I (33F) have been lying to my boyfriend (32M) about squirting during sex and now I’m in too deep and the truth is too embarrassing

Throwaway obviously and I apologize for the novel.

My boyfriend and I have been going steady the last 2 years, I won’t bore you with too many details but just know it’s been wonderful. We click on multiple levels and I believe we could click sexually too, but I messed up early on in our dating days and I’m not sure how to go back.

The first time we had sex we were both quite tipsy...okay so I was straight up drunk but please know I was consenting (so please don’t waste your energy on rape accusations). This is important because this would never happen when I was sober. He was pounding me while I was on top and I....lost control of my bladder. I seriously pissed all over him and his bed. I was mortified and started bawling and climbing off him when he stopped me and told me it was super hot and he’d never made a girl squirt like that before. I was still in shock and went with it. Sure yeah I squirted....right.

Anyways ever since that night if we have sex and I don’t “squirt” he feels bad and like he didn’t do a good job. So I just kept going with it and forcing myself to pee. The carpet, out couch, mattress, curtains and our quilted headboard have been ruined and it straight up smells like piss despite my efforts to clean. I don’t know how he doesn’t know. I even broached pee play in a joking way to see if he DID know and he was like “ewww” so he definitely thinks it’s squirt. I really want to stop destroying the house and once Covid is over I’d like to have company over. It has to stop. But I don’t know how to tell him now without making him feel totally disgusted and lied to.

Please help. I’ll take any ideas I to consideration because I honestly can’t see a way out.

tl;dr I peed, played along like it was squirting, and now our furniture and maybe relationship is destroyed