Spencer/Kane.

Greafs: we gotta talk
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: Okay..?
Greafs: i dont wanna be in a relationship basically but i want to explain
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: o-oh..
Greafs: ive only talked to you and you only, any other girl who i talk to i never give them as much attention throughout the day other than casual conversation only because i never even have as much time to just simply conversate majority of the time, you get the most attention from me, i am falling for you really hard
Greafs: and even though we wont be in a relationship i still only wanna talk to you and thats my main priority
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: but... why..?
Greafs: i jsut feel like im not ready for that, i feel really bad because of something that happened last night
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im so confused...
Greafs: my ex was texting me constantly and i blocked her but she texted me off another account, i was getting really upset because i didnt wanna talk to her at all, she started getting really sexual and i did deny her but it just made me come to realization of if i didnt because i had temptations to, although i didnt at any point of us talking i just totally cut her off
Greafs: i dont wanna have that temptation towards anyone else when im in a state of vulnerability or anything and end up hurting you, i havent so far but i just feel weak and that i need to better myself, with you being there for me and supporting me it helps a lot
Greafs: id just hate for it to get so bad to the point where i do fuck up and end up hurting you
Greafs: because thats honestly the last thing i want
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: oh... okay..
Greafs: this doesnt mean that im gonna stop talking to you or anything unless thats what you want because its not what i want but i would understand
Greafs: im glad you've been here for me so far and supporting me a lot
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i dont i just...
Greafs: i just wanna give you the best version of me
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im really falling for you
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: and this is really unexpected..
Greafs: i know, which is why i wanted to say it sooner than later
Greafs: because i am falling for you too
Greafs: i just dont wanna fuck up, if i hurt you itll really fuck with me too
Greafs: having the relationship title puts a lot on me because theres more expected obviously but even without that its not like im gonna just go around and find someone else or whatever because thats not the case
Greafs: i would let you know before any of that happened, which im not planning on
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: okay...
Greafs: i think thats all i really had to talk about
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: okay...
Greafs: if theres any input you wanna say for you than go for it
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im just
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: speechless right now honestly
: its understandable
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: idk im just shocked i guess... if we arent official im not comfortable doing anything like we did last night with the videos and such
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i just
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: ive never really been like.. that with nyone, especially so soon
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: idk..
Greafs: you dont have to its fine
Greafs: i dont even save them
Greafs: that wasnt even the first thing that came to my mind, i just am here for you not your body ...
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i know i just
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i dont know how to word it without sounding bad
Greafs: than word it even it does sound bad
Greafs: if*
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: iveo only had a few exes before, the last was a year ago when he left me, and he kept pushing me to be sexual and i was never comfortable with it so we never did anything, and the ex before that I dated for two years because he forced me to stay. i was raped almost daily for 2 years... you're the first person i've felt comfortable being like that with since... and i guess its just hard... i hate talking about it..
Greafs: so our relationship is based only on sex?
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: no
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: not at all thats not what i meant..
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i mean i trust you
Greafs: thats sort of what you're implying
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i told you it'd sound bad..
Greafs: you never mentioned anything mental or emotionally connected to me in that statement
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: kane you know thats not true
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im falling for you, hard
Greafs: than why mention only that
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: because me willingly being sexual with someone is a big step for me
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: it means i trust you, and i care for you deep enough to be able to get past those years of trauma to be closer to you
Greafs: i dont think what im talking about right now has anything to do with sex though
Greafs: its just our relationship as a whole
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: it means i want to be with you and i am willing to be strong enough to overcome my demons for that to happen
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i know
Greafs: you're only talking to me on how you feel about one thing
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: kane it hurts that i wont be able to act all lovey dovey with you
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i wanted to start sending you love songs
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: and id always talk about how much i liked you in detterence
Greafs: id rather have you in this form than not have you at all
Greafs: id rather have you now than have you and become vulnerable in some way and fuck up
Greafs: im not perfect at all honestly but im not trying to reach perfection either, im just trying to become better so i dont end up hurting someone i love
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: kane you're not losing me unless you push me away
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i dont want to stop talking to you by any means
Greafs: and i said i wasnt going to
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im just so scared you'll realize you're happier without being 'tied down' to me
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im scared things'll be awkward
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im scared someone else will come alongand make you happier, because you can be close physically too- not even sexually
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im just scared
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i love what we have
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: and im starting to love you
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: and ive never really felt this way for someone before
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: you've made my days easier and smiling feels more natural now
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: i havent been looking forward to summer until you said i nmight see you
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: ive been less scared, ive been more brave
Greafs: im not going anywhere..
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: for now... im just... scared...
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: im just so confused..
Greafs: do you want time to yourself or something?
Greafs: i dont know how to be anymore clear than i already am
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: no i understand.. its okay
Greafs: so we'll talk later?
Guest_SpencerTheDemon: sure
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