Umriss

Cold light was flowing into the room from a small window on an opposite wall. It deepened the silhouettes of furniture giving them a mysterious aura. Is this a chair? Is this a lamp? Does it matter? Silhouettes aren’t real objects, just like shadows, you can make a shadow of a pigeon or a lamp but that doesn’t mean that it will fly, or it will light up. Even if you knew whose shadow it was, you would be foolish to assume with certainty who it was. But what if you can only see shadows? Just like now. Only shadows and silhouettes. And a window. He took a drag, tip of a cigarette glowed how red illuming his fingers.
“Are you awake?”
“Yeah,” He said blowing out smoke “I couldn’t sleep”
He was seated on a bed for a good hour now, looking at the room, thinking about the shapes. This is the lamp. This isn’t a lamp, it’s something very similar to the lamp, standing right where that lamp was yesterday. Imitating it to the perfection with its grey outlines.
“Lay down, it’s 7,” She said wrapping her arm around his abdomen.
“No... I’m getting up”
“I’m not staying here by myself, at least give me a smoke” Saying that she let go of his waist and sat beside him.
He poked out one cig from the pack of Dunhills and lifted it to her muzzle, lighting it up when she grasped it with her teeth. She inhaled almost half of it at once and blew it out with her nostrils. Grey fumes filled the room.
“Do you want some coffee?” She asked burrowing her snooze in his head “You smell, take a shower”
“Nah I’m fine, and you smell too” Saying that he grabbed her breast through the white shirt.
“Christ, you’re annoying” She calmly pulled his hand away “Well I’m getting some coffee, could you make breakfast just this once?”
“Sure” He replied getting up and putting out his smoke in the silhouette of an ashtray.
The kitchen was better lit, a big window was filling it with a still, grey light. Susie took a jug with black liquid and poured herself a big mug of it. Berdly was pulling eggs from the fridge.
“Eggs? I thought you would surprise me with something special.”
Eggs. He always felt weird eating them. Why though? Humans eat other mammals all the time, but there is little to no resemblance between, let’s say, humans and pigs, but most birds looked alike.
“Eh, if humans can eat children of other mammals than there is nothing weird with me eating those eggs, besides they are not even fertilized,” he thought and broke 10 of them into the pan.
“Is seven enough for you?” He asked her
“Good enough. … You woke up early because of that dream right?”
That dream… He is sitting in a garden, the grass is too bright almost white, trees are moving in random directions but there is no wind to blow on them, everything else is pulsating like it’s one big organism twisted into this sick, unnatural form. And there is a big, green, red-eyed snake slowly slithering towards him. Meter by meter, for hours it may seem. And then when it's at he's fingertips it strikes exposing his big curved fangs, waking him up.
“Yeah.”
“And this snake is still there.”
“Yes.”
“And he kills you?”
“No, I always wake up before he can touch me, but he’s centimeters from my face, that’s the image that lasts. The mouth of a giant venomous snake right in front of my face”
  He put scrambled eggs onto plates and gave the bigger portion to Susie. They were sitting on the opposite ends of the table.
“That’s scary, man.”
“Eh, it’s just a stupid dream, nothing else”
“You could have added something to those eggs, like bacon,” She said while shoveling another big portion with a spoon
“Don’t grizzle”
They ate in silence, Susie finished first, of course, her hunger was always a mystery to him. It was surreal when he saw her throwing egg shells into her mouth and crunching them like candies.
“We have this day all to ourselves, what do you want to do?” She asked.
“I’m going to finish reading my book” He said
“Will you read it to me”
It was very childish of her, he tried to get her into reading but she always ended up listening to his voice. It might have been cute at first, but he feared she will regress her ability to read entirely if he keeps that up.
“Why don’t YOU read it to me eh?”
“Um” She stuttered “B-but you have such a good voice you know”
“Don’t be a child Susie, only one chapter, you can train your speech”
“Hey I want to listen to you freak, is this too much to you,” She said changing her voice from meek to demanding.
Berdly was not moved by that at all.
“I’m not reading for you if you don’t read for me”
“Do you want to sleep on a couch tonight” She almost yelled.
Damn, she was pretty serious about this, point noted.
“I’ve already said that I won’t”  His facial features didn’t even twitch
Susie was like a wave hitting a cliff, he didn’t care what she will say right now, he made his final decision. Changing it would be a sign of weakness.
“God, you’re really annoying you know”
“You’ve already told me that today”  Smug grin growing on his face
“Yeah whatever, I will read to you one chapter and then you’ll read to me”
“Absolutely.”
I was raining the entire morning. They were sitting on a couch, Susie was leaning forward slowly reading “A Tale of Two Cities” and Berdly was lying beside her. She was constantly stuttering and clearing throat, He didn’t seem to mind as he wasn’t paying much attention to her from the start . He was thinking about the silhouettes. “It’s like Plato’s cave, not real objects, shadows that imitate them. But they are real in contrary to Plato, they are created from matter, real objects posing as other by having their contours.
“Are you even listening to me?” She asked, “You have that face like you are not even here.”
“Gabelle begs the new Marquis to return to France and save him, yes I’m listening” He lied, but he has read that books many times before practically knowing it by the heart.
“You’re lucky, now’s your turn,” She said, giving the book to him.
“It brightened up”
Rain stopped moments ago and the sun was already filling the room with its bright rays of warm light.
“You are not getting out of this that easy,” She said turning her voice into a growl.
“I will read to you after we go out.”
“Not happening freak”
She was really serious this time leaning over Berdly, pushing the book into his face. Her hair was falling on his chest like a waterfall. He saw a glimpse of her angry yellow eye.
“You’re pretty when you’re angry,” He said with a smirk on his face.
She was getting closer to him when he locked his hands around her neck and pulled her to his face in an Eskimo kiss.
“You’re the worst” She whispered “Now read me this goddamn book”
“I’ll do that in the evening, I promise”
“Oh he promises ladies and gentleman, great Berdly promises everything like a king promises wealth to his peasants, you already promised that this evening  you will finish your project”
Yes, his project. He forgot about that. How could anyone forget about the greatest deal in his life? He was planning a villa of some eccentric businessman. He was set for life, this deal would open his gate to the big world.
“I’ll finish it, don’t worry about that,” He said while Susie returned to her place. “We will buy some good wine and I’ll read this book to you, agreed?”
“Fine, but I’ll choose this wine”
She was probably thinking about some sweet white that he hated so much, but whatever he will stick to whiskey.
“So where do you want to go,” He asked
“Forest”
“Sure” he replied and got up from the couch.
April was very warm this year, it really felt like summer is here already. Air smelled with that unique aroma of wet forest. Trees glittered with wet leaves, looking like they were made of polished silver. Bugs and birds returned to their normal daily routine after the rain, buzzing and singing they cut through the silence of plant life. Somewhere a woodpecker was drilling into some poor tree in search of larvae. The path was punctured with puddles. Susie and Berdly were meandering between them.
“Do you feel alive?” She asked
“Very  much, why would you ask?”
“Because I don’t think I’m happy”
He stopped walking and turned to her.
“Is it because of me?”
She came closer, he was staring directly into her damp eyes.
“I want a child” She whispered closing her eyes
He walked over, locking his wings around her, leaning and laying his head on her chest.
“After I do  this project, we will get you a treatment”
He remembered the day when they heard about her condition. Funny, he remembered every detail aside from what the doctor has told them. Yeah funny, really bloody funny. He remembered the white clean room they were invited into. He remembered the doctor’s clean shave and two identical chairs they sat on. He remembered those two words coming from his mouth “I’m sorry…”. His mind went blank back then, he was staring at this quack’s mouth, his lips dancing like earthworms on a hand, twisting in an illogical way, white teeth glimpsing, spuming meaningless word of “compassion”. He got a glimpse of her back then, crying by his side, clinging to his arm like a child in fear. And he did something unthinkable, he got up and left, just like that. He will never forgive himself, leaving her alone to deal with all of this alone, leaving her in the worst emotional state she ever was. HE, out of all people chose the “easy” way out.  Leaving her there crying was the worst thing he has ever done. Berdly vomited on the outside wall of a hospital, he was disgusted with himself. When he came back to her sitting lifelessly in the hall he knew that she will never forget about this, even when he got on his knees and clung to her saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m …” she will remember it for the rest of her life.
Now he was clinging to her as well, as her tears dropped on his head in the final form of helplessness and sadness. He will do anything for her, just for that one time he left her alone completely defenseless.
“I’ll always be with you, always” He promised to her “Do you want to go home?”
“Yeah,” She said sniffling and rubbed her eyes.
He finished his project, he imagined gorgeous villa standing somewhere in Spain, it’s owner drinking martini, laying on a deckchair, while a Latino beauty was swimming in the pool. Yeah, a really rich owner laying on the deckchair, that mattered right? Money, people say it doesn’t give you happiness. Berdly would disagree on that. This project was more for her, then for some rich asshole, for his little fragile girl. He smirked, Susie might have been tall and strong but she really was weak, people wounded her in so many ways before, in high school she was basically an outcast. Ugh, he exorcized the thoughts of this school out of his head and stand up stretching his body. As he left his cabinet he noticed it was already dark outside. Stepping into the living room he saw Susie laying on the fluffy carpet in front of the sofa, looking something on her phone. There was a pizza box on a table.
“You were eating fast food again, we could have gone for dinner you know.”
“I didn’t want to disturb your work.”
She has already drunk one bottle of her wine and didn’t seem to stop there as the second one was already opened. Berdly calmly poured himself a glass of whiskey from a carafe standing on a chest of drawers at the end of the room, and immediately drank it all in a single gulp. His throat burned for a second as the Chivas glided through his insides. After pouring another glass he sat on a couch and lighted up a cig. Susie was drinking her wine straight from the bottle. She must have opened them recently, was she waiting for him?  He gazed as half of the wine was poured into her throat.
“Slow down lassie” He smirked
“And who’s saying that you haven’t eaten anything and you’re already holding a glass”
“We had a filling lunch, I’m not hungry”
Susie sat on a carpet next to his knees placing her head on the corner of the sofa.
“Filling for you, little quail,” She said stretching her back and hands
With her left hand she hit the glass he was holding, gold liquid spilling on his kent collar shirt.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” She said and lifted herself to him.
 Susie grabbed a box of tissues from the lower level of a table and started to rub brown stains on his shirt.
“It’s okay, it was dirty anyw-“
“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
He put his hands on her cheeks and moved closer to her face.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it”
“I’m drunk, it’s my fault, I…”
“I like you drunk you know, you’re not so tough anymore after a couple,” He said staring in her eyes
Her eyes were like ambers fished out of Baltic sea, with a wide black onyx scar in the middle.
“You are an ass” She laughed and tugged into him.
She was kneeling on the carpet, laying her head on his stomach, looking sadly at the other corner of the room. He was petting her thick brown hair, his feathers were gently brushing her. She suddenly raised her head and sat on his lap with a foxy smile.
“We must get you out of this shirt Mr,” She said unbuttoning him
“Oh,” He put his hand on her hips “Yeah...?.”
He knew where this was going, as he said, he liked her when she was drunk.
The next morning was very painful to him, he felt like there was an entire orchestra in his head.
“Was that worth it?” He asked himself while looking at the empty carafe thrown on the carpet.
He was alone on the sofa. Getting up was a painful experience, everything was spinning and ratting like in a bad jazz concert.
“I should have eaten something yesterday, why is she always fucking right?”
Naked, he slowly left the spacious living room and went to the kitchen. With a jug of water in his hand, he saw a note stuck to the fridge.
“I have gone shopping, I’ll be back in an hour” And a cute drawing of a heart smiling.
It was 11 o’clock, almost noon.
“She has a lot better metabolism I’ll give her that,” He thought while chugging the whole jug of water.
He tried to remember how did they get close in the first place. Yeah, it was in highs school, she was failing every exam.
“And stealing my lunch,” He said with a chuckle.
The kitchen was filled with a warm light of an April sun.
.
.
.
Berdly stood in front of doors to the spare classroom, rusty hinges creaked as he slowly pushed doors inwards.
“Get lost nerd,” Susie said
She was sitting on a floor, resting her back on the long wall of the rectangular room. Loud "thump, thump” filled the room as Susie took a swing on the opposite wall, bouncing a small red ball back to her. Berdly, came inside, closing doors behind him, he sharply inhaled the air and said:
“Listen, I know you are failing your exams, and I want to help you…” Being straightforward was the best solution in this situation. He didn't feel like playing any games with her.
“Yeah right”
“Um, I will give you umm…  I’ll tutor you“
Susie threw the red ball right into Berdly, it flew centimeters from his head and bounced off the door.
“Piss off, you’re gonna turn this into some dumbass prank,” She said raising her voice.
Jeez, she's annoying as hell, how am I supposed to get this through her thick skull. Let's hope she's not as annoying as me. What am I saying? No one is as unbearable as I am, I take some twisted satisfaction is my unholy actions, some kind of pride that for most seems insane, to say the least.
“This is not a goddamn joke you STUPID lizard” Berdly almost screamed, his irritation overcoming any fear coming from her presence.
Susie quickly stood up and walked over to him. She put her hand on the door, blocking his way of escape.
“What did you just say?” She growled in his face, showing more and more razor-sharp teeth.
“I’ll give you private classes” He uttered, “I-if you stop um... threatening me”
“Pff, you’re serious?” Susie laughed, spitting in his face.
“You are failing this class, I promise I’ll get you out of this"
“Yeah whatever, nerd” Susie said and returned to her place
“Meet me after the school in front of the church, if you want to pass this year”
“If this is some dumb joke, or I will not pass I’ll beat the shit out of you”
Berdly turned around and left smiling obnoxiously.
.
.
.
“It’s rather simple”
“Of course it’s simple to you”
They were sitting in his room, leaning over a notebook opened on a desk.
“It’s rather simple if you think about it,” He said
Susie couldn’t solve this equation for some time now, she was knocking some unknown rhythm with a pen. Her hair was tucked into a simple plait, falling through on her right shoulder.
“I AM thinking about it…”
“Susie, when does cosine equals one?”
“Eeeeeee….” Susie scratched her neck.
Berdly cringed as her sharp claw run over delicate sort of scales, like a knife stretching skin. He really liked her new hair, he could finally see her eyes. Why did she wear those thick bangs anyway, her eyes are really pretty.
“I’ll draw you something” Saying so he sketched cosine function. ”Now point its maximal value”.
Susie didn’t point anything, instead, she squealed:
“Oh I know, I know”
And then easily solved the equation and turned herself to Berdly.
“That was all the problems.”
She was really happy today for some reason, this wasn’t normal grumpy Susie, a most notable change was her hair.
“What’s up with a new look?”
“My mom is in town.”
Her mom? He thought she didn’t have a mother, living alone with a single father who he took for a widower, in a little crampy apartment. He was there a couple of times, two to be exact, her father wasn’t the most pleasant type and he thought it was because of his loss. Susie wasn’t so beamish when they started learning together, as well, and he always thought it was because of some tragedy that happened to them. Well, it was a tragedy, especially for her, divorce… He never asked about her family, it was a bit, um, inappropriate.
“Your mom? Did she changed your hair?”
“Yeah, do you want to meet her?”
Susie’s fixation on her mother’s point intrigued Berdly. He must meet this woman.
“Sure, why not”
They left the room and walked down the stairs to the living room.
“You laddies done smooching up there?”
His grandfather was sitting in a big armchair, silver smoke was spewing from his old pipe while listening to the local radio channel.
“Grandpa, when mom comes back tell her that I’m out with Susie”
“Ye, have a good one chaps”
They both quickly left as his grandpa started humming loudly “The Washing on the Siegfried Line”. Hometown looked pretty in the last days of summer. Hometown, what a shitty name, with all other Herevilles and Happytowns, a small forgotten city in New England, God-forgotten place. As they were walking by the police station some small yellow lizard spotted them and quickly run to the opposite side of the road. Susie didn’t seem to care but Berdly sent him mocking smile. They quickly arrived at the apartments. Susie lived on the top floor, there was always cold there in the winter and steaming hot in the summer. She opened the doors, in the tight living room in the armchair sat tall, lean red lizard, a woman with facial features so sharp she could almost kill with her vision. Berdly took her for a hard working woman, wiry and stringy muscles on her arms,  bony hands, blonde hair put in a bun stretching the skin on her forehead. Her face was a mask with judgmental and hateful eyes.
“Hi mom, this is Berdly, I’ve told you about him”
“Um, hello ma’am”
Her crinkled look drilled into Berdly’s figure.
“Howdy, Susie would you git us some tea thank you,” Susie’s moms said with a rather strong southern accent
“Um… sure” Susie replied and walked to the kitchen.
“It’s really nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“I’m no lady sweetie, please call me Eleonore.” Saying that she reached out with her hand to him.
Berdly moved forward to shake it when suddenly Eleonore grabbed him wing with both her veiny hands.
“Thank you… I don’t want her to be a failure”
Her now big, wet, brown eyes were staring directly into Berdly’s.
“Please take care of here” She whispered and tightened her grip. “She has no one beside me, her father is a useless bastard”
“Tea’s done!” Susie yelled from the kitchen
Eleonore lost the hold of his hands and her face returned to the distanced, repugnant expression. Berdly didn’t have time to respond with anything more than a single
“Sure”
Susie stormed into the room and put down the tray on a dirty coffee table in front of the TV.
“Mom where is dad?”
“Drunk ass is probably at the bar, he couldn’t even look in my face”
Susie lowered her head looking at her own hand. She definitely had a lot of different opinion on her father. Maybe in some childish fantasy, she wished that they would get back together. Why was she with her father then and not with mother? He didn’t want to ask, Eleonore seemed too nice to ruin his views of her.
“Don’t talk about him like that… Please.”
“Eh hell…” Susie’s mom rubbed her eyes and leaned back into her armchair. “Sweet child of mine. You should go outside, your gonna suffocate here” And saying that she pulled out a cigarette.
“What about tea mo-“
“I’ve given you couple bucks, go eat something at the dinner,” Eleonore said, “And nice meeting you Berdly.”
Susie opened diner’s door and they both stepped inside. There were 3 other customers besides them, 2 sitting by the counter and some lonely guy was slowly chewing his breakfast at the end of the place. The owner was somewhere inside the building. They both sat in the nearest booth. Big cat in a white apron approached them.
“You shouldn’t be here”
“Just take our goddamn order Catti,”  Berdly said with a weary voice.
“Owner is going to kick you out.”
“What do you want Susie, all on my cost,” Berdly asked, taking little notice of what Catti has said.
“If it’s on your cost…” Susie smiled devilishly, she didn’t mind Cattie as well. ”I’ll take the biggest pack of pancakes there is”
“I just want coffee and chips, you got that?”
“We don’t serve chips”
“I meant fries, Catti”
“Yeah sure,” Catti sighted and walked to the counter.
“Hope she doesn’t spit on it” Susie smirk.
“Yes, all we do is hope, don’t you get tired of hope?”
“What?”
“I don’t want to hope Susie, I want to be certain, don’t you?”
“I don’t know what are you talking about”
“I NEED to look at the future and see the clear path in front of me. Wouldn’t you want that?”
She really changed her temperament after this year, he remembered how their first lesson went. Susie didn’t want to go to the library, “I’m not going to this stupid book-place nerd” she said when Berdly told her where they are going to study. Then he suggested his place, and that’s how it stayed. After Susie passed previous year she seemed more “cooperative” about studying with him. Berdly had a really hard time putting up with her, but it was worth it. In his mind, he thought he has broken her, and reforged again. He didn’t even know if he did it for himself or for her. He was always an egoist, but with someone like Susie, an aggrieved child corrupted by the opinions and views of the society, and yet so aggressive and strong-willed in her dogmas, he wanted to devote himself to her. He asked himself why Noelle didn’t do the same to him. Because Noelle was a simple-minded pupil raised by loving parents. Was HE special?. He had good family and good relations with them, nothing out of the norm, but he didn’t feel like following the rest, at least now, but he wouldn’t just stand in the class and say that he despises all of them, he wasn’t some anarchist fuck saying this just to gain everyone’s attention. He wanted to change himself, only for himself. He wanted to feel special, but EVERYONE wants to feel special. Everyone wants to feel special, don’t deny it, they would like to work for themselves, their name being jutted an entry in some company document, feeling of being important. Everybody was following the American dream here,  it didn’t matter how impossible it was. The teachings of founding father were long forgotten, they were the laughing subject for so many years. Susie wasn’t one of the silent members of the mob. Maybe she was lucky that she got under his sphere of influence. As much arrogant as this statement sounds he believed it to be true. What would her friend Kris give her, this simple-minded mute? Did he want to be someone great, did he want to be someone different? Of course, he wanted, like everybody, donkeys guided by new kind of carrot, uniqueness. Berdly didn’t care about uniqueness, he cared about being better than everyone else, Susie showed him the way, in her bizarre way he understood that challenges make a man stronger, such a simple but forgotten wisdom. So Berdly asked himself right there is he should stay with Susie as she was ironically the only guidance through this mild world, where nothing was sure.
“Susie”
“Yeah?”
“I have this feeling that... I love you”
Susie withered in her place, her eyes broaden as she looked at Berdly.
“W-what?” Susie said with a surprised voice.
“I love you... everything about you.”
She was nervously looking around the dinner,  fiddling her hands in a nervous tick that he learned she had.
“I-I …” Susie said and looked at him
Berdly immediately inhaled air raising his chest and looking directly into her eyes.
“I mean it, this is not some stupid fucking joke” He looked at the table with a sad smile
Susie’s breath got sharper. He grabbed her twitching hands.
“I promise I won’t leave you”
Like your mother Berdly thought, I won’t leave you as your broken family did. Susie tightened the grip and said.
“Why now…?”
“Susie, I’ve realized that I living without you would be a misery” Berdly almost whispered.
Why was he getting emotional, it’s just human interaction, it was simple, tell her what she wants to hear and the problem’s gone. But Berdly didn’t seem to mind about that.
“You’re the most special girl I’ve ever met, YOU make me feel... everything.”
His words were escaping as he tried to speak, he wasn’t afraid, he just wanted her to understand. Suddenly Susie leaned from her seat in front of him, tilting her head, she gave him a kiss. Without thinking Berdly tilted his head as well and gave his head into her embrace. His rough and long tongue slipped inside of her mouth, as their both raddled together. This kiss lasted seconds as Susie saw Catti bringing them food. That was really embarrassing, it looked like they were eating each-other faces off, in some cannibalistic ritual. At least nobody noticed them.
“You guys ok?” Catti asked.
They were still holding hands, she couldn’t put down the plates. They quickly lost grip of each other. Susie’s face was all red, while Berdly put up a stoic face as nothing has happened.
“Enjoy your meal”
“Thanks” Berdly replied.
Susie was petrified, looking at Berdly with wide open eyes. She seemed so fragile there, so small. Her plait was laying on her quickly rising chest. Berdly propped his chin with a fist and with a smug smile he said:
“Oh, you look so scared, was it something I said?”
He had her wrapped around his little finger.
“You’re a real freak you know”
What an honorable title in this twisted world.
.
.
.
“And it was definitely real?”
“I’m sure it was”
“And not some hysteria attract?”
“I’ll give you hysteria, you prick” Susie hissed, and punched Berdly in the shoulder.
“Hey, how am I supposed to believe in this shit, it sounds like you two got sniffed glue and tripped balls.”
“I’m telling you, we traveled to some other world behind that doors,” Susie said and pointed at the grey doors in front of them.
“And it worked only once?”
“We have tried many times, and nothing came out of it.”
“So you think that if somebody new enters this closet it will work again?”
“I think so.”
“And we had to break into the school in the night only for this?”
“Hey, you weren’t complaining when I asked you, or are you chickening out?”
“That’s racist you privileged, oversized gecko,” Berdly spewed out while grinning.
Susie snorted with a short laugh.
“Just get inside.”
Susie pushed Berdly forward. He pushed doors inwards and stepped within. In the darkness he could see a small room, filled with school accessories, brooms were tucked into the corner, bucket and mop were placed near the stacked boxes of chalk and paper. Nothing out of the ordinary, even a thick layer of dust in the corners seemed completely natural.
“Eh, is that your other world?”
“It wasn’t like this the first time”
“Yeah, it doesn’t seem pitch-black.”
“We will just have to wait for something to happened.”
“Did anything happen when you tried it again with Kris?”
“Not really…”
Berdly sat on the floor.
“Let’s just wait, maybe we will get lucky”
Berdly would rather go home than be a part of this circus but she was extremely serious about this. Susie sat next to him She was wearing a ragged, green hoodie covering her head and slim joggers. Beside black sweater he wasn’t wearing anything, even his glasses were gone as Susie once sat on them when they were learning. His new contact lenses weren’t really comfortable. Susie once said that he doesn’t look like such nerd anymore. He rolled up his sleeves and Susie stretched her legs. Through her pants, he could see how her toned muscles move. She got legs of Artemis, perfect like they were carved by the Polykleitos himself. Berdly felt uncomfortable thinking about this.
“So um…” He stated, “Are we like together now?”
It was hard for him to ask, a lot harder than confessing to her in that dinner two weeks ago. Maybe because of emotions, with time Susie got more mild with him, she returned to the old grumpy self. But he was starting to feel more and more towards her.
“Yeah, obviously,” Susie answered
“We didn’t really talk much about that.”
“You have lost your confidence nerd.”
“It’s just that… , do you feel something to me?”
“Right now I’m only feeling irritation.”
“Susie, this is serious”
“Jesus Christ, of course, I do, if I don’t declare my unstopping, deep, passionate love for you every minute you stop thinking that I do?!” Susie almost yelled with a sarcastic smile, “Well here you go, I love you, are you happy?”
“I love you too,” Berdly said and smiled.
“Oh you stupid little dork, come ‘ere”
Susie wrapped her arm around Berdly’s neck and dragged him towards her.
“Oh, what are you…”
Susie rolled her hand in a fist and started rubbing the top of Berdly’s head with her knuckles.
“Wow, time out , this isn’t funn-AaAAAaaAAAAaAaA.”
Susie stopped and put her snoot in the place rubbed by her.
“Crybaby” She smirked
“Don’t you ever do that again,” Berdly  yelled
Susie rolled her eyes and lets the hold of Berdly. He doesn’t move, calms down, and lays his head on her chest.
“You can move you freak”
“I don’t want to,” He said and snuggled between her breasts. Berldy inhaled sharply and he drowned in her sweet aroma. The sweet smell of smoke,  pine tree resins, and her sweat filled his nostrils. She didn’t wash this hoodie since they had a fireplace in the woods. He was reading “The Shadow of the Sun” to her and she was gazing at him like a little curious child. Then she saw her eat a whole pinecone, it was a mood breaker honestly. At least he saw how her powerful jaws works, every sinew, and muscle of her mouth was made to cleave and shred. Now Susie was throwing Sticks of chalk into her mouth a crunching them without any afterthought.
“Bon appétit”
.
.
.
Berdly was sitting naked in his own house, in his own kitchen, by his own worktop. Bells in his head tolled to mark the death of pope himself. He was still holding a jug of water when Susie opened back door and came inside.
“Morning” Berdly mumbled.
Susie walked inside with carrying big bags of groceries in both of her hands.
“Good morning, a-are you naked right now!?”
“This is my house, I can do whatever I want.”
Susie was wearing a light white blouse and slim jeans. He could see her athletic figure through the white material. She laid her bags on the ground and came to Berdly. He wrapped his left hand around her waist, plunging his rig right hand under her pants, quickly finding her pomegranate garden.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing-Oooh…”
Susie breath got heavier, she grabbed worktop, in a need to lift herself.
“I was thinking about us,” Berdly said with a sad expression on his face.
“Mhmm, keep going”
“…Mon amour…” Berdly whispered while placing his beak upwards on her chest.
“Don’t you dare stop”
He raised his wet fingers from her bellows, lifting them to her twitching face. For a second she looked like she was about to lick them, but…
“Get your dirty hand out of my face pervert,” Susie yelled stroking his wet hands away from her face. What a crazy mood changer that girl was.
At her inconceivable surprise, he plunged his wet fingers inside his beak.
“You’re sweet you know?”  He said while looking deep inside her yellow eyes.
Like his little plaything hehe, he thought while a big purple hand hit his face with a “Slap!”.
“What was that for?!”
“Guess fuckhead” Susie replied and stormed out of the kitchen with a grimace on her face.
Berdly almost blacked out from the force of her slap, his head was spinning two times faster now.  He wiped his hand in feathers on his chest and left his seat.  He might have not been entirely right about “his little plaything”, the biggest lie being “little” part. He was pretty tall, but his eyes were still on her mouth level. Susie was sitting on a couch watching TV. He saw the back of her head as she jumped through the channels. Berdly jumped over the sofa and sat beside her.
“Berdly, we have talked about this” Said Susie, she was getting pretty irritated.
“And as always I say to you: This is my house woman, I can do as I please in it”
“Berdly I can see your... "
“Don’t act like you haven’t witnessed it before.” Berdly said with a smug grin
“That’s it you drunk degenerate”
Susie stood up, she was fed up with his attitude. Or so it seemed. She grabbed him under his armpit. With one swift move, Susie lifted him and slung him on her shoulder. She was much stronger than she looked. She could easily carry twice as much.
“What the hell are you doing woman!” Berdly yelled swinging his limbs in a desperate attempt to get out.
“You are not 16 anymore freak!”
He liked her when she was angry. Her eyes lit up, breath gets sharper and she bares her teeth. Like a wild animal. But now he could only see her back. Susie carried him out of the living room, walked the long hallway and entered their messy bedroom. The whole house was cluttered with books, trinkets, paintings, his architect projects, various tools, and unused furniture. Their bedroom was probably the most chaotic room. Clothes were scattered across the floor, various artifacts inherited from his grandfather were standing on chests of drawers or hanging from the walls alongside paintings and posters. Berdly was starting to feel really sick.
“Take those,” Susie said and threw blue tweed pants in Berdly’s face.
“And what if I don’t”
Susie slowly walked to the bed. She grabbed Berdly by his beak, shutting him up.
“I’ll break you in half” She growled quietly, bringing Berdly to her face.
She let go of his face and started looking for some shirt in a wardrobe. Berdly slowly put his pants on. He started wearing those when puberty hit him, for obvious reasons.
“Don’t I need to shower first?” Berdly asked.
“You will shower later before you leave”
He forgot about that. He was going having a meeting today at 4. He has a booked flight from Burlington to New York. How could he forget that?
“Oh, right…”
Berdly stood up and walked to her when she suddenly turned around towards him
“Put this on,” Susie said.
She was holding a white shirt and black braces.
.
.
.
Oh, the shadow and it’s form, mysterious and deceiving. He was still thinking about that. The lies of the natural world. We are all based on a lie, just like nature is. There should be nothing more than a mind, floating in pure chaos of the creation. Death and decay wait for those who desire the greatness in this momentum of life. Only those who seek immortality shall survive, as their spirit will never fade in the meaningless spin of the universe. Being created to die, to perish, to disappear. Are the senses the only reliable information about the world? Epicurus wasn’t right. It’s the desire that makes us see the world as it is, and what is the greater desire than everlasting life or consciousness? Nothing can be more than that.
Nothing…
Nothing…
Nothing…
Susie woke up…
Dream, a nightmare perhaps. Sweat broke on her forehead, vision spinning in dark bedroom, halleluiah a true realm. She was breathing heavily, not from dreed, from exhaustion. Everything has come back to normal standards. The messy room, the sad glow of morning sun through a small window. She wondered why he would pick that room. It was cold and dark, he liked that she presumed. She sat on the edge of the bed. Her hands, her legs, her hair, hair body. Should she care about anything else? It was a rather early morning, she had a couple hours before he wakes up. Susie takes a deep breath, places her legs on a cozy carpet beneath their bed. She slowly stands up and stretches her body. It’s like every bone in her body was misplaced.
“Fuck,” Says Susie as she straightens her back.
Berdly rolled on his another side and loudly smacked his lips.
“Lazy drone,” She thought and sluggishly left their bedroom. House seemed… Gloomy, cold grey light is soaking into the hall and the living room, creating a rather depressing atmosphere. Cold floor made her shiver. She quickie grabs a dirty pair o stocking and wore it. She noiselessly escapes this room. Wearing nothing but a simple white shirt and short jogging pants. Without touching anything she left and inhales the clear, cold air outside. The green, fresh world surrounding her makes her mind relaxed. She starts to run on the in-forest road, with movement the forest seems to wake up, birds start their melody, the wind blows in the crowns of the trees. Everything seems so… alive. And she just runs forward, concentrating on the motion of her legs. With every breath, a thought comes to her. She thinks about her marriage. How they are floating together on this absurd ocean, how waves of life steer them with ups and downs, ups and downs… She is starting to be seasick. And so she runs through the forest, thinking about all the lies that life feeds us. Susie runs by the side of the lake, that was the place where they did it for the first time. Right there in the green undergrowth, breathing heavy summer air, both of them wet and dirty. Biggest lie life has told her was spoken here, they were thinking this happiness will never stop, that their love will attract it like some sort of magnet. A lie that only happiness comes from love. When you see loved ones suffering, your love becomes a burden, and you can’t let the love go. Loved one never suffers alone.
The dirt road stops, Susie starts to run on asphalt. The town is near. As she runs the first houses start to appear, Susie leaves the lake in the back and enters the thorp. In those early morning hours streets are empty, she stops near the small red house and wipes the sweat from her forehead. The sky begins to clear, first rays of the sun start to fall on the town. The black gate at the end of the street starts to open. Woman’s figure leaves through the open gate, figure spots Susie and immediately stops walking, just to a second after almost run in her direction.
“Hi Susie, what are you doing here?” Noelle asked
“Hi” She replied and tried to slightly smile, “I’m just running, It helps me clears my head.”
“It’s been so long since I last saw you.”
“We had been busy”
Noelle was staring at her like she was some kind of a holy prophet.  Her eyes almost wide open in some kind of admiration, her mouth twitching and almost drooling at the pavement.
“Why don’t you come to us for dinner? You can bring Berdly if you want.”
If she wants? Like it wasn’t obvious, that Susie wouldn't go without her husband.
“That sounds… lovely” Susie replied making the most credible smile she could.
“How does six o’clock sound like?”
“Perfect haha..."
Susie felt uncomfortable. Noelle seemed to be full of the joys of spring.  Susie thought Noelle will say something more, she was wrong, she was just looking at her with big hazel eyes.
“Do you know where we live?” Noelle finally asked after a moment of awkward silence.
“Yeah, we know”
“Ah, that’s good” Noelle seems even more eager with every word.
“So we are set, Bye Noelle” Susie replies and starts running back to home
“Bye Susie”
That was rude of Susie, but Noelle didn’t seem to mind how quickly this conversation ended. When running back Susie was sure Noelle was drilling her body with her gaze.
.
.
.
“Oh no no no, there is no way” Berdly replied.
“It’s just a dinner, I promised it to Noelle”
“So what? You didn’t sign anything.”
“Jesus Christ, do it for me. Just this once.”
Berdly was visibly irritated, his eyes narrow and nostrils started to twitch.
“Fine”
“And you will behave.”
“As you wish” Berdly smirked.
Susie kicked Berdly in his shin.
“I’m serious, I’ll kill you if you don’t behave.”
“Sure, let’s just hope they have some good wine.”
“And you will not drink even a drop of it. I know what you become after a couple of drinks”
“You never complained,” Berdly whispers with a smile, more to himself than to her.
“You’re going to wear your suit. Come” Susie said while walking out of the living room in the direction of their bedroom.
.
.
.
The rain was pouring like crazy from the sky. Berdly folded up the Umbrella. They were standing on the porch of a pretty, white house.
“Berdly… Just be nice.”
Noelle opened the doors for them. Berdly immediately put up his best smile.
“Please come inside”
She was extremely excited, her cheeks were burning red, eyes were rapidly glancing both Susie and Berdly. Kris was standing in the back near the staircase, with a face so stoic that it would make some poker players jealous. Noelle was wearing a long yellow dress, completely out of fashion. Kris was wearing a black suit with a blue sweater underneath it fitted his thin and slim shape, but the most noticeable thing about him was his head. His hair was much shorter, short enough to see his red eyes that always disgusted and scared Berdly. Red eyes, just like the serpent in his dreams.
“Hi!” Noelle screamed and hugs Susie.
Noelle was weird, they weren’t with Susie even on speaking terms and she was hugging her like they were best friends.
“Hello, Noelle,” Berdly said calmly.
Noelle didn’t seem to mind, her entire attention was dedicated to Susie. Berdly classified her a lost cause and walked to Kris who doesn’t even try to put up a smile. Berdly doesn’t smile either, for them, both this situation is extremely uncomfortable.
“Hello Berdly”
“Hello…This is a really nice house” He tries to make a small friendly smirk.
Dear god, will his face turn into snake’s jaw and strike him? Probably not.
“Mom do we have guests?!”
A small child runs down the stairs. She is dressed in a white shirt and a plain skirt. She may have five or six years, blond ponytail jumps with every her movement.
“Yes honey, say hello to your aunt and uncle”
Aunt and uncle?
“Helloooo”
“This is our daughter Clara” Noelle smiled
Berdly lowered his head as Clara walked to him
“Can you fly?”
For the first time since they entered this house, Berdly sincerely smiled.
“No, no I can’t ” Berdly laughs.
The only creature that is happy with his presence here. Noelle poorly tries to hide that she is only interested in Susie, and Kris is starring at him with a glazed look. How terrifying.
“Go to your room honey,” Kris said with a cold voice.
Clara quickly runs upstairs sucking on her thumb. “Sweet kid,” Berdly thinks. Humans and Monsters can’t have children, the adoption must have come easily from them since Kris was an orphan as well. They thought about adoption too but decided that if there is just a glance of hope they will stick to it. Maybe that was a mistake, maybe they would be happy by now.
“Please come,” Noelle said and entered the dining room. The table is already laid. Berdly sits next to Susie in front of Kris. Noelle went to the kitchen to heat up the meal.
“Honey, pour some wine for our guests”
Without a word, Kris stands, walks to the cupboard and pulls out a bottle of wine. Red liquid pours into a wine glass, Berdly sees his crimson refection in it. Susie coughs as she sees with what joy he gazes at the glass, to remind him of his promise. With great sorrow, he breaks the eye contact with wine and starts to gaze over the walls. They were filled with paintings, mostly realism, landscapes, and still life, but there were some attempts at cubism and in one of two closed corners of this room, expressionistic painting of a woman holding a vase. Their quality was rather good, although Kris should stick to realism, as everything else was nothing more than an unsuccessful try. Berdly had to take art classes in college, he never liked painters. Pretentious, lazy pricks, believing that sheer talent will make them successful. He only respected those who worked their way up. Well, he didn’t have a talent or rich parents. Everything he had achieved he did with his hard work and unbending will. He always wanted to be better than everyone and with the sheer force of that dream, he pushed himself to become what he was right now. And when that dream came true he felt unbelievable joy. At least for some time. Now he feels empty, now sad cynicism fills his thoughts. Noelle comes back from the kitchen.
“Just a minute and it will be ready” She chirps and sits down next to Kris.
An uncomfortable silence follows. Noelle is starring at Susie with excitement so great that she was almost rocking in her chair.
“Ekhm, are those your painting Kris?”Berdly looks at the wall.
“Yes”
“They are nice, is this your... hobby?”
“It’s my job”
Now that was interesting. How much are those scribblings worth anyway? Not much for sure, Kris didn’t represent any uncanny style, as far as he can see anyway. Does he paint digitally? Are those paintings on the wall early experiments? He might just ask.
“Do you work with real paints?”
“Yes… I like to touch my work.”
Who will buy that much art in a small forgotten town like this? He might have sold some to his friends and family but Berdly was sure that Kris isn’t a money maker. And yet they are living in this pretty fucking house. Noelle’s family is rich. That would easily explain that.
“He’s a great artist” Noelle laughs. “Kris show us some of your work”
“Noelle… Maybe later, I don’t want to bore our guests.”
.
.
.
“Oh, I completely forgot about our food. Kris, could you help me?”
Of course, she forgot, when she was staring with such passion at Susie who feels more than uncomfortable, this begins to feel eerie. It’s like Noelle is only engaged with her. Of course, they were friends in high school, but after Berdly went to college in Boston and they were living in a small apartment by the sea. He remembered the things they were up to back then, Susie had to rise early in the morning for her job in the restaurant, she would always wake him up for both of them to attend the sunrise, a giant white orb like an angel was emerging from the bowels of deep dark waters. He remembered that in the weekend they would take mescaline and inhale poppers, loving each other throughout the whole night on a dirty bed drenched with sweat and body fluids, or cling to each other in mad fear when the trip took them straight to the depths of Sheol. They have seen Noelle and Kris only once since… She invited  Susie and Berdly at her wedding. Berdly was drinking with some guy called Dess who almost started a fight with Kris, so Berdly had to drag him away. Instead, Dess and Berdly beat the shit out of each other in a stupid alcoholic rage and became “best friends” until they both passed out on the dance floor. Dess even appeared on their own wedding, but he was greatly calmer. But Noelle back then wasn’t acting as unnatural as she was now. Although They never knew why they were invited, they never gave it a second thought. But now Susie sits in her chair and a single word can’t escape her mouth. Until Kris and Noelle disappeared in the Kitchen.
“Um… Do you feel weird?”
Berdly doesn’t answer, instead he gets the hold of glass and with one swift wing he downs it’s content into his beak.
“…A little.”
“Jesus Christ what are you…”
Berdly grabs the bottle of wine and pours himself some more.
“You’re killing me. You’re fucking killing me.” She covered her eyes with hands and trembled.
“Relax they won’t even notice.”
Kris and Noelle emerged from the Kitchen doors, Kris was holding a wooden cutting board with an enormous bronze, glittering turkey on it. Noelle was carrying two glass bowls, one filled with mashed potatos and one with green peas. After setting everything on the white covered table, Kris brought a long, cutting knife from the kitchen and started to cut the poultry. Berdly's stomach twisted when he saw the human with the weapon handling the turkey with such skill. Everyone got a nice significant piece of a dead bird, they slowly ate in an uncomfortable silence cut only with a calm clunking of cutlery.
"So... What do you do for living Berdly?" Kris started.
"I'm an architect."
Kris smiled devilishly.
"You must be good at what you're doing, living in a big house on the outskirts in the forest."
"Oh, you've seen it, that's my design as well"
Berdly had a feeling that Kris is steering this conversation on the water of wish he wished not to sail. He was waiting for another question with a painful stagnation.
"Yes, I have seen your huge house, it's kinda empty, isn't it?
Through a thin fog Berdly began to see the focus of this conversation, he didn't like it a bit. Who the hell Kris thinks he is.
"Kris..." Noelle gasped, even she didn't like where this was going.
Kris continued ignoring his wife. His smile was becoming wider and wider, turning into an unnatural grin.
"Didn't you want to start a family?"
Susie froze with a fork in hand, halfway to her mouth. Once again silence filled the dining room. Berdly thoughtfully took off his glasses and placed them next to the plate. He was calm and steady on the outside but the storm was growing in his mind like a typhoon. Kris guesses that he built this souse thinking about his future family.  He guesses damn right. And yet he has no kids, the rest is obvious, they can't have kids. Berdly was not expecting something that vicious to be brought up today but he seemed to underestimate Kris's zealously.
"Do you believe in karma Berdly?"
"No, I don't believe in faith or other fairy tales." Berdly's voice seemed tired and croaky.
"I do believe in it. Life never forgets about our past mistakes."
Berdly tried to soothe his voice.
"Do you seriously believe that because of some ideological, magical energy, I can't have...?"
Silence again.
"Jezus, you're... pitiful. I've tried to be pleasant, I've tried... I'm sorry Susie, this is just..." Berdly looked away from Kris and Noelle in a disappointed way. "You wanted me to tase my own medicine, what a sick plan huh?" Berdly's voice was turning up sarcastic tones, the cynical manner of speech from his younger days returned. He got up from his seat and took a walk to the corner of the room examining the wall paintings carefully.
"All those pretty paintings must not be selling so well."
Kris laughed peacefully. Berdly squinted angrily at him. Dark embers of his pupils were lit by an impish spark that danced and wiggled in them.
"You are a really hateful guy after all," Berdly said shortening the distance between the of them two. "You contemplate how many time I've wronged you and wait for the sweet opportunity of... revenge!."
Susie covered her face and placed and leaned her arms on the table. Noelle was silently looking down at her meal, he down lip was twitching nervously.
"You've married into this wealth,  what else would you want in life; Torment me?"
Noelle wiped her damp eyes with a back of her hand. Berdly was breathing heavily and leaning over Kris.
"You're a talentless failure," Berdly said walking over Noelle grabbing the back-seat of Kris's chair.  Berdly felt an ill joy from saying this. Kris was almost quivering in his seat, still with a sickening smile.