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Ashley Billasano's Final Tweets - Archive

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  1. 10:50PM Nov 6th: “I fuckked up my own suicide” yeah tell me about it…
  2.  
  3. 6:44AM Nov 7th: Staying home today. Can I reach 1000 tweets??? I’m thinking yes!
  4.  
  5. 9:45AM Nov 7th: just woke up
  6.  
  7. 9:45AM Nov 7th: Don’t feel too well
  8.  
  9. 9:45AM Nov 7th: There is somebody in my dreams
  10.  
  11. 9:46AM Nov 7th: I want them gone
  12.  
  13. 9:46AM Nov 7th: How can we control our dreams?
  14.  
  15. 9:46AM Nov 7th: Hummm wish somebody would text me
  16.  
  17. 9:47AM Nov 7th: Kinda lonely right now
  18.  
  19. 9:47AM Nov 7th: There was so much more I wanted to do
  20.  
  21. 9:48AM Nov 7th: Ahhh well time to move on
  22.  
  23. 9:48AM Nov 7th: My thought process is too crazy
  24.  
  25. 9:48AM Nov 7th: I totally think I’m bipolar
  26.  
  27. 9:49AM Nov 7th: Or just crazy
  28.  
  29. 9:49AM Nov 7th: Idk.
  30.  
  31. 9:49AM Nov 7th: Humm I remember why we broke up
  32.  
  33. 9:50AM Nov 7th: I shall do it again
  34.  
  35. 9:50AM Nov 7th: Because this time I don’t have a bf
  36.  
  37. 9:50AM Nov 7th: And I really don’t care anymore
  38.  
  39. 9:51AM Nov 7th: I should get ready then
  40.  
  41. 9:51AM Nov 7th: Should have gotten everything last night
  42.  
  43. 9:52AM Nov 7th: Still just trying to raise my numbers
  44.  
  45. 9:52AM Nov 7th: So I met this boy
  46.  
  47. 9:52AM Nov 7th: He was very cute you see
  48.  
  49. 9:52AM Nov 7th: Quite popular too
  50.  
  51. 9:53AM Nov 7th: Me and this boy started talking
  52.  
  53. 9:53AM Nov 7th: Then we talked a lil more
  54.  
  55. 9:53AM Nov 7th: Then he let me in his front door
  56.  
  57. 9:54AM Nov 7th: We walked up the stairs where everything was quite
  58.  
  59. 9:54AM Nov 7th: And he whispered ‘you look beautiful’ into my ear
  60.  
  61. 9:55AM Nov 7th: Shivers moved down my spine
  62.  
  63. 9:55AM Nov 7th: And then he began to kiss my neck
  64.  
  65. 9:56AM Nov 7th: I know you’re thinking ‘why did she go’
  66.  
  67. 9:57AM Nov 7th: And all I can say is my father told me so
  68.  
  69. 9:57AM Nov 7th: So he kissed me sweet and laid me down on his bed
  70.  
  71. 9:58AM Nov 7th: I started to shake he said ‘give me head’
  72.  
  73. 9:58AM Nov 7th: I laughed at him and said ‘I’m a vegetarian’
  74.  
  75. 9:59AM Nov 7th: Then I wondered why I had really come to him.
  76.  
  77. 9:59AM Nov 7th: See I’ve been in this situation before
  78.  
  79. 10:00AM Nov 7th: When a boy I loved said he would leave if I didn’t give it up
  80.  
  81. 10:00AM Nov 7th: And I told my friends I had done it even though it wasn’t true
  82.  
  83. 10:01AM Nov 7th: Because he was telling everybody the same things too
  84.  
  85. 10:01AM Nov 7th: But here is the honest truth
  86.  
  87. 10:01AM Nov 7th: I never did it till I was sixteen
  88.  
  89. 10:02AM Nov 7th: I did not know the boy
  90.  
  91. 10:02AM Nov 7th: And I never got to know him
  92.  
  93. 10:02AM Nov 7th: He was older stronger and high at the time
  94.  
  95. 10:03AM Nov 7th: He probably will never admit I was a crime
  96.  
  97. 10:03AM Nov 7th: His breath smelt sour like smoke and his kisses became rough
  98.  
  99. 10:04AM Nov 7th: Then I tried to sit up and say ‘I’ve had enough’
  100.  
  101. 10:04AM Nov 7th: My attempt of getting free were feeble
  102.  
  103. 10:05AM Nov 7th: I decided to scream ‘please stop’
  104.  
  105. 10:05AM Nov 7th: but he just took a pillow to my face and put me in the dark
  106.  
  107. 10:06AM Nov 7th: First to go were my shoes. I feel my feet go cold
  108.  
  109. 10:06AM Nov 7th: Next my pants, he was so bold.
  110.  
  111. 10:07AM Nov 7th: It hurt so much as he entered me
  112.  
  113. 10:07AM Nov 7th: Guys I’m telling you my first time was taken from me
  114.  
  115. 10:08AM Nov 7th: He noticed and said ‘are you a virgin?’
  116.  
  117. 10:08AM Nov 7th: I nodded through tears as he kept barging in
  118.  
  119. 10:09AM Nov 7th: He finished and was done with me
  120.  
  121. 10:09AM Nov 7th: I lay on his bed lifeless
  122.  
  123. 10:10AM Nov 7th: He let me stay there and sleep
  124.  
  125. 10:10AM Nov 7th: Then he offered me some weed
  126.  
  127. 10:10AM Nov 7th: I said ‘no thank you I don’t do that either’
  128.  
  129. 10:11AM Nov 7th: He said ‘girl you’re no fun. See you later’
  130.  
  131. 10:12AM Nov 7th: I started to get dressed and he came back in
  132.  
  133. 10:12AM Nov 7th: He came close; i tried to get away from him
  134.  
  135. 10:12AM Nov 7th: He told me ‘dont be scared’
  136.  
  137. 10:13AM Nov 7th: and like an idiot I believed him
  138.  
  139. 10:13AM Nov 7th: He asked if I liked it
  140.  
  141. 10:14AM Nov 7th: I shrugged my shoulders
  142.  
  143. 10:14AM Nov 7th: He leaned in for a kiss, and I let him
  144.  
  145. 10:15AM Nov 7th: He laid me down and rubbed my back
  146.  
  147. 10:15AM Nov 7th: I cried in his pillow. He cried back
  148.  
  149. 10:15AM Nov 7th: He said he was sorry
  150.  
  151. 10:16AM Nov 7th: I said ‘it’s okay’
  152.  
  153. 10:16AM Nov 7th: we laid there together just bathing in our fears
  154.  
  155. 10:17AM Nov 7th: I don’t know why. But I saw the human in him.
  156.  
  157. 10:17AM Nov 7th: He was probably just as broken as me
  158.  
  159. 10:18AM Nov 7th: He drove me to my park
  160.  
  161. 10:18AM Nov 7th: I got on the swirly slide. I just laid there and cried
  162.  
  163. 10:19AM Nov 7th: I finally walked home
  164.  
  165. 10:19AM Nov 7th: My father opened the door
  166.  
  167. 10:19AM Nov 7th: Asked me ‘how was it’
  168.  
  169. 10:20AM Nov 7th: I said ‘i’ll never forget it…’
  170.  
  171. 10:20AM Nov 7th: as he pressed for questions. I grew impatient
  172.  
  173. 10:20AM Nov 7th: Said ‘dad in so tired can I just go to bed’
  174.  
  175. 10:21AM Nov 7th: he dismissed me and I trudged up the stairs.
  176.  
  177. 10:21AM Nov 7th: My legs hurt. And my heart was filled with despair
  178.  
  179. 10:21AM Nov 7th: I went to the bathroom and locked the door
  180.  
  181. 10:22AM Nov 7th: I took apart a razor I had just gotten from the store
  182.  
  183. 10:22AM Nov 7th: I did what I had to do to forget.
  184.  
  185. 10:23AM Nov 7th: It seems it’s been my only way since sixth grade
  186.  
  187. 10:24AM Nov 7th: When the kids called me fat even though I was a double zero
  188.  
  189. 10:24AM Nov 7th: And I began to watch my weight like it was a MTV show.
  190.  
  191. 10:25AM Nov 7th: I cried as I remembered how I’d starve for days
  192.  
  193. 10:25AM Nov 7th: And my parents never noticed
  194.  
  195. 10:26AM Nov 7th: So I laid there and watched the blood gather on the floor
  196.  
  197. 10:26AM Nov 7th: Then my weak hands reached for the door
  198.  
  199. 10:27AM Nov 7th: I ran into my little sister she saw and shook her head.
  200.  
  201. 10:27AM Nov 7th: Then she looked at me and said. ‘Just don’t let them see sissy.’
  202.  
  203. 10:27AM Nov 7th: she kissed my head and walked away
  204.  
  205. 10:28AM Nov 7th: I swear after that night I was never the same
  206.  
  207. 10:28AM Nov 7th: My dad became to want ‘favors’ from me too
  208.  
  209. 10:29AM Nov 7th: He would use it to bribe me if I wanted to hang out after school
  210.  
  211. 10:30AM Nov 7th: I didn’t know that I should have told somebody what he was doing to me
  212.  
  213. 10:30AM Nov 7th: Sex just became second nature to me
  214.  
  215. 10:31AM Nov 7th: My father let me as long as he got details sometimes I’d even have to let him see
  216.  
  217. 10:32AM Nov 7th: I was just a young girl. Who quickly became afraid of men.
  218.  
  219. 10:32AM Nov 7th: Then years past and it never stopped.
  220.  
  221. 10:32AM Nov 7th: Finally on day I began to pop
  222.  
  223. 10:33AM Nov 7th: I sent a boy away
  224.  
  225. 10:33AM Nov 7th: And told my father enough was enough
  226.  
  227. 10:33AM Nov 7th: He cried and said ‘I’m just so weak’
  228.  
  229. 10:34AM Nov 7th: I looked at him and saw the brokenness too
  230.  
  231. 10:34AM Nov 7th: I took pity on him and became the fool
  232.  
  233. 10:35AM Nov 7th: Things never changed they just got worse
  234.  
  235. 10:35AM Nov 7th: Till one day I met a boy who in the end hurt my heart worst
  236.  
  237. 10:36AM Nov 7th: We met in my typical situation
  238.  
  239. 10:36AM Nov 7th: We were both undressed within a matter of seconds.
  240.  
  241. 10:37AM Nov 7th: But I could tell he was different.
  242.  
  243. 10:37AM Nov 7th: I pledged myself by not hooking up with complete strangers.
  244.  
  245. 10:38AM Nov 7th: But for him I was eager
  246.  
  247. 10:38AM Nov 7th: But there was something different about this guy
  248.  
  249. 10:39AM Nov 7th: He returned the favor and actually said goodbye
  250.  
  251. 10:40AM Nov 7th: On the bus ride home we sat next to each other. Talked for hours on end
  252.  
  253. 10:40PM Nov 7th: We held each other’s hands and told each other our favorite bands
  254.  
  255. 10:41PM Nov 7th: He looked me dead in the eyes and asked if I would please consider seeing him again
  256.  
  257. 10:42PM Nov 7th: I went home filled with smiles and cheer
  258.  
  259. 1:01PM Nov 7th: Annyways. The guy eventually asked me to be his girl
  260.  
  261. 1:02PM Nov 7th: And things were great for a while
  262.  
  263. 1:04PM Nov 7th: But my dad got in the way. And ruined everything. One day I just couldn’t do it. So I told my boyfriend my secret
  264.  
  265. 1:06PM Nov 7th: What happened next was a blur. I told him not to tell. We tried to act normal. We had been dating for over a month when I took his virginity
  266.  
  267. 1:07PM Nov 7th: I fell in love for the first time. But my secret was too much for him. He needed time to think. I thought I was going to lose him.
  268.  
  269. 1:09PM Nov 7th: A lot happened. But all that matters is that my secret was about to become puplic. Him & my friends made me tell
  270.  
  271. 1:10PM Nov 7th: All my efforts to keep a normal life were crumbling right before my eyes.
  272.  
  273. 1:11PM Nov 7th: I remember telling my closest teacher and CPS and the police and dectectives. I remember having to tell them everything about my dad
  274.  
  275. 1:35PM Nov 7th: It was my boyfriend who told my mom. And she came to get me.
  276.  
  277. 1:37PM Nov 7th: Weeks passed then I got the call. They said. ‘Sorry but there isn’t enough evidence’ I hung up.
  278.  
  279. 1:38PM Nov 7th: That’s when I changed. I didn’t care anymore. And the people I was meeting gave me no reason to.
  280.  
  281. 1:39PM Nov 7th: The guys I’ve been with, ha none of them care. They just look at me like I’m just some other hoe.
  282.  
  283. 1:40PM Nov 7th: To that I say. I guess I am. I don’t know how else to be. It’s not my fault. Somebody else chose that for me.
  284.  
  285. 1:47PM Nov 7th: Well that’s. The story of how I came to be who I am. Well the condensed version. I’d love to hear what you have to say. But I won’t be around
  286.  
  287. 2:08PM Nov 7th: Take two. Hope I get this right
  288.  
  289.  
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