32:32,700
He's got no time for your
sorry syndicated ass.

2134
01:32:32,700 --> 01:32:33,779
- Get us saturation coverage

2135
01:32:33,779 --> 01:32:36,157
on each network's prime time slate.

2136
01:32:36,157 --> 01:32:37,090
Yeah.

2137
01:32:37,090 --> 01:32:39,720
I don't care what it costs.

2138
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:40,850
The studio's covering P&A.

2139
01:32:40,850 --> 01:32:44,470
- No, you're only getting
distribution rights

2140
01:32:44,470 --> 01:32:47,895
for North America, that's it.

2141
01:32:47,895 --> 01:32:52,895
We're debuting wide on 7,000 screens.

2142
01:32:53,270 --> 01:32:57,453
- Well, Europe, Asia and South
America are already gone.

2143
01:32:57,453 --> 01:33:01,415
Well, we do have Fiji, the
Seychelles and Tasmania

2144
01:33:01,415 --> 01:33:02,970
if you'd like those.

2145
01:33:02,970 --> 01:33:03,803
- Yeah.

2146
01:33:03,803 --> 01:33:05,080
Who's this?

2147
01:33:05,080 --> 01:33:08,960
Gee, we were just talkin' about you guys,

2148
01:33:08,960 --> 01:33:11,600
over the past few decades.

2149
01:33:11,600 --> 01:33:13,330
You wanna do a deal?

2150
01:33:13,330 --> 01:33:14,660
Yeah.

2151
01:33:14,660 --> 01:33:16,500
Put the chairman on.

2152
01:33:16,500 --> 01:33:17,550
I'll hold (chuckles).

2153
01:33:19,660 --> 01:33:24,058
So, Brad, you're runnin'
things over there now, huh?

2154
01:33:24,058 --> 01:33:25,250
(chuckles)

2155
01:33:25,250 --> 01:33:27,495
Well, call us back in 40 years.

2156
01:33:27,495 --> 01:33:28,563
We'll do lunch.

2157
01:33:29,680 --> 01:33:32,650
- I just sold our merchandising

2158
01:33:32,650 --> 01:33:36,350
and licensing rights for 800 large.

2159
01:33:36,350 --> 01:33:38,410
We're back on top boys and girls.

2160
01:33:38,410 --> 01:33:39,513
- Yes!
- Yeah.

2161
01:33:40,481 --> 01:33:41,314
I understand.

2162
01:33:41,314 --> 01:33:43,930
Hold on a second.
- Yeah!

2163
01:33:43,930 --> 01:33:45,680
- Knock it off, guys.
- What?

2164
01:33:45,680 --> 01:33:47,083
- It's CAA.
- Oh.

2165
01:33:47,083 --> 01:33:49,150
- [Woman] Oh my God.

2166
01:33:49,150 --> 01:33:52,084
- You want Kirk for the lead
in the next Spielberg film?

2167
01:33:52,084 --> 01:33:53,481
(Kirk groans)

2168
01:33:53,481 --> 01:33:57,463
Well, I think I can speak
for him when I say he's in.

2169
01:33:58,500 --> 01:33:59,333
Thanks a lot.

2170
01:34:00,240 --> 01:34:02,080
- Thanks a lot yourself.

2171
01:34:02,080 --> 01:34:03,030
- Don't worry.

2172
01:34:03,030 --> 01:34:05,030
You're perfect for the role.

2173
01:34:05,030 --> 01:34:07,427
It's a live action remake of "Pinocchio."

2174
01:34:07,427 --> 01:34:10,353
Now you've got a chance for
what you've always wanted.

2175
01:34:11,410 --> 01:34:14,030
- No, you mean that...

2176
01:34:14,030 --> 01:34:16,310
- Yes, Kirk, yes!

2177
01:34:16,310 --> 01:34:19,286
You're gonna become a real little actor.

2178
01:34:19,286 --> 01:34:20,270
(Kirk groaning)

2179
01:34:20,270 --> 01:34:21,103
Yes.

2180
01:34:21,103 --> 01:34:21,936
(Kirk grunts)
(Kirk squeaks)

2181
01:34:21,936 --> 01:34:24,553
(all cheering)
(all laughing)

2182
01:34:24,553 --> 01:34:27,220
(upbeat music)

2183
01:34:31,920 --> 01:34:32,753
(take beeps)

2184
01:34:32,753 --> 01:34:33,586
- [Captain Snortz] Silence!

2185
01:34:33,586 --> 01:34:34,419
(Captain Snortz sneezes)

2186
01:34:34,419 --> 01:34:36,477
♪ Oh ♪

2187
01:34:36,477 --> 01:34:38,071
(Snoop Dogg laughs)

2188
01:34:38,071 --> 01:34:39,296
♪ Oh ♪

2189
01:34:39,296 --> 01:34:40,610
(take beeps)

2190
01:34:40,610 --> 01:34:42,443
- Where is God damn wallet?

2191
01:34:44,884 --> 01:34:45,884
I can't see.

2192
01:34:47,983 --> 01:34:49,570
I can't find it (laughs).

2193
01:34:49,570 --> 01:34:50,403
- Oo, would you
- Get out of the way!

2194
01:34:50,403 --> 01:34:52,340
- two just move!
- Out!

2195
01:34:52,340 --> 01:34:55,093
Oh, says here, here!

2196
01:34:56,140 --> 01:34:57,662
♪ Oh ♪

2197
01:34:57,662 --> 01:34:59,193
- [Larrisha] Tell me his name.

2198
01:34:59,193 --> 01:35:00,559
What's his name?

2199
01:35:00,559 --> 01:35:02,290
(all laughing)

2200
01:35:02,290 --> 01:35:03,360
His name's Bernie Ficus.

2201
01:35:03,360 --> 01:35:04,620
- What the fuck is his name?

2202
01:35:05,932 --> 01:35:07,308
(all chuckling)

2203
01:35:07,308 --> 01:35:09,058
♪ Oh ♪

2204
01:35:11,251 --> 01:35:13,535
I'm reporting you.

2205
01:35:13,535 --> 01:35:14,479
Incompetent!

2206
01:35:14,479 --> 01:35:16,544
- Ah, I'm infected!

2207
01:35:16,544 --> 01:35:17,377
(all laughing)

2208
01:35:17,377 --> 01:35:19,030
- [Curlisha] Where was the wallet?

2209
01:35:20,130 --> 01:35:23,200
(all laughing)

2210
01:35:23,200 --> 01:35:26,650
- As you can see, you have much to learn.

2211
01:35:26,650 --> 01:35:29,612
- Oh, thank you, Sensei.

2212
01:35:29,612 --> 01:35:31,683
I will try harder.

2213
01:35:33,773 --> 01:35:36,580
(Nichelle laughs)

2214
01:35:36,580 --> 01:35:37,902
- Do!

2215
01:35:37,902 --> 01:35:40,866
There is no try.
- Yes, Sensei.

2216
01:35:40,866 --> 01:35:43,830
(all laughing)

2217
01:35:43,830 --> 01:35:44,802
(take beeps)

2218
01:35:44,802 --> 01:35:47,550
(singer vocalizing)
(gentle music)

2219
01:35:47,550 --> 01:35:49,590
- Hey, look who's here.

2220
01:35:49,590 --> 01:35:51,246
- [Connie] Hi, honey.

2221
01:35:51,246 --> 01:35:52,746
- Boom, boom.
- Up!

2222
01:35:54,393 --> 01:35:56,740
Do it from the door opening.

2223
01:35:56,740 --> 01:35:57,573
Close the door.

2224
01:35:58,694 --> 01:36:00,100
Here we go.

2225
01:36:00,100 --> 01:36:01,670
Set.

2226
01:36:01,670 --> 01:36:04,503
- [Kirk] It's Kirk and
Connie and Bob and Charlie.

2227
01:36:05,994 --> 01:36:08,803
- [Jack] I'm sorry, do that again.

2228
01:36:10,924 --> 01:36:11,757
Do that again.

2229
01:36:11,757 --> 01:36:12,674
- [Kirk] Charlie!

2230
01:36:12,674 --> 01:36:15,770
(crew laughing)

2231
01:36:15,770 --> 01:36:17,493
- Not just Charlie, do all four would ya?

2232
01:36:17,493 --> 01:36:20,020
Jesus Christ, what are ya, a puppet?

2233
01:36:20,020 --> 01:36:21,645
(crew laughing)

2234
01:36:21,645 --> 01:36:22,801
- [Crew Member] Here we go, here we go.

2235
01:36:22,801 --> 01:36:24,030
(take beeps)

2236
01:36:24,030 --> 01:36:26,133
- [Jack] Any friend of
Connie's is a friend of mine.

2237
01:36:27,584 --> 01:36:28,417
- Strange.

2238
01:36:28,417 --> 01:36:29,430
All right, let's go.

2239
01:36:29,430 --> 01:36:30,819
Whoa, I'm floating.

2240
01:36:30,819 --> 01:36:31,776
(crew laughing)

2241
01:36:31,776 --> 01:36:32,802
Oh, Lord.

2242
01:36:32,802 --> 01:36:37,050
(crew laughing)
(take beeping)

2243
01:36:37,050 --> 01:36:40,414
So, what do you say?

2244
01:36:40,414 --> 01:36:41,490
- [Bob] No, no, we're good.

2245
01:36:41,490 --> 01:36:43,433
- We like it here.
- Yeah.

2246
01:36:43,433 --> 01:36:44,433
- Oh, right.

2247
01:36:46,685 --> 01:36:47,518
Okay.

2248
01:36:51,772 --> 01:36:55,478
Oh, I seem to have self destructed.

2249
01:36:55,478 --> 01:36:57,180
I've fallen and I can't get up.

2250
01:36:57,180 --> 01:36:58,213
I'm lost in thought.

2251
01:36:59,330 --> 01:37:01,627
I'm paralyzed in thought right now.

2252
01:37:02,902 --> 01:37:03,735
- [Crew Member] Oh, shit.

2253
01:37:03,735 --> 01:37:04,639
- [Kirk] Oh, shit.

2254
01:37:04,639 --> 01:37:07,510
(crew laughing)

2255
01:37:07,510 --> 01:37:09,347
That doesn't sound good.

2256
01:37:09,347 --> 01:37:10,180
- [Crew Member] There we go.

2257
01:37:10,180 --> 01:37:11,514
- Oh, Spock!
- That's good,

2258
01:37:11,514 --> 01:37:12,609
everything's all right.
- To the bridge.

2259
01:37:12,609 --> 01:37:13,640
(crew laughing)

2260
01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:15,743
Let's see if we can stand.

2261
01:37:15,743 --> 01:37:18,410
(Kirk groaning)

2262
01:37:23,050 --> 01:37:23,940
Oh, wow!

2263
01:37:25,830 --> 01:37:27,510
I seem to have lost my...

2264
01:37:28,560 --> 01:37:30,462
I can't...

2265
01:37:30,462 --> 01:37:31,462
Disoriented.

2266
01:37:33,070 --> 01:37:35,173
Can't find equilibrium.

2267
01:37:35,173 --> 01:37:36,830
Whoa!

2268
01:37:36,830 --> 01:37:39,608
Oh maybe I'll just lay
here for a little bit.

2269
01:37:39,608 --> 01:37:40,534
Just rest.
- Cut!

2270
01:37:40,534 --> 01:37:41,367
That's the cut.

2271
01:37:41,367 --> 01:37:42,636
(crew laughing)

2272
01:37:42,636 --> 01:37:43,940
- 17.
- Mark.

2273
01:37:43,940 --> 01:37:45,304
- Taking it in.
- What I was trying

2274
01:37:45,304 --> 01:37:46,763
to do the last time but it went so fast.

2275
01:37:46,763 --> 01:37:48,147
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Settle.

2276
01:37:48,147 --> 01:37:49,364
- [Crew Member] Can you put
his hand in or somethin'

2277
01:37:49,364 --> 01:37:51,420
so I get a start focus mark?

2278
01:37:51,420 --> 01:37:52,980
- Start focus mark.

2279
01:37:52,980 --> 01:37:53,947
Here you are.

2280
01:37:53,947 --> 01:37:55,819
(crew laughing)

2281
01:37:55,819 --> 01:37:56,662
- [Crew Member] Thank you.

2282
01:37:56,662 --> 01:37:57,530
I think I got it.

2283
01:37:57,530 --> 01:37:58,573
- [Kirk] You're welcome.

2284
01:37:59,550 --> 01:38:00,930
- [Crew Member] Set.

2285
01:38:00,930 --> 01:38:01,930
- [Director] Action!

2286
01:38:02,764 --> 01:38:03,597
- [Kirk] Oh!

2287
01:38:03,597 --> 01:38:04,430
Emergency!

2288
01:38:04,430 --> 01:38:07,063
(crew laughing)

2289
01:38:07,063 --> 01:38:07,896
- [Director] Cut!

2290
01:38:07,896 --> 01:38:10,250
(take beeps)

2291
01:38:10,250 --> 01:38:12,220
- Oh God, I forgot the KY!

2292
01:38:12,220 --> 01:38:16,680
(singer vocalizing)
(upbeat music)

2293
01:38:16,680 --> 01:38:17,567
I'm waiting.

2294
01:38:17,567 --> 01:38:20,234
(crew laughing)

2295
01:38:22,920 --> 01:38:24,560
Oh, someone just climbed the fence.

2296
01:38:24,560 --> 01:38:25,913
That must be them.

2297
01:38:27,580 --> 01:38:29,600
No, they're going the other way now.

2298
01:38:29,600 --> 01:38:31,050
I'm confused.

2299
01:38:31,050 --> 01:38:32,250
Where the hell are they?

2300
01:38:33,690 --> 01:38:35,330
Wait, are they in Burbank?

2301
01:38:35,330 --> 01:38:36,492
That looks like Burbank.

2302
01:38:36,492 --> 01:38:41,200
(crew laughing)
(symbols crashing)

2303
01:38:41,200 --> 01:38:42,319
- [Director] Cut!

2304
01:38:42,319 --> 01:38:43,260
Action!

2305
01:38:43,260 --> 01:38:47,140
- Hey, everybody, I just
sold our merchandising

2306
01:38:47,140 --> 01:38:51,207
and licensing rights for
800 large (chuckles).

2307
01:38:54,366 --> 01:38:57,510
On the open end, on the front end,

2308
01:38:57,510 --> 01:39:02,510
and 50% gross on the long term.

2309
01:39:05,581 --> 01:39:08,250
Damn if I don't still have it.

2310
01:39:09,505 --> 01:39:13,575
Everybody, we're back
on top, boys and girls.

2311
01:39:13,575 --> 01:39:15,939
- Oh yeah!
- Hey, wait to go!

2312
01:39:15,939 --> 01:39:20,939
- Boy, I, I never been
so shitty in my life.

2313
01:39:20,968 --> 01:39:23,840
(crew laughing)

2314
01:39:23,840 --> 01:39:26,195
(take beeps)

2315
01:39:26,195 --> 01:39:31,195
♪ I'm the girl in the back
of the bus sitting quietly ♪

2316
01:39:34,148 --> 01:39:39,148
♪ Afraid to mess things up entirely ♪

2317
01:39:41,828 --> 01:39:46,828
♪ But I'm tired of hiding
who I am from everyone else ♪

2318
01:39:49,804 --> 01:39:53,884
♪ I'll just hold my head up high ♪

2319
01:39:53,884 --> 01:39:57,430
♪ And lift my eyes up to the sky ♪

2320
01:39:57,430 --> 01:40:01,653
♪ After today I'll be incredible ♪

2321
01:40:01,653 --> 01:40:05,383
♪ After today I'll be unbelievable ♪

2322
01:40:05,383 --> 01:40:10,167
♪ After today no one's
gonna push me around ♪

2323
01:40:10,167 --> 01:40:13,256
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

2324
01:40:13,256 --> 01:40:17,509
♪ After today ♪

2325
01:40:17,509 --> 01:40:21,839
♪ After today ♪

2326
01:40:21,839 --> 01:40:26,839
♪ Does it make you feel
better about yourself ♪

2327
01:40:29,014 --> 01:40:33,983
♪ When you tear me down ♪

2328
01:40:33,983 --> 01:40:37,207
♪ 'Cause I'm rising up ♪

2329
01:40:37,207 --> 01:40:41,915
♪ And standing on my own ♪

2330
01:40:41,915 --> 01:40:45,343
♪ I'm becoming stronger ♪

2331
01:40:45,343 --> 01:40:49,520
♪ You'll see that I've grown ♪

2332
01:40:49,520 --> 01:40:53,472
♪ After today I'll be incredible ♪

2333
01:40:53,472 --> 01:40:57,518
♪ After today I'll be unbelievable ♪

2334
01:40:57,518 --> 01:41:02,132
♪ After today no one's
gonna push me around ♪

2335
01:41:02,132 --> 01:41:05,540
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

2336
01:41:05,540 --> 01:41:09,568
♪ After today ♪

2337
01:41:09,568 --> 01:41:11,971
♪ After today ♪

2338
01:41:11,971 --> 01:41:14,638
("After Today")

2339
01:43:33,353 --> 01:43:37,398
♪ After today I'll be incredible ♪

2340
01:43:37,398 --> 01:43:41,271
♪ After today I'll be unbelievable ♪

2341
01:43:41,271 --> 01:43:46,145
♪ After today no one's
gonna push me around ♪

2342
01:43:46,145 --> 01:43:49,292
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

2343
01:43:49,292 --> 01:43:53,335
♪ After today ♪

2344
01:43:53,335 --> 01:43:55,835
♪ After today ♪

2345
01:44:24,316 --> 01:44:25,380
(record screeching)

2346
01:44:25,380 --> 01:44:27,963
(upbeat music)

2347
01:44:33,674 --> 01:44:34,664
- What's goin' on here?

2348
01:44:34,664 --> 01:44:35,859
- Yo, man, I don't know.

2349
01:44:35,859 --> 01:44:36,692
That's why I called you.

2350
01:44:36,692 --> 01:44:38,100
All these people are here.

2351
01:44:38,100 --> 01:44:39,357
- What the hell is goin' on?

2352
01:44:39,357 --> 01:44:41,680
- Excuse me, who are you?
- I'm Sam Asghari.

2353
01:44:41,680 --> 01:44:42,560
- It's his house.

2354
01:44:42,560 --> 01:44:43,440
- This is a closed set.

2355
01:44:43,440 --> 01:44:44,620
You're gonna have to leave.

2356
01:44:44,620 --> 01:44:45,620
- What do you mean we have to leave?

2357
01:44:45,620 --> 01:44:46,453
You have to leave.

2358
01:44:46,453 --> 01:44:48,784
This is my home jerk-off, get outta here.

2359
01:44:48,784 --> 01:44:49,617
Get out, guys.

2360
01:44:49,617 --> 01:44:50,450
Get out.

2361
01:44:50,450 --> 01:44:52,410
Man, where's the production?

2362
01:44:52,410 --> 01:44:53,470
- In the back in the garage.

2363
01:44:53,470 --> 01:44:54,460
- Okay.

2364
01:44:54,460 --> 01:44:55,293
Get out, leave.

2365
01:44:55,293 --> 01:44:56,244
- Yeah, I told you, man.

2366
01:44:56,244 --> 01:44:57,161
- Sam Asghari, the fitness king,

2367
01:44:57,161 --> 01:44:58,100
- Oh yeah.
- can I take a selfie?

2368
01:44:58,100 --> 01:44:59,632
- Sure thing, sure thing, of course.

2369
01:44:59,632 --> 01:45:00,465
- Yay.

2370
01:45:00,465 --> 01:45:01,298
Thank you.

2371
01:45:01,298 --> 01:45:02,614
- Yeah, one more.
- Okay.

2372
01:45:02,614 --> 01:45:04,781
- I wanna bear your child.

2373
01:45:05,740 --> 01:45:07,283
- Get lost before I call the cops.

2374
01:45:07,283 --> 01:45:08,116
- I love you!
- Leave you guys,

2375
01:45:08,116 --> 01:45:09,188
get outta here.

2376
01:45:09,188 --> 01:45:11,000
- [Man] It's more like ridiculous.

2377
01:45:11,000 --> 01:45:13,041
- Get, get out guys.

2378
01:45:13,041 --> 01:45:13,874
Get out.

2379
01:45:13,874 --> 01:45:15,230
- [Man] Isolate, isolate!

2380
01:45:15,230 --> 01:45:17,000
Social distancing, asshole!

2381
01:45:17,000 --> 01:45:19,526
- [Man] We're sheltering
in place with coronavirus!

2382
01:45:19,526 --> 01:45:22,571
(upbeat music)

2383
01:45:22,571 --> 01:45:24,988
(take beeps)