[F4M] Exhaustion

[F4M] Exhaustion [SFW][One hit][Crying][l-bombs][so tired][divorce][go to sleep][i'll be here in the morning][I'm not joking about crying][very ugly crying]

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(door closes quietly)

(sound of blankets moving in the bed)

(whispered) Shhh… you don’t have to wake up.

It’s just me.

(kiss) go back to sleep.

You gave me a key, remember?

Go back to sleep.

It’s cold in here and I just want to snuggle up and have you keep me warm.

Everything is alright.

Go back to sleep.

I’ll be here when you wake up.

I promise.

Everything is alright.

Nothing is wrong.

I needed to be with you right now.

Please stop talking?

(voice cracks) because I’m going to start crying.

(cracking whisper) No everything is okay now

(unsure) I hope...

(sobbing into shoulder) Hold me, please.

(ugly crying for a few seconds) Why am I worthy to you?

(crying) You work so hard to make me happy.

Making me funny videos.

Sending me photos of handwritten love notes.

Sending me music.

Taking your lunch hour just to show up at my house with iced coffee and a kiss.

Rampling little nighttime videos.

I don’t know why I’m worth it to you because I feel like I can’t do that for you.

All I hear is the love in your voice for me and all I can think is I’m mistreating you.

Here I am showing up in your bed at 2 in the morning because… because…

I’m exhausted.

It’s over.

Shhh shhh shhh it’s a good over.

I kicked him out tonight.

I met him outside with his bags packed.

Why are you like this?

I mean I like that you are like this but it’s making me cry more.

My little sister and brother in law at are my place with the kids.

She chastised me about it.

Oh, she likes you.

She just didn’t like the fact that it happened at midnight.

Her husband hates him.

(renewed crying) I wanted you to say exactly that.

Your words are perfect right now but I’m not ready.

I’m going to be putting everyone through a big change as it is.

I don’t want to talk about the details of my future just yet.

I just want you to know you are my future now.

No more hiding in closets to watch you make funny faces.

No more running into the bathroom with the shower on just to let you whisper sweet nothings in my ear on facetime.

No more having to lie to just come here to be treated like a person.

These are happy tears, but they are exhausted tears.

Don’t look at me. I’m hideous right now. I’m all snotty and my eyes are probably puffy and red and (kissing sound with a whimper).

Tell me I didn’t make a mistake.

Tell me that you are willing to do this my way for now.

Tell me that even though I want to be strong and independent you will drop whatever you are doing and show up to hug, kiss, and cuddle me.


[very long, almost awkward, pause]

You don’t have to say that.

(thump like hitting)

Please don’t say that unless you mean it.

I don’t think my heart can take it if you don’t really mean it.

You better not be lying to me.

(bawling) I love you too.

Oh god I fucking love you too.

Please don’t hurt me.

Keep saying it.

Don’t stop.

[long pause with some crying and sniffling]

(sniff) I’m sorry for hitting you when you said you loved me.

Those words have always been used as a weapon against me.

I’m tired of hurting.

I’m so so tired.

Stop talking.

Go back to sleep.

I’ll be here when you wake up, but let me sleep.

I’m exhausted.

I love you too.


No, I won’t get tired of hearing that.

(kiss) Don’t let go.

(sobbing to sleep sounds)