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- A little break from my main story writing.
- Inspired by a post I wrote in MLPG last day.
- >YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKING ANONYMOUS
- >You arrived that this coo coo crazy fairy tale universe with humans with magical powers and shit.
- >After a while you realized, because of some inexplicable reason, you got some kind of bullshit plothole superhero powers.
- >THEN YOU BECAME THE MOST BADASSIEST BADASS MOTHERFUCKER IN THE HISTORY OF THIS FUCKING UNIVERSE.
- >You started small, by small, you mean like: Beating to death an insane evil cult leader wizard with your bare fists that threatened to destroy Ponyville.
- >Then the whole near-apocalyptic event of Equestria happened.
- >Your part in this include:
- >Going all Bruce Lee on a hulk sized martial artist monster. ("Boards, don't hit back")
- >Being captured and forced to fight in a Colosseum gladiator match with monsters. ("ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?")
- >Leading the Equestrian army to fight against the enemy's army bent on enslaving the world. ("THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES, BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM.")
- >The list goes fucking on, they can write 10 Lord of the Rings with this shit.
- >It ended with you going 1vs1 deathmatch with an ancient evil godlike entity a la motherfucking Conan the Barbarian. (No fucking movie quotes here, you had nothing to say then.)
- >Aaaaand, it all ended.
- >Peace returns at last, you fucking hope.
- >For such a magical fairy tale land, this place goes through a lot of shit.
- >You became the greatest hero of Equestria.
- >Since your arrival and during all of this crazy shitstorm, you fought together the human main 6.
- >Somehow you became romantically involved with them, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, separately though.
- >You wanted to say something about this, but they made you keep it a secret to the other girls.
- >You knew this will end bad, but hey, the fucking Apocalypse and human extinction REMEMBER?.
- >After peacetime, you decide to tell the girls before this becomes nasty.
- >But instead, they ask you to meet up with them first.
- >Shit, did they find out? ALL OF THEM?
- >They ask you to meet them near the castle.
- "Hi girls!" you put on a fake smile.
- >Keep this cool, keep this cool.
- >They are looking at you as if you did something wrong. All of them with arms crossed.
- >Well, you did do something wrong.
- >You are sweating .50-cal bullets right now.
- >Twilight breaks the silence.
- >"Anonymous, we have to talk about US. ALL of us."
- >She says that while pointing her finger at you.
- >HOLY WOODWORKER JEW ON A STICK BEING TORTURED TO DEATH
- >Panic the shit out
- "OH SHIT, OH SHIT, IM SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BUT I COULDN'T, I, YOU GIRLS, COULDN'T TALK, I-"
- >You are interrupted by their laughs and giggles.
- >You are confused as fuck.
- >"Don't worry sugarcube, we've known for a long time." says Applejack while suppressing her laughter.
- "SAY WHAT?"
- >"She is correct, darling, we knew of your other 'exploits'." Rarity says that with a seductive wink.
- >You sit on a bench.
- "How long?" you ask.
- >"Oh, just after you sealed the deal with all of us, champ." says Rainbow Dash.
- "What? Why didn't you say something? I fuckin, I uh...uh."
- >You dont know what is going on.
- >"I'm sorry we made you worry, sweetie." says Fluttershy.
- >She gently pinches your cheeks affectionately.
- >"But we knew you had enough things to worry about and besides, we don't mind at all." she says that naturally.
- "Say what again?" you ask. You can't believe what she just said.
- >"We were okay with you going out with us at the same time, we're all best friends!" says Pinkie Pie while placing her arms over her friends.
- >What
- >"It was also fun trying to keep all of that a secret from you!" says Pinkie Pie with the most girlish giggle.
- >You had nothing to say for a while.
- >THIS SOME CRAZY MORMON THING OR SOMETHING?
- >Someone else would punch you in the nuts for even thinking that.
- >You guess its some kind of alternate universe morals and mentality thing.
- "Awwww, I think he is confused girls, give him a hug." says Twilight.
- >Group fucking hugs.
- >"You have bigger things to worry about, hot stuff." says Dash in your ear.
- >She says that while groping your ass.
- "Which is?"
- >What fickkity fuckkity thing should you be more worried about now?
- >"We are all pregnant!" says Twilight.
- >WHAT
- >After a lot of things, marriage was decided, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
- "Is polygamy even legal in Equestria?" you ask Twilight.
- >"There was never really any problems with it." says Twilight with a shrug.
- >So, you bought 6 fucking custom made wedding rings, lucky that you have enough dosh loadsamoney thanks to your heroics now.
- >Still they costed a fortune.
- >Princess Celestia clutched her stomach and laughed her ass off when you all announced this.
- >Princess Luna was baffled at first, but clapped her hands for you and tried to stop Celestia from laughing.
- >Princess Cadance shed a tear and congratulated you, well mostly Twilight, Shining Armor....was not so pleased.
- >Still you being the greatest hero in existence, he didn't complain much. Much.
- >You did see him gripping his sword nervously time to time.
- >Jeeeesus, this guy is supposed to be your future brother-in-law.
- >Twilight makes the arrangements, Rarity the wedding dresses, Pinkie the building-sized wedding cake, Applejack the guests, Dash the event and shows, Fluttershy the music and so on.
- >You suddenly also became the luckiest motherfucker in history of Equestria.
- >Nobody even heard about marrying 6 girls, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
- >Turns out there were minor legal problems with all this, but Twilight as a Princess could do whatever the fuck she wanted.
- >Marriage was fucking huge.
- >Wedding cake was fucking huge, thanks Pinkie.
- >Celestia had to contain her laughter during all this.
- >Luna was trying tell Celestia to stop doing that.
- >Cadence was crying through the whole event with happiness.
- >Shining Armor was also crying, with happiness? Maybe not.
- >Twilight's parents were just happy that their daughter was getting married, and getting a grandchild.
- >At least THEY like you.
- >Months later.
- >Your wife- you mean wives are on their final month of pregnancy.
- >You and your wives decided to use Twilight's castle as their collective home.
- >You are busy trying to the clean the whole place, Twilight could have gotten some helpers around, but no.
- >At least not yet. Not until the babies are born.
- >"ANON, CAN YOU PLEASE GET THOSE BOOKS AND LETTERS ALREADY? DO YOU THINK ROYAL DUTIES FINISH ON THEIR OWN?" Twilight shouts angrily at her desk.
- "of course, Twilight dear." you say.
- >"Its okay Twilight, I can help you." says Spike.
- >Spike, you magnificent dragon, you are a brother to the end.
- >"NO SPIKE, HE SAID HE WILL HELP ME WITH THE BIG BOOKS, AND THAT IS WHAT HE WILL DO!" Twilight points at those fucking huge as fuck books.
- >"All yours, Anonymous." says Spike while backing away slowly.
- >You are dead to me Spike.
- >YEP, you never thought about dealing with this berserker pregnancy mood swings, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
- >It started slowly and one at a time before, but sometimes...
- >A large ice cream bucket is thrown at your direction.
- >Oh sweet jesus, you just cleaned that part.
- >"ANON, I TOLD YOU WE RAN OUT OF BUCKETS OF CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM AND MILK, GO GET SOME ALREADY!" shouts Pinkie as she throws the big ice cream spoon at you.
- >You dodge the spoon.
- >Pinkie is the one with those extreme pregnancy huger pains.
- "I'll go buy some Pinkie honey, but I don't think all that chocolate ice cream is healthy for-"
- >"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I AM GETTING FAT?" shouts Pinkie.
- "No no no, of course not."
- >"Oh, don't worry Pinkie dear, we'll get you something else to eat." says Mrs. Cake while holding her hand.
- >Mrs. Cake tries to calm pinkie down by handing her a cup of water.
- >Thank you Mrs. Cake, you are a life saver.
- >Rarity in the dressing room is suddenly crying loudly.
- >She was folding maternity clothes with her sister.
- "Whats wrong Rarity, sweetie?"
- >Rarity is covering her eyes and crying.
- >"BUH HUH HUH HUH, I WONT BE ABLE TO FIT INSIDE MY DRESSES ANYMORE, I AM UGLY NOW." she cries while looking at the mirror.
- >You see that there are her old dresses on the floor
- "Don't say that Rarity, you are beautiful."
- >"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Rarity points that finger at you menacingly.
- >"Its okay sis, I am here for you." says Sweetie Belle while trying to calm her down.
- >"OH SWEETIE BELLE, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I CAN COUNT ON." says Rarity.
- >Sweetie Belle hugs Rarity.
- >Oh boy.
- >"ANON, YOU IDIOT, YOU FORGOT TO FEED TANK!" shouts Rainbow Dash, walking towards you with Tank flying next to her.
- >Rainbow Dash was going for a slow walk with Tank.
- "I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, baby."
- >"LOOK AT HIM, HE LOOKS TIRED BECAUSE OF YOU!"
- >But he uses that propeller thing on his shell.
- >"DON'T YOU THINK ITS BAD ENOUGH ALREADY THAT I CAN'T EXERCISE MUCH AS I WANT NOW? I AM GOING TO BE FAT AT THIS RATE! " shouts Rainbow Dash.
- "Of course I know, baby."
- >Dash hugs Tank, even the damned turtle looks at you with pity.
- >"ANON, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHIN'...GET OVER HERE ALREADY!" Applejack calls you from the next room.
- "Coming, Applejack darling."
- >"HELP BIG MAC WITH THOSE APPLE CIDER BARRELS ALREADY, HE CAN'T DO IT ON HIS OWN, DO YOU WANT ME TO CARRY THEM?" Applejack points at the barrels.
- >There still are shitton of barrels to carry.
- >"Its alright Applejack, I can handle it." Big Mac says that nervously while carrying one on his shoulder and his arm.
- >Big Mac is still your favorite brother-in-law, unlike that other asshole dickhead.
- >"NO, YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF LIKE LAST TIME, GET TO IT QUICKLY ANON!" Applejack shouts at you.
- "ASAP, darling."
- >"AAANNNOOOONN!"
- >Fluttershy's voice shakes the entire castle.
- >May God have mercy, here it comes.
- >Fluttershy is the worst when it comes to mood swings.
- >She slowly stomps her feet while approaching you.
- >"I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO WALK THE ANIMALS AN HOUR AGO." Fluttershy bellows.
- "Bu..but Fluttershy, angel, I-"
- >"DON'T YOU OH 'BUT FLUTTERSHY' ME, MISTER! THE ANIMALS NEED TENDING, NOW!"
- "I'll get to it, angel."
- >The animals and even that big ass bear looks uneasy.
- >Even that cunt asshole rabbit feels sorry for you.
- >You called for SOS to people around you when things started to get worse.
- >After hearing your situation many tried to help you.
- >With little success.
- >Big Mac, Sweetie Belle, Spike, and Mrs. Cake decided to help you today.
- >They watch you as you do every single thing your wives shout at you.
- >"That boy should have learned something about keeping his gun holstered" says Mrs Cake.
- >"Eyuup."
- >The animals nod in unison.
- >"What are you talking about?" asks Spike and Sweetie Belle.
- >The day ends.
- >You almost faint on the enormous bed.
- >Preventing the apocalypse has nothing on this.
- >"Anonymous, are you alright?" says Twilight, she feels sorry.
- "Little tired, dear, nothing a little sleep can't heal."
- >Your wives gather around and cuddle with you.
- >"We're really sorry that we were such slave drivers, dear." says Rarity.
- "I can handle it."
- >"I'm sorry I shouted at you like that." says Fluttershy.
- "No harm done."
- >"I'll make pancakes tomorrow, you like those, dont you?" says Pinkie.
- "Always."
- >"And I'll make some apple pies for you!" says Applejack.
- "Will Look forward to it"
- >"Do you want a back massage?" asks Rainbow Dash.
- "Its okay."
- >Twilight suddenly puts her hand on her belly.
- >"Anon, honey?"
- "Yes, Twi?"
- >"I think its time."
- "My god."
- >"Me too." says Applejack with a grimace.
- "What?"
- >"I guess this is the feeling of water breaking." groans Rainbow Dash
- >"Its about time, I guess." says Pinkie
- >"You need to get someone." says Rarity.
- >"...um." Fluttershy squeaks.
- >AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
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