An Apology

Firstly, I want to start by deeply apologizing for how long it has taken me to write this. Spending Christmas vacation with my loved ones has made it difficult to find the time to fully sit down and process everything that has happened. But that’s no excuse for my delay in addressing this. I owe it to everyone involved, especially you, Creeper, to confront this head-on.

I’ve spent time reflecting on this situation and have been in active discussions with administrators to clarify my role and do my best to address the community. I want to be clear, I am not here to justify or defend myself. My actions were negligent, careless, and thoughtless. I take full responsibility for them and the harm they caused.

Most importantly, I want to extend a personal apology to Creeper. Creeper, I am so, so sorry. I am sorry for what I did, and I am sorry for how long it has taken me to say these words. On a day that should be filled with joy, you were instead subjected to this mess, and I played a part in that. You didn’t deserve this. No one does. Please know that hurting you was never my intention, however, intention doesn’t erase impact. My actions endangered you, and for that, I am ashamed.

I know what it feels like to have personal information exposed online. I’ve been through doxxing myself, I have had my name and face spread across the internet. It was an incredibly traumatic experience that made me step away from the internet for a year, to wonder if you'll ever feel safe on the internet again. Even now, I struggle to trust others online because of that fear of being hurt again. To know that my own actions contributed to someone else experiencing that pain is something that devastates me.

I want to clarify exactly what happened, not to excuse myself but to be honest about my role. When I asked about the archived link, I did not send it anywhere else. The only place I mentioned it was in the ns_bar channel, where I asked if the post had been archived, and did not mention or facilitate it outside of that server. I did nothing beyond that. If I had known that the archived page contained your personally identifiable information, I would have cut off my involvement immediately. I deeply regret that, in my instinct to preserve evidence, I inadvertently aided a blacklisted player whose actions and behavior I firmly condemn. If I had realized the full context of the situation sooner, I would have acted differently. Unfortunately, it all unfolded on a busy night, and by the time I fully grasped the severity, it had already escalated.

Creeper, I am so sorry. I regret every moment of my involvement in this, and I regret the pain I’ve caused you. You deserve better.

To the communities and people who have been hurt by my actions, I also owe you an apology. I know many of you saw me as someone you could trust, someone in good standing. I’ve shattered that trust, and I understand the anger, disappointment, and hurt that some of you must feel. You are justified in feeling that way. I’ve let you down, and I take full responsibility for my actions. Whatever consequences come my way, I accept them. You shouldn’t have to bear the weight of my mistakes. I alone am responsible for them.

I thank the administrators who took the time to hear my side of the story and allowed me the opportunity to reflect and write this statement.

Creeper, I hope you can find it in your heart to read this and know how truly sorry I am. And to everyone else reading this, I hope my words are taken in good faith.

I am so sorry for what I’ve done, and I promise I will carry the lessons from this forward.