Magical Mayhem #01: Changing Perspective [AR]

--Errant Note--
Magical Mayhem serves as something of a prequel series to Alternate Realities, going into more detail about all the ridiculous magical shenanigans he and Twilight got into in the two years before his universal departure. Despite this, most episodes are largely self contained and only periodically draw reference to each other or AR. As well, certain other stories may pertain to AR Anon; these will be marked by the [AR] tag.

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>It was another beautiful day in Ponyville.
>Partially thanks to you, of course.
>With a yawn you sit up on the oddly comfortable tree branch you had taken your afternoon nap on, popping some of the joints in your wings.
>Most ponies thought you were lazy, sleeping and goofing off all the time.
>But really, when you finish all your daily weather control tasks some 8 times faster than anypony else, what did they expect you to do with the rest of your time? More work?
>Hah, yeah right.
>Bounding down from the branch, you take a moment to get the stiffness out of the rest of your body, before taking off into the sky, leaving faint wisps of rainbow in your wake.
>Might as well see what Twilight and Anon were up to.
>It looked to be about mid-afternoon, so they were probably still doing magic experiments.
>You never could figure out why Anon put up with that crazy purple mare's wild fascinations, especially after all the ridiculous stuff that kept happening to him because of it.
>You didn't question it too much, for fear of losing such a fantastic source of entertainment.
>Landing in front of the library door, you rap on it a few times to make your presence known.
>A moment later and the door cracks open just enough to let a familiar purple and green head through.
>"Oh, hey Rainbow."
"Hey, Spike. Twilight in?"
>He looks back, slightly nervous.
>"Uh, hold on a sec."
>He leans his head back inside.
>"It's Rainbow Dash. Should I let her in?"
>There was a pause, before the voice of that particular purple unicorn emanated from deeper within.
>"Ehhh... sure, why not?"
>Hm, normally you were let inside without a second thought.
>...Unless something crazy and more than likely hilarious had happened again.
>You couldn't help but get a little excited as the door slowly creaked open, revealing the bizarre scene of...
>Twilight, sitting at the table, reading a book.
>Lame.
>Oh well, can't win 'em all.
>You walk inside and greet your studious friend, as Spike runs off again, to find more books most likely.
"Hey Twilight, what's up?"
>She doesn't look up from the book, but gestures her hoof in the air while talking.
>"Oh, you know. Magic, books, reading; that sorta thing."
>Strange, normally a question like that launches her into a point-by point recap of the entire day, down to the number of petals on the flowers in her lunchtime sandwich.
"Oh yeah? Huh."
>She continues reading the dusty tome, flipping a page with her hoof.
>Great, looks like she was in one of those super-focused moods.
>Might as well have some fun with her, now that you came all this way.
>You walk over and peer over her shoulder, feigning interest into the magic whatever she was dug into.
"What'cha reading about?"
>"Magic."
>"Magic, huh? Any particular kind?"
>With a sigh, she finally breaks her concentration and looks up.
>"Well, if you must know, I'm looking for a spell to-"
"Oh wait! I completely forgot that I don't care at all!"
>She quickly shuts up and gives you an annoyed look.
>You jump up and give a hearty laugh at your great joke while floating on your back.
>She sighs and goes back to reading.
>You take the opportunity to gently land a foreleg on her head, balancing on top of her.
"So what's it like to have more books than friends, anyway? Do you talk to them when we're not around? Have tea parties with them?"
>The truth of your words evidently stinging her to the core, Twilight jerks her head back and shoos you away with her hooves like a fly. You just laugh again.
>She stares death at you.
"Aw, come on Twilight. I'm just having a bit of fun."
>"Sure."
>She again returns to her reading.
>Though, after a second, she looks back up.
>A small smile on her face meets the more jovial one on yours.
>"Hey Dash, have I ever told you you were kind of a cunt?"
>The color drains from your face almost instantly.
"Wh... what?"
>"A cunt. You're a cunt sometimes.  A pretty big one, actually. In fact, I daresay you're the biggest fucking cunt around when you want to be."
>It takes a moment for the words to seep into your brain, the source of them bewildering you to no end.
>Once they finally break through a sudden anger overtakes you.
>You zip forward, getting right in the profane pony's face.
"What'd you say?!"
>"I said I love you, Dash."
>Dang, there goes sense again.
"...What?"
>"I've always loved you, but couldn't bring myself to tell you. Didn't know how you'd react. But now, I just can't stand it any longer. Take me!"
>Twilight lunges for you, trying to trap you in a passionate embrace.
>You quickly dodge backwards out of the way.
>She hits the floor and starts laughing uproariously.
"What is wrong with you?!"
>It takes her a moment to calm down enough to form coherent words.
>"Haha... Ah, lighten up." She grins and takes on a slightly mocking tone. "Just having a bit of fun."
>You angrily cross your forelegs and look to the side.
>This only makes her start laughing again.
>Giving her another minute to settle down, you feel there's an issue that needs to be addressed here.
"Twilight, when did you even start using those words? Those are Anon's words. The only reason I even know what they mean is because he won't stop using them and I had to ask. ...Though sometimes I wish I didn't."
>Your unusual unicorn friend finally pulls herself together and sits back up.
>"Aha, here's the kicker; I'm not Twilight."
>Boy was it confusing in here today.
"Come again?"
>Not Twilight clears her throat and puts a hoof to her chest, giving a mock formal introduction.
>"Anonymous, former human turned pretty purple pony puh... fff... magician, at your service."
>Oh, okay, now things made sense.
>Wait hold on, no they didn't.
"Wait, what? You're Anon?"
>"The one and only."
"But what happened? Why do you look like Twilight?"
>His (her?) face goes slightly solemn.
>"Our mutual magical friend decided to try out a mind-swap spell, once again somehow ignorant of the potential consequences."
"Mind swap? So then Twilight is–"
>A loud crash comes from upstairs, followed by a series of thuds.
>Like a gangly wrecking ball, the adult human body comes tumbling down the steps, finally coming to rest at the bottom, back on the ground and legs leaned up against the wall.
>Twilinon sighs, crossing hisher forelegs.
>"Currently in the process of destroying my body, yes."
>The dazed human emits another moan of pain.
>"Ghnn... how do you |walk| like this?"
>Seeming to get a hold of their senses, the displaced Twilight's eyes straighten out and focus on you from their inverted position.
>"Oh, hey Rainbow! ...I guess Anon filled you in, huh?"
>You throw an irritated glance at the purple one.
"Eventually, yeah."
>You finally decide to roll with inverted gender pronouns as her gaze wanders to her former body, the masculine voice's tone becoming darker.
>"What did you do?"
>Anon closes his eyes and throws his forelegs up.
>"I have no idea what you're talking about."
>A short snicker escapes him.
>Twilight wrenches her unsteady self back upright, now on hands and knees.
>"No, you did something with my body, didn't you?"
>"What? No... snrk... of course not."
>Twilight manages to get up on one knee.
>"What did you do?!"
>Anon raises his forelegs again, this time in a defensive plea.
>"Alright, alright! I just... used my newfound position to profess your undying love to Rainbow, is all."
>The human's face goes red with shock almost immediately.
>And then just as fast shifts back to anger.
>"You jerk!"
>Twilight jumps to her feet, now fully upright, and makes for Anon.
>She makes it a whole one step before falling flat on her face.
>Anon bursts into laughter again.
>Even in your irritated state you can't help but snicker a little. Just a little.
>She moans again as Anon gains control over his purple-furred sides.
>"Oh man, that's almost worth all the pain I'm going to be feeling for the next week once I get back in there."
>Twilight pushes herself back up, and appears to be trying to sit like she would in her old body; hands flat on the ground in front of her, long legs sticking out in front to either side.
>In her new body it looks just a bit goofy.
>Anon had gone back to trying- and failing- to successfully turn the book's pages with his hooves.
"You know, I almost like you two better this way. You're both a lot more fun."
>"I can't say I'm not enjoying myself a bit," Anon says, "but I miss having hands. ...Among other things."
>He goes silent again, looking down and touching his hooves together in a way not unlike the pony who normally inhabits that body.
>The moment passed, he looks back up, over at his former vessel.
>"Speaking of, how are you holding out on that front, Twilight?"
>The call to attention snaps her out of whatever little world she had gone to.
>"Huh?"
>"You know..."
>He points a hoof downwards.
>It takes Twilight a minute to catch on.
>"...Oh! No, I'm fine..."
>She talks quietly, clearly embarrassed about the subject matter.
>Anon, eh, not so much.
>"Really? Usually I'm poppin' boners left and right all day if I don't jack off at least once a night. And I skipped last night."
>Twilight looks like she just learned Celestia was actually two small earth ponies in an alicorn costume.
>The crudeness of the words coming out of that particular purple body and it's original tenant's increasingly devastated reactions deal your composure a critical hit, causing you to fall backwards in midair laughter.
>Twilight turns her shocked look on you.
>"Rainbow! Don't encourage him!"
>"Yeah, come on. There's nothing funny about boners. Especially not the one Twilight has right now."
>"I do not! I mean, I don't have-"
>You notice her instinctively covering her crotch.
>You start laughing harder.
>Anon doesn't stop.
>"What's wrong, not a narcissist? Does this body not excite you?"
>He turns around and starts waving his star-marked butt at the flustered human sitting on the floor.
>"Stop that!"
>"Come on baby, you know you want you."
>"No!"
>"I mean really, when you think about it it's pretty much just masturbation!"
>"Aaargh!"
>No longer able to divert enough energy to your wings to remain airborne, you fall to the floor, laughing harder than you ever have before.
>This was stupidest, grossest, and weirdest thing you've ever seen.
>And it was hilarious.
>You fight to regain control, but it is a futile battle.
>Anon trots over and looks at you.
>"Twilight, I'm sorry, but I think I may have killed Rainbow."
>After almost a minute of pained sighing and chuckling, you finally manage to stop the endless flow of mirth arresting all your other functions.
"Okay... I'm okay... whoo..."
>Standing up, you regard the crossed creatures before you.
"So, heheh, fun as this has been, why haven't you guys just switched back already? Can't you just cast the spell again?"
>They both go solemn this time.
>Anon was the first to speak.
>"Well... no."
"Why not?"
>"Uh... hm. Tell her, miss previously purple, you're better at this words thing. I should get back to looking anyhow."
>Anon walks off to peruse another bookshelf, only slightly unsteady.
>Apparently he had an easier time adapting from two legs to four than Twilight did the other way around.
>"Well," Twilight starts, "when I cast the spell I wasn't exactly sure how much of each of us would get switched. I figured the nature of the spell would switch magical capabilities as well."
>You can see where this is going.
"It didn't, did it?"
>"No. All my magic stayed in my body. Anon has no idea how to use it and I'm stuck in a body with no magic to speak of. All I have are... these things."
>She holds her arms out and wiggles the fingers on her hands.
>"I'll admit they're great for holding stuff, but not so much for casting spells and getting us out of this mess."
>You put a hoof to your chin and think for a minute.
"Hm... maybe I should go and get the others. They might be able to help us figure this out."
>"You're probably right. Friendship hasn't let us down yet."
>The sound of several books cascading off of a shelf with a shout draws your attention away.
>"Fucking hooves!"
>Anon kicks at the pile of books around him angrily.
>You and Twilight turn back to each other.
>"Please hurry."

---

>Lucky for Twilight it was you she asked to hurry.
>It didn't take long to track down your other four friends, with your natural ability.
>You moved a fair bit slower on the return trip, mostly so as to not leave your "gofast-challenged" friends in the dust, but also to explain what was going on.
>"So you said they've switched bodies, correct?" inquires Rarity.
>"That sounds like fun!" exclaims Pinkie.
"It was a bit, yeah. But Twilight's afraid of being stuck in a body with no magic for the rest of forever."
>"I can't imagine what that must be like for her," quiets Fluttershy, "magic is her favorite thing."
>"Yeh," apples Applejack, "Ah can't imagine what ah'd do without my apple harvestin'."
>"Perhaps take up a regular bathing schedule..."
>"D'you say somethin', Rarity?"
>"Uh... no, of course not.... Oh look, we're here!"
>You slow your flight and land near the door, your friends rolling to a stop behind you.
>"I hope they're okay..."
"Aaah, don't worry Flutters. Knowing Twilight, I'm sure she's already figured out how to fix this, and we can all have a party or someth- oh no."
>The door opens onto absolute chaos.
>Purple blasts of magic careen past the door, bouncing off the walls in every direction.
>A very panicked dragon and very clumsy human scramble every which way, trying to avoid the magical hailstorm destroying the library and turning hundreds of books into anything |but| books.
>You have to shout over the din of noise from the blasts of magic and all the strange noises coming from the transformed books.
"Twilight! Anon! What's going on?!"
>Anon returns your query from the corner of the room, an endless barrage of purple projectiles flying from his horn.
>"Hey Rainbow! I figured out how to use magic!"
>"We can see that!" Rarity shouts as your group enters the battlefield, "But why aren't you stopping?!"
>"That's the part I haven't figured out yet!"
>A stray bolt whizzes through where your head just was as you duck, striking a book behind you and turning it, ironically enough, into an actual duck.
>Your team breaks, making for whatever cover they can find.
>You do a particularly awesome aerial dodge-roll to behind an overturned table, where you find a cowering dragon and human.
"Twilight!"
>Hearing your voice, she removes her hands from her head and looks up.
"What the hay is going on!?"
>"Anon's managed to tap into my magic reserves!"
>A magic bolt shoots across the table and turns a book into a chicken.
"Isn't that what we were going for?!"
>"Yes, but he doesn't know how to control it! It's like when I lost control at my entry exam for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns!"
>Another bolt, another chicken.
"And how did you stop that!?"
>"I don't remember! I think I just stopped thinking about magic and it quit!"
>This time the chicken was orange. Oddly enough it reminded you of somepony.
>But there were time for tired jokes later. Right now you needed to stop this catastrophe before this library was out of books to turn into chickens.
"Then we gotta get his mind on something else!"
>"Like what?!"
>You thought for a minute.
>Soon, an idea hits you.
>You look up over the side of the table and cup your hooves around your moth to better direct the sound at the magical machinegun on the other side of the room.
"Anon!"
>"What?!"
"Think about Granny Smith naked!"
>Applejack perks up over the edge of a different table.
>"Granny's always naked!"
"Then think about that fact really hard!"
>Confusion marks his purple pony face, before realization sets in.
>"Oh... oh god! Oh god no!"
>Much to everyone's relief, the magical onslaught peters out, before stopping completely, the last shot striking your makeshift cover and turning it into a bedsheet.
>Well, everyone besides Pinkie, who had gone sad all of a sudden.
>"Aww... I wanted to be a chicken."
>Yeah, business as usual with that one.
>"God damnit!" rants Anon, "I could have gone my whole |life| without realizing that!"
>Brushing off, you and the rest make your way over to the defused magical crisis, as the multitude of transformed books scattered into the streets to presumably wreak havoc upon the town.
>Eh, the townsponies'd be fine. Probably.
>"You alright, sugarcube?"
>Anon seems a little out of breath, but otherwise okay.
>"Yeah... yeah I'm good now AJ... though I may not visit the farm as often as I used to. ...Wait a minute."
>He looks over to his borrowed body.
>"I just had a magic boner, didn't I?"
>Twilight starts getting flustered again.
>"What? Noooo..."
>"That's how you cast magic, isn't it? You get magic boners and ejaculate spells everywhere."
>"No, that's absurd!"
>You heard Pinkie giggling.
>Guess it was up to you to keep things on track this time.
"Yeah Anon, that's kinda silly. I mean, can you imagine what Rarity would have to go through every time she needed to find more gemstones?"
>You look back at your ivory friend for backup.
>She's drawing a circle on the floor with a hoof, looking as embarrassed as Twilight.
>Eventually she catches your gaze.
>"What? Oh, yes, of course. That would be extremely silly. And unladylike. Getting aroused every time I needed to cast a spell... totally absurd..."
>You stare long and hard.
>One of these days you and your friends were going to have a little chat about certain things.
>For now, you had some kind of magical mystery... solution, to find.
>Back to the human in the pony suit.
"Okay, so you you can use magic now, right?"
>"More or less."
"And you know the spell to switch you two back, right?"
>"I gave it a quick skim."
"So do you think you can cast it so we can all get back to our slightly more normal lives?"
>"Uh... I'm not sure. I can access the magic, yeah, but I'm not really too keen on focusing it, as you all saw."
>Perfect. Maybe Miss Booksmart had some insight.
>"Twilight, any advice?"
>Twilight furrows her human brow in contemplation.
>"Hm... maybe. It's hard to explain, magic use is so fundamental to me, I can't really put into words how to just, you know, |use| it."
>Anon groans. Dang, you were gonna do that.
>"Urgh. I wish there was just a damn book I could read about this crap."
>That posh voice sparks up from behind you.
>"Though you certainly sound more like Twilight for saying so, I don't think there's a book that-"
>"Found it!"
>Spike jumps out of nowhere and slams a giant book down onto the floor in front of Anon and Twilight.
>Anon reads the cover aloud.
>"'How to Use Magic, for Those Who Don't Have it.'"
>He looks up at Twilight.
>"...You have a |book| for this?"
>Twilight shrugs.
>"I have a book for everything."
>Irritated, he flips the bound monstrosity open.
>"Sure woulda helped earlier. ...Hm... Ah, of course! Man, I feel stupid now, it's so simple!"
>For once, you were actually curious.
"What's it say?"
>"Okay, you know how electricity has positive and negative charges, depending on what direction the energy is flowing?"
"Yeah?"
>"Well this has nothing to do with that at all. Apparently I just hocused when I should have pocused."
>You give him another look of irritation, to which he just grins.
>Maybe he's been in Twilight's body too long, he's starting to turn into a smartass.
>...Okay, |more| of a smartass.
>"Alright I think I'm ready to do this."
>You and the rest of your ensemble of friends back up to make room.
>Anon focuses his aim on Twilight, who closes her eyes and prepares for the worst.
>In a way you've seen many times before, the purple horn begins to glow as magical energies well up inside of it.
>A bright flash of light consumes the room.
>As it fades, you watch a pathetic little shot of purple arc off of his horn and splat weakly against the floor between the two of them.
>Everyone stares at it as an uncomfortable silence overtakes the library.
>Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Anon shatters the silence with his feminine voice.
>"I... think I might be tapped out for now."
>As if on cue, a spark pops out of the splotch, startling everyone, most of all Fluttershy.
>She does the "feinting goat" routine, which you just roll your eyes at.
>Though as the sparks start getting bigger and stronger, even you get a little worried.
"Uh, what's going to–"
>Another flash, this one accompanied by a serious shockwave, cuts you off and throws you into the air.
>Before you knew what was what, darkness consumes everything.

---

>The first thing you notice upon waking is the drum someone keeps banging on inside your head.
>It felt like you had just woken up from a two-week cider bender.
>Again.
>Pushing yourself up, you rub your pounding head with a hoof.
>You start to talk.
>"Uhrg, what's with all the explosions today?"
>Your eyes shoot open.
>That was definitely your voice.
>Except it wasn't coming from you.
>Turning to the source of the sound, you find... you?
>Your perfectly toned, blue winged body looks back at you, smiling gently, as if nothing was wrong.
>Looking down at your orange hoof, however, tells you that something was |definitely| wrong.
"Oh crap."
>Your body's eyes widen a bit, before another sound pulls it's attention away, that of Twilight- or at least her body- getting up.
>It looked itself over, and sighed.
>"Alright, apparently I screwed something up, because I am still entirely too purple for my liking. ...What?"
>Rarity was the first to respond, in a tone far softer and quieter than normal.
>"Does anypony else feel.. strange? Eek!"
>The way she responded to looking down at her own body led you to believe you weren't the only pony a little out of sorts here.
>Pinkie's body jumps up at the sound of the squeal, looking at the white unicorn in a state of absolute terror.
>She spoke with Pinkie's voice, certainly, but with an air of sophistication that was entirely alien to the party pony.
>"Oh no, oh no! We all got switched around, didn't we! Oh no, please tell me I'm not Applejack! Oh please oh please oh pleeeeaaaase!"
>While spinning around in place in a fit of panic, she lays her eyes on you, and calms down considerably.
>"Oh thank Celestia..."
>What is most likely not Fluttershy starts up, in a voice more forceful than any you've heard from her in all your years, not to mention with a think southern accent.
>"Aw come on, the idea uh bein' me can't be |that| bad."
>Anon, apparently still in Twilight's body, expressed his concerns in his usual manner.
>"Oh, great. Here I was, just thinking things weren't nearly confusing enough, and then thanks to our old friend |fucking magic|, we're all nice and screwed around even more."
>Your body goes to console him, placing a hoof on his shoulder, only to recoil upon noticing it and quickly looking itself over.
>All things considered, it regains it's composure rather quickly, and speaks anyway.
>"Don't worry, Anon, we'll figure this out. I've got plenty more books to look over in here, and–"
>"Wait," Anon interrupts, pointing a hoof at your body, "you're Twilight?"
>She nods your head.
>"Then who's in my body now?"
>The human leaps up from behind the circle, somehow having concealed that giant frame behind a few tiny ponies.
>"Human body partaaaayy!!"
>What is now clearly Pinikie falls facefirst into the floor at the center of the group, arms still outstretched above her.
>Anon sighs.
>"It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?"
>Twilight suddenly seems to realize something, your former facial features widening in surprise.
>"Oh no, I forgot about Spike!"
>Her short but frantic search ends as she and everyone else turn to one corner of the room to find the purple dragon, standing nonchalantly next to Owlowiscious's stand.
>"Spike? Are you okay?"
>His response is curt.
>"Who?"
>An angry looking Owlowiscious looks down from her perch.
>"Oh Shutup."
>You all turn back to one another.
>Twilight rubs her temples.
>"This has certainly been a day."
>"Yeah, you really screwed up good this time, Twilight."
>"|She| screwed up? Anon, if I might be so inclined to remind you, |you're| the reason all of us are switched around."
>Rarity didn't stop trying to comb Pinkie's unruly mane while expressing her discontent.
>Just as soon as it looked like she had it down into her signature coiff, it just sprung back into a mess with a little cloud of confetti, at which point she groaned and started again.
>You couldn't help but let out a throaty chuckle with your foreign voice.
>"Hey, I was |trying| to fix what was already broken. I can't help it if I ended up breaking more things in the process."
>"Actually," Applejack starts, "ya prob'ly could've."
>"Why don't you act more like your new body and shut the fu- good lord Pinkie what are you doing?!"
>Pinkie was standing perfectly upright, like she'd been bipedal all her life.
>And she has both hands jammed down her pants.
>"Hey Anon! I think I found your party cannon!"
>"Gaaahh quit that!"
>Anon scrambles to his hooves and tries to wrench his former arms out of his former pants.
>As everything breaks down around you, you have a calm, but serious mental battle as to how you should feel about all this.
>On one hoof, you should probably be angry that you no were wingless, and had apples on your ass.
>On the other, this whole situation was pretty dang funny, you had to admit.
>Unable to commit to either side, you finally decide to just go with a exaspercited sighchuckle before standing up and trying to reign things into control again.
"Alright, alright. I think we've all... whoa. Is this what AJ would sound like without an accent? ...Nevermind. Look, we need to see if we all can't figure this out. Anon?"
>Still grasping Pinkies hidden hands, He looks over at you.
>"Yeah?"
>You take a deep breath.
"FIGURE THIS OUT!!!"
>The surprise sends both him and his bodyjacker stumbling to the floor.
>"Alright, fuck! No need to yell."
>He stands back up, Pinkie's antics forgotten.
>"Right then. Twilight, get some books. We've got us a spell to fix."

---

>It was still very much a beautiful day in Ponyville, as you sat outside the Tree Library, taking in the scene set out before you.
>The clear, cloudless sky shone above, as ponies ran screaming about the town square; pegasi flying into the ground, unicorns firing magic wildly all over the place, and any unfortunate enough to be on the ground being chased by a myriad of half-book, half-animal monstrosities.
>Princess Celestia stood a ways out in front of you, wearing a pink party hat and making the sun dance around the sky while giggling like a schoolgirl.
>Beyond her, Anon dashed around amongst the chaos, running on all fours and barking madly.
>Rarity's cat, Opal, chased after him twirling a lasso in her mouth.
>The grey-furred body you were now in fit you a bit better since it had wings, you thought, though this eye-problem was a bit of an annoyance.
>Sitting next to you, also taking in the scene, were Princess Luna and Shining Armor.
>"Hey Twilight?" asks Luna.
>"Yeah Anon?" responds Shining.

>"I hate magic."