Sophisticated Skittles 1

>Enjoying a spot of tea and a few pastries with Skittles on a fine spring morning
"I say, Skittles, the weather today is simply fantastic, don't you agree?"
>"Vewy much so, fawdew. Skittows wud wuv a bit mow tea, if you wudent mind."
"Certainly, Skittles."
>You reach over for the teapot and refresh his cup
>Skittles is pleased by this
>He reaches for one of his special, smaller pastries, but struggles to grasp it with his flat hooves
>"Fawdew, I do say dees pastwies awe vewy swippewy."
"They don't appear slippery at all, dear boy, your appendages simply seem to be unsuccessful in grasping it properly."
>"It wud appeaw you awe wite."
"I'd suggest using both of your frontal limbs to clasp around the pastry, like so."
>You demonstrate with two individual fingers
>Skittles attempts to emulate your example, and succeeds in holding the pastry
>"Skittows appweshiate yow kind adbice fawdew. I say, dis wiw cewtanwy go wew wid Skittows' tea."
>Skittles attempts to dunk the small pastry into his cup, but is pulled into the hot beverage by the traction
>Skittles drowns

* * *

>Walking with Skittles down the streets of Harlem, NY
>Skittles is trying his best to keep his posture gentlemanly, as you do
"Ah, Skittles, dear child, I say, this city is so bursting with life."
>"Indeed, fawdew, a nice change owf pace fwom da nowmew. Such a vibwant awea of amewican cuwchuw, and an ignishin point of da gwate civiw wites mowvment."
"Mmh, yes. Harlem has certainly been an epicenter for African-American culture."
>Around a street corner come three young negro boys, and one appears to be using narcotics
>"Ayo, look at dis cracka! Motherfucker's dressin' like Harry Potter or some shit!"
>The rest of them cluck along in the mirth of the young delinquent
"I say, my dear boy, this manner of dress has consistently been a symbol, neigh, a prerequisite of the very crop of high society. I believe you boys could learn a thing or two from us about culture."
>You say proudly
>The young man seems angered, as he removes the paraphernalia from his lips
>"Yo, dis nigga think he some classy high-society shit, get yo ass back to the village, punk!"
>You are alarmed as the young man draws a knife from his loins and drives it into your stomach
>You fall to the ground, completely forgetting about "Gentlemanly posture"
"Ah! I say, I do require medical attention!"
>Skittles, who had been hiding behind your leg the whole time, rushes to your side
>"Fawdew! Youwve bin assuwted! Wud yow wike me to caw fow medicow pwofessionaws?"
"That would be simply lovely, Skittles."
>However, he doesn't get the chance to before the three boys grab him by the tufts on his neck and carry him into a nearby alleyway
>Skittles gets his ass capped

* * *

>You and Skittles are enjoying an outside day to take in the neighborhood
>Suddenly you cross paths with what appears to be a mob of angry females, many holding up political signs.
>You and Skittles stop to inquire about the meaning of this gathering
"Excuse me, dear, if I might ask, what do all you fine young women wish to achieve in this effort?"
>"A woman, last friday, was fired at her workplace, simply because there was a man who wanted her job. They gave that man her job simply because the owner of the establishment wanted a MALE employee over a FEMALE one! We're protesting for women's affirmative action in this state!"
>The woman turns around to her colleagues
>"RIGHT?"
>A decent amount of her fellow protesters squeal in approval
"Oh, well I completely support your cause, young lady. On no level would I agree with such an employer's choice of staffing."
>The lady seems thrilled
>"Oh, it's so good to hear that kind of thinking from a man."
>Skittles nudges your leg and chimes in, in a snide remark
>"I say, wat a foow. Who wiw he pay to wawsh da dishes awound wa owfice now?"
>You and Skittles share a hearty laugh
>The lady does not seem so approving
>"Are you serious? Do you realize what a fool you sound like right now? What are we, in the dark ages?"
>You and Skittles look at each other awkwardly
>"Deaw, I apowogise. West assuwed wat Skittows sayd was puwey in jest, Skittows suppowts wit da highest consistency da advancements in womens wites. Skittows was simpwy pwaying off of pweviuwswy-essistin sowshuw conseps fow da espwess puwpus of humow."
>The young lass looks down upon Skittles with wonder and respect for his understanding of human thought and his passion for what he feels is right, in stride with his comedic sense
>Later that night, Skittles passes away whilst courting the young protester

* * *

>You and Skittles are enjoying a quiet day in your home
>"Fawdew, Skittows wud deawwy wuv to join yew in a wowsing gaem of battewship."
"I say, Skittles, that sounds like a splendid idea."
>You go searching in the closet for the old battleship game you used to have
>You and Skittles begin to play
>You draw the first turn
>After a few moments of strategizing, your first missle is shot
"My missile hits B-10."
>Your turn is met with no response from your dear companion
"Skittles?"
>No answer
>You lift the game board to examine your friend
>Amazingly, Skittles has managed to shove every single game piece down his gullet and has choked.