Uncouth - Part 7

>Day 726 in Equestria.
>You gotta stop counting soon…
>The last few days of work have been completely terrible. With the deadline for the Apple family funeral garments quickly closing in, Rarity has progressively become more and more stressed out. She was much more prone to emotional outbursts, loss of creativity, and crying fits.
>Such outburst would happen at all times. Say, while you’re trying to delicately do an overhand stitch one a dress Rarity seems to be freaking out about, causing you to stick a needle in your god damn thumb. And guess what?! There are no thimbles in Equestria. At all. So, you’ve been having your own little vulgar outbursts lately. That, coupled with the fact that all of this work is starting to feel like slave labor rather than payback, makes you a very cranky Anon. Getting up in the morning used to be the worst part of the day, now it’s somewhere between noon and 3 p.m., where Rarity normally starts calling herself a talentless hack.
>But, it’s almost over. Hopefully.
>The Apple family order should be finished by tonight, still ahead of schedule, and hopefully Rarity will say something along the lines of, “ANON YOU’RE PERFECT AND YOU’VE PAID ME BACK YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR WONDERFUL LIFE NOW”
>Ah yes. Your wonderful life. You spend all day doing nothing but chill with Rainbow Dash. She even once said, “Anon, if I’m going to spend time doing nothing, I wouldn’t do it without you.”

>Speaking of that devious little horse, you haven’t seen her in a while. Perhaps she caught wind of you figuring out of her little lie.
>Yeah, you still want to have a talk about that, because that is not okay.
>And…
>What?
>It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you, as you’ve told yourself time and time before. And if Rainbow Dash doesn’t make herself known soon, she’s going to have to wait until after estrus passes. You trust Dash enough not to try anything, but you’re a cautious man when it comes to this situation.
>Unfortunately, you don’t have the bits to reinforce your home. Blinds on every window and making sure your locks are fine is all the prep you can afford. You’ll make it through the week, though? A pony breaks into your house and forces you to have sex with her? Ha. Ha.
>Or… Three. Or six. Ponies travel in herds, after all.
>… Ahem, moving on.
>Today, Rarity hasn’t been very different than the past couple days. ‘Waah waah poor me’ etcetera.  You made some excuses to take an hour off work, when you just need a little space.
>Now you’re walking through Ponyville, doing whatever. You could grab something to eat, but you did have a large breakfast. But you will be hungry in a few hours, so maybe just something to go.

>After stopping in the market for some not-so-fresh produce, you aimlessly walk through Ponyville, eyeing your bag of carrots and suddenly feeling hungry. You know you’re not hungry, but you’re not full either. Looking at the food just connects that mental circuit.
>But you’re better than that. But if you had some sort of dip to go with the carrots, it would be a different story. However, the okay looking carrots have distracted you enough for you to accidentally wander into the dangerous part of Po-ppffffhhahahha. No, this is just the side of Ponyville with more alleys. Crime here is like a dinosaur. Goddamn extinct.
>Of course, that would imply crime has even been an issue. You see, Ponyville seems to be the utopian paradise mankind has always dreamed of. People still had to work for a living, but everyone was honest, and most of the time, things were safe and sound.
>This particular train of thought only gets you further in the wrong direction. But you only realize this once the rapid flapping of wings pulls you out of your trace. Or… Not rapid, just two pairs of wings.
>On queue, that black Pegasus you don’t really like tumbles out of sky and hits the snow covered ground in front of you, quickly followed by a rainbow streak barreling into him.
>Thunderlane pulls himself out of Dash’s grip, looks to you, and opens his mouth to say something, but it quickly cut off by a Dash tackle.

>The two wrestle around for a bit. Everything Thunderlane attempts to say is cut off by Dash as she blurts out such intelligent statements such as, “No!” and “Don’t!”. And of course, “Stop!” You can’t forget the classics.
>And with the action heating up between the two of them, there’s nothing stopping you from snacking on these carrots.
>You begin biting into the end of one as the fight goes on. The dryness and overall ‘meh’ness of the carrot is easily overpowered by the flurry of hooves and feathers taking place a few feet in front of you.
>They’re not actually punching each other, it seems like they’re only trying to stop each other from getting away, or something.
>You hear the tired pants of both parties, fearing the end of this squabble. And as if he knew you were thinking it, Thunderlane manages to get his hind hooves on Rainbow Dash’s underbelly as she assaults him from the top.
>With one mighty thrust of his legs, Thunderlane pushes Rainbow Dash off him and sends her flying in your general direction.
>Rainbow Dash yelps as she feels her hooves fly off both Thunderlane and the snow. And when a helpless girl yelps, it’s time for you to step in.
>As Rainbow Dash approaches, you take a step to the left and hold out an arm. Rainbow Dash collides and coils around it momentarily.
“Haha! Gotcha. How many points do I get?”
>”Th-Thanks…” She manages to say through a cough.
>”Hey, human!”
>Dash dismounts your arm and quickly stands… flies eye level, at attention.
>And you take another bite of carrot.
>”Did you know,”

>Ten minutes earlier.
>You are Rainbow Dash.
>Today is pretty cool. Cloud smashin’. Cloud movin’. Cloud removin’. The last a first ones sound the same, but eh. No one is going to point it out. Even though you just did. What’s with contradicting yourself so much lately? Sheesh.
>And you were also wondering, how DO clouds work? You just smash them and stuff. You don’t know how they’re naturally made. Ever since Cloudsdale started manufacturing them, knowledge of how they are naturally made went out the window. Except the technicians at the factory. They just heat up the water and it turns into steam, then they do some more stuff you don’t know about. Is that how clouds are made? Steam and junk?
>…
>You kick the cloud you are standing on before collapsing on it.
>This is the kind of pony you become when you’re left to your own thoughts. You miss Anon. He’s your favorite distraction, among other things. When he thinks about things, he thinks about cool things then says them out loud. You only think about dumb things.
>And you seem to be sticking a needle in your own ego, right now…
>But, it’s true. Anon is the brains, and you’re the brawn, but you both get stupid.
>And the last five days without talking to him have been pretty lame.
>And the like, two weeks it’s been since you’ve had a real conversation without talking about your fake condition has been MURDER!
>’Gee Anon! I’m on estrus nice and early! Wanna sleep with me so I can get 100 bits?!’
>Yeah. You’re the brawn for sure.

>Speaking of Anon…
>You peek your head over the edge of the cloud and gaze down into the streets of Ponyville. Vision ain’t great from up here, but the top of Anon’s head is pretty unique, and you’re sure that’s him walking through Ponyville. He’s got a bag of something or whatever in his hand as he seems to aimlessly wander around. He seems to do that a lot.
>Engage Dashie stealth mode.
>You dig yourself into the cloud, making sure everything including your tail are hidden, then pursue.  Anon wouldn’t notice a cloud hanging overhead. Nope.
>But, wouldn’t it be great if he did notice you? And then you and him got together and chilled for the rest of the day? Forget clouds and forget Rarity. You and Anon should go to his house and get drunk.
>And maybe win that bet.
>Heh, it’s 100 bits after all. And you won’t even get started on this dry spell of yours. Why not? Like, seriously.
>Maybe Anon is a secret colt cuddler. Maybe it’s such a big secret, even he doesn’t-
>You yelp in surprise as you feel a sudden tug on your tail. As you pop your head above the cloud, your eyes meet with those of a familiar black Pegasus.
>”Sup, Dash? Still can’t keep your tail in a cloud to save your life?”
“Aw, what?”
>You give your rump a disappointed glare before turning back to Thunderlane.
“Anyway, what’s up?”

>”Not much, just, you know, working.”
“Ehehe…”
>”And,” He lands on the cloud himself and shoves his head through. “I see you’re stalking your prey!” Then he pulls his head back, sporting a very cocky grin. “I hope you work fast! I plan to put my master plan into action!”
“Master plan to what?”
>”To bed with Rarity and-“
>You abruptly cut him off with a snort.
“I… I can’t believe you still think she will even put up with you!”
>”Aw, come on! You know, I look a lot better since Flight School. Look at me!” He stretches out his admittedly attractive body. “Neither of us thought I would look like this eight years ago!”
“Yeah, but Thunderlane.” You let out another giggle. “Mares aren’t something you just flex at and watch them come! You need to know how to talk to one without blurting out the word ‘sex’ OR” You press a hoof to his chest and begin to laugh again. “Vomiting all over the place.”
>He defensively backs up and slips one hoof over the edge of the cloud, quickly catching himself.
>”T-That was once!”
“Not from what I hear.”
>Thunderlane averts his eyes and adopts an ashamed look.
>You honestly feel bad for the guy. Flight School wasn’t easy for him. He was fat and awkward. Something of an idiot too.
>It’s a bummer he waited until after school to get in shape. You might have given him a shot, yourself.
>Well… Unless he still approached mares the same way. A sexually aggressive stallion can be kind of hot, but Thunderlane has no idea what he’s doing.

“I’ll tell you what, buddy.” You reach over and give Thunderlane a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll give you a few tips AFTER I win this bet, hehe.” And you top it off with a wink.
>Thunderlane ‘harrumphs!’ and shrugs off your  hoof, before elegantly flying over your head.
>”Maybe I should put my MASTER PLAN	 into action right now!”
“And what would that be?” You say with a chuckle.
>He sneers at you with a cocky little grin on his face.
>”I’m gonna tell Anon everything!”
>He then immediately races down for the surface.
“You’re go-… n-… NO!”
>Realization hits you like a train before you push through the cloud and fly after him.
>No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
>Things are really rocky as they are now! If Anon knew you’ve been doing all this for some stupid bits!? Argh!
>Thunderlane reaches the ground first, but you’re right on his flank. Just as he catches his bearings, you slam into him and hold him to the ground. He squirms around a bit, trying to get a few words out. You don’t let him. If you can only incapacitate him, you can tell Anon to get out of here, or something!
>Thunderlane begins fighting back rather than trying to escape. He lands a few good hits on your face, but nothing more than what will soon be a bruise hidden under your coat.

>Then he has the nerve to go after your wings! He only removes a few feathers before you stomp on his own extended wing. It’s dirty, but he played dirty first! He yelps in pain and begins squirming once again.
>He somehow manages to worm his two hind legs under your belly. You know what that means, and you hope to move to avoid it before he-
>Too late! He pushed you off and sent you flying. That’s no issue, you only need to correct yourself and-OOMPH!
>You collided with… something. Soft, but it still knocked the wind out of you.
>“Haha! Gotcha. How many points do I get?”
“Th-Thanks.” You cough out.
>Wait.
>Oh sweet Celestia.
>”Hey human!”
>You push yourself off Anon’s arm and look him in the eye before turning back to Thunderlane, who has now gotten to his hooves.
>”Did you know Rainbow Dash and I have been betting-“
“Shut up!”
>”On who can get laid first-“
>You quickly fly in and clamp your hooves around his snout, only for him to shove you away.
>“And that’s why she’s been acting all weird around you. She just doesn’t know anything about attracting stallions. So if you wanted to take it easy on her and-“
>Nope. No more. A swift punch to the gut and he shuts up good.
>But he doesn’t matter right now.
>You turn to Anon, hoping to see him shrugging and going like, “Whatever.”
>But his face is so… blank.
“Anon-“
>He holds up a finger to silence you, then gazes around the alleyway in deep contemplative thought, it seems.

>You expect, or honestly just hoped he would say SOMETHING. But he remains silent.
>After a minute, he looks to you with the same expression as before. Then shakes the finger a little before turning around and slowly making his way out of the alley while.
>As he walks out, he moves his hands in such a fashion that looks like he’s attempting to put a puzzle together.
--
>You are Anonymous.
>For the past five minutes, you’ve been doing this thing with your hands, like you’re trying to solve a Rubik’s cube or something similar.
>But it’s nothing more than a distraction. To be honest, you don’t want to think about anything right now. Maybe in a few hours. Yeah, back to work so you can forget about this whole mess.
>Keeping yourself busy, you reach the Boutique quickly enough. Not giving any random passerby the chance to stop you, you quickly slip inside.
>What you see and hear surprises you.
>”-Despite their moods being down,”
>”I shall make them a lovely gown,”
>”How could they wear it with a frown?”
>Rarity trots through the Boutique, singing some sort of improvised song while working large order. And it seems she’s doing it faster than ever.
>You attempt to follow her around, but you can’t keep up as she enters the workshop, only for her voice to come from her inspiration room a few seconds later. You don’t question Equestria singing physics, simply because there are none. You’ve been here long enough that a Pony is at its best when singing.
>And it shows in her work, as well. She’s pumped out more complete dresses since you’ve been gone than the two of you have in the past couple days.

>As her song trails off a minute later, she sits in her workshop, with many finished dresses hung up on racks, and acts like nothing has happened.
“So, uh… Looks like you’re feeling better.” You say while poking your head inside the room.
>”Hm?” She turns to you as if she had no idea you were here. “Ah, yes. I had a sudden stroke of inspiration and…” She excited clops two hooves together. “Almost done!~”
>You let out a low whistle in both admiration and excitement.
>Which also reminds you of something else.
>You take a few steps inside the room before popping the question to Rarity.
“Hey Rarity, quick question?”
>”Mmmhm?”
“When all these dresses are done, will I be like, done here?”
>”That really depends when we finish! If we can take care of the last ones tonight, then absolutely! But, if we must stop for the evening and continue tomorrow, we will finish with plenty more time in the day!”
“No, I mean… Would my debt be fulfilled, or whatever?”
>Rarity suddenly becomes very stuff. The thought really hadn’t crossed her mind. Not for a few days
>”Well… Do you feel as if you’ve fulfilled your debt?” She takes a sharp, defensive tone.
“Um-“
>”Do you recall how much damage you did to my Boutique? Do you know how much I had to pay for the house to be redone?”
>You remain silent as guilt begins seeping in.
>”No, Anonymous. I do not think you have repaid your debt. “
>An uncomfortable silence lingers momentarily before Rarity takes a deep breath and adopts a softer tone.
>”However, you have made several strides forward since you started, and all of your help is not going unappreciated.”
>She turns back to her completed dresses.
>”Come now, let us continue. We still have much work ahead of us.”

>Much later in the evening.
>Rarity was very cold towards you for the rest of the day. And it almost felt as if she forgot why you were even working for her.
>So right now you aren’t really in the happiest mood. But at least… Oh, you’ve got nothing. Tomorrow will just be another day to wake up and dread the oncoming day.
>Then there’s the Rainbow Dash situation.
>You expect to see her sitting on your doorstep as you approach, but as you approach, it’s clear she isn’t.
>Good. Maybe? You don’t know.
>You enter your shack of a home, and soak in the safety and comfort of your home.
>That couch is calling your name, it seems.
>But before you can plant yourself on it, something knocks at your door.
>Three guesses who.
>You let out a sigh before walking over to the door an opening it without hesitation.
>”Look, Anon I’m so sorry about what I did. I just got caught up in Thunderlane’s boasting and-and I don’t know what I was thinking and I didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t know why I did it but I… Argh!”
>Rainbow Dash says a lot in very little time before throwing her hooves into the air and collapsing in front of your door.
>And you sort of stand there in silence.
>”Go on,” She says with her head tucked inbetween her hooves. “Say what you need to say.”
>Uh oh. You don’t really know what to say. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?
“How much?”
>… W-“ She raises her head. “What?”
“How much… you know?”
>”… 100 bits.” She sniffs a little. “I don’t know-“
“Do you want to come inside?”
>She looks absolutely flabbergasted by your proposition.
“I was going to make dinner soon, and if you haven’t had any, I’ll make a little extra.”

>Rainbow Dash no longer looks upset, but rather confused and maybe a little lost.
“Unless you’re busy, or whatever.”
>”No! No… I’m down, dude.”
“Cool.” You open the door wider, giving Dash enough room to enter. “Take a seat anywhere and I’ll get you a drink.”
>She looks at you questioningly for a moment before walking through the door. After closing it, you walk around the couch Dash takes a seat on and grab a beer out of the kitchen.
>Being the gentleman you are, you even crack it open for Dash before setting it on the coffee table in front of her.
>She ignores it as she watches you walk over to the music box.
“You like Sapphire Shores? I know you told me a few times, but I forgot.”
>”Anon, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just,” You shrug while letting out a small sigh. “I don’t really care about what you did, right now.”
>You walk around and take a seat next to Rainbow Dash on the couch, throwing your head back and looking too the ceiling.
“It’s like, I want to be upset. But, I guess I’m too tired for that right now. Plus,” You give her shoulder a playful punch. “I kinda miss ya.”
>You and Rainbow Dash share a chuckle before she grabs the bottle in front of her and takes a sip.
>”Guh. Blech! You always buy crap.”
“I can only afford crap.”
>She shrugs.
>”Crap beer is still beer.” She states before taking another sip.

>”So are we cool?”
“… Maybe? I don’t know. I might be upset tomorrow, but I can’t be right now.”
>”… Look, if it means anything, I’m sorry for lying.”
“The whole thing is just dumb, Rainbow Dash. That’s all I can really say about it all.”
>”I dunno… 100 bits.”
>Your eyebrows perk when she reminds you of this.
“Damn, that’s right. 100 bits would be nice.”
>Then you get a devious idea to tease her.
“Shit, if you just came to me and told me what’s up, I would have totally gone for it.”
>”Really?” Rainbow Dash leans forward a little. “It could have been that easy?”
“Hell yeah. Probably would have been the easiest 100 bits you’ve ever made. But now…” You put on a smarmy grin. “Now it’s too late for that.”
>”Ha!” Rainbow Dash begins fiddling with the half-empty bottle in her hooves. “There’s not much of a chance anymore, huh?”
“Nope!”
>”Heh, alright.” She then downs the rest of the bottle. “I ain’t waking up early tomorrow. Might as well… Hey, you got more, right?”
“Of course.”
>You push yourself off the couch and grab another bottle in the fridge. Rainbow Dash calls from the other room.
>”And get one for yourself! I can’t get drunk alone!”
“Got work in the morning!” You call back.
>”Aww, come on!”
>You bite your tongue as you stare at what you like to call, ‘the naughty corner’ in your fridge. You have enough poison to kill a dragon. And just enough to get you and Dash drunk.
>And it has been a while…
“Ah, fuck it.”
>You grab an entire case of the shittiest, cheapest beer you could buy, and set it out on the table in front of Rainbow Dash.
>”That was easy…” Dash whispers to herself.