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1 | A little break from my main story writing. | |
2 | Inspired by a post I wrote in MLPG last day. | |
3 | ||
4 | >YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKING ANONYMOUS | |
5 | >You arrived that this coo coo crazy fairy tale universe with humans with magical powers and shit. | |
6 | >After a while you realized, because of some inexplicable reason, you got some kind of bullshit plothole superhero powers. | |
7 | >THEN YOU BECAME THE MOST BADASSIEST BADASS MOTHERFUCKER IN THE HISTORY OF THIS FUCKING UNIVERSE. | |
8 | ||
9 | >You started small, by small, you mean like: Beating to death an insane evil cult leader wizard with your bare fists that threatened to destroy Ponyville. | |
10 | >Then the whole near-apocalyptic event of Equestria happened. | |
11 | >Your part in this include: | |
12 | >Going all Bruce Lee on a hulk sized martial artist monster. ("Boards, don't hit back") | |
13 | >Being captured and forced to fight in a Colosseum gladiator match with monsters. ("ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?") | |
14 | >Leading the Equestrian army to fight against the enemy's army bent on enslaving the world. ("THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES, BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM.") | |
15 | >The list goes fucking on, they can write 10 Lord of the Rings with this shit. | |
16 | >It ended with you going 1vs1 deathmatch with an ancient evil godlike entity a la motherfucking Conan the Barbarian. (No fucking movie quotes here, you had nothing to say then.) | |
17 | ||
18 | >Aaaaand, it all ended. | |
19 | >Peace returns at last, you fucking hope. | |
20 | >For such a magical fairy tale land, this place goes through a lot of shit. | |
21 | >You became the greatest hero of Equestria. | |
22 | >Since your arrival and during all of this crazy shitstorm, you fought together the human main 6. | |
23 | >Somehow you became romantically involved with them, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, separately though. | |
24 | >You wanted to say something about this, but they made you keep it a secret to the other girls. | |
25 | >You knew this will end bad, but hey, the fucking Apocalypse and human extinction REMEMBER?. | |
26 | ||
27 | >After peacetime, you decide to tell the girls before this becomes nasty. | |
28 | >But instead, they ask you to meet up with them first. | |
29 | >Shit, did they find out? ALL OF THEM? | |
30 | >They ask you to meet them near the castle. | |
31 | ||
32 | "Hi girls!" you put on a fake smile. | |
33 | >Keep this cool, keep this cool. | |
34 | >They are looking at you as if you did something wrong. All of them with arms crossed. | |
35 | >Well, you did do something wrong. | |
36 | >You are sweating .50-cal bullets right now. | |
37 | ||
38 | >Twilight breaks the silence. | |
39 | >"Anonymous, we have to talk about US. ALL of us." | |
40 | >She says that while pointing her finger at you. | |
41 | >HOLY WOODWORKER JEW ON A STICK BEING TORTURED TO DEATH | |
42 | >Panic the shit out | |
43 | "OH SHIT, OH SHIT, IM SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BUT I COULDN'T, I, YOU GIRLS, COULDN'T TALK, I-" | |
44 | >You are interrupted by their laughs and giggles. | |
45 | ||
46 | >You are confused as fuck. | |
47 | >"Don't worry sugarcube, we've known for a long time." says Applejack while suppressing her laughter. | |
48 | "SAY WHAT?" | |
49 | >"She is correct, darling, we knew of your other 'exploits'." Rarity says that with a seductive wink. | |
50 | ||
51 | >You sit on a bench. | |
52 | "How long?" you ask. | |
53 | >"Oh, just after you sealed the deal with all of us, champ." says Rainbow Dash. | |
54 | "What? Why didn't you say something? I fuckin, I uh...uh." | |
55 | >You dont know what is going on. | |
56 | ||
57 | >"I'm sorry we made you worry, sweetie." says Fluttershy. | |
58 | >She gently pinches your cheeks affectionately. | |
59 | >"But we knew you had enough things to worry about and besides, we don't mind at all." she says that naturally. | |
60 | "Say what again?" you ask. You can't believe what she just said. | |
61 | >"We were okay with you going out with us at the same time, we're all best friends!" says Pinkie Pie while placing her arms over her friends. | |
62 | >What | |
63 | >"It was also fun trying to keep all of that a secret from you!" says Pinkie Pie with the most girlish giggle. | |
64 | ||
65 | >You had nothing to say for a while. | |
66 | >THIS SOME CRAZY MORMON THING OR SOMETHING? | |
67 | >Someone else would punch you in the nuts for even thinking that. | |
68 | >You guess its some kind of alternate universe morals and mentality thing. | |
69 | ||
70 | "Awwww, I think he is confused girls, give him a hug." says Twilight. | |
71 | >Group fucking hugs. | |
72 | >"You have bigger things to worry about, hot stuff." says Dash in your ear. | |
73 | >She says that while groping your ass. | |
74 | "Which is?" | |
75 | >What fickkity fuckkity thing should you be more worried about now? | |
76 | >"We are all pregnant!" says Twilight. | |
77 | >WHAT | |
78 | ||
79 | >After a lot of things, marriage was decided, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. | |
80 | "Is polygamy even legal in Equestria?" you ask Twilight. | |
81 | >"There was never really any problems with it." says Twilight with a shrug. | |
82 | >So, you bought 6 fucking custom made wedding rings, lucky that you have enough dosh loadsamoney thanks to your heroics now. | |
83 | >Still they costed a fortune. | |
84 | >Princess Celestia clutched her stomach and laughed her ass off when you all announced this. | |
85 | >Princess Luna was baffled at first, but clapped her hands for you and tried to stop Celestia from laughing. | |
86 | >Princess Cadance shed a tear and congratulated you, well mostly Twilight, Shining Armor....was not so pleased. | |
87 | >Still you being the greatest hero in existence, he didn't complain much. Much. | |
88 | >You did see him gripping his sword nervously time to time. | |
89 | >Jeeeesus, this guy is supposed to be your future brother-in-law. | |
90 | >Twilight makes the arrangements, Rarity the wedding dresses, Pinkie the building-sized wedding cake, Applejack the guests, Dash the event and shows, Fluttershy the music and so on. | |
91 | ||
92 | >You suddenly also became the luckiest motherfucker in history of Equestria. | |
93 | >Nobody even heard about marrying 6 girls, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. | |
94 | >Turns out there were minor legal problems with all this, but Twilight as a Princess could do whatever the fuck she wanted. | |
95 | >Marriage was fucking huge. | |
96 | >Wedding cake was fucking huge, thanks Pinkie. | |
97 | >Celestia had to contain her laughter during all this. | |
98 | >Luna was trying tell Celestia to stop doing that. | |
99 | >Cadence was crying through the whole event with happiness. | |
100 | >Shining Armor was also crying, with happiness? Maybe not. | |
101 | >Twilight's parents were just happy that their daughter was getting married, and getting a grandchild. | |
102 | >At least THEY like you. | |
103 | ||
104 | >Months later. | |
105 | >Your wife- you mean wives are on their final month of pregnancy. | |
106 | >You and your wives decided to use Twilight's castle as their collective home. | |
107 | >You are busy trying to the clean the whole place, Twilight could have gotten some helpers around, but no. | |
108 | >At least not yet. Not until the babies are born. | |
109 | ||
110 | >"ANON, CAN YOU PLEASE GET THOSE BOOKS AND LETTERS ALREADY? DO YOU THINK ROYAL DUTIES FINISH ON THEIR OWN?" Twilight shouts angrily at her desk. | |
111 | "of course, Twilight dear." you say. | |
112 | >"Its okay Twilight, I can help you." says Spike. | |
113 | >Spike, you magnificent dragon, you are a brother to the end. | |
114 | >"NO SPIKE, HE SAID HE WILL HELP ME WITH THE BIG BOOKS, AND THAT IS WHAT HE WILL DO!" Twilight points at those fucking huge as fuck books. | |
115 | >"All yours, Anonymous." says Spike while backing away slowly. | |
116 | >You are dead to me Spike. | |
117 | ||
118 | >YEP, you never thought about dealing with this berserker pregnancy mood swings, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. | |
119 | >It started slowly and one at a time before, but sometimes... | |
120 | >A large ice cream bucket is thrown at your direction. | |
121 | >Oh sweet jesus, you just cleaned that part. | |
122 | ||
123 | >"ANON, I TOLD YOU WE RAN OUT OF BUCKETS OF CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM AND MILK, GO GET SOME ALREADY!" shouts Pinkie as she throws the big ice cream spoon at you. | |
124 | >You dodge the spoon. | |
125 | >Pinkie is the one with those extreme pregnancy huger pains. | |
126 | "I'll go buy some Pinkie honey, but I don't think all that chocolate ice cream is healthy for-" | |
127 | >"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I AM GETTING FAT?" shouts Pinkie. | |
128 | "No no no, of course not." | |
129 | >"Oh, don't worry Pinkie dear, we'll get you something else to eat." says Mrs. Cake while holding her hand. | |
130 | >Mrs. Cake tries to calm pinkie down by handing her a cup of water. | |
131 | >Thank you Mrs. Cake, you are a life saver. | |
132 | ||
133 | >Rarity in the dressing room is suddenly crying loudly. | |
134 | >She was folding maternity clothes with her sister. | |
135 | "Whats wrong Rarity, sweetie?" | |
136 | >Rarity is covering her eyes and crying. | |
137 | >"BUH HUH HUH HUH, I WONT BE ABLE TO FIT INSIDE MY DRESSES ANYMORE, I AM UGLY NOW." she cries while looking at the mirror. | |
138 | >You see that there are her old dresses on the floor | |
139 | "Don't say that Rarity, you are beautiful." | |
140 | >"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Rarity points that finger at you menacingly. | |
141 | >"Its okay sis, I am here for you." says Sweetie Belle while trying to calm her down. | |
142 | >"OH SWEETIE BELLE, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I CAN COUNT ON." says Rarity. | |
143 | >Sweetie Belle hugs Rarity. | |
144 | >Oh boy. | |
145 | ||
146 | >"ANON, YOU IDIOT, YOU FORGOT TO FEED TANK!" shouts Rainbow Dash, walking towards you with Tank flying next to her. | |
147 | >Rainbow Dash was going for a slow walk with Tank. | |
148 | "I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, baby." | |
149 | >"LOOK AT HIM, HE LOOKS TIRED BECAUSE OF YOU!" | |
150 | >But he uses that propeller thing on his shell. | |
151 | >"DON'T YOU THINK ITS BAD ENOUGH ALREADY THAT I CAN'T EXERCISE MUCH AS I WANT NOW? I AM GOING TO BE FAT AT THIS RATE! " shouts Rainbow Dash. | |
152 | "Of course I know, baby." | |
153 | >Dash hugs Tank, even the damned turtle looks at you with pity. | |
154 | ||
155 | >"ANON, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHIN'...GET OVER HERE ALREADY!" Applejack calls you from the next room. | |
156 | "Coming, Applejack darling." | |
157 | >"HELP BIG MAC WITH THOSE APPLE CIDER BARRELS ALREADY, HE CAN'T DO IT ON HIS OWN, DO YOU WANT ME TO CARRY THEM?" Applejack points at the barrels. | |
158 | >There still are shitton of barrels to carry. | |
159 | >"Its alright Applejack, I can handle it." Big Mac says that nervously while carrying one on his shoulder and his arm. | |
160 | >Big Mac is still your favorite brother-in-law, unlike that other asshole dickhead. | |
161 | >"NO, YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF LIKE LAST TIME, GET TO IT QUICKLY ANON!" Applejack shouts at you. | |
162 | "ASAP, darling." | |
163 | ||
164 | >"AAANNNOOOONN!" | |
165 | >Fluttershy's voice shakes the entire castle. | |
166 | >May God have mercy, here it comes. | |
167 | >Fluttershy is the worst when it comes to mood swings. | |
168 | >She slowly stomps her feet while approaching you. | |
169 | >"I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO WALK THE ANIMALS AN HOUR AGO." Fluttershy bellows. | |
170 | "Bu..but Fluttershy, angel, I-" | |
171 | >"DON'T YOU OH 'BUT FLUTTERSHY' ME, MISTER! THE ANIMALS NEED TENDING, NOW!" | |
172 | "I'll get to it, angel." | |
173 | >The animals and even that big ass bear looks uneasy. | |
174 | >Even that cunt asshole rabbit feels sorry for you. | |
175 | ||
176 | >You called for SOS to people around you when things started to get worse. | |
177 | >After hearing your situation many tried to help you. | |
178 | >With little success. | |
179 | >Big Mac, Sweetie Belle, Spike, and Mrs. Cake decided to help you today. | |
180 | >They watch you as you do every single thing your wives shout at you. | |
181 | >"That boy should have learned something about keeping his gun holstered" says Mrs Cake. | |
182 | >"Eyuup." | |
183 | >The animals nod in unison. | |
184 | >"What are you talking about?" asks Spike and Sweetie Belle. | |
185 | ||
186 | >The day ends. | |
187 | >You almost faint on the enormous bed. | |
188 | >Preventing the apocalypse has nothing on this. | |
189 | >"Anonymous, are you alright?" says Twilight, she feels sorry. | |
190 | "Little tired, dear, nothing a little sleep can't heal." | |
191 | >Your wives gather around and cuddle with you. | |
192 | >"We're really sorry that we were such slave drivers, dear." says Rarity. | |
193 | "I can handle it." | |
194 | >"I'm sorry I shouted at you like that." says Fluttershy. | |
195 | "No harm done." | |
196 | >"I'll make pancakes tomorrow, you like those, dont you?" says Pinkie. | |
197 | "Always." | |
198 | >"And I'll make some apple pies for you!" says Applejack. | |
199 | "Will Look forward to it" | |
200 | >"Do you want a back massage?" asks Rainbow Dash. | |
201 | "Its okay." | |
202 | ||
203 | >Twilight suddenly puts her hand on her belly. | |
204 | >"Anon, honey?" | |
205 | "Yes, Twi?" | |
206 | >"I think its time." | |
207 | "My god." | |
208 | >"Me too." says Applejack with a grimace. | |
209 | "What?" | |
210 | >"I guess this is the feeling of water breaking." groans Rainbow Dash | |
211 | >"Its about time, I guess." says Pinkie | |
212 | >"You need to get someone." says Rarity. | |
213 | >"...um." Fluttershy squeaks. | |
214 | ||
215 | >AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. |