A Very GGG Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the Atlas, only one man wasn't festive, only one man was hatless.  For the great grumpy Vincent sat alone in his room and he yelled "CHRISTMAS?!?! BAH HUMBUG" with a nuclear THOOM!  For the great fire giant was a salty clone, you see, and he hated everything Christmasy, even the big Christmas trees.  But while he sat and he sulked and he drank his hot coffee, his fellow pilots were meeting secretly over toffee.

Millena yelped "We can't let this continue!  He'll burn the whole ship!"  "Well why don't we dunk him in water?"  Mateo quipped.  The group had been at it for days, their brains pooled together and thinking, to make a swell plan to keep their poor ship from straight sinking.  But finally, on the eighth day of Christmas, they had a plan of attack!  A foolproof, pure genius plan, not a hack!  And so they schemed and they snickered, conspirators ready, and poor poor Mateo, who was basically made of jelly.

So the group met in front of his door to sing carols, Naenia's own contribution.  That lasted a few seconds before fire forced them behind barrels, to her consternation.  To their credit, they kept singing even as they got singed and started smoking.  But after a few minutes, it was looking like this plan had been made while toking.  So they went to Phase 2, Katja's drive to make paper snowflakes.  That ended predictably and left the canteen all a-quake.  So onto phase three, on the tenth day of Christmas, for Ygritte's great suggestion couldn't possible go amiss!  They'd bribe him with slaughtered reindeer, moose, and venison!  A meat feast for a king that would make leave no abstention!  Sadly, into the garbage that plan went, as it turned out Vincent had given up deer for lent.  So Mateo gave it a try and made Vincent a sweater.  That went ok, until they hit space weather.  Cosmic lightning and thunder kept the ship on alert and when they looked, the door was closed tighter and unhurt.

They were at the end of their rope!  All is lost and despair!  Until they heard a loud "Nyuk!" from the manlet with great hair.  "I has a great plan!"  he drawled, all confident and cocksure.  "He'll never see it coming, the great mangy curr!"  So Felix snuck to his doorway, snickering and snooting.  And with a great lungfull of air, he began an awful hooting:

"Vincent?"
[Knocks]
"Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on, let's go and play!
I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It's like you've gone away

We used to be best buddies
And now we're not
I wish you would tell me why!

Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman..."

But Vincent yelled "GO AWAY FELIX" and barricaded himself in, and Felix sniffed "Okay, bye..." and trudged away to the bin.

They thought it was over, they couldn't convince a Christmas traitor.  Then Felix returned, scarcely five minutes later:
[Knocks]
"Do you wanna build a snowman?
Or ride our bike around the halls?
I think some company is overdue
I've started talking to
The pictures on the walls!"

"Hang in there, Jean." he whispered.

"It gets a little lonely
All these empty rooms
Just watching the hours tick by..."
He made an infernal "Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock" sound that made everyone's ears blistered

But still no response from the mighty fiery man.  The mechanic left crying, dragging a small frying pan.  Again the group railled, what was Christmas about?  But tear-streaked Felix returned and in their hearts, there was no doubt:

[Knocks]
"Vincent, please I know you're in there
People are asking where you've been
They say, 'Have courage, ' and I'm trying to
I'm right out here for you
Just let me in
We only have each other
It's just you and me
What are we gonna do?
Do you wanna build a snowman?"

Then the waterworks started in earnest, a truly pathetic sight.  But lo Vincent emerged and gave everyone a fright.  "FINE!  IF ONLY TO STOP THIS BANAL RACKET!"  "NOW EVERYONE, JUMP HIM!"  the group yelled as they leapt from a near closet.  It was a close fight, to be sure, and everyone ended up singed, but at the end of the day, it was only Vincent who whinged.

 "THIS IS STUPID" he declared, his arms crossed and like boulders.  "Bah, who cares, lighten up!" came Felix from his shoulders.  For atop the groups heads stood matching red hats and they posed for a photo before they all drove Vincent bats.

And that is the story of the GGG Christmas.  Except for Fang, because fuck him, nigga can cry about Festivus.