"The Truth About My Wife (& Her 16 Year Old Friend)" Verbate

VERBATE OF: "The Truth About My Wife (& Her 16 Year Old Friend)" translated by gines the dipshit

Line breaks = how many fucking jump cuts he used.
Elipses = a fucking jump cut mid sentence.
[] = gines' commentary

ugh.

gerg seems to have procured a 490 watt lightbulb because the filters are fucking insane


Hello, my name is Onision and I am making a video with a boring green screen behind me because this is what's required of me right now.
For once, there is drama in my life that I'm not really involved with.
Most of you probably haven't heard about this, but it's gotten pretty serious.
My wife is a sensitive person...and when people bring issues up like this and accuse her of things and...do the crazy things they normally do to me...she's likely going to react in a significant way. [lol 'a significant way']
To better explain what I'm talking about...my wife met a girl two years ago online...who was originally a fan of mine.
She was I understand 14 at the time.(sappy bullshit light piano music begins)
My wife and that girl had been talking off and on...over the last two years exclusively from a distance.
And as some of you may know...my wife and I have had moments...where we're not necessarily on great terms with each other...and in those moments my wife sometimes needs a friends to talk to.
Cue Sarah...the girl my 19 year old wife [that's not fkn creepy or anything] at the time...met only on the internet...when Sarah was 14. [WHOOPS STILL CREEPY]
My wife is now 21 and Sarah is 16.
So Sarah decided to fly herself up to visit my wife. [fly herself?]
And right away, a lot of people online looked at this and automatically assumed...oh my gosh, Onision's wife...must be recruiting sex slaves for Onision and her to enjoy. [barf]
And I'm not even kidding. That is #LITERALLY what some people are assuming.
And it's very clear that this assumption is moreso based on the fact that my wife is bisexual...which kind of comes off as biphobic.
If you've ever met someone who's bisexual...there's a good chance that you're aware it's pretty annoying when somebody automatically assumes that you want to have sex with everyone just because you're bi.
I mean, if you're a heterosexual male...let me ask you this. Do you want to have sex with every woman you've seen? Your grandma? Really?
Okay.
So this is the ridiculous situation that my wife is putting up with right now.
She's actually thinking about taking legal action...against the people that are harassing these two young women. ['young women']
Cuz it's almost comedic how far off from the truth they are? [ends on inflection]...And how wildly they've blown things out of proportion.
These people online who have never met Lainey, who have never met Sarah...automatically believe that Lainey is recruiting Sarah to be her sex slave with me...a guy whose never had a phone conversation or a significant interaction with Sarah in the past.
I guess somehow I'm part of this big scheme. [GERG U NEVER LEAVE UR HOUSE OF COURSE YOU'RE COMPLICIT YOU MORON]
Anyway, so my wife is thinking about taking legal action...because these very paranoid individuals have contacted the police. [good.]
They've revealed a lot of Sarah's private information...which is somewhat ironic...because some of the information they're releasing about her seems a little bit illegal to release. [HMM WHY WOULD THAT BE? OH RIGHT. MINOR. FUCKING MORON.]
I think the saddest thing of all in this situation...is how negatively it's impacted...a very innocent relationship between my wife and her friend Sarah. [the big ol' sopping victim card yanked from gerg's sweaty buttcrack]
Just imagine you get a friend...and suddenly, everyone around you is pointing fingers at you screaming that you're a terrible person for being their friend.
Uh, HYUCK HYUCK, it's really weird. [well gerg, i'm 30, like you. if i invited a 16 year old to my house THAT WOULD BE FUCKING WEIRD.]
Anyway, I just wanted to make this video...to state the obvious which a lot of people seem to have missed...and it's a lot more reasonable to assume that my wife...is just a friend of someone...and just because she's bisexual doesn't automatically mean she wants to have sex with them...and clearly it's...irrational to assume that my wife...is a sex slave recruiting maniac.
Wow, internet.
I mean I could go on and on about the theories people have about my private life. [lol, same, as i sit back in my psychology armchair]
But I would like to take this opportunity to ask you guys to please back off Sarah.
Because her mother is very angry at the internet right now. [and the internet is angry at her]

(gerg speaks slow, deliberately, and condescendingly)

Her mother is fully supportive of the friendship that Lainey and Sarah have.
Because she knows that that friendship is harmless...and also the police officer that both Sarah and my wife spoke to...is upset as well...because these internet folk...are needlessly wasting the time of these police officers...who could be focusing on far more important things...than a bisexual woman who, by the way, is taken.
As in she doesn't want to date anyone else, she doesn't want to marry anyone else, she doesn't want to have sex with anyone else, cuz those slots are filled [ew]...who just happens to be friends with a 16 year old.
But if you guys want to continue wasting the time of Sarah, Lainey...Sarah's mom and the police department...then hopefully some of you are aware that Lainey's father is a lawyer...and while I'm not going to be a part of this whole suing thing...my wife seems pretty motivated to make some people pay...[sounds like a threat, shitdick]...for putting the police department, Sarah's mom, and Sarah herself through unneeded stress.
Especially now that's it's come to the point of people apparently releasing illegal levels of information about Sarah. [what was illegally released btw? leaving shit out like that allows his fanbase to fill in the blanks. what a cock.]
So again, if everyone could just chill out...[and let me continue creating my harem]...accept the fact that my wife is not a sexual predator, (derp laugh) people are actually calling her a pedophile...and maybe all just take a deep breath, take a step back...and please try to focus on what makes you happy. [what'll make me happy is seeing your ass in the loony bin and your two children safe and away from you].
But if any of you still have significant concerns...as to what's going on in my private life...please go to onision.com/contact...and you can use the appropriate resources there...to reach out to me directly...and possibly find out what's up. [UNLESS UR A H8ER OK]
Thank you for watching, have a wonderful day. (gerg pauses, then moves the microphone away from his face and turns to the screen)

FIN.

fuck.