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 "Morning Mrs. Skies!"
 >Sunny Skies, the second angriest little horse that you knew, just stared at you as you gave her a smile and a little wave for good measure
 >You didn't need to wave at her
 >Nor did you have to smile
 >You could have just sat there and gotten your food and eaten it
 >That would have been easier than trying to talk with the little servant horse that refused to speak with you no matter what you did
 >But you couldn't do that
 >Maybe you were an idiot or a moron or a dummy head but you figured, if you laid on the charm enough, she'd warm up to you
 >Maybe she'd say hello when you greeted her
 >Maybe she'd smile when you sat down at the counter and waved
 >Maybe, if you tried to be a gentlemen and ignore her cunty behavior, she wouldn't just glare at you like she was doing right now
 >Or at least not glare as hard
 >And maybe she could do more than say hmph and turn away from you maybe?
 >That'd be nice...
 >"Hmph!"
 >Spinning around, the little horse trotted away from you with her nose raised high in the air and her eyes closed
 >You watched her leave the kitchen, the smile sliding off of your face and turning into a frown
 >You watched as she left through the kitchen's main entrance, and continued to stare at the opening even after she left your sight
 >...You were going to throw that little horse out the window
 >You swear to Odin you were going to grab her by her little horse mane and tail, you were going to pick her up, you were going to bodily carry her through the halls, you were going to find a window and you were going to throw her out that window
 >YOU COULDN'T TAKE THIS SILENT TREATMENT SHIT ANY LONGER!
 >YOU WERE JUST A MAN DAMMIT!
 >If she's just say WHY she hated you you'd be fine with the glares and slamming your food onto the counter and all of that shit!
 >But every single day you come in here she just glares at you making dismissive horse noises!
 >Every
 >Single
 >Fucking
 >DAY!
 >IN SILENCE!
 >HATEFUL SILENCE!
 >ANDYOUHATEDHATEFULSILENCE!!!
 >"You weren't kidding when you said she hated you, monkey."
 >You let your head fall onto the counter as Dante slid a bowl of cereal and a glass of milk over to you
 "...Are you sure that she just isn't a cunt to everyone?"
 >Adjusting his apron, Dante looked over toward the doorway
 >"Nah, from what I can tell she's only cunty to you," he said as you picked up your spoon half-heartedly
 >Grumbling, you shoved some cereal into your mouth
 >Fucking servant pony...
 >All you were trying to do was get some breakfast...
 >Is that a crime?
 >Was that really so bad?
 >Couldn't the giant green monkey enjoy the most important meal of the day without all of the hate?
 >Seeing that you were in a bit of a sour mood, Dante magicked over a stool and sat down beside you
 >"Sooo... Did Princess Luna ever find that stalker?"
 >You shook your head
 "Nope. Luna had the entire night guard combing through the gardens and they didn't find jack."
 >Though, to be honest, that wasn't very surprising
 >Both the Night and the Day guard really weren't known for their effectiveness
 >Or for their reliability
 >Or combat expertise
 >Or for their ability to do there jobs at all really
 >But there MUST have been like fifty of those little motherfuckers out there in that little ass garden
 >They SHOULD have found something...
 >Patting your back, Dante looked at you, a small smile starting to form on his face
 >"Well... Did you at least find that bush that's been 'stalking' you?"
 >...Oh fuck you little horse...
 "Fuck off Dante."
 >"So you didn't find it huh? Shame, I would have LOVED to have seen a bush that could move around on its own."
 "Hey, I know what I fucking saw! Don't you fucking patronize me you little furball!"
 >It seemed like whatever god that watched over this land had a sense of humor
 >That or he/she/it/gods don't exist doesn't like you very much
 >Because not only did you have to deal with a servant that didn't like you very much but you also had shrubbery following you
 >And you WISH you were making that shit up!
 >Every time you were outside you'd see a bush that wasn't there the other day
 >Every time you'd wander around the garden one would be just sitting there moving closer toward you every time you looked away
 >Hell, you were pretty sure you saw one shuffling through the halls when you were on your way to bed!
 >You had tried bringing this shit up with the guards, and fucking Luna, but they didn't believe you
 >These magic horses, who had the power to manipulate the WEATHER and HEAVENLY BODIES scoffed at the thought of sentient plant life that may not may not be out to get you
 >...You weren't fucking crazy
 >You weren't...
 >You quickly finish your breakfast and bid farewell to chef pone
 >Now that breakfast and your lifting was out of the way now it was time to get some shit done with that other problem that you had
 >That big, white, alicorn-y problem
 >It had taken some string pulling, and you had done some things for a group of maids that you weren't exactly very proud of, but you had managed to get ahold of the Princess of Friendship herself, Twilot Snarkle
 >...Or something like that...
 >You were never good with pony names...
 >Anyhoo, you had explained your situation to the princess and asked for her advice
 >She was the ruler of all things friendship, so she should be able to fix this no problem between you and Celestia
 >...At least that's what you thought at first
 >After swapping letters back and forth for a few weeks you had come to the conclusion that Equestria's newest princess hadn't the foggiest idea on how to make an 'enemy' into a friend
 >Sure, she pointed out a few books for you to read and told you about some shit that she had gone through and all of that, but she couldn't properly EXPLAIN IT
 >You might be a giant green asshole that would sometimes get drunk and sing the Pokemon theme song in your underwear while you walked around the castle but even you knew that making friends was hard
 >Like really hard
 >You needed to get to know a person
 >You had to let a person IN
 >They had to see you at your barest and most vulnerable and they had to be able to accept that part of you
 >The two of you had to find common ground
 >You needed to be able to shed all of your masks and be YOU around that person
 >You had to be able to related and care for and laugh with each other through the good times and the bad times, through the bounties and the famines
 >A true, honest friend was a rarity in this world
 >And turning someone that genuinely hated you into someone that you wanted to be around, someone that you wanted to talk with, and talk to, and bare your soul around wasn't as simple as 'Just go up to her and ask her to be your friend silly!'
 >Making friends was difficult
 >Making friends was scary
 >And possibly heartbreaking if you opened yourself to the wrong person
 >...For fuck's sake...
 >...Princess of Friendship your fucking ass...
 >But even though she had no fucking idea what she was talking about, Tarkle at the very least gave you a few ideas on how to make Celestia warm up to you
 >You knew that she wouldn't trust anything that you baked her, so making her cake as a peace offering was a no-go
 >And she always blew up on you whenever she saw you which meant that talking to her like an adult face-to-face wasn't going to work either
 >But from what Quarkle told you the Princess of the Sun was very fond of friendship letters
 >She'd read'em no matter what with a smile on her face
 >So maybe you could write her a letter?
 >Something about you wanting to be her friend with a whole bunch of sappy shit in it?
 >It was that or you'd have to barge into the throne room in a clown suit juggling bowling balls
 >...Why the hell that was your plan B you didn't know but it was an option...
 >But there was just one problem with sending the princess a heartfelt, amazing letter
 >You couldn't write words good
 >Which was a real problem when one wanted to write a letter that would impress an eons old demigod
 >You must have written like twenty letters only to throw them away because you thought you could do a better job
 >It was kind of frustrating but with every letter you felt you were getting closer to writing a good one
 >Maybe even a great one
 >Maybe even the one that you'd send her
 >The library in Canterlot was quiet, and during this part of the day it was pretty much empty
 >The only ponies that were around were a few elderly scholarly stallions and an ancient looking librarian
 >The books that lined the old hard wood shelves had this... aura about them
 >Like if you listened hard enough you could hear the words in them
 >It was like that with everything in that massive house of knowledge and learning
 >The greatest of magicians to the magicless bozos like yourself had walked and continued to walk throughout these halls
 >Learning, teaching and even sleeping if the librarian didn't catch you
 >After wandering around the castle, searching high and low for a good place to write this letter, this place seemed like your best bet
 >Poets, Scientists and writers throughout the ages were here in this room just ready to give you some inspiration!
 >...You just needed to find it...
 >Taking a deep breath you find yourself an empty table (which wasn't too hard since not a single table was unoccupied) and you sat down
 >Since every table had a few sheets of blank parchment and some pots of ink and quills on them all you have to do is reach over and grab your tools so that you could begin
 >Popping open a tiny little pot of black ink you dipped your quill in it
 >Making sure to wipe off any excess ink off on the sides of the pot you lifted up the quill over a piece of paper and began your letter just like you started all of the other ones
 "Dear Princess Celestia..."
 >Though your handwriting wasn't the best in the world all of this recent practice had improved it a hell of a lot
 >You were even able to do some of those fancy swirls and flourishes like some of the little horses around here could do
 >Lifting away the quill you look at the three words that you had written, checking to see if everything was fine
 >You hadn't misspelled anything, which was good
 >You hadn't spilled any ink onto the paper, which was even better
 >The letters were evenly spaced
 >They were the same overall thickness
 >And the ink was a good so they weren't different shades of black
 >All in all you had written three solid words...
 >...Now what ELSE were you going to write?
 >With a quiet groan you slumped into your chair a little and just stared at the paper
 >The blank, blank piece of paper
 >Words needed to be written, sentences needed to be framed and paragraphs needed to be formed for this whole letter thing to work
 >But before all of that you needed to think up the words and sentences and paragraphs
 >You set your mouth into a thin line and pressed the quill against the parchment
 >Furrowing your brow you glare at it and willed your hand to start writing
 >...Any second now
 >ANY second you'd start writing words like a champ
 >You hand was just biding its time before--
 >"And what the hay are you doing here?"
 >If whoever was speaking had been a little louder you knew for a fact that you would have jumped and probably ruined this piece of parchment
 >As luck would have it though this was a library, and the demanding little horse in front of you adhered to it's rules and had whisper-shouted at you
 >Looking up you see Sunny Skies glaring at you with her snoozle scrunched up like it usually was when she was around you
 >Frowning slightly, you lifted your quill away and placed it back into the ink pot
 >Rolling your shoulders you lean on the slightly too small table toward the little horse
 >A sarcastic answer to her question ran through your mind but you disregarded it
 "I'm trying to write a letter."
 >The little servant blinked before taking a step forward and looked at your piece of paper
 >"A letter?" she said, disbelief thick in her voice. "What the hay are you writing a letter for?"
 >For lord knows how long this little horse as been working in the kitchens you've been trying to get her to talk to you
 >And now that she was in a chatty mood you couldn't help but admit that she had a pretty voice
 >Kinda like a mixture between a light, chimey tone and this scratchy, young voice
 >Though it probably would have sounded a lot better if she didn't sound so cunty right now
 >Covering your blank-ish piece of paper, you pushed it away from her
 "To talk to someone," you answered, doing your best to keep the irritation out of your voice
 >You might not have written all that many letters but you were pretty sure just up and staring at somebody's stuff was a rude thing to do
 >Servant horse was rude AND grouchy
 >A winning combo if you've ever seen one
 >Sunny's nose scrunched up even more, her eyes narrowing down to slits
 >"Who the hay are you trying to talk to?" she demanded, taking a step toward you
 >This little horse refused to talk to you for like a month and now she just popped up out of the blue making demands and asking questions that are none of her business?
 >And did she FOLLOW you here to see what you were doing?
 >Is that why she's so demanding right now?
 >Naha
 >You weren't playing that shit
 >You open your mouth to chew the little horse out when it just happened
 >Your muse popped up behind you with the creativity bat and had smacked you on the back of your head
 >Your eyes widened and you shut your mouth
 >Turning away from Sunny Skies, you fully sit in your chair, you get a good hold of your parchment and you grabbed your quill
 >And this time, with hardly any effort, you started writing your fucking socks off
 >Your eyes were glued to the paper as word after word after word popped out of your head and flowed through your hand
 >In what felt like no time at all you had written the first paragraph and were already half finished with the second one
 >This was going to be it!
 >This was the one that you were going to send to Celestia!
 >You could FEEL it!
 >You could hear Sunny Skies trying to say something to you, glaring and frowning the whole while no doubt, but you ignored her
 >Nothing was going to distract you from this!
 >NOTHING!
 >Eventually the little earth pony stopped her yammering and stood next to you, waiting for you to finish
 >And finish you did
 >It might not have been the most elegant letter ever
 >It might not have been the neatest, or longest, or best letter that had ever been written
 >But it was good enough for this
 >More than good enough you think
 >Grinning, you finished the last sentence and tossed your quill away, picking up and blowing on the still wet ink so that it'd dry faster
 >Someone better pick up that quill
 >Cause that shit's on fir--
 >"Are you going to tell me who the heck you're writing to or are you going to keep acting like a crazy pony?"
 >...Oh right...
 >Sunny was still there...
 >You had almost forgotten...
 >You looked up to stare at the little mare when a thought came to your head
 "...Hey, Sunny? You serve princess Celestia right?"
 >Sunny looked surprised by the question
 >"O-Of course I do! W-Who do you think I am? Some sort of imposter?!"
 >...Alright
 >That was a little out of the blue but you'll roll with it...
 >Folding the letter you present it to her
 "Could you do me a favor and give this to her? It's kind of important."
 >Sunny's eyes narrowed but she took your letter anyway
 >"I'll give her royal highness this... letter," she said neutrally, eyeing you as she took a step backwards.
 >Sweet!
 >Hopefully she'd actually read it and consider what you wrote and not just throw it into her fireplace
 "Thanks, Sunny," you say, relieved. "I really owe you--"
 >You looked around and see that the white earth pony was gone
 >Almost as if she had... vanished...
 >...
 >...
 >...
 >Huh
 >She must have REALLY wanted to get that to the princess...
 >Say what you will about the little horse but it looked like she took letter-giving seriously
 >Maybe her mom or dad was a mail horse or something?
 >Yeah
 >That was probably it...
 >With a significant weight off your shoulders you get up, slide in your chair and make your way out of the library
 >It's all out of your hands now
 >You had went and offered an olive branch
 >You had met Celestia halfway
 >Now it was up to her to step up and try this whole friendship thing out
 
 >Canterlot castle was ancient by even your terms
 >It had been built long before the tribes had unified by a very rich unicorn duke who had served a long dead king
 >Over the years it had traded hooves numerous times before coming into your possession
 >From merchants to kings to tyrants to gods had called this place home
 >And ever since it was dumped into your hooves you had taken it upon yourself to get to know every inch of the place
 >Like most castles, this one had its fair share of secret corridors, rooms and the like-- some of which you had put in yourself and some that the castle's previous owners had put it-- but since you were a mare with an eternity on her hooves you had learned every single one
 >You knew every twist, turn, nook and cranny like the back of your hoof
 >In fact there was a good chance that you knew this castle better than any now living
 >Which made sneaking through the castle a heck of alot easier
 >You hadn't bothered to drop your illusion spell when that... BUTT had hooved you his letter, simply opting to teleport out of the room and into a long forgotten servants passageway next to the library
 >With the fiend's 'letter' still in your mouth you had then taken off as fast as your hooves could take you
 >This was it!
 >This was going to be the proof that you had been looking for for MONTHS!
 >All of that time trailing that dummy through the castle
 >Watching him eat his dumb breakfast
 >Watching as he talked to your sister
 >Listening to him sleep as you hid in his closet and messed with his clothes
 >All of that was leading up to this moment!
 >And he had just given it to you!
 >No! Even better! He had asked you to "bring it to princess Celestia please'
 >Pfff
 >You heard the mocking tone in his voice when he said please
 >That dumb look in his sparkling eyes as he looked at you with that dumb white smile of his...
 >Cackling to yourself, you raced around the corner, quietly wondering what the letter said
 >Probably a thinly-veiled threat if you had to guess
 >Or maybe a proclamation mocking you and yours?
 >Ohhhh!
 >The anticipation was killing you!
 >Turning a few more corners and pushing a few pressure buttons to create some holes in a few walls you found yourself back in your room
 >Running over to your door you lock it
 >With a grin on your face you walk over and plop down on your royal bean bag chair
 "Alright, Anonymous, let's see what foul things you have written..."
 >Without further ado you unfold the letter and began to read:
 Dear Princess Celestia,
 
 I know that you don't like me very much, princess. I don't know why but I'm sure that you have your reasons. I've tried to think of a way to fix that, tried to think of a way to get you to warm up to me a little bit, but I honestly can't think of a way to do it. I'm not the smartest guy in the world, and I'm sure as hell not that great with the whole making friends thing. And maybe you have a really good reason to just hate my guts and I can't change anything; maybe I stink or maybe I do something that you just can't stand.
 
 >Your eyes narrowed
 >What the hay was this?
 "What is your game here, Anonymous?..."
 >Leaning forward, you continued to read
 
 But I figured that I'd at least try. You and your sister helped me when I had nothing else, princess. You gave me a place to stay and a roof over my head and food for me to eat. If it wasn't for you guys I'd probably either be dead or in some zoo or worse. Even though every time we see each other the meeting isn't always... pleasant I know that you're a really great pony, Celestia. You're a great pony with a great big heart.
 
 >Though you don't realize it, a small smile works its way into your face
 
 I want to get to know the mare that saved my life. I want to talk to her and tell her what a great mare she is. And I'd be honored if the two of us could be friends.
 
 I know that this all probably sounds really dumb and a lot of it seems sappy and even a little cringy to you, if you just didn't go and throw this letter away, but I just wanted you to know that I wanted to be your friend, Celestia.
 
 "Y-You're not wrong s-saying that this is a d-dumb letter," you mutter with a ruffle of your feathers. "I-It's a dumb l-letter written b-by a dummy dumb head..."
 >Wiggling around on your bean bag chair, and trying to ignore the emotion welling in your chest, you moved on to the last few sentences
 I'm not saying that we'd be the best of friends. We might not have anything in common, you might still hate me even after we get to know each other. But where's the harm in trying?
 
 Making a friend is one of the hardest things to do in the world. It's scary and nerve-wracking and awkward, and like I said I'm not very good at it. But I want to try, with all of my heart, and I hope, after reading this, IF you're reading this, you might want to try too.
 
 Sorry for the penmanship, and I hope that you have a wonderful day,
 
 Anonymous~
 
 PS, PLS respond
 
 >You don't know how long you just sat there staring at the letter
 >Reading it over and over again, trying to find some hidden meaning
 >Trying to find a threat or an insult Or SOMETHING that you expected
 >...But you didn't find any of that
 >It was just a heartfelt letter about somepony that wanted to be your friend
 >It wasn't a very good letter by any means
 >But it was still a letter...
 >A letter about something that you did your best to cultivate in everypony that you met
 >Friendship
 >Even though you called him names, even though did your best to slander his image wherever you went, he still wanted to be your friend
 >Your... Friend...
 >And he still thought that you were a great mare to boot...
 >You don't...
 don't know how to feel about this...
 >Biting your lip, you look away from the letter
 >Your horn glows, and the letter was encased in your magic
 "He just wants to be my friend..." you murmur, a pang in your chest as you levitated the letter over to your table and carefully sat it down
 >...
 >...
 >...
 >No...
 >This was a trick!
 >He was trying to lull you into a false sense of security!
 >Yeah! That was it!
 >And he almost had you the sneaky little devil!
 >Rising to your hooves, you start to made your way over toward the door
 >Anonymous wanted to play?
 >He wanted to toy your emotions and try to use friendship to get to you with his vileness?
 >Fine
 >Then you'd bucking play!
 >You'll find out what he was ACTUALLY up to AND you'll make him SMITTEN with you to boot
 >He'll think that you're such a good friend that his bucking socks will explode off his weird hairless body!
 >You'll friendship the BUCK out of him!
 >Yeah!
 >YEAH!!!
 >YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!