How To Butcher C++

//compile with -std=c++11
#include <iostream>
#include <tuple>

#define tar(x) get<0>(x)       //tuple argument #1
#define ger(x) get<1>(x)       //get error
#define noerr(x) get<1>(x) == "" //no error
#define say_err(x) cout << "Error: " << get<1>(x)
#define nils ""                //nil string; empty string
#define is ==                  //Because I can.


using namespace std;

typedef string error; //Types normally start with an uppercase letter, but this is so vital I'm making it my own keyword.

tuple<int,error> test(int x);

int main(int argc, char **argv){
    auto f = test(0); //replace with another number to see what happens!
    if (noerr(f)) { printf("No errors here!"); }
    else { say_err(f); }

    cout << "\n";
    return 0;
}

tuple<int,error> test(int x){
    tuple<int,error> t; //return value
    tar(t) = x;
    error err;

    if (x is 0) { err = "Zero is very small!"; }
    else { err = nils; }
    ger(t) = err;
    return t;
}