View difference between Paste ID: QpV9RThH and

 10:50PM Nov 6th: “I fuckked up my own suicide” yeah tell me about it…
 
 6:44AM Nov 7th: Staying home today. Can I reach 1000 tweets??? I’m thinking yes!
 
 9:45AM Nov 7th: just woke up
 
 9:45AM Nov 7th: Don’t feel too well
 
 9:45AM Nov 7th: There is somebody in my dreams
 
 9:46AM Nov 7th: I want them gone
 
 9:46AM Nov 7th: How can we control our dreams?
 
 9:46AM Nov 7th: Hummm wish somebody would text me
 
 9:47AM Nov 7th: Kinda lonely right now
 
 9:47AM Nov 7th: There was so much more I wanted to do
 
 9:48AM Nov 7th: Ahhh well time to move on
 
 9:48AM Nov 7th: My thought process is too crazy
 
 9:48AM Nov 7th: I totally think I’m bipolar
 
 9:49AM Nov 7th: Or just crazy
 
 9:49AM Nov 7th: Idk.
 
 9:49AM Nov 7th: Humm I remember why we broke up
 
 9:50AM Nov 7th: I shall do it again
 
 9:50AM Nov 7th: Because this time I don’t have a bf
 
 9:50AM Nov 7th: And I really don’t care anymore
 
 9:51AM Nov 7th: I should get ready then
 
 9:51AM Nov 7th: Should have gotten everything last night
 
 9:52AM Nov 7th: Still just trying to raise my numbers
 
 9:52AM Nov 7th: So I met this boy
 
 9:52AM Nov 7th: He was very cute you see
 
 9:52AM Nov 7th: Quite popular too
 
 9:53AM Nov 7th: Me and this boy started talking
 
 9:53AM Nov 7th: Then we talked a lil more
 
 9:53AM Nov 7th: Then he let me in his front door
 
 9:54AM Nov 7th: We walked up the stairs where everything was quite
 
 9:54AM Nov 7th: And he whispered ‘you look beautiful’ into my ear
 
 9:55AM Nov 7th: Shivers moved down my spine
 
 9:55AM Nov 7th: And then he began to kiss my neck
 
 9:56AM Nov 7th: I know you’re thinking ‘why did she go’
 
 9:57AM Nov 7th: And all I can say is my father told me so
 
 9:57AM Nov 7th: So he kissed me sweet and laid me down on his bed
 
 9:58AM Nov 7th: I started to shake he said ‘give me head’
 
 9:58AM Nov 7th: I laughed at him and said ‘I’m a vegetarian’
 
 9:59AM Nov 7th: Then I wondered why I had really come to him.
 
 9:59AM Nov 7th: See I’ve been in this situation before
 
 10:00AM Nov 7th: When a boy I loved said he would leave if I didn’t give it up
 
 10:00AM Nov 7th: And I told my friends I had done it even though it wasn’t true
 
 10:01AM Nov 7th: Because he was telling everybody the same things too
 
 10:01AM Nov 7th: But here is the honest truth
 
 10:01AM Nov 7th: I never did it till I was sixteen
 
 10:02AM Nov 7th: I did not know the boy
 
 10:02AM Nov 7th: And I never got to know him
 
 10:02AM Nov 7th: He was older stronger and high at the time
 
 10:03AM Nov 7th: He probably will never admit I was a crime
 
 10:03AM Nov 7th: His breath smelt sour like smoke and his kisses became rough
 
 10:04AM Nov 7th: Then I tried to sit up and say ‘I’ve had enough’
 
 10:04AM Nov 7th: My attempt of getting free were feeble
 
 10:05AM Nov 7th: I decided to scream ‘please stop’
 
 10:05AM Nov 7th: but he just took a pillow to my face and put me in the dark
 
 10:06AM Nov 7th: First to go were my shoes. I feel my feet go cold
 
 10:06AM Nov 7th: Next my pants, he was so bold.
 
 10:07AM Nov 7th: It hurt so much as he entered me
 
 10:07AM Nov 7th: Guys I’m telling you my first time was taken from me
 
 10:08AM Nov 7th: He noticed and said ‘are you a virgin?’
 
 10:08AM Nov 7th: I nodded through tears as he kept barging in
 
 10:09AM Nov 7th: He finished and was done with me
 
 10:09AM Nov 7th: I lay on his bed lifeless
 
 10:10AM Nov 7th: He let me stay there and sleep
 
 10:10AM Nov 7th: Then he offered me some weed
 
 10:10AM Nov 7th: I said ‘no thank you I don’t do that either’
 
 10:11AM Nov 7th: He said ‘girl you’re no fun. See you later’
 
 10:12AM Nov 7th: I started to get dressed and he came back in
 
 10:12AM Nov 7th: He came close; i tried to get away from him
 
 10:12AM Nov 7th: He told me ‘dont be scared’
 
 10:13AM Nov 7th: and like an idiot I believed him
 
 10:13AM Nov 7th: He asked if I liked it
 
 10:14AM Nov 7th: I shrugged my shoulders
 
 10:14AM Nov 7th: He leaned in for a kiss, and I let him
 
 10:15AM Nov 7th: He laid me down and rubbed my back
 
 10:15AM Nov 7th: I cried in his pillow. He cried back
 
 10:15AM Nov 7th: He said he was sorry
 
 10:16AM Nov 7th: I said ‘it’s okay’
 
 10:16AM Nov 7th: we laid there together just bathing in our fears
 
 10:17AM Nov 7th: I don’t know why. But I saw the human in him.
 
 10:17AM Nov 7th: He was probably just as broken as me
 
 10:18AM Nov 7th: He drove me to my park
 
 10:18AM Nov 7th: I got on the swirly slide. I just laid there and cried
 
 10:19AM Nov 7th: I finally walked home
 
 10:19AM Nov 7th: My father opened the door
 
 10:19AM Nov 7th: Asked me ‘how was it’
 
 10:20AM Nov 7th: I said ‘i’ll never forget it…’
 
 10:20AM Nov 7th: as he pressed for questions. I grew impatient
 
 10:20AM Nov 7th: Said ‘dad in so tired can I just go to bed’
 
 10:21AM Nov 7th: he dismissed me and I trudged up the stairs.
 
 10:21AM Nov 7th: My legs hurt. And my heart was filled with despair
 
 10:21AM Nov 7th: I went to the bathroom and locked the door
 
 10:22AM Nov 7th: I took apart a razor I had just gotten from the store
 
 10:22AM Nov 7th: I did what I had to do to forget.
 
 10:23AM Nov 7th: It seems it’s been my only way since sixth grade
 
 10:24AM Nov 7th: When the kids called me fat even though I was a double zero
 
 10:24AM Nov 7th: And I began to watch my weight like it was a MTV show.
 
 10:25AM Nov 7th: I cried as I remembered how I’d starve for days
 
 10:25AM Nov 7th: And my parents never noticed
 
 10:26AM Nov 7th: So I laid there and watched the blood gather on the floor
 
 10:26AM Nov 7th: Then my weak hands reached for the door
 
 10:27AM Nov 7th: I ran into my little sister she saw and shook her head.
 
 10:27AM Nov 7th: Then she looked at me and said. ‘Just don’t let them see sissy.’
 
 10:27AM Nov 7th: she kissed my head and walked away
 
 10:28AM Nov 7th: I swear after that night I was never the same
 
 10:28AM Nov 7th: My dad became to want ‘favors’ from me too
 
 10:29AM Nov 7th: He would use it to bribe me if I wanted to hang out after school
 
 10:30AM Nov 7th: I didn’t know that I should have told somebody what he was doing to me
 
 10:30AM Nov 7th: Sex just became second nature to me
 
 10:31AM Nov 7th: My father let me as long as he got details sometimes I’d even have to let him see
 
 10:32AM Nov 7th: I was just a young girl. Who quickly became afraid of men.
 
 10:32AM Nov 7th: Then years past and it never stopped.
 
 10:32AM Nov 7th: Finally on day I began to pop
 
 10:33AM Nov 7th: I sent a boy away
 
 10:33AM Nov 7th: And told my father enough was enough
 
 10:33AM Nov 7th: He cried and said ‘I’m just so weak’
 
 10:34AM Nov 7th: I looked at him and saw the brokenness too
 
 10:34AM Nov 7th: I took pity on him and became the fool
 
 10:35AM Nov 7th: Things never changed they just got worse
 
 10:35AM Nov 7th: Till one day I met a boy who in the end hurt my heart worst
 
 10:36AM Nov 7th: We met in my typical situation
 
 10:36AM Nov 7th: We were both undressed within a matter of seconds.
 
 10:37AM Nov 7th: But I could tell he was different.
 
 10:37AM Nov 7th: I pledged myself by not hooking up with complete strangers.
 
 10:38AM Nov 7th: But for him I was eager
 
 10:38AM Nov 7th: But there was something different about this guy
 
 10:39AM Nov 7th: He returned the favor and actually said goodbye
 
 10:40AM Nov 7th: On the bus ride home we sat next to each other. Talked for hours on end
 
 10:40PM Nov 7th: We held each other’s hands and told each other our favorite bands
 
 10:41PM Nov 7th: He looked me dead in the eyes and asked if I would please consider seeing him again
 
 10:42PM Nov 7th: I went home filled with smiles and cheer
 
 1:01PM Nov 7th: Annyways. The guy eventually asked me to be his girl
 
 1:02PM Nov 7th: And things were great for a while
 
 1:04PM Nov 7th: But my dad got in the way. And ruined everything. One day I just couldn’t do it. So I told my boyfriend my secret
 
 1:06PM Nov 7th: What happened next was a blur. I told him not to tell. We tried to act normal. We had been dating for over a month when I took his virginity
 
 1:07PM Nov 7th: I fell in love for the first time. But my secret was too much for him. He needed time to think. I thought I was going to lose him.
 
 1:09PM Nov 7th: A lot happened. But all that matters is that my secret was about to become puplic. Him & my friends made me tell
 
 1:10PM Nov 7th: All my efforts to keep a normal life were crumbling right before my eyes.
 
 1:11PM Nov 7th: I remember telling my closest teacher and CPS and the police and dectectives. I remember having to tell them everything about my dad
 
 1:35PM Nov 7th: It was my boyfriend who told my mom. And she came to get me.
 
 1:37PM Nov 7th: Weeks passed then I got the call. They said. ‘Sorry but there isn’t enough evidence’ I hung up.
 
 1:38PM Nov 7th: That’s when I changed. I didn’t care anymore. And the people I was meeting gave me no reason to.
 
 1:39PM Nov 7th: The guys I’ve been with, ha none of them care. They just look at me like I’m just some other hoe.
 
 1:40PM Nov 7th: To that I say. I guess I am. I don’t know how else to be. It’s not my fault. Somebody else chose that for me.
 
 1:47PM Nov 7th: Well that’s. The story of how I came to be who I am. Well the condensed version. I’d love to hear what you have to say. But I won’t be around
 
 2:08PM Nov 7th: Take two. Hope I get this right