She's gone. (TRANSCRIPT) (Mumkey Jones/Tyler Millard)

Hey everybody. I, really didn't want to make more videos in this style. Um, sitting in front of the camera and rambling, sometimes incoherently about my life. And I promise this will be the last one. I think it's the end of a very long chapter, and I promise the next videos will be back to the old funny stuff that everybody wants.

But, like the title implies. Ashley is gone. We are breaking up and right now as I record this she is on a plane going back home to New York, and I just wanted to talk about it, explain why. It's- I think it goes without saying that both she and I are very much mentally ill and we're on, or at least supposed to be on a lot of medications that fuck with our brains, and make us emotionally unstable at times. And I've come to realize that two sick people living alone together cannot help each other get better. If anything, they just make each other worse. Especially given our circumstances.

And I really, I truly thought that since we're going through a lot of the same things that we would be able to help each other because we understand each other, we have a lot of the same, er, mental issues, a lot of the same life issues. But it was too, it was too hard. And it wasn't getting better, it was just getting worse. For me, at least. I had a lot of mental breakdowns, did a lot of crying and a lot of shouting, and a lot of just- losing my mind. And I know it's probably counter-intuitive for me to record this on three hours of sleep, and unshowered, and I've been crying all morning. But as you all can ascertain, I'm a pretty counter-intuitive person lately.

So I-I knew that both of us would be better off in the long run if we separated. So that we can both properly heal and hopefully like, be mentally healthy again, so. I called it all off, and I sent her home.Because her support system in New York is gonna be so much better than me. I really thought I could be the person who helps her, I wanted to help rehabilitate her. But I'm too weak, I couldn't do it.

Another thing that I wanted to talk about is, I know a lot of people have really memeing on me from my last video where I compared my emotional journey to my favorite season of Breaking Bad. Which of course is very embarrassing. So to do you all a favor for your next meme videos I thought it would be fun to make it even worse by comparing myself to Avengers: Endgame, which I recently saw in theaters for the third and final time to celebrate it beating Avatar at the box office. And one of my favorite scenes of that movie is when Black Widow and Hawkeye are competing to commit suicide so that the other person doesn't have to. And there's just a great bit of dialogue between the two of them where Black Widow says, well Hawkeye says, "I should go, I should die. You know what I've done, I've done horrible things." And Black Widow says, "I don't judge people for their worst mistakes."

And that really,  that really struck a chord with me because I feel like that what I've been trying to do, that's the kind of person I want to be. And I try to prove that, and show it. But it just wasn't enough, y'know. But what's interesting is that when you have a very public life meltdown and you're very publicly making horrible mistakes that hurt people and you've ruined people's lives through your own weakness and stupidity, you really find out your Black Widows and Hawkeyes are. You find out who your real friends are, the people who, no matter how much you fuck up they still wanna, they still wanna be there for you.

And in the last month or so I've had a lot of people give up on me. And they didn't believe in me that I would eventually do the right thing. So I just wanted to say "thank you" to the people who have continued to be my friend, who continued to be there for me, continued to treat me with kindness, and show me a sense of humanity. So just off the top of my head, I wanna say thank you to Asterios, and Florian, and Biggs, and Cobb, and everyone who has reached out and given support through messages and through Patreon and everything. Just thank you guys for not giving up on me. And for the people who did give up on me, and. And, just. They refused to have my back and to support me and be there for me. It's OK. You made your choice, and now I know who, who's worth depending on.

I did a post on my Patreon explaining that I'm staying off of social media because it's really toxic to my mental health. I feel better when I'm not on it all the time. So, if you've been trying to reach out to me through any online platforms, I haven't seen it. I deleted all of them from my phone. And like I said, I'm gonna stop making videos like this. I do still wanna "vlog" about my life, so I think I'm gonna just, whenever I feel like talking, probably record a little podcast and put it on my Patreon, so if that's something you'd be interested in, that'll be there. And I think that is about everything.

What I'm going to do now is upload this video, lock all of my doors, I'm gonna turn off my phone, and I'm probably just gonna go to bed, try to sleep. Spend time with Blaze, my cat, who has been running around making noise this whole video. I really think I need to be alone for a while. So if you're one of my friends or family, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just isolating myself for a while. I know that being alone is what's gonna be best for me, for the time being. I'm not even gonna bother looking at any of these comments so feel free to say whatever you want to me, I'm not gonna see it.

This should go without saying, but I'm not a danger to myself or others, I'm not gonna go anywhere for at least twenty years because I've gotta take care of Blaze the Cat. I might not be able to help people, but I can help him.

Alright. Next video will be the good and funny one. It's almost done, it'll probably be up by the end of the week, I promise. And thank you all who continue to have my back.