Passion s3 unfinished

We met on practically the first day of our courses.

“Hi, are you, er, here for the tutorial too?”

“Yes, I am.” She gave the screen a last glare before turning to me. “Caitlin Crystal, but I prefer Cait.”

Smiling, I replied, “Edward Daniels, but I prefer Ed.”

Terrible, but we laughed. Maybe from relief at finding someone or maybe because we needed to laugh when our worlds had been changing so much. Regardless, we laughed, and that made things just click, words falling out naturally as I sat next to her and helped decrypt the error in the code.

For the first year, we enjoyed ourselves. Though never one for socialising, I found I liked her company, the way we played off each other to keep smiles going became my favourite part of most days. We'd chat between lectures and go out for a lunch here and there, spend some time online as well.

I pulled her into my world of gaming easily enough. She didn't have the best skills, but could role-play so well that half the time I'd be convinced her character just had a clumsy streak. Given time, she caught up, though could never quite handle the more stressful parts well, succumbing to panic.

Yet, as often we played together, I also played with her watching.

“Are you sure? I get a bit involved, so I dunno how good company I'll be.”

She smiled and nodded, scooting her chair closer to mine. “It's hard to describe, but you get this whole vibe going on. I mean, you just play, but you play like a pro and I can't help but watch and admire you.”

Pausing, she spun her hair around a finger, head tilting to the side as her face scrunched up a touch.

“I guess it's natural. When you see someone work hard at something they're good at, you can't help but stare.”

“You, you really think I'm that good?” I asked, hoping that the heat in my cheeks didn't include a crimson tinge.

She didn't laugh, like I thought she might have. She didn't flinch either – the worst liar I knew. No, she kept up that smile, looked me right in the eye and said, “Yup!” while giving an emphatic nod.

I swallowed, trying to keep how much her words touched me from coming out, only to realise how stupid that'd be. “Thanks, that means a lot to me.”

Though she blushed, she didn't break away or say something about how hot the day had been. No, if anything, she'd come closer, her breath teasing me.

Her voice so soft I had to lean even closer, she said, “Ed, I think I like you.”

She'd worried over those words, I knew that much. Confident with what she said, yet shy with what she thought.

I didn't know what to do, what to say. In passing, I'd thought about us. We got on well and she, er, rated highly in my books. Fear lurked, though. Stupidly, I thought about losing her.

Heh, always so selfish, eh? There she goes, putting herself on the line, and I could only think about how 'terrible' my life would be if things went bad.

Despite how long I'd taken so far, she kept watching me, still but for her hand; resting in her palm, I noticed something that brought back a warm memory and a smile along with it. “You've still got that?”

“It's proof that someone important to me put aside some of their time for me.”

I'd made the little sculpture the night before her birthday, having found that out a few hours earlier. A house-mate had some plasticine and she'd told me she liked otters, so I tried my best. Even with all the time and effort I put in, it looked more like a sausage dog.

Still, she loved it and I found my own happiness in that appreciation. Memories, so many of them, and it seemed like we had been finding a lot of happiness together.

I couldn't lie to her, not in some misguided attempt at preserving the past, she didn't deserve that.

Swallowing the doubt, I said, “I like you. A lot.”

I'd thought her smile beautiful before, but it never looked as beautiful as it did at that moment.

We enjoyed the little time we had until breaking for the holidays. In the couple of months gap, we barely got to see each other in person, though not that big of a problem given how much fun we could have together online.

For our second year, we'd decided against living together, neither ready for that big of a commitment. We wanted to take things slow, so we did, little more than hand-holding and cuddling with movies for a few months.

I'd felt giddy all day. Quite an accomplishment, considering I got up at eight.

We both stayed at our university houses for Christmas. Not all that surprising really; her parents had died when she was young and didn't get on all that well with the aunt who'd taken on the 'burden' of raising such a 'difficult' child. I'd been on the outs with my parents for years, worsened when I took Computer Science instead of entering a medical field, breaking 'generations of tradition' with my selfishness.

Needless to say, we didn't talk about our families much.

I'd been planning Christmas Eve for weeks, because I wanted it to be special. We met for lunch, a small Italian restaurant that served all of those bizarre pastas she loved. After, Christmas stalls lined the high street, which we browsed and, here and there, picked up little trinkets.

Once the chill really started setting in, we journeyed to my house, empty as the others had gone home. We kept to the kitchen though, preparing sandwiches and a couple of other snacks for later on.

Darkness properly descended and we moved to the lounge, crashing in front of the fireplace. We sat next to each other, her head resting against mine, and I could've stayed like that forever. In silence, we watched the flames dancing.

Half an hour before midnight, my phone alarm sounded and I dragged her up and out of the house. We strode up a hill, the tallest one around the city, keeping up our pace to stay the cold. Once we reached the top, I laid a blanket down and wrapped us up in another.

For the five minutes spare, we stared at the stars, city lights weaker over on the outskirts. She knew bits of astronomy and tried her best to impart some wisdom, though my excitement ensured what went in one ear eased out the other.

Right on midnight, the first firework soared into the sky.

Pulling her up once more, I switched on the cheap battery speakers I'd bought for such an occasion. Though she looked at me with drawn eyebrows at first, they melted away and a smile formed as the song began playing.

Holding each other close, we danced the few steps I knew of some ballroom dance. All the while, flashes of light in the sky showered her in vibrant colours.

For song after song, we continued, coming closer as the wind nipped at us until, as one melody faded out, everything felt right.

“Caitlin,” I whispered, pulling away enough so that I could look into her eyes. “I love you.”

Leaning in, I kissed her, our first kiss and, though no doubt terrible, amazing in its own, precious way.

Once we stopped, she said,“I love you too, Ed. Truly, I do.”

I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas.

We grew closer and grew as people too. Less we depended on each other, trusting ourselves as much as we trusted each other. I started making more of an effort to know the other people on our course and, with only a little prodding from her, I joined a group of table-top role-players. She even dropped by for some campaigns, assisting the game master with this and that.

For the most part, we played as a group of four adventurers and the (older) GM, with an occasional guest or two. I enjoyed our games and it didn't take long to venture into other games. Of these, the one we played most, was League of Legends.

I'd been playing for a year or so already and the others had a few months under their belts, though quite casual actual game time. Still, even our terrible games brought out laughs. I never took them that seriously, not like I did ranked games.

I swore, cursing the Vi on my team.

Flinching, I knew the moment I turned around she'd be looking at me with that face of hers.

“What did you do wrong?” she said and, I thought that maybe, for once, she agreed. Chancing it, I found that look of condescension and disappointment that she knew cut right through me. “What could you have done better?”

I had been worse. Once upon a time, I'd use a lot more than just two words and they'd be in all-chat, all capitals so they knew I meant business. For the longest time, reality just didn't click – that other people read my words.

Cait woke me up to it, read the horrible things I said back to me. While I could distance myself in the moment, when anger at them prevailed, even a second later I knew I'd gone too far.

At first, it meant a lot of apologising, before I could force myself to take that break before typing anything. However, competitiveness meant I always felt that fierce annoyance at others' mistakes.

She did a great job of forcing a new habit in though. Every time things went badly, she'd set me up for calming down, taking a step back, and looking at myself. After all, as she always said, I could improve myself even if I lost.

Smiling, I leant over and kissed her forehead. “My apologies.”

For the first time in my life, I felt normal. I had friends, a girlfriend, and a life I enjoyed. While I had been a procrastinator, all of a sudden I just worked, at first because I knew it would mean skipping out on an evening of Dungeons and Dragons, and then because it had become ingrained.

Meanwhile, I'd taken to playing League as a group more than for solo queue. I had been improving, impressively so with her pseudo-coaching, making my way up to Gold and showing every intention of going higher still. Yet, I just enjoyed playing with a real team more.

Once I felt comfortable with how we played, I got the guys to go into ranked fives. We failed often, settling down at the bottom of Silver, mostly because I could carry with the right champions mid. More importantly, we had fun, that old annoyance lessened when my friends made the mistakes.

“There's gonna be a small League tournament not far from here,” she said, plopping down next to me. “Maybe you guys should enter? It's only a hundred quid prize for the whole team, so it shouldn't be too popular.”

I wanted to push the suggestion away. Our motley group, as casual as you could get, would no doubt be up for embarrassment at an actual LAN, regardless of how small. “Where and when, exactly?”

“Bristol next weekend. Saturday's a handful of games to see who plays in the tourney and Sunday for a double-elim.”

Any hopes for schedule clashes collapsed, yet something must have been slipping my mind, some excuse. Glancing over, I found her smiling a sly grin, my goose no doubt cooked. “I don't suppose you've checked with the others already?” I asked, dreading.

She gave a nod, adding, “They seemed quite excited by the idea.”

Slumping forwards, I at least held back a moan.

“I'll take that as a yes,” she whispered into my ear and I couldn't help but laugh, her own laughter joining in.

We didn't really have a leader before. From game to game it changed and, well, we didn't really play cohesively enough to need one for League. For the most part, we stuck to laning and, when it came to objectives, trusted whoever made the first call to go for it. If we thought it bad, we had a moment to bring that up or shut up and go with it.

That it now actually mattered whether we won or lost, I took control. A week didn't really let me do anything major, but life happens. I fixed our normally fluid roles, setting up a team composition that played to our strengths as well as picking out the champions for it.

For an hour or so every day, I gave them all the advice I could, watching and commenting a game or two. At the very least, having everyone concentrate on a role and a champion pool showed some specialisation kicking in. All too soon, the time for training vanished and we ventured North-West.

“Hard to believe we're actually doing this, Ed. It's nothing fancy, but it's scary.”

Chuckling, I dared not look over, knowing the crowd – maybe a hundred at most – would be looking back. “I've never been good with anxiety. If the game doesn't start soon, my hands might just freeze solid.”

“I'll buy you a pair of fingerless gloves, nice ones, with our winnings.”

“I'll hold you to that, Dave.” Pausing, I closed my eyes, remembering lying under the stars with Cait. Calmed, I added, “Good luck.”

He waved me off, saying, “Not that we'll need it.”

We got through the first day. That meant we got to crash at a friend-of-a-friend's place for the night, spirits raised and laughter abundant.

The next day had us more sober. I had no plans of winning, because by the second or third round everyone would be able to read us like a book. Of course, my team knew that too.

“What do we do if they counter-pick us?”

Grinning, I said, “We play the game. Unless they main the counter, I trust you all to hold your own against people as skilled as you are. We don't need to win lanes, that's not our plan. Even if they know our plan, they'll have to play it better than us and we've been practising it so they can't.”

They looked happier at that and I couldn't blame them – it sounded convincing enough in my head. Whether or not it held any truth, well, only time would tell.

“If it looks bad from the bans and first picks, we'll switch to backup champions to try and make them second-guess us. I wish we didn't have to be one-trick ponies, but I reckon it's our best shot. Next time, we'll be better prepared.”

Dave gave me a thumbs up, a good sign since his opinion on all things tactical usually ranked highly. Joe and Paul looked comfortable, but they had their own synergy going on that stemmed from an adolescence of gaming together.

The unsettled of the bunch, Craig, seemed to have had his fears allayed. Whether that would stick when the going got tough, I didn't know.

First round went smoothly enough. I'd been worried about starting off on a loss, something that would have sunk morale impossibly low. So, facing a team that hadn't done their homework on us let us run the game. That I had done my homework paid off, banning out their strongest player from his playmaking picks.

My ruses came into play for the second team. They banned our most comfortable champions for the fast-push comp, only to get scared when we picked good area of effect. Reacting, they geared towards a teamfight-heavy make-up that lacked duelling skills. With teleports aplenty, our plan went unchanged and they struggled to keep up, giving us an efficient win.

Half-way to the finals, we finally got a team that could outplay us. While their bans seemed weak, they made use of their position as second-pick to snatch up two of the champions we wanted. They played the strategy sloppier than us, but better mechanics and more suited champions sent us down into the elimination bracket.

Our first match there had a team that focused on their own poke-comp, which we happily let them make. They played it well and, if we had a more standard team, it probably would have crushed us slowly but surely. Instead, they refused to change, even though it simply wouldn't work against our split-pushing.

The next match resembled the one that knocked us down, however we fought back harder this time. In the end, it came down to a base race.

“I made the wrong call,” I whispered, eyes closed and head resting back against the wall.

Jay, one of the guys in charge and assigned to our team, said, “People make mistakes and they get over them. Cheer up, you did well for a first tourney.”

“If I'd thought about it at all, I would've sent Kayle back. She's got the ranged wave clear and actual harass. Between her heal and ult, she'd have lived long enough for Shen's ult to come in. They'd be able to hold off a dive no problem and we'd have free reign over their base.”

He patted me on the shoulder. “You're right. Now, when you next have the choice, you'll do better. That's the beauty of learning from your mistakes.”

Opening my eyes, I glanced over and found him similarly slumped, though he had a smile set at me.

“I'll look forward to seeing your team play again. Drop me an email when you do, okay?”

“Sure,” I said, more than a little surprised at the request from such a down-to-earth guy.

Things became more serious after that. We kept things light enough that it didn't interfere with our studies or become a burden, but a schedule went up and we worked hard. For a while, most of our sessions centred around mechanics and I did my best to keep everyone improving.

I fell into watching streams around then. At first, I stuck to the popular ones, with people that entertained and talked and, the more I watched, the more I grew disillusioned with them. While highly ranked, that didn't mean they played well.

They normally made big plays, throwing ideas of balancing risk and reward out the window in favour of drawing in crowds. Maybe they let that bias their decisions, knowing that wins didn't keep their viewers engaged. Maybe they played for fun more than winning, finding that enjoying themselves helped.

“I'm sorry guys, I shouldn't have dived there. He was low enough, but I didn't think the jungler would stick around this long.”

Regardless, they didn't really teach me anything I didn't know. I'm sure others did appreciate it all, but I started picking apart their reasoning, finding flaws and disagreeing with their understanding of parts of the game. They lacked nuances that I'd faintly seen in top-level competitive play.

So, I started watching less popular streams. A couple didn't even have songs playing and others spoke in foreign languages, yet I could still watch and learn.

I pulled myself up through Gold, up into Platinum for Solo Queue. Even games where my team lost, I won my lane and caused hell for the enemy. Every game, I felt closer to truly knowing the game.

Our team pulled up to a high-end Gold ranking, purely thanks to our mechanics letting us control the early game. Eventually, I knew I needed to start working on the real team aspects of the game beyond compositions. How to do that, well, I didn't really know what to do, but tried.

“Welcome everyone to the season two North America Championship finals! If you've not been here for the last few days, you've missed some amazing games, but thankfully not what everyone is expecting to be a match for the ages.”

I dug out VoDs of tournaments, all the ones I could, studying.

“Well Rinks, we've got the teams, what are they trying to accomplish?”

“It's tricky, there's a lot of good teamfight potential on TIG-”

Whispering to myself, I said, “Early objective control.”

“And I think we'll see them use that to force dragons and towers, especially before PMA gets the core items and levels their assassin composition needs.”

I watched how the playmakers dictated the game, imagining what calls they made and why.

“This is a bad fight for TIG, why isn't Kerrek calling for a retreat?”

“Wait for it Jensin, they've still got-”

“Yes!”

“There it is! Chain of Corruption into Crescendo into Death Lotus.”

“Where have PMA gone- that's the pentakill for Kerrek! I am so sorry for doubting you, you magnificent player you.”

I took everything I could and incorporated it into my gameplay, forcing leadership onto myself and making sure my teammates couldn't doubt me.

“Top, care,” I typed, knowing the other team's jungler started with blue buff, feeling more than thinking about how my mid-lane opponent transitioned from aggressive to defensive, instinct more than rational telling me that their Lee Sin wanted to punish top's no-ward start.

That wouldn't do at all.

Flashing forwards, I charmed Lux point-blank and released fox-fire upon here. Slipping in an auto-attack, I waited for the crowd control to lift and the green haze of a healing potion starting before igniting her. She took a step back and I sent my orb in the same direction, cutting through her on the way there and meeting her after her flash for the return damage. One more auto-attack to secure the kill, avoiding her binding, the casting animation slowing her down long enough for me to get in range for the attack at the cost of a painful turret hit.

Ignite ticked down and with a tick to spare, the call of “First Blood,” came from the announcer.

I slipped back, arcing away from the top-side bush, waiting. An enemy creep, close to my tower, that's where he'd have to come to kill me, anywhere else having creeps to block his sonic wave.

There!

Smiling, I kept up my retreat, watching his ability fly towards me. I could dodge it by switching back, but then I'd have to rely on landing another charm. So, I let him land it and jump to me with resonating strike in an incredibly obvious path.

A flash of pink before he landed on me and I walked away, him trailing behind like a lost puppy for a moment.

“Mid no flash, think we could kill when she gets back to lane,” I typed, backing to buy myself a ring or two with my spoils. If our jungler came, great, otherwise I'd have to wait to get my ultimate. Kill mid, gank bot, take dragon, rinse and repeat.

“Will do.”

I climbed up to diamond and dragged our team up to the boundary between platinum and diamond.

“Hey Ed, how's it been? Guess I don't have to ask – had some big boys asking around about you guys since I'm pretty much the only one in the scene who's met you. Anyway, TIG asked me to pass on the details for their tourney manager, sounds like you're going to get a shot to play in their amateur scene.

“Let me know if you've got any questions. Otherwise, good luck – this'll be the start of big things for ATTIC.”

Staring at the email, it took a few minutes to sink in, but, when it did, I couldn't stop smiling for the world. “TIG....”

We got our public début.

“Kangaroo here and boy do we have a treat for you tonight. An amateur team causing a stir in the ranked ladder, ATTIC join us online from little old England to see how they fare against the respected Pow Pow Brigade.”

“This is going to be a great game, I just know it. Pow's been on great form recently, but we've always said their strategies are the weak link. Meanwhile, ATTIC only has one player at Diamond, yet whoever calls the shots does a fantastic job. It's the age old question: who wins in a battle of brains versus brawn?”

We damn well proved we deserved it.

“I- I can't believe it! That's ATTIC through to the finals and after going through two of what many call the best of the amateur scene. No matter what happens in the next game, they can stand tall and proud, especially the uncontested player of the tournament.”

“You've got that right – their mid Paladin really caused havoc for everyone. Despite playing so aggressive, he never got caught and every attempt at punishing him just wasted precious time and resources. It's rare to see someone play at such a competitive level right from the bat, but he's done it.”

“Kerrek beware, Paladin might be showing you a thing or two with time.”

Chuckles. “Yes, I reckon it would be quite a sight even now.”

With that, the fanbase of League took notice.

“Hey Ed, some people online wanted to ask you some questions. They'll be a bit silly and you don't have to answer any you don't want, so what do you say?”

Surprised, I asked, “Really?” Cait nodded, her smile infectious. “Sure then, I, er, guess?”

“Great, just gotta post something to your twitter so they know it's legit,” she said, scribbling on a piece of paper. “Hold this.”

I looked down, reading the message as, “Hi, I'm Paladin of ATTIC, ask away!” along with a date.

She took a picture and put it up, along with the thread. I doubted people would actually be that interested, since I'd just been in one real tournament. Yet, it didn't take long for the questions to start coming.

“I Love Big Ducks wants to know what your favourite champion is.”

I answered most of the ones she passed on, avoiding a few of the more personal ones. Still, it all felt like people with nothing better to do wasting a bit of time, nothing at all important.

The professional scene took notice.

“The Purple Predator wants to know why you chose teleport-Vlad instead of Shen as first-pick for your game against Young & Dumm.”

“Vlad could clear waves faster if we got pushed in, which I worried about since Y&D showed a strong poke-push comp earlier in the day. I also wanted to push them to taking away AoE champs instead of their strong pokers, like Nidalee and Jayce, that they liked.”

While she tapped away, I thought for a moment.

Then, recognition hit me. “Wait- Purple Predator? Is he the actual one, from Den of Dragons?”

“Oh, er, let me check,” she said. Nearly a minute later, she turned around. “Yup, he is.”

“A... a pro just asked me a question?” I asked.

Her smile infectious, she said, “Yup” with an emphatic nod.

The professional scene took us seriously.

“Hey Ed, I've got a pm from the manager for Nightmare Gaming. She wants to know if ATTIC would be interested in scrimming with them a few times, to see if it's something both teams would benefit from. They'd even be willing to talk to a couple of others teams if things go well.”

ATTIC became more than a group of friends.

“You're still looking for somewhere to live next year, right?”

I scratched the back of my head, looking to the side. “Yeah. Why'd you ask?”

“Well, my good man, our good old GM's got a job over in London. We need someone to take up his place, so, if you're interested, it'd be doing us a real big favour.”

Yanking Dave into a hug, I laughed. “You're life-savers!”

“Well, gotta look out for our captain, eh?”

We became a team.

“I've talked to a friend, Zach, and he's willing to help us set all of the business stuff up. He's looking for a bit of cash, nothing compared to what you guys get from the TIG series.”

Sighing, I leaned back against the wall. “We should get this boring legal stuff out the way, eh?”

“Yeah,” she said, frowning. “I guess that'll be my job, so you guys can focus on the not-boring stuff.”

“Sounds good,” I said, stretching. “I'll check with them all, but I don't think they'd say no.”

We got fans.

I looked up from my breakfast at the rattling door, smiling. “Morning Cait.”

She brushed her hair aside and stretched up high. “Too early to be morning.”

“Does that make it night then?” I asked, standing. “Maybe I should be worried for my virtue if you're sneaking in at night to see me.”

Laughing, she swatted my arm. “Behave you, I've come for business anyway.”

I kissed her forehead, holding her and swaying side to side. “Business?”

“Your fans want to watch you play and you get money for letting them. Hence, business.”

“What?”

She pulled back, looking up at me. “I know you don't really go on the forums much, or any of other sites, but there's loads of people there that want you to start streaming.”

“Shouldn't you ask me first?”

“Nah,” she said, bringing a hand up to my chest. “You can turn it off when I leave, but I think you'd like having people watch.”

Grinning, I replied, “So forward of you.”

Rising on her tip-toes, she kissed me before whispering, “I try.”

It turned out that people liked my stream.

“They like the way you keep talking,” she said, switching between tabs. “It's like they get a sneak-peak at what's really going on in your head. Then, of course, you play such an aggressive style that there's always something interesting going on. Even if you're behind, you trade well and often.”

“Well, I guess I've got you to thank then. I'd be terrible if I hadn't got used to doing that stuff for you.”

She waved me off, saying, “Nah, you'd still get a lot just because you play so well and so consistently well. But, people really appreciate all the help you give out. Some even like that you're so humble with it, making sure everyone knows it's what you think and why you think that and what would change your mind on it.”

“Old habits,” I muttered.

Swivelling around on the chair, she had a coy smile. “However, if you want to thank me,” she said, leaning forwards for a brief kiss. “I'm sure we could come to an arrangement.”

“Oh?”

“Your first payment's coming in soon, and I'd like you to unlock my favourite champion and play her sometime.”

Cocking an eyebrow, I asked, “And who would that be?”

“No one special, I'd just love watching you press all of Caitlyn's buttons while I watch.”

Before I knew it, my last year at university crept to a close and, somehow, I'd kept my grades up, we all had.

Yet, the money coming in made me think that maybe, just maybe, we could make it professionally.

“What's got you so excited?” I asked with an absent smile, watching how Cait bounced inside, before closing the door behind her.

“It's TIG- they want to, well, sponsor you I guess.”

Frowning, I asked, “What, like a B team?”

“Oh, no, er, their featured streamers, they want you to join their streaming thingy.”

I sighed, waiting while she slipped off her shoes and plopped into a seat. “That sounds like there's a contract and crap involved.”

“Yeah, they sent me over a draft. If you want, I'll run it by Zach.”

Nodding, I asked, “You're not here to tell me I'm doing it, then?”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “I think you should, but this matters. If you sign up, you take on responsibilities and I'm not gonna force them on you.”

Walking over, I bent down to kiss her, letting her know my appreciation. “So, sum it up for me.”

She wrinkled her nose, eyebrows knotted together. “Some of the wording got me tangled up a bit, but it seems like you send your streaming revenue to them and they send you guaranteed monthly payments.”

“What's the pros and cons?”

“Well, you get payments monthly rather than for every three months, which would make budgeting much simpler. Also, they'll promote you on their site. Oh and you'll be able to make content for their other stuff, like guides, for bonus pay if they use it.”

“I'm guessing they'll be taking a cut for the pleasure?”

She nodded, biting her lip. “It's kind of big, I think. This is where it becomes complicated, because they seem to use tiers. Like, the first five-hundred has a twenty percent cut, then the next five-hundred has a fifteen, or maybe it's the other way around or- I dunno at all really.”

“We'll wait on Zach then,” I said. “Check with the team as well. I'm leaning towards it though, it would be nice to get things stable.”

The Team ATTIC bank account grew plump and, while a risk, we decided to take a chunk out of it to head to a European LAN tournament. We'd qualified for a few others, but poor seeding meant it would take several wins to get a prize that came close to the transportation costs.

“I'll be honest, no one was expecting much from ATTIC due to their inexperience with LANs, but here they are on the podium, happily taking third place from the likes of TIG EU and, well, given their online performance one only has to wonder how long until this becomes a regular occurrence on the live scene.”

All said and done, we lost a bit on the trip, but gained something important.

“Ed! Cutting-Edge want to sponsor ATTIC!”

I turned around, blinked and asked, “Huh?”

“Zach's on it, but they're generous. They'll cover most of the rent and travel expenses for any tournament with a big enough prize pool, smaller tournaments at their discretion. Oh, fancy keyboards and mice too. Go, go get the guys! We need to celebrate, even if it's crap, this is big!”

“Sure,” I said, blankly. Then, a moment for it to sink in and I said, “Wow.”

Hugging me close, she leant up to kiss my cheek before pushing me out of the kitchen. “Go!”

Summer had barely begun, yet my worries about the future became distant concerns. Instead, for the first time in a while, it became all about the gaming, especially with Cait taking on the managerial role so well.

“I know I've been harping on them more than I should, but I think today is a day to remember. When they're on the podium at the World Championships, I'll smugly remind everyone that I got to announce Team ATTIC's first trophy as they take a well-deserved first-place over the tough competition that is Clown But Not Trout.”

Autumn crept upon us and, while we didn't dominate the amateur scene, we snagged those prizes, improved our seedings, got those more prestigious tournament invites. When we qualified for the amateur tournament of MG Europe, the biggest amateur one, I thought maybe, just maybe, my parents could accept my decisions.

“Are you sure?” she asked, holding my hand.

“Yeah, I am. We're in the finals, the stream numbers are through the roof- it's now or never.”

She squeezed my hand, giving me the biggest smile she could and said, “Good luck.”

I smiled back, though it no doubt looked as hollow as it felt. Dialling the number, I waited. “Hello? Mum, it's Ed.”

“How nice of you to call us. It's only been, what, three months since we last heard from you?”

“I've not changed my number either, you know,” I said, stifling the gasp as Cait nudged me in the ribs. “But I didn't call to fight or anything. I'm about to go on stage for the Magma Gaming Europe finals for League of Legends, a computer game.”

Her tut crackled through the phone. “That's what you're doing with your time? I'd thought you grew up, but I guess I should've known better.”

“I'm playing for fifty-thousand pounds split between the five of us and a cut for our manager. It's being streamed online to probably half a million people. I'm so excited and happy and nervous, and I thought you and dad might like to know.”

“Bah, you could be making that kind of money-”

I clenched the phone, hard. “Goodbye Elizabeth.”

Holding on for a moment longer, I listened to her silence, and then ended the call.

“I guess she got the message,” I said, still grasping the phone tightly. “It's strange, after all we've been through, but I hoped, just a little, that she'd understand.”

“Well, maybe your dad will.”

I shook my head. “They're practically the same person.” Voice weaker, I added, “Besides, I don't think I could take that again, not today.”

We fought not just for the prize money, but for a spot, albeit low down, in the LCS Qualifiers. I didn't just research our opponents, I knew them.

“Zoid, it's two-all and we've had one hell of a final so far. Where do you see this going in the fifth game?”

“Well, it's going to be different. The blind pick would make me think we're going to see two very different teams, but, and this is a big but, Paladin has been spot on with his guesses when we've listened in.”

“So, what you're saying, is that ATTIC might have an edge in this?”

“I'll be honest, I have no idea how it'll go. If Paladin can predict two or three picks, ATTIC would have a huge advantage.”

“Picks have started, so let's see what happens.”

“I'm surprised by this composition from ATTIC, Tagg, it's heavy on the poke with Nidalee, Jayce and Kog'Maw, while Sona and a rare jungle Leona would stop or punish any initiation from FMI. Don't get me wrong, it's good, but it's not the ATTIC I've seen.”

“Seems like they agree, switching to nearly a completely opposite team.”

“Yes, this is still a little out of what I think of as their comfort zone, but the heavy AoE plays well off their exhaustive objective control. It's kind of odd, because I could see this as being a very hard counter to their initial team and- oh man.”

“Oh man? More like oh no FMI as Paladin has seen right through you!”

“I- I can't believe it. Paladin has successfully guessed every one of FMI's picks, even the jungle Leona. This is- I, I'm lost for words.”

“I've seen casters whip out their magic eight-ball for a curveball pick, but never a complete five blind!”

“Tagg, this is going to be a bloodbath. ATTIC have put complete faith in Paladin and he has delivered the gospel that told them of FMI.”

“If only he took Smite to complete the religious theming.”

We won.

“They're on the nexus and it's only nineteen minutes into the game!”

“To really put that in perspective, Tagg, FMI can't surrender yet. They have to sit there, knowing that, today, Paladin showed brilliance few could match and they happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Too true, Zoid. A completely one-sided game, but entertaining none-the-less and this marks the start of truly great things for ATTIC as they get their foot in the door of the LCS.”

A healthy dose of confidence settled through the team after that.

“What does our contract with them say about the LCS?”

Cait hummed to herself, leafing through a handful of pages. “Didn't pay much attention to it at the time, but I made sure something was in there for it. Basically, upon entry, the contract would be renegotiated. Zach handled that more than me, so I'm not sure if we could break it without penalty or anything like that.”

“They've been good to us, so I'd hope we could stick with them.”

She smiled, switching to another page. “Well, that's where the good news comes in. They recognise it's a possibility, so have sent a very preliminary offer.”

“What's it like?”

“Completely paid for house near the EU studios along with a part-time maid and cook, top-of-the-range hardware, competitive salaries for a manager and coach or strategist, LCS-equivalent salaries for two subs and half-that for three more subs.”

Stunned, I barely managed to say, “That's generous.”

“Well, you've proved you're worth a gamble, haven't you?” she said, a sly smile on her face. “They'd want some things back for that. Exclusivity is the main thing, so you would have to cut ties with TIG.”

“Harsh.”

“But fair, considering they'd be giving you everything you need.”

I nodded, still more than a little taken aback. “Yeah.”

Sidling up next to me, she held my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Don't get too far ahead of yourself, though. There's lots of good teams that want to get into the LCS.”

Squeezing back, I said, “Yeah, but we'll show 'em hell.”

“I'd expect nothing less.”

Our practice schedule lightened as the pressure did, fewer tournaments being held as the build-up to the LCS qualifiers began. So, when Christmas came around again, we'd had a week off with another a few more days of holidays still.

Last year had been special, still the single best day of my life by far.

I'd hoped to top that.

We followed the same pattern, meeting up for lunch at a lovely restaurant where she had something Italian and I had the thing that looked easiest to pronounce. Afterwards, we admired the wares of dedicated stall-owners. Then, we retired home for picnic preparation and snuggling in front of a fireplace.

Later on, we made our way up to the same hill, a bit more of a trek from the new house. At the summit, we waited for the midnight fireworks, music joining the explosions.

We danced, better though far from anything proper.

As one song ended, the cold close to defeating us, I leaned in for a long kiss. Holding it for as long as I could, I slipped a hand inside my pocket.

“Caitlin,” I whispered, pulling back enough to stare into her eyes. Keeping that eye-contact, I lowered myself down onto a knee, bringing my hand up with a little box in it. “Caitlin Crystal, will you marry me?”

For an excruciatingly long second, she just stood there, before throwing herself forward, knocking me to the ground while shouting, “Yes!”

Laughing, I hugged her tightly, managing to say, “Calm down or people might get the wrong idea.”

“The only people I care about can have all the wrong ideas they want,” she said, nuzzled against my neck. “Especially when I'm with my fiancé.”

Everyone made it back for the New Year, giving us a week to get our games back on track for the qualifiers. However, Cait's and my engagement meant that a little more time than usual went into celebrations of sorts.  The larger time sink had been before though, my planning of the evening and nerves cutting into my research and strategising.

“Welcome to the LCS EU Qualifiers. I'm Beefy Forty-Two, joined by Pasta Fiesta. Today, we're looking at the real grass-roots amateurs.”

“It's going to be a good day, with so many rising stars looking to creep up towards those illustrious sixteen places. There'll be TIG EU, Once Upon A Rift, Two Literate Four Words, Fight Me IRL, Free The Minions, just to name the top dogs.”

“And don't forget the team that's won prizes off most of those, ATTIC.”

“How could anyone forget ATTIC after the internationally renowned Destiny Pick, as that correct guess of all five blind picks has become known as.”

We got off to a good start.

“That's ATTIC with a decisive two-oh victory. We'll be seeing them in the second round.”

Kept it going too.

“Another two-oh in favour of ATTIC. For those keeping count, they're the only team to not drop a game so far. How long can they keep it up?”

Fourth round would introduce the lower-half of the LCS playoffs from the last season, so third round had the best of the amateurs.

“Their unbroken streak has ended, but ATTIC go through after a solid third game against Once Upon A Rift.”

Two more rounds and we'd be in the group stage, a night to rest.

“ATTIC have good momentum going in to this, but Aquatic Gaming showed they could challenge even Team Base Race last season. What will today's match be looking like, Pasta?”

“I can certainly see the potential for an upset, but I'd not put money on it. Paladin's relied on strength over strategy so far today and I don't think he'll find Aquatic willing to let him get away with it.”

“You sound surprised by that.”

“Really, I am. I'd hope that ATTIC just had enough confidence for their early games, but the ATTIC that teams fear is the one where Paladin knows more about his opponent's strategy than they do. They're still a strong team, but without the mental domination, they lose out on a huge advantage.”

Even against such a tough team, we put our noses to the grindstone.

“This is one hell of a face-off. One-one in the series, a disregardable gold count, only a kill between them, am I right in saying everything comes down to this Baron fight?”

“It wouldn't be a stretch, Beefy. Aquatic have a good team for this and definitely have the experience advantage, but ATTIC have the perfect combo if anyone on Aquatic is even a Teemo out of position. Whatever happens, it'll be up to each member to play their crowd control perfectly, because the carries will simply erase champions from the map if given free reign.”

“Right you are Pasta, with six-item builds and all summoner spells and ultimates up, it'll be- there's the engage! Worm flash-ults in, sending Aquatic scattering in counter-flashes. Paladin's in immediately, flash-dash into a full combo melting the isolated Twitch.

“Aquatic are recovering though, Shockwave narrowly catching Ahri and shredding her down a chunk. But ATTIC have the advantage, Lulu ulting Malphite and bouncing Orianna while Caitlyn chunks her down to a third from a single crit. Another dash from Ahri and Orianna- that's a kill for Caitlyn!

“Fleeing now, Aquatic know they've got to stop the bleeding if they want to salvage anything. Jock's Trap is having none of it though, using Shureylia's as well as Whimsy'ing Worm, sending that hunk of rock straight at Lee Sin while the rest of the team chases the two remaining.”

“That's game, Beefy. I gave Paladin some flack before and I stand by what I said, but ATTIC proved that they aren't dependent on superior strategies to knock down bigger foes.”

Two more wins to make it into the group stage.

“This'll be hard for ATTIC, especially if what I've heard about their scrims with Nightmare Gaming is true.”

Defeating the first professional team to take us seriously, it would be a huge milestone in the, albeit short, history of our team.

“That's game one to Nightmare Gaming. What's on your mind, Pasta?”

“No surprises really. The history between the two teams really came through in the bizarre picks and bans, but once they got on the Rift everything went as we thought it would. Nightmare edged ahead in lanes, had the better map awareness and really showed why they placed third of eight in the LCS. After all, they're only this far down in the qualifications to begin with because of a poor showing in the playoffs due to a personal issue with a starter.”

Damned if we didn't give them hell.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say: wow.”

“You're right. That'll be a contender for game of the tournament – it went back and forth so much, both teams clawing tooth and nail for every advantage. We saw ATTIC fall back on comfortable strategies and Nightmare thought they knew how to punish that.”

“Why do you think ATTIC got the win in the end?”

“I'd put it down to what I highlighted before ATTIC's last opponent: ATTIC is a team to fear when Paladin knows the opponent's strategy better than they do. This game showed why. Nightmare made the mistake of using the same strategy as last game and ATTIC whipped the rug out from under them.”

“Well, we're into a third game and I couldn't be more delighted.”

One more win to make it into the group stage.

“I'm scared to blink, Pasta. We're on the cusp of an hour and the game shows no sign of ending.”

“I know what you mean. There's a grand total of zero turrets on the map, all six inhibitors have been down at one point and Baron might as well be a flea considering just how fast both teams can rush it down.”

“There's one question on everyone's mind and that's who'll win the next fight?”

“It's all down to the engage. I've every faith in both teams not making a mistake with so much on the line, but mental exhaustion must be setting in, especially for ATTIC who played those gruelling games against Aquatic earlier.”

Just one more.

“That's a four for two, surely ATTIC will take the game from this!”

“Beefy, look at where Twisted Fate is! ATTIC still had an inhib down from earlier and, halfway through the fight, TF snuck out. He's got a lichbane and a heck of a lot of ability power. That nexus is going down and ATTIC can't get anyone back in time.”

“This is heartbreaking. After such a strong showing, ATTIC are being eliminated by a backdoor.”

“It's all part of the game and Nightmare took an advantage given to them. ATTIC tunnelled on the fight, giving No Prisoner's the opportunity to escape.”

But we didn't get it.

Holding my head in my hands, I held back the curses I wanted scream. The rest of the team had given me some space, spending the last few hours of our time in Germany sightseeing.

Well, most of them at least.

She took a deep breath in before letting it out, melting against me as though she completely deflated. “There'll be a next time,” she whispered, running a hand through my hair. “There's always a next time, as long as you've got determination to make it there.”

I wanted to shout at her, tell her how stupid that sounded, make her understand how much I'd screwed up and thrown away.

But... she didn't deserve that, never that.

“Call... call CEG. I want to talk to whoever's in charge of our contract.”

I expected her to ask why, to stick her nose in at least a little. Instead, she nodded against me. “Okay, I'll do that.”

That didn't mean I'd go down without a fight.

My heart beat painfully in my chest, mind imagining all the less-than-ideal outcomes for the meeting.

“Well, Edward, you've got me here. What is it you wanted to discuss?”

Jake, he seemed like a great guy. It stemmed from how warmly he'd greeted everyone – knowing our names and mentioning enough of our past as though he'd actually been following us every step of the way. Indeed, he just might have.

He could laugh at me, brand me as absurd and leave. All the power lay with him and I feared that, but I had something important to request. “I want an offer for when we make it into the second half of the LCS season.”

Seconds that felt like minutes trickled by, while he rubbed his chin and hummed to himself. “My bosses wouldn't be willing to go as high as they did before. We didn't know if you'd get through but, if you did, we felt it would be a sign that you, as a team, were ready to play at the highest level.”

Pausing, he looked over at me.

“You didn't make it and that brings doubt over whether or not ATTIC could play there. Any offer will reflect this uncertainty.”

I swallowed my reservations, knowing that Cait had been wrong – never again would I have this chance. “Jake, I let my personal life interfere with my professional responsibilities. We didn't play to the level we should have, if I had put in all the hours I should have. Overconfidence and inadequate preparation led to us having sloppy play. There's no doubt in my mind that, if you gave us a rematch, we would destroy any uncertainty you had.”

Closing my eyes and taking a breath, I let myself calm down a little.

“A fully paid for house and living expenses, mid-range hardware, and competitive wages for five subs so they'd live with us, that's what I know ATTIC would need to give our highest level of play.”

He made the same humming noise, tapping a beat on the armchair. “What is your highest level of play?”

“Top half finish. We haven't played against many of the stronger teams in a serious setting, so I can't confidently say we could reliably beat them.”

Smiling, he said, “Good to see your head's on straight.”

Unsure of how to reply, I gave him a wan smile.

“Of course, I'll have to talk to the uppers before I could get anything down in writing,” he began, slow. “If an offer comes, it'll have more strings than the last one. At a guess, a streaming schedule and publicity events. Also, the subs would probably form a B team that would go to some tournaments.”

I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. That offer... it would be amazing. But, a little selfish, I had to ask. “One other thing. If possible, could I keep my associate status with TIG? I know there was exclusivity in the last contract, but my fans- they really appreciate the content.”

For a moment, I'd thought I pushed too much. Then, he nodded. “We're minor sponsors of theirs, so I'm sure we could work something out.”

“Thank you,” I said, smiling. “Thank you so much.”

“It's been a pleasure,” he replied. “Though, just a heads up, we'd be making any offers to you as a team. If there's any roster changes, don't be surprised if we get a bit jumpy, okay?”

We couldn't let that opportunity escape us.

“Oh my word, I don't know what happened to ATTIC, but they are on perfect form recently!”

“You're telling me. Ever since Nightmare Gaming ended their shot at the LCS, they have yet to drop a single game. I think this is their fourth tournament and something stupid like fortieth competitive victory in a row?”

“I had the analysts go over their streak before for just this reason and you're under. This marks their fifth tournament and fifty-third game.”

We made sure everyone knew where we wanted to go.

“ATTIC have secured their place in the LCS qualifiers for the second half of the season and I worry for whoever gets in their way.”

Sometimes, it seemed like everything would go our way.

“Hey Ed, long time since we've talked. Anyway, I know this is a little out of the blue, but we've lost a sub and wanted to know if you'll take up the spot. It would be for top, so I'd understand if you said no because of that, but we all know you can play there.

“Let us know if you're interested and we'll pass on more details. -NG Scurvy Vixen.”

Sometimes, things could only go up.

“You've gotta do it Ed,” Craig said, amongst everyone's nods.

“I'd be in Germany practically full-time, when I should be here.”

Dave waved me off. “They've said you're free whenever. So long as you turn up on the day, they're not too fussed, right?”

“A little stricter than that,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But, yeah, they've said they're happy for me to attend tournaments and stuff so long as it doesn't clash with LCS. They know ATTIC comes first for me.”

“See? What's there to worry about! We've got the place in the qualifiers and Kosher Cookie will be back in action with weeks before our important games get under way.”

Craig stepped forward, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Ed, you're being asked to be the starter on Nightmare Gaming for a month. You don't say no to that, not when the deal's so sweet.”

I looked away from him, to Cait. As always, she smiled at me. “Fight!”

They echoed her, the cry of, “Fight!” sending us all into laughter.

When the chuckles finally died out, I gazed across the room and out of the window, out onto the little garden we had. I felt scared, leaving the safety of our home. More than scared, utterly terrified at having everything familiar ripped away and replaced with strangers I'd shared some conservations with at most.

But... I knew nothing would take away the bonds between us.

Raising a fist in the air, I yelled as loud as I could, “Fight!”

I moved over to the Nightmare Gaming house, a cosy place not too far from the EU studios for the LCS. At first, I felt like an intruder, sticking to the room I shared with Zombie Vegan, or Pete as most people called him. However, despite the language barrier – the Dutch/German team sticking to German mostly – I grew comfortable, all of them the nicest people.

As far as the gaming side went, manager and coach Vixen talked through the plan with me on the second day.

“Ask for help if you can't stay in lane, but otherwise we want you in that top lane forcing someone to deal with you.”

I respected her decisions and reasoning, knowing they had such a tight-knit team. Forcing me into it, well, I wouldn't imagine it going well. Still, I could play that game, especially when I didn't have a team to lead at the same time.

At the least, my time came during their bye week, so I had a bit of a gap to get used to playing with the team. For the first couple of days, they left me to adjusting, then we scrimmed – a lot. Five days, including the weekend, of a dozen or so games a day had me cross-eyed, but I couldn't complain, not when everyone else laughed and joked away the fatigue.

So, I saved up all my exhaustion and spent the two days break sleeping and generally being lazy. Then, we had a day of much gentler scrimming to warm us up for the weekend and my first game in the LCS.

“Nightmare Gaming, Young and Dumm, need I say more?”

“Everyone and their mothers know about the rivalry between these two teams and, while they've always given us a great showing in the past, how do you think fielding a sub will affect NG's chances today?”

“It's, it's hard to say Jensin. Paladin has been in mid for as long as ATTIC, that's his team, have been around, so sticking him up top might hurt him. I'm especially concerned with how he'll adapt to not being the centre of attention, because that's where he really shines.”

“So you think YaD have an important advantage?”

“You see, that's where I'm not sure. The thing about Paladin is that his mechanics are immaculate, so I think he'll do well in his lane. NG know how to play the unknown to their advantage and I'm not willing to bet against them.”

“Well, the bans have started, so let's see where the cards fall.”

Anxiety nearly paralysed me, a bit of a problem since I put our picks and bans through. But, they seemed to know that and didn't push me. Pete, rapidly approaching Ghandi-levels of kindness, talked to me about back home while the others talked strategy.

Since I wouldn't be seeing much team action, I had complete control over who I'd pick. YaD used their bans up on the flavour of the month too, so I could pick practically any of my favourite champs.

A smile on my lips, I couldn't really think of anyone safer, anyone I felt more comfortable with, anyone I'd rather play for my LCS début.

“Caitlyn.”

Pete hovered over her and asked, “You sure?”

“Very.”

Much to the bemusement of the casters.

“Something must be up, Jensin. Look at Paladin right now, he's been grinning something fierce since Zombie locked in Caitlyn. I'm hesitant to call it, but he's played her mid before, so we might just be seeing Caitlyn top.”

“Do you think this is part of NG's plan? Stick Paladin with one AD carry to try and bait a counter out of Young and Dumm?”

“If, and this is a big if, she goes to Paladin, I think it'll be a sign that Nightmare Gaming are going to leave him be. With her range and Piltover Peacemaker for farming as well as the Ninety Caliber Net for a short dash and slow, she's actually a very safe champion when there's no stuns or roots. The Headshot passive makes her a strong harasser and, once she gets some lifesteal, it'll be impossible to move her from lane.”

Then, I played.

“We've talked about Nightmare Gaming, but Jensin, I want to take a look at Paladin.”

“At oh-oh-oh, he's not had the best game, has he?”

“I'd beg to differ. Right from the start, he fended off that two-versus-one without a problem. After that, he became the perfect defensive split-pusher. Whenever Young and Dumm tried to group, Paladin drew people up top. Early on, I think we saw two or three attempted ganks that just wasted their time while NG focused on the other lanes and objectives.

“It's hard to explain, but Paladin should be ecstatic with that début. I mean, he's still got his tower up! For such an even game, he shouldn't have that tower at twenty minutes, let alone a little over thirty. NG showed real respect for him, throwing him right in at the deep end, and in his sink or swim moment he's doing backstrokes.”

I played with a smile on my lips.

“Paladin's hit the Crescent Strike, and- he's gone in! He's hit a full combo and that poor Yordle is limping away, but there's the cooldown and it's a Crescent Strike followed by a double Lunar Rush for the execute.”

Loving every moment.

“Ed, delay them.”

“Okay.”

I breathed in deeply, watching the three champions converge on my hiding bush. Waiting, I tried to memorise where all their minions moved, readying my combo.

Now!

Crescent Strike arced through Sona and I ulted her, slowing them with a Moonfall before raising my shield. Further on, a minion with a moment of Moonlight left, taking me beyond the Crescendo. Flashing, I got away from Irelia before she landed her stun.

Cooldowns, always juggling the cooldowns.

Crescent Strike arced through Sona and I ulted her, landing my Moonsilver Blade to hear that euphoric, “An enemy has been slain,” before using Lunar Rush on a distant creep, past them and on the edge of my tower's range.

I breathed out deeply, hastily typing, “Sona ult down.”

Because I loved the game.

“That's- Rinks, how on earth did Paladin get out of that, and with a kill?”

“I said it after picks, Paladin knows Diana to the core. That showed how comfortable he is with her cooldowns, the Lunar Rush's reset and the damage she does. He landed every skill, even the passive Moonsilver Blade, and that made short work of Sona.”

Not to mention I loved getting to test myself against some of the strongest players in the world.

Safeguarding to a creep, dodging the Electro-Harpoon, I flung a Sonic Wave to Rumble's right, forcing him left and away from my creepline, the friendly creep dying to minions. But, threading the needle, his second harpoon struck, hitting hard enough to leave a mark even through the shield.

Most of all, though, I loved the littlest things.

Holding my phone, I smiled, reading the message one last time before handing it over to the LCS staff.

“Fight!” said the text from her, just as it always did.

So went my time with Nightmare Gaming. Meanwhile, I still had ATTIC to lead.

Tapping my microphone, I waited for everyone in the call to quieten down. “I'll make it for the finals, but you'll be going through the quarter and semi's without me. Vixen's currently picking up Two Four Gun War as my sub; he'll be staying here so I can help him play with the team.”

I let out a long sigh, going over the notes I'd made.

“This is short notice, but I'm switching around the team. Two Four will be jungling with a support build, Dave a reset carry mid, Paul solo ADC top, Joe and Craig running double bruisers bot.”

A pause, and then the confusion garbled down the line.

It took a minute or so for Cait to finally get her cries of , “Quiet!” obeyed. After muttering something under her breath, she asked, “What champions are you thinking?”

“Incidental magic damage. Nasus and Renekton will be important picks to secure, Tristana or Varus too. Kha'Zix, Katarina, maybe Akali. Gameplan will revolve around trading towers to open up the map for close-quarters teamfights.”

Only one other thing to say.

“I'm handing leadership to Paul. He gets the final say, including on whether or not you try this. The only non-negotiable is Two Four jungling, but I'm hoping you'll trust me.”

A moment of silence, and then Craig said, “I do.”

My smile became cemented as the others chimed in.

I'm not sure what made me want to shuffle up the team. Perhaps being shifted around myself made me want to see how my teammates fared, maybe I didn't want them becoming too comfortable and limited by their roles. Honestly, I think I did it because I wanted to learn more about how they played.

After all, I'd again and again see how strong the element of surprise could shake a team and, just as importantly, how coping with surprise could provide advantages of its own.

“Pasta, I've got a question and it's an important one: where is the smite for ATTIC?”

“This is certainly surprising, though probably not as much given their recent games. Smite has two real purposes: securing important neutral minions and improving jungle clear times. Cho'Gath has that Feast for securing and very good clear times, so they might have decided Smite simply didn't warrant losing out on Flash or Teleport when it comes to their strategy for the match.”

So I learned how far I could push my team, how quick they could adapt, how fluidly they could change how they played.

“No wards this game. Support picks up two sight and one vision at the start, but doesn't place them. We'll stagger when we push lanes and use minion-blocking to push the waves back. Afterwards, we'll go over the replays to see how we impacted their jungler.”

I learned how far I could push myself, testing the limits of champions I may not have played much before as well as those I played whenever I could.

“That's a straight up one-versus-two doublekill for Paladin!”

“He decimated them right there, Jensin. With the Last Whisper, Zed has kill potential on anyone and Malphite didn't respect that. Lulu could only prolong the inevitable, Paladin saving his Flash and refreshing his Living Shadow thanks to the creepwave to secure both kills.”

Most importantly, I learned I could truly live a life around League of Legends.

“You're still playing?” Pete asked, throwing his towel on the bed and dragging his chair over.

“Yeah,” I said, glancing around. “Streaming too, so keep your shirt off – it'll help with my female viewer demographic.”

He muttered something I recognised as either a Dutch swearword or a German brand of snacks, not quite sure which. After a moment of drawers opening and rustling fabric, he sat back down.  “What match is it?”

“Ah, TIG Series Championship, game two of the semi-finals.”

I didn't pay much attention to the little noises he made, keeping track of the game instead. We had a strong lead, playing a standard tutorial-style finish, so my thoughts mostly fell to what order to push the turrets, based on what lanes looked likely to push and when.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

He let out a long breath and I could feel his hand gesturing beside me, trying to help him get the right words out. “Play, always playing. You scrim with us, then you scrim with ATTIC, then you go to the LCS with us, then you go to some tournament with ATTIC, then you come home and sleep so you can start all over again.”

“I... I guess I just do,” I said, slowly. “Whenever I'm picking champions or crafting strategies, it never feels like a chore, like something I'm only doing because I have to.”

“You don't ever wish you could just run away and be done with it all?”

Shrugging, I said, “Not really. Sometimes, I wish I had a time machine, so I could get that extra hour of sleep here or that relaxing shower there, but I've never wished I didn't have to play.”

He didn't ask anything else.

But, after a minute or so, I muted the microphone during a lull in the game. “Every day, I wish I could make more time for Cait, but this is important and it won't last long, so I'll live with it.”

Turning the microphone back on, I put on a smile.

“Sorry guys, that last bit was a little too personal for the world.”

Regardless of what happened during the day, I'd always fall asleep missing her, even when a tournament brought her and the team over. That only got worse with worrying too.

“It's, it's probably nothing,” she muttered into her microphone.

She didn't believe those words, we both knew it. “You've been fainting and we don't know why. I'm going to be scared and worry like hell over you until the doctors tell us it's nothing to worry about. Then, I'll just be worrying like hell.”

Her smile, gentle, feeling fragile, lifted my spirits. “I love you.”

“I'll always love you.”

Much worse with worrying.

“What did they say?”

“I, er,” she began, her cheery face staring at me through the webcam. For a second, I expected her to tell me how foolish I'd been, how she just needed to eat more spinach or something silly.

She didn't do that.

“Congenital heart disease, that- that's what the doctors said.”

My face fall as her expression cracked and I would have given anything to be there for her, to hold her as the tears streamed down her face. I wanted so badly to tell her everything would be fine, that the doctors knew a thing or two about diseases.

But, I couldn't hold her and I couldn't tell her words that would ring so hollow, not when she needed real comfort.

So, I watched her cry, cry until she seemingly ran out of tears.

“I'm scared, Ed, so very scared,” she whispered, voice hoarse.

So many things I could have said, that may have been better or worse, but I settled on what felt right.

“I love you Cait.”

Her smile, gentle, feeling fragile, lifted my spirits. “I love you.”

NG, they showed what great friends I'd made.

“Ed, it's okay,” Pete said, hand on my shoulder. “We understand, don't worry about us. If you need to stay there then stay there. Life is more precious than a few games, never forget that.”

I couldn't help myself and pulled him into a brief hug. “Thank you, thank you all so much.”

“Bring her our good wishes, I know Vixen's just about in tears herself.”

So, I took the first plane home, turning up at some unholy hour of the morning.

Her bedroom light still bled through the curtains, even as the faintest touch of sunrise crested over the horizon.

Taking out my phone, I called her. It rang and rang and, when she finally answered, I said, “Come outside.”

“Okay.”

I slipped it back into my pocket and stood tall, trying to look as strong as I could, for her. The lock clicked and a chain rattled, and then she opened the door. In a flash, she'd flung herself at me, sending us reeling back a couple of steps before I regained our balance.

Her body, gentle, feeling fragile, held in my arms. If I didn't embrace her just right, I feared she'd shatter right in front of me.

“I'm so scared, Ed.”

“Me too, but we'll keep going forwards, won't we?”

Her laughter soothed some of the pain, simply knowing she hadn't broken a help. “Always.”

“Always.”

The cycle of life continued. We lived.

Fear of the unknown, that wretched poison, lost its hold once we overcame that instinctual reaction. Taking away our ignorance, we gave her illness the fear it deserved, which didn't seem much from what the doctors said. If it had been severe, she'd already have been queued up for surgery, but they thought it minor enough to be treated through medication.

“It's good to have you back,” Pete said, clapping my back. “Just in time to show up some of the best players in the world.”

I smiled, though I'm sure it looked as tired as I felt. A few days had been all I'd taken away, but weeks seemed to pass, my mind clouded by jargon and spirit clouded by a deep-rooted fear that I'd get a phone call, a terrible call, at any moment.

“Sure, it's my job,” I said.

We adapted, going day to day similar to how we used to.

“Okay, so you have scrims from five until eight. I've got an appointment at four, so I'll probably miss the start. Paul's got the details for the managers, so ask him if things start slipping.”

We kept putting one foot forward, glancing at our shadows.

“Come, sit down,” I said, patting the seat next to me. She smiled, her tiredness evident. “Gotta make the most our time together after all.”

She acquiesced, carrying her laptop over. “We'll take the minivan to the train station in an hour.”

I rubbed her hand, massaging circles into the back of it. She felt cold, her voice softer than I thought it would be. “Maybe you should stay here, rest for a bit. You've been up since seven, haven't you?”

“So have the guys,” she said, though her hand stayed in mine. “We've all got our jobs.”

Leaning over, I kissed her cheek, resting my head on her shoulders with my mouth by her ear. “How do you feel?”

“Like I could sleep for a week,” she whispered.

I kissed her cheek again and sat back up. “Fill me in on what we gotta do, then go have a nice long bath and sleep.”

The month, and it felt more like a year, with Nightmare Gaming neared its end, our last weekend of games coming up.

“Ed, you're mid,” Gregor, the captain and jungler, said.

I blinked, a beat passing before I looked around to the team and finding a couple of grins and the rest smiles. “A thank-you, we thought we'd give you a game where you get to leave a mark.”

The counter ticked down, time left to adjust my runes and masteries fleeting.

Pete, always the good guy, said, “Ed, you always say you want to show her a beautiful game, so do it.”

Smiling, I hoped I could, I hoped I would.

Our final game, against the current number one team in Europe.

“Nightmare Gaming versus Yordle Squadron Alpha. We have the top two teams in Europe fighting over the top place tonight. A win from NG will put them first, while YSA fight to prove their position. Their champions chosen, summoners primed, we're looking towards one hell of a match.”

“We have so many great matchups to watch, I can only hope the cameraman is prescient. First of all is the battle of the junglers, both favouring an aggressive style that looks to snowball mid hard. Then, we'll have quite a sight top, with the proven play of Paladin against Short Tough, who's renowned for his ability to put the best on tilt. Finally, we have-”

“Rinks, I'm going to stop you there. NG have a defensive line and Paladin is mid, not top. It's looking like a lane swap.”

“Wow, that would be unexpected. While both Diana and Kayle are suited to either top or mid, there's no advantage in the champion match-ups that I know about. It's possible that they're expecting YSA to send their AD carry and support top and think Kayle will fair better, but I'm not convinced.”

“Well, we did touch upon at the start of the day, but I'll remind everyone at home. Today marks Paladin's last day with NG, Kosher Cookie's leave at an end. Maybe it's me being sentimental, but I think NG are giving him a reward for his hard-work.”

“You might be right there, he's done one hell of a job for a sub, though talk about pressure.”

My final appearance, against the best mid player in both Europe and North America.

I breathed in deeply, watching.

Every second a battle, I moved back, arcing my skillshot for the last hit and lighting Zed with moonlight.

Shield up, I took his shuriken, the shadow's one slicing through a minion behind me. One auto-attack to kill a minion, I move further forward, close enough to hit him once  in return for a painful auto, but I cast Moonfall, pulling him back and procing the last orb from my shield, refreshing it to take his Shadow Slash while I get off a third auto-attack, Moonsilver Blade punishing him.

Sliding back, I send a Crescent Strike out, which he avoids by jumping to his Living Shadow. Behind me now, he gets off another auto that I return before managing to clip me with another Shadow Slash.

An even trade, but for the minion I missed to the two he did.







We made it to the world finals, though Cait stayed at our American base, wanting to keep herself comfortable. I felt better that way as well, knowing that I wouldn't have to worry about her, even if I'd have liked her support.

“Well Rinks, we've got one hell of a final on our hands, don't we?”

“That's an understatement and a half. On one side, we have the Kings of Korea, the reigning champions, who, might I add, have yet to drop a single game in the entire tournament.”

“He's talking about Cutting-Edge Gaming, ladies and gents.”

“Then the other side: the Best of the West, the underdogs of the century who, let's remind everyone, only made it into the LCS in the Summer split. While they've not got the same record, they have defeated more contenders than I can count and have single-handedly put Great Britain on the esports map.”

“A Table Top I Crave, barely a year old and here they are.”

“But what a year it's been. Regardless of what happens, they have already left their mark on the scene.”

“We keep saying that, Rinks, and they keep putting us in our place by performing better and better. Especially Paladin – I can't even remember the last time he's given anything but a hundred and ten percent.”

Preparation, hours upon hours upon hours, and determination, spades upon spades upon spades, paid off.

“My word, of all the ways I saw that first game going, I didn't imagine that.”

“You're right, Jensin. I said before we shouldn't doubt them, but ATTIC didn't just beat CEG, they completely dismantled them. That game brought me back to last years World Championship, where CEG simply outclassed every team.”

But we faced strong opponents too.

“It feels like we've had a dozen games rather than just two, wouldn't you say Rinks?”

“Well, we saw a nod back to the old Asian meta there, with CEG playing a slow tempo that preyed on ATTIC's willingness to force engagements. While ATTIC performed admirably, it shows the difference in competitive experience and, really, I see it as CEG showing incredible respect. After all, they really strung that game out to try their best to crush morale and wipe that first game from everyone's mind.”

“A bit underhanded, wouldn't you say?”

“That's why it's such a show of respect. I don't think there's another team in the world CEG has resorted to using such mind-games against.”

And we grew because of it.

“I'm impressed, Jensin. After that second match, I really expected ATTIC to sit back and lick their wounds, but both CEG and I hugely miscalculated just how strong of a team ATTIC are.”

“We saw the same kind of domination, albeit a weaker flavour, as in the first game. What do you think contributed to that?”

“The big thing that went right for ATTIC was the picks and bans. CEG thought they wouldn't be seeing that potent fast-push comp that ATTIC owns, so ATTIC managed to get all their, I want to say hidden champions, the ones that lend themselves so well to the comp while giving off vibes of poke comps or team-fight comps.”

“What about the players? We see Paladin sitting on a remarkable twelve-one-seven, did that contribute to the victory or is it just a side-effect of a great game for the team as a whole?”

“I wouldn't want to take anything away from Paladin, he's undoubtedly a level above even the most competitive of mids. However, this isn't the same ATTIC from their début, heck it's not even the same ATTIC from a couple of months ago. Paladin, without a doubt, leads his team to victory, but it's shifted from the team resting on his shoulders to charging alongside him.”

“That's so true Rinks. I mean, look at Worm On A Hook – it's rare to see an initiation-diver only have three deaths to their name considering just how many engages he made and against a team that has great counter-initiation.”

“You say that, but I'm going to go out there and give Jock's Trap my Yordle of the Match award for some stunning support play. Go over the replays and I'm sure you'll find those three-four-five man knock-up ultimates and slows, key polymorphisms and clutch shields a-plenty.”

We wouldn't let anyone mark us down as the underdogs.

“My word- that's a three for one in ATTIC's favour. Could we see a baron?”

“Not yet, Jensin. It's hard to know how Paladin will play things, but he's like a dog with a bone when it comes to advantages. Baron would be risky when he knows they've taken down CEG's top wave clearer but not their jungler.”

“Right you are Rinks, as ATTIC sweeps through that bottom jungle, taking away blue buff and sieging that inner turret.”

“CEG have to give it up, they know Dark Stormy Night is itching for a flash-unstoppable force and he's got enough armour to tank the turret for days.”

“Yes, that's one tower down. There's still another ten seconds on the respawns, what's going to happen next?”

“ATTIC will draw everyone to the bottom inhibitor turret while Worm picks up their own blue and moves to push the top lane. Paladin knows CEG can't counter it, so he doesn't mind telegraphing the plan.”

“Indeed that's what seems to be happening. ATTIC as a team is known for mobile compositions and Worm is making full use of this.”

“I'll be honest, Jensin, it's looking like a three-one for ATTIC. They have the superior position and I have faith that they won't throw this. It would take a miraculous engage from CEG to claw the teams back to even, but that window is small while Worm hammers down the top inner turret. At best, I see them landing enough poke to force ATTIC away and giving them some breathing room.”

“Let's not count out the reigning champs just yet. If the last few matches are any indication then a few thousand gold isn't nearly enough to decide who wins and loses.”

“Too right.”

However, sometimes life gets in the way.

“There's a pause. We've not been made aware of any technical problems, in fact it seems to have been called by ATTIC's manager. Wait- am I really hearing this right? They're forfeiting the match, citing a personal emergency.”

Sometimes life is important enough to get in the way.

“Go, Ed,” whispered James. “She's worth way more than a World Championship.”

I wanted to hug and thank him, but he pushed me into the car instead and slammed the door. Looking through the window, I thought I could make out a tear or two, and then I left. For the twenty or so minutes journey, feeling every bit like twenty hours, I just felt numb.

Someone, Laura I think, got me out at the hospital, ushered me inside and found out what room Cait stayed in. A nurse took me from there, not saying anything but patting my arm in a comforting-enough way.

“Ed,” she said, her voice so soft.

“Cait.”

Seeing her lying there with tubes and stitches, looking as pale as a ghost-

I cried so hard I could barely see, barely making it to her bedside where I lay my head on her hand. “You nearly died.”

Her other hand stroked my head, bringing back memories of so many nights, nights we might have never had again.

“You nearly died,” I repeated, clearer as my sobs subsided.

Gently, she pushed her hand up, guiding my face to look at her. “Yup,” she said, smiling.

I couldn't help it and laughed, so much relief flooding through me. “You didn't die,” I said, grinning.

“Come,” she said, patting the bed beside her.

Careful to avoid everything else, I eased on while she shuffled over a touch. I hadn't realised how cold her skin had felt before, but with our arms pressing together I couldn't not notice. “You're cold.”

“Yeah,” she said and, this time, I heard the heavy breath she needed before speaking again. “After-effects.”

Bringing a hand up, I felt her forehead, hot to the touch. “Do they know?”

“Yeah.”

I let my hand fall, stroking her cheek for a moment before sending it down to hold hers. “I'm sorry, we had to forfeit.”

She laughed, shaking her head a touch. “Look.”

Following where she pointed, I saw a laptop. “They're playing....”

“Four v five.”

Sitting up and forwards, I inspected the stream and, yes, my slot held Caitlyn and she stayed in the base, unmoving. “Those idiots, they should've just pulled up one of our subs. We would've stood a chance then.”

“Irreplaceable.”

I lay back down, listening to her breaths as they swayed from deep to shallow. After a while, long after the deciding game finished, I'd thought her asleep as her breathing had finally settled.

“You know, I'm supposed to be mad at you,” she said, slowly. “I wanted to see you holding that trophy, proving to the world you deserved all the respect and admiration you got and more. But, if I'm really honest, I'm glad you're here.”

Leaning over, I kissed her forehead. “Me too, Cait. Me too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Sometimes, the cycle of life and death continues.

“This isn't a game anyone wanted to see. We don't know why Paladin left and there's been no word on why their substitute isn't doing anything more than sitting in the base. I'm sorry folks, this has been a huge let down and, unless answers are forthcoming, Riot will be penalising ATTIC as per the collusion clause that describes unsportsmanlike behaviour.”

Legacies drift away, blown into eternity, like the sands of the desert.

“The officials, the fans and even the other players are demanding answers and I can only hope ATTIC has a good one.”

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Epilogue

A year had passed.

“It's that mid Caitlyn pick we've learned to count on the last match of any final with Paladin in it.”

We made it to the finals again.

“That's another victory under their belts.”

We made it to the final game.

“Paladin is simply untouchable, it's like he's playing for something held very dear to his heart.”

We won the final game.

“That's... that's game, set and match. In a remarkable performance, they have avoided giving away a single kill in an hour long game. Well then, let's give a round of applause for our world champions!”

I stood on the podium, millions of people watching me and I made damn well sure they had no questions.

“A year ago, I had nearly it made it to where I stand now, with the same team under the name of ATTIC.

“I let down a lot of people on that day and, while my team came under criticism for their decision in the final match, they did it as a sign of support for me, something which I am eternally grateful for.

“To our fans, I won't apologise for how quiet we've been since then. I understand we have hurt you, but I can't apologise. To those that stuck with us, supported us even when we didn't deserve it, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

“Our old sponsors also have my thanks. While many criticised them for dropping us, even though they'd have every right after what we did, I'll say now that we turned them down. It made this year hard and, for the most part, we relied on tournament winnings and the LCS salary to see us through. Yet, we still streamed a lot, because ends often needed to be met.

“Finally, I would like to thank all the other teams and people behind the scene that know what happened and have respected us enough to keep it to themselves.

“Last year, I had intended to win the tournament and use the prize money to throw the wedding of my fiancée’s dreams. However, for a while she'd had a heart condition and, on the day, she ended up undergoing serious surgery after it struck.

“She encouraged me and helped me grow as a person. She entered ATTIC for their first tournament, when we barely ranked Silver on the team ladder. She took on the managerial role for our team, doing amazing until her illness had her pass on her responsibilities to Jack. Without a doubt, she is the reason why ATTIC succeeded.

“So, it's no surprise that we changed our team name to honour her. After all the speculation on what Team C.C. stood for, I'll tell you today that we stand for kindness, understanding and the bonds that tie humans together.

“We honour Caitlin Crystal who, on this day last year, quietly passed away.

“We honour Cait by donating every single penny of our winnings to the charity she loved.”

Closing my eyes, I let out a shallow breath, smiling despite the tears.

“This is for you, Cait,” I whispered, holding the trophy up high, before shouting as loud as I could, “This is for you.”