Thread 11: Stories 106-120

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>...And here... she... comes...

"KRACKSLAM! Boom! Ha haaa... What's that? Your papers all stacked up and ready for me to destroy? Oh, Shiny, you know just how to turn a girl on! ASS-SLAM!"

>I thought for sure you'd at least take the day off.

"And miss a chance to shove my ass into your face? Never!"

>Hey, call me an optimist.

"Give my booty a slap and I'll call you whatever you want-"

*SLAP!*

"......."

>...Shining. Armor.

"...Come again?"

>Call me Shining Armor. Not Shiny. Shining Armor.

"...Did you seriously just slap my ass?"

>I did.

"All so that I would call you by your full name?"

>It's really annoying when someone besides Cadence, Two, Twilight or Celestia does that. Shiny sounds like I'm ten. Shiny is not standard procedure, but everyone keeps doing it.

"...It's a kind of unwieldy name. It's two words."

>Ponies call my sister Twilight. They call Rainbow Dash by just Dash. What's wrong with just using one of them?

"Because then I'm either saying, 'Hey, Shining! I found your spare condom, let's see if it still fits.' Or 'Hey, Armor, I have the weirdest place that itches, internally, would you help me scratch it?' It just sounds weird."

>And Shiny doesn't?

"It's more consistent, Shining Armor. See? Didn't that feel weird?"

>...Okay, yeah, little bit.

"Glad we could clear that up, Shiny!"

>Hey! I played by your rules, call me Shining Armor!

"I did."

>...It was implied you would call me it more than once.

"No it wasn't. And, unfortunately, currency rates have skyrocketed in the last few minutes. Now, me calling you Shining Armor will at LEAST require a bit of foreplay."

>...Damn. You win this round, Chrysalis! The paperwork is yours, but only for today! I shall come back shortly, and reclaim my rightful place!

"You can try, but you can't top the Queen!"

>DAMN YOU!

With that, he left. Excited, she leapt into his seat, and started to work with the contents on the desk.

"HAH! Totally schooled that... wait a minute!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Fluttersy
-Luna-
[Twilight]
{Rarity}
~~~~~~

>Alright, emergency Princess meetin' is now in order.

"This is hardly an emergency, Applejack."

>Half our dang castle is unlivable now! When we converted those rooms ta' serve fer' the gala, it was s'posed ta' be temporary! The garden is even totally trashed now!

'Oh no! Not the poor animals!'

>They're fine, quit.

'Phew! I was so worried.'

-So, what? What of our subjects? Surely you care for them as well!-

'Oh, I'm not worried, Discord promised nopony would die.'

"And you trusted him?"

'...Mostly.'

[Well, I'm sorry. But that marshmallow is mostly magic, I can't do anything about it.]

'And Discord says when he snaps, it just gets bigger.'

>Point is, without it, this castle ain't big enough fer' all of us!

{So, what are you suggesting, Darling?}

>One o' us is gonna have ta'-

"Get out of the castle and go on a vacation! Why, if that's what you think is the best course of action, how can I argue with that, Applejack? No no, nobody rise up, I'll bit the bullet for you all and be the one who leaves. Oh, it will wound me so to be away from you all for so long, but I must power through it!"

>...Ah' was gonna say, Ah' don't know, move inta' the same room fer' a bit?

{Oh, me and Applejack could share a room, I suppose. Most of my wing was converted for the Gala anyway.}

"...No no, this vac- BUSINESS TRIP idea is surely the best."

[Does Fluttershy even live here?]

'Ah, no-'

-Likely, we see her skulking around at all hours of the night,-

'...You do? About what areas, would you say?'

-Mostly near the supply closest, where you and that damnable chaos bringer always- -

'WELL GREAT MEETING EVERYONE I'M OFF BYE!'

>...Did she jus' raise her voice?

"..."
-..-
[..]
{..I'm scared.}

>Me too, sug'... me too.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rarity
"Applejack"
'Spike'
~~~~~
>Wait, I know! I'll move into Spike's room!

"No way- Hang on, where does Spike sleep anyway?"

'oh, that's easy, lemme show you!'

Spike proceeds lead the two to a broom closet and opens it up, it's sparsely decorated and cluttered with maintenance machines

'Just gotta make your body like one of those blocks in Button Mash's games, I also learned to sleep upside down from Bat Ponies.'

Spike proceeds to contort his body into an 'L' and scale the scalding machines until he hooked himself to a rafter in the closet ceiling and he falls fast asleep with his feet claws well secured

"Every day Ah look back on how he's been treated an' how we still sometimes treat 'em an' find it amazin' he hasn' gone nuts an' tried to kill us all."

>On second thought, perhaps all three of us can share a room.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>56
______

A rambunctiously perverted Changeling by the name of AJ56 could be found easily bouncing about the kitchen, in a state of everyday euphoria as he waited for the cooks to give him Luna's specially ordered 'Lunar Melt' cake, a dessert he felt sure would balloon her luscious plot another couple of inches.

But then, his ears perked. His eyes widened and he craned his head in some unknown direction, suddenly still as a statue.

>What's this... this feeling? It's almost as if all the rumps are soon to be gathering into one room... That can't possibly be... can it?

Whether or not this sensation could be trusted, 56 couldn't help but pant at the prospect, barely noticing the cook trying to hand him the treat he was there for.

NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"18
'42'
[SA]
-Chrysalis-
~~~~

>BLLLLEEEEEGH! KILLLLLL MEEEEEEEE!

"WHY IS EVERYTHING SO LOOOOUD!?"

'I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN! NEVERNEVERNEVERNEVER-'

[Wow, you didn't say the hangover was going to hit them this hard.]

-... Oh, you are just trying to tempt me now. But no! I shall not fall for your baited request. Instead, I shall speak as a superior!... No, I did not mention it, because I had no idea. I've never done this before.-

[So that explains why you were so clumsy about it.]

-Grrr... Well, yes, mind control is a finicky thing. But there are always consequences.-

[No kidding. This one time, I got mind controlled, and then a few months later I woke up covered in bug monsters. They're everywhere now!]

-HISS.... Anyway, they shall be fine whenever their hangover wears off, I'd say a few hours.-

[So you're saying for the next few hours, I could do whatever I want.]

-HMMM... yes. Yes you could.-

[Liiike, maybe some exercising.]

-...P-perhaps.-

[Orrr, some stretching.]

-Good... good for the muscles.-

[Wow, all sorts of crazy things I could do! Hey, honey, is there anything I CAN'T do while you're recovering? Say incoherent gibberish for yes!]

>ABLAAL-BLAAAAAGH! Why ismunishimu!? ISMHMSSMUUUUU!

[That means yes!]

-....HNNNNNG... well... it's just... SO GOOD she's so...OPEN about what you are allowed to d-do... openness is important.... in a marriage.-

[I'm sorry, didn't catch that, all I heard was 'open marriage'?]

-GRRRRRRR- Damn straight your marriage should be open, just like my hind legs-DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN-

[It's the little things.]

>BLEEEEEGH!

"BLEEEEH"

'HURRRK!'

>Imshumniom?

[No, Sweetie, none of it is getting in your hair, I have it.]

>Mrememebur.

[I love you too.]

"Ablsehm."

[You too, 18.]

'...Mshem?

[You too, 42.]

>"'Awwww...BLLLEEEEECH!'"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dash
"Soarin'"
'Spitfire'
-Fleetfoot-
[Bulk]
~~~~

>Okay, so... bad news everyone. Really, really bad news.

"I warned you all! I knew the day would come when the pies rose up and tried to take over the world! YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED!"

>...Well, that's... kind of related. Um... most of our members are suspended.

'...WHAT!?'

-Whoa whoa whoa, WHAT!?-

[QUESTION!]

>...

[...How high up are they suspended? Can we get them down?]

>...Wow, three drug tests came back negative for you, huh? That aside, yes. They're suspended. Because they are ALL juiced up, and did not take my gracious-

'Forced idea from Applejack'

>-detox period seriously. They are all still very much using this stuff to boost their performance.

-Well, YEAH! This shit is hard! You can't just wake up and BE the best flier! You need an edge, a boost, something to get you flying higher and faster! Something like... some drug I am surely not aware of.-

>...You are so lucky I can't prove you sold the stuff.

"So, wait, what does this mean for the Wonderbolts?"

>That we're almost out of actual personnel, mostly.

'SHIT!'

>Tell me about it, this pretty much wrecked our airforce.

"So, what's the plan boss?"

>Hire on some new recruits so that potential enemies don't get supicious and hope it goes well?

[You want to hire on a bunch of mostly untrained, undisciplined fliers, elevate them to the highest possible celebrity status they can get, and then show them around and let them take the spotlight? Won't that overly inflate their egos to astronomical levels, resulting in more substance abuse and scandal as they live in the fast lane?[

>...
"..."
'...'
-...He's got a point, you know... we should totally do that!-

>...

-What? I'll get my retirement one way or the other!-

>We're doomed.

-YEEEEEAH!-

>...

-...Wrong time?-

>Wrong time.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today's episode features...
"Spike"
And our host:
>Princess Twilight!
And our mystery guests!
'???'
[???]
Who could they be?
~~~~~
Spike enters Twilight's lab

"Hey, Twilight, have you seen Charity around?"

>I sure have, Spike, and I've upgraded her!

"Wow, really?!"

>Ta-da! Meet Charity II! She still fires the same old .50 Caliber cartridge, but I increased muzzle velocity by adding a gas-seal to the flash gap and added a muzzle break to reduce recoil!

"Whoa~! But what's this other stuff?"

>I also added a special alternate firing mechanism that will allow you to fire a small, but powerful grappling piton attached to a high-tensile strength cable with a micro motor to help retract the line with variable speeds and a load capacity of 500 pounds!

"Neato!"

>And, I upgraded the old magical circle so that you or we can connect and contact any of the princesses to you! All you need to do to adjust the frequencies and channels is just think!

'Wait, you did WHAT, darling?!'

[Well, this sure is nice! All of us kin help support Spike on missions now!]

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!'

That's all for today, kids!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"SS"
'56'
~~~

>They're all the same, SS. I knew it all along! All I am is just a sick harem fantasy to him!

"...Didn't YOU very forcibly make him date-"

>I'm swearing off stallions all together.

"Oh, well, I mean-"

>From now on, it's just me and sexy here!

'Flattery will get you nowhere, blankfla-'

*BOOM!*

>YOU'RE USING THAT WRONG! And I wasn't talking about YOU! I was talking about TBDRLIATU! He's the sexy one!

"...Wow, he got some air with that one."

>Yeah, new concussion rounds, no fires at all! Neat, huh?

"So, how did your dad take it?"

>Asked him how I reacted, I said he was legally declared dead for a bit, then he just kind of patted me on the head and said he was glad I had fun.

"Is he..."

>In denial? Little bit.

"...Does he have any more-"

>Brownies are on the table.

"YAY! You would not BELIEVE how much I need those!"

>Why? Did something happen down here?

"...I don't want to talk about it."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"PotatoJack"
'???'
Canon-debatable, just tossing something on the wall to see if it sticks
~~~~~
Applejack laughs triumphantly as she finishes her last form of the day with light still out, blowing a quick raspberry at Celestia, she bursts from her office and stretches her back and when she looks at her wings, she decides to give those a stretch too

>YEEEEEEEEHAW!

She leaps from a nearby ledge and unfurls them, soaring around the Canterlot mountain at breakneck speeds matched only by the best pegasi

Then, something catches her eye

>HOLY!

She dives towards it and finds a shivering, lost changeling, half dead in the afternoon chill and snow and the lack of oxygen

>Shoot! Shoot! SHOOT!

Applejack looks around and panick, wondering is she could make it all the way to the Canterlot hospital in time

She doubted it, nor if they knew to treat changelings

Then she remembered...

>PJ! Hang on, little fella!

She picks up the shivering changeling and takes to the skies again to find signs of a camp, today she's lucky

But as she heads towards PotatoJack's tent, the changeling she carries blearily sees her

'A-an angel?'

"Mph? Mm! Mphm-"

>sorry, sugar, no time fer formalities! Got anythin' 'r first aid tips that kin help this lil' guy?

"MPH! Mmmph!"

Applejack sets the changeling down where Potatojack guides her and for the next hour, they spend their time tending to the changeling until his condition stabilized

>Alrigh', thin kya got things handled?

"Mhmph!"

>Good, Ah'm gonna head back an' send help yer way, sorry 'bout ruinin' yer campin' trip, PJ.

"Hmhmph."

PotatoJack dismisses and urges Applejack to bring help

>Ah'll be back soon

As she leaves though, and while PJ checks on her dinner in the fireplace outside, neither notice the rescued changeling's eyes go wide nor hear him silently breath

'She is an angel...'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rainbow Dash
"Gilda"
'Lightning Dust'
~~~~~
"So... D, I heard a lot of folks failed the drug test."

>Ugh... don't remind me, please...

"No, we need the reminder!"

'Yeah, did we pass or not? I swear we used out detox period well!'

"Well, you did, I did make the mistake of a poppy seed bagel"

>Huh, that explains why you tested positive for opium. I guess that brings us up to four Wonderbolts. And Lightning Dust, you passed with flying colors... Unfortunately...

'Wait! What do you mean unfortunately!'

Rainbow Dash holds up LD's urine sample revealing... Rainbow urine...

'...'

"..."

>You tested negative for drugs... but you might wanna get this checked out.

Gilda puts a claw on LD's shoulder

"I'm so sorry..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In the not-too-distant future, the pain of the Blueblood Insurrection has begun to fade, but the memories of the great battles and sacrifices remain. A dramatic retelling of the Battle of the Empire in the form of a Bridleway musical is a smash hit, not least because of a magnificent song number by a certain prominent female character, balancing on the line between heroine and villainess ...

---------
The sky rains flaming death tonight
Upon mare and on machine
An Empire already fallen,
And you know it - I'm the Queen
Too much espresso like a wildfire in my brain
Couldn't leave it be, on the bean again

Time to give in and let it free
Be the monster I always knew I'd be
They thought they knew that Queen was gone
Well now it's on!

Let it go, let it go
I'm not holding back anymore
Let it go, let it go
This Queen is going to war
I don't care
What no alicorn says
I'll let my storm rage on
Who cares 'bout lame ponies anyway

It's funny just how little
You need to rise above them all
And they see that compared to me
They're all hopeless, weak and small

The power is mine and mine alone
I'll burn you all to rust and bones
Unmake you with the slightest nod
I am your GOD!

Let it go, let it go
I'm at one with the raging fire
Let it go, let it go
This whole world will be my pyre
Alone I stand
And alone I'll stay
Let my storm rage on

I point my hoof and robots blow away like smoke
This Blueblood's battleforce is such a sad pathetic joke
I'll keep on flaming though my chitin starts to crack
I can't stop now
There's no more turning back

Let it go, let it go
See me burn like the setting sun
Let it go, let it go
Now I'm barely holding on
Alone I fall
At the end of my day
Let the war rage on
Who cares about nice ponies anyway ...

Mel.: http://youtu.be/moSFlvxnbgk
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"Guard"

>And now I have a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedledy dee dee dee, there they are a standing in a row, there stands me wife the idol of me life-

"Gahh, knock it off in there."

>Suffering a hangover, my friend?

"Yes, daaaamn it, every time I say I'm not going to drink with the guests and every time I do and I regret. Ugh, do I regret it."

>A pity, you seem an erudite individual otherwise.

"Oh shut your face, you're not buttering me up today of all days."

>I don't require any butter of any kind. Here.

A chitinous hoof slipped through the bar, holding a small mushroom.

"The hell is that?"

>A Rezhulk, though up here they call it a Numb Cap Mushroom. It dulls certain parts of the mind, particularly those that register pain. Obviously to take too many would be disastrous but I've found that one after a period of intoxication helps keep me on task.

"...how do I know it's not some fatal underground doom shroom?"

>Oh please, if I wanted to kill you I'd try more up front methods...by the way, you forgot to do anything to inhibit my magic, you may want to do that later.

"Right...ok, but don't try any funny business."

>You have my word...the word of a disenfranchised embittered Morlock sympathizing Changeling, but my word nonetheless.

A few moments later the guard popped the mushroom into his mouth, and a few moments after that he was swaying back and forth to music in his head, singing ever so slightly off key.

"And so I've got a lovely bunch a coconuts -la da da DA da!- every ball ya throw will make me rich -have a banana!- there stands me wife, the idol of me life singin' roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch~! Singin' roll a bowl a ball a penny a piiiiiiitch~!"

>Bravo my friend, bravo!

"Thanks a ton for the shroom, bugsy, act like this the whole time you're here and time off for good behavior's a no brainer!"

>I thank you for that sentiment, but I'm entirely prepared to stay here for the duration of my sentence. I presume it is quite steep what with my crimes of public slander of a royal, kidnapping, and checking out of library books with no intention of returning them.

"Ha, you're a hoot, nah I figure your buddy will pull a few strings, I give you a month in here, tops."

>Who is my buddy and what strings would he be pulling?

"Y'know, the one with only one eye, he's been helping train us guards so we don't look as junky compared to the Crystal Empire's guys."

>Ah...yes...him.

"Heck I'm surprised he hasn't come to visit ya yet."

>I suppose such a confrontation is inevitable.

"Thaaaat's the spirit. I'm gonna check on some of the other prisoners now, bugsy, don't go anywhere!"

>You continue to have my word on that.

The guard trotted away, still swaying to the song he'd been singing, leaving 32 alone with his thoughts.

>Let us hope he does not intend to kill me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Celestia”
________

“Care to explain why I woke up this morning with a crack full of Changeling face?”

>Ah hope yer’ not expectin’ an answer from my side, kinda busy with work here.

“So it doesn’t bother you that I nearly melted his face off? Again?”

>Is he dead?

“I’m beginning to think death is beyond him at this point. Stronger ponies than he have tried accessing my temple and they were all reduced to ash….”

>There's nothin’ to worry about. Still bouncin' like a loon, right?

“With half a face but yeah, still happy. Apparently to him it was ‘worth it.’”

>Healing up nicely?

“Just like last time.”

>Then Ah’d suggest y’all enjoy what little perverted interaction you can get.

“...You know, sometimes I really think my mother hated me. Like, not to my face, but in secret, behind my b-”

>HA! Nice try, Chrysalis. Ya got me once, not again, ya mangy bug.

And Applejack balled up a certain form, chucking it over her shoulder, then turned to Celestia.

>Okay, what now?

“My mother. Hates me.”

>That’s entirely plausible.

“Gee, thanks.”

>Well, look, bein’ a princess of the sun ain’t no picnic, Ah’m sure. There’s unimaginable pressure there, to be this proper figurehead that also keeps everyone from dyin’. Yer’ entitled to some fun every once in awhile.

Celestia nodded enthusiastically.

“You damn right I am!”

>An’ that’s reasonable! Y’all deserve it!

“Yeah!”

>So maybe if’n ya do some more work around here, that pressure won’t incinerate whatever pickle ya take!

“…”
>…

“That was a good try, you almost had me there.”

>Can’t blame a mare fer’ tryin’.

"...and pickles barely last three seconds."

>TMI, 'Tia. TMI.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Applebloom"
~~~

>Can ya'll go ONE week without somethin' horrible tryin' ta' kill ya', or ya'll nearly killin' someone? ONE?

"Ta' be fair, Ah' didn't actually see any o' the demons, and Sweetie Belle is the one that shot him."

>...

"...Not talkin' about that?"

>Demons?

"Ah... yeah, Cheer's bunch kinda... wandered the streets seekin' the souls o' the living. An' bones, ah' guess, they weren't picky."

>...

"B-but 29 handled 'em!"

>Phew! Ya' had me worried that somethin' actually dangerous was runnin' around! Don't scare me like that, kay?

"Uh..."

>So, wait, Sweetie shot him?

"She thought he was a fake Spider-Pony."

>...

"...Was Sweetie dropped as a foal? Ya'll can tell me, Ah' won't think any less o' her, ah'm jus' curious."

>Never asked myself. He okay?

"He can't twitch his eye anymore, Ah' don't think?"

>Dang. Okay, Ah'll send him a little thank you note fer' watchin' ya'll or somethin'.

"...Better make it a cake or somethin'."

>Dang it, Applebloom.

"Fer' the record, we are NOT meant ta' be doctors."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rarity
"Sweetie Belle"
~~~~~
>I simply cannot leave you alone at all, can I?

"I only shot 29 because I thought he was a spider-pony-"

>You need a reason to shoot 29? Anyway though, where's mom and dad?

"They used your status as a princess and Blueblood's lockup to take the remainder of all his vacation plans and such that had been paid for... Don't expect to see them for another few years."

>Of course... Well, in that case I suppose we'll just have to find you a place to stay in Canterlot and you'll commute on the train to and from school... Or maybe I can ask Twilight a favor for a teleport... Or something.

"So... What else are you working on?"

>Making Spike your brother-in-law

"A lot of these plans don't seem very well thought out, I mean the steps are in bare basics, there's huge gaps that read '????' and then it just says 'PROFIT!', I don't even think that you're using profit right!"

>I think someone's going to get a room filled with sticky, marshmallow remains...

"And what if I wanted to marry Spike?"

POP!

"... Rarity, are alicorn wings supposed to come off?"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________