Celestia V. Cake

>Be Celestia; hungry, and determined.
>For the first time in years, Ponyville had determined to hold their annual Cake-Eating Contest.
>At least, it used to be annual.
>For some ludicrous reason, the local crowd had gotten tired of watching you win the grand prize by a sizable margin for a dozen years running.
>And so, for years, you'd been left without a reason to gorge yourself on delicious baked goods once a year.
>Well, there was still your birthday... And the Grand Galloping Gala. And Prince Blueblood's birthday, and Luna's, now that she'd returned.
>Still, you were left with one less reason, and that would not stand.
>Just this year, though, the Ponyville town hall had agreed to hold the contest again, secure in their false, foolish confidence that you wouldn't show up this year.
>The poor, misguided fools.
>The day had approached, and while you had feigned disinterest in the event, you'd made your plans to seize the day (and cake) for yourself.
>You'd even convinced Luna to lend a hoof to your schemes.
>Her archaic grasp of the Canterlot Voice would prove to be useful.
>Hopefully.

>The crowd before you was gathered before a long, wooden table, stacked with plate on plate of cakes.
>Delicious, moist cakes, frosted with chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry icing.
>A sign hung above the table; apparently, this year's event was being sponsored by Sugarcube Corner.
>The small pink horse, the Element of Laughter if you remembered correctly, was looking on excitedly.
>She was heading the panel of judges, and ponies of all ages and sizes were lining up to take their places at the table.
>Soon, she pipes up, squeaking excitedly over the crowd.
>"Welcome, everypony! Welcome to the Crazy-Cool Cake-Eating Contest Extravaganza! Are you all ready to eat you some CAKE!?!?!?"
>The crowd cheers, and from your hiding place in a dark alley by a nearby house, you can't help but give a whoop of excitement as well.
>From the back of the crowd, standing conspicuously tall among the dimunitive ponies, your sister gives you a reassuring smile and wave.
>Mayor Mare steps up to the front of the group, gently pushing the exuberantly hopping and bouncing Pinkie out of her way.
>"Yes, welcome all, to the return of our annual Cake Celebration! And, thanks to the delightful ponies at Sugarcube Corner, what a wonderful return it is!"
>"Now, unless there's any last minute applicants, we should be about ready to get started in just a few minutes."
>That was your cue.
>You nod to Luna, she nods back conspiratorially, and you don your disguise.
>You step out of the shadows, filled with determination.
>Soon, that wouldn't be the only thing you were filled with.

>"WHAT'S THIS!? A NEW, MYSTERIOUS CONTENDER EMERGES!"
>Luna's liberal, enthusiastic use of the Royal Canterlot Voice™ immediately silences the crowd, and all eyes turn to your dramatic exit from the alley.
>You're confident that no one could possibly guess who you were; your disguise was too carefully crafted and clever.
>Luna had drawn a portrait of an ordinary pony on a paper bag, employing all of her artistic ability to create an anonymous identity for you.
>The bag, while a little bit stifling, offered just enough room at the bottom to admit the volume of cake you'd shortly require.
>Over your flank, you had taped some paper, cunningly hiding your tell-tale cutie mark with an enigmatic picture of a slice of cake.
>It was like poetry; you felt that it was a fitting mission statement of your destiny this afternoon.
>As you draw close to the crowd's edge, it occurs to you for the first time in many yaers just how much bigger you were than the average pony.
>No matter.
>It was too late to pull out now.
>"COULD IT BE THAT SHE WISHES TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS NOBLE ENTERPRISE, THIS HONOURABLE CONTEST?"
>"HOW VALIANT A MARE SHE MUST BE, TO TAKE UPON HERSELF THE BURDEN OF THIS LABOR, AND VIE FOR THIS PRESTIGIOUS AWARD!"
>The crowd is silent, save for a low cough from somewhere in the back.
>In the distance, you can make out the faint sound of crickets.
>Head held high, you make your way regally to the table, barely able to make out the cake from the bag's narrow eye-holes.
>The crowd parts before you like the parting of a hairy, hooved sea.

>Mayor Mare is the first to regain her composure.
>"O...okay! Okay then, everyone, take your seats, and we'll begin!"
>She smiles at Pinkie Pie nervously, who glances back and forth from her to you, visibly confused.
>No doubt they were intimidated by your majesty.
>Maybe they could sense your powers.
>Maybe they could smell your hunger.
>You sit on the bench between two young fillies, roll your neck, and perform some jaw exercises.
>The audible sound of your joints cracking as you stretch sends one of them into silent tears, and you could tell that he'd be no competition.
>You can smell the cake, and unbidden, a small amount of saliva works its way from your mouth, out of the bottom of the bag.
>Usually you'd be more composed around your favourite dessert, but...
>Well, it's been quite a while since you'd last treated yourself.
>"On your marks, everypony! The first one to finish their plate wins round 1!"
>She raises a checkered flag, trying and failing to look confident.
>"GO!"
>The flag drops, and a red mist descends over your vision.

>You don't know how much time passes before you regain control of your faculties.
>An eternity of moist, fluffy layers of sugary sweetness and glazed confection wraps itself over your senses, and you descend into a warm bosom of earthly delight.
>Dimly, somewhere in the back of your mind, you make a mental note to thank Pinkie Pie and the Cake family for the fine, fine work they put into their craft.
>Eventually, you run out of cake, and your consciousness emerges into the waking world once more.
>You immediately survey your competition, eager to discover where you placed.
>You see that the only pony who could have counted as any kind of competition has made it through barely half of his plate, and it occurs to you that no more than half a minute could have passed since the flag dropped.
>"BEHOLD, THIS BRAVE AND INSCRUTABLE PONY HATH VANQUISHED THE COMPETITION! ALL, HAIL YOUR CHAMPION!"
>Ever the excitable wingman (no pun intended), Luna is quick to announce your victory.
>If the crowd was hushed before, now they were positively silent as the grave.
>A filly cries, and her mother mourns her lost innocence.
>"Y-yes! Yes, this... mysterious mare has won. It seems."
>Mayor Mare is clearly struggling to keep herself composed.
>Beside her, a single tear rolls down Pinkie Pie's cheek.
>You raise a napkin up under the bag, dabbing at your mouth daintily, waiting for the moment to pass and the next round to commence.
>Then, suddenly, the words you've been dreading are spoken.
>"That ain't no mysterious mare! That there's the Princess!"
>Some old coot in the back calls out, and the crowd is suddenly swept up in a rage, voicing their agreement.
>Luna, sweating bullets, rises to your defense.
>"R-REST ASSURED, SUBJECTS, SHE IS JUST AN AVERAGE, ORDINARY PONY."
>That just makes the crowd angrier, and before you know it, pitchforks and torches start appearing in the hooves of the enraged townsfolk.

>"PLEASE, EVERYPONY! SURELY WE CAN ALL AGREE ON THE MARE'S ASSURED ANONYMITY!"
>You know the game's up, of course.
>You sigh sadly to yourself, consigning yourself to be content with the little amount of cake that you managed to devour.
>You look to Luna, who's sweating bullets as she attempts to allay the furious crowd surrounding her.
>Your eyes meet, and you shake your paper-bag-clad head silently, slowly.
>Her mouth sets in a firm line, and she nods.
>As one, you sprint together out of Ponyville as fast as your hooves will carry you.
>Behind you, the angry mob pursues, brandishing their weapons and shouting curses and oaths after you.
>It was worth it, of course, and you were sure that in perhaps in another few score years they'd forget about this incident.
>Hopefully.

FIN