I’m crazy for walking out of somebody’s life imagine having to send messages instead of just being able to talk to somebody that’s real crazy that’s that’s worse than how it is in the dreamworld because at least in the dreamworld you know they feel your projecting because you feel what they project I see somebody trying to make me think some so they can tease me and trick me at the last minute because if it wasn’t that reality it wouldn’t have to be forced this way it’s somebody that just wants to be able to have you ask a question they can have complete power in the moment to deny you I’ve had this happen so much we can just skip past the part where you get power and I just walk away again it’s weird it’s like they knew when I was about to leave for the next nurse lady to come in it’s like OK so you’re gonna just fake claim some sh*t because of the last person who was in the room I’m not supposed to be getting any help and I can’t tell if it’s because of raci*m or just bad publication I can’t even I don’t know how then they think I’m just doing things because I think it’s fun but if I know a jack*ss who thinks I have a specific disease is going to be meeting me first wouldn’t be better to make it as horrible as possible like if it’s only a cut that needs stitches it’s best to leave it out, so it pesters and festers so that you’ll need to have it cleaned stitched and stapled because they’ll just think I’m doing it because I like going to the hospit*l and they need to make me feel uncomfortable since I rarely feel that but why would I need to be and stay uncomfortable if that’s been my life anyway just a different type of uncomfortable isn’t gonna solve anything it’s just gonna be another different type of uncomfortable. That makes me live my life the same way with a twist exactly the same but you walk slower now OK so you see the same amount of women and everything you can keep in maintain the same eye contact receive all of the same signals and not be able to meet up to expectations every time the same way, then two different types of sui*ide experiences which is why someone can’t be happy or think that I am happy I don’t need to be more happy than this. Why do I have to be more happy than this I’d rather I’d rather not have anybody be able to take away or give me more safer that way if nobody can promise me forever, I can at least promise myself forever peace.

I’ll just walk in the socks on the they didn’t tell me to leave so they can make up the excuse that I told myself to leave they offered me a cab ride I don’t know where I’m going what the fuck man I have PT*SD and emotional relationship issues, so I can’t tell if you’re teasing me telling me what to do or threaten me to do or not to do something Here that does that mean go there or not I don’t know fuck what if somebody talks about it on a radio that means they had to keep the lie going with this b*tch claiming to be some type of figure in my life I don’t have to play their boomer game fuc*ing 80s antibiotics means the foot is infected so continuously staying out here means it should be amputated soon which is why he said he couldn’t find any metal and you’ll see it soon. You just keep refusing to treat what you know is a problem. Let me see how they edit the x-rays that I request since I already paid for dovetail every month.

They just keep treating me like a homel*ss person. Well I’m not letting me solve the problem so if I d*e never being able to go to some bullsh*t location it’s planned so I have to do something about that. That means I’m just gonna keep having homeless*ess problems and I’ll have to do is tell my social worker I can’t get any services or assistance after I have them switched back to Hamilton Sleeping on the streets, but not since I’d rather d*e from exhaustion from somebody forcing me to be on the streets without actually asking what I want and just trying to assume it based off of things they hacked me to see yeah I won’t tell them they’re gonna forcefully grant wishes that caused me problems But the one thing that I do like to do they’ll take away from me because they don’t I don’t care I’m k*lling myself because of it anyway, I can’t hike or play tag with my kids in the future and deal with the mu*der charge b*tch fuck all of them. It’s not anger it’s fu*ked, it’s factual. You learn something instead of being in love with somebody and that’s why this obsessi*n has turned disgusting and harmful. Yeah they think I’ll project this energy inside the house. Well at least did it. It would’ve been from a positive perspective instead of the fact, I know how I’m dying because I keep seeing it and I have to keep talking about it so it stays out of my head and that just makes some stupid b*tch uncomfortable who thinks that I have to act a certain way, and instead of just being myself, when I’m not being forced to act a certain way because of the fuc*ing b*tch, I don’t like the way that you’re acting because I’ve made you act this way fuc*ing k*ll myself man like making people frustrated because it’s done something for you, but you find somebody who knows how to deal with their emotional regulation professionally and you just keep damaging them until they d*e That’s your own fuc*ing beautiful nightmare solution is the one thing you’ve never been able to do in your relationship communicate what the fuck the problem is since you’re always the problem I’m always quiet dealing with my own shi* somebody wants me to be why do you want me to be your ex-boyfriend? I’m not the same as that. Motherf*ck*r, I am my own person that’s all this is how I like you, but I want you to be more like somebody I love, I think you’re interesting but not enough for me so I’m gonna try to change little things so I can like you k*ll myself Bro there’s people who would drag their testicles on glass and walk miles for women and I’m doing that to try to get away from one even though I love it’s just not a good air not a good atmosphere to somebody being able to continuously do this sh*t it’s acceptable because you can get away with it. I’m already dead because you’ve already wasted so much time that wasn’t necessary blaming me for problems you created I wonder why my mom was kicking me out so much to the point where I wouldn’t even go back if I had money to stop me from being kicked out you made it about money so I left with my money and then you blamed me for leaving After repeatedly kicking me out with the assistance of my mom why is that my problem? Why can’t you just be a normal person? The fuck is this gained like somebody’s less than you where they don’t get the courtesy of the instructions or the awareness of what the fuck is going on I’m happy my ill*ess is permanent confusion because it’s like I’m permanently concussed and it just proves everyone’s a piece of sh*t without me having to do anything since all I’m gonna be able to do. Is that respectfully and kind since I’m so confused, why would I want to act any other way? If my life is already the hardest it will ever fu*king be, do you think I haven’t already tried to st*b myself as a kid and do all of these things because of the same problem I’m having now it’s just easier managed because of how experienced I am with dealing with it if I was that’s why I haven’t already done something about it At least the confusion is familiar. The only reason I get to smile all they tell you to do once you’ve been hit by lightning because your life is gonna be weird and then a stupid bi*ch will make it worse so you better find something to smile about laugh at the irony of somebody forcing something that would happen naturally anyway, I already love you you already won. I sent you a peace flower because I see what would happen but you had to do the stupid games without even me so you’re playing me you can always tell the difference of when you’re invited in the game because you’ll be in it. Everybody on the other side is in on this dumb fuc*ing Joke so they to laugh at the brut*lity of the situation and save themselves, having to question their own humanity, if you think about it you’re just like the people who help facilitate Peter S*ully because he got to do things through a work you’re just doing what he did to the Filipino I’m the Filipino girl these people are Peter S*ully. I just have to wait till the same thing that happened to him happens to these people. Our person, but that explains the fear and avoidance.

I have hom*less problems because no one supposed to know where my home is that’s basically the same as not having a home and if my condition means I’m confused this is the longest sui*ide note ever. It’s not gonna happen abruptly and you can’t make it happen because you think everybody k*lls themselves in the same way you don’t know what it’s like to be happy about dying, I’m so happy I figured that out because it makes so much sense to me how to identify the way you think

That’s why you have to force your perspective the way you experienced. It makes you have to act that way since you believe it to be the truth of reality since that’s just how most people live their life and you assume that’s the same way people feel when they d*e, regardless of how they do it, but that’s not the truth I can’t take things seriously and McLeod because I’ve always had fun with my near de*th experiences and being unconscious on the other side until I’ve been forced back Because I was able to perceive what was over with a clear of chem*cal or emotional assistance I’m not confused about what over there the only thing that confuses me is and why people do backwards sh*t imagine being able to do logistics to this level and not just approach someone who has difficulty approaching people, but you know this, so you send other people to approach them other than yourself Can you k*ll me please instead of wasting my life I’ll do it myself when I have my time so that you can’t benefit or get anything out of it other than the realization that you wasted your time because I’ve been telling you from the beginning you’re wasting my time and you think I’m doing the same thing to you because you don’t want to accept the reality Who cares I don’t have a choice but to accept it and you get to choose whether or not you want to and I guess that’s just the benefits of not being me

No he’s a s*umbag de*ler sketchy and manipulative. User no actually that’s just you trying to make me into something others can’t trust so that I can be like you. These are all the problems they had so they’re hoping for me to make my life worse like they did, instead of being able to work work to make it better because in their mind, somebody was always making it worse for them because they weren’t smart enough to figure out the lesson so even if I know the lesson and the answer these fuc*ing pieces of sh*t already fuc*ed with me so I can’t Pass regardless it’s better off that I k*ll myself believe that I can go get the p*lls today you think I would’ve been able to figure out the reason I’m confused as much as I am is the only reason I’m capable of figuring things out like this that’s why you think you can blame it on the surfaces because of the people when it’s just a goof trying to make me think this is how society treats people when I’ve been here so many times and got out it just makes them feel bad for not being smart, in the same way since they’re smart in a different way And then I’m supposed to have an opinion about it, that they care about and do something about it I’ve never met people, obsess or in love with me and hate me because of them being in love with me seems like a bunch of bullsh*t to harass somebody because they have nothing going on in their life other than trying to find people to do this too. They just got stuck doing this to somebody that didn’t deserve it after I exposed them so now they have to do it. So sad.

End up, giving themselves dementia from the reality of knowing what they’re doing while doing it and not being able to ignore it, but all they be able to get themselves drunk or intoxicated of dr*gs to not think about it. Why would you fight me in this way?

You already won and you wanted to fight so nobody would win he didn’t want to win you just wanted to fight. I don’t know I don’t care. I’ve already been able to figure out your m*ntal illn*ss and the future of my life being fuc*ed over by you and I can just take a shortcut and choose when I d*e and I’m just gonna reserve that for myself I won’t need multiple attempts, it’s not gonna be the same way that you did it. I’ll be fully conscious and I’ll be laughing and enjoying myself when I take my exhale for the last time why do you think everyone is the same?

I’m so proud of myself for figuring it out. My my prize was the grippy songs. They’re trying to make me think I’m crazy I just don’t care because I’m confused stupid why do you think I don’t get stayed in the psych w*rd fuc*ing goofy you can’t be m*ntally ill if you’re confused because all you do when you’re confused act nicely and ask questions m*ntal ill people hurt people obviously look at my fuc*ing situation in my life goof.

Because I told them I was an exception to the rule and an outlier they had to give me common problems. Do you know what stupid about that you’re giving me a problem that’s normal which makes it uncommon because it’s never forcefully subjected on people so that’s why I get to Prove another way doesn’t matter. If you think everyone’s the same what does that do other than make it easy for you to treat people same not everybody deserves to be treated the same equally does not mean quality equity yeah, just because everybody has the same thing doesn’t mean having the same thing as someone else results in your life being the same as theirs Not everybody is 6 foot doesn’t matter if you gave everybody 1 foot surgery to increase their height, it would make up there less and some more than 6 feet I don’t think I’m special. I have been hit by lightning and I don’t have a choice. Why do you think normal people get emotional confused people keep acting confused I don’t even mean I want to be more hurtful but I can’t because all I keep doing is trying to explain things to people who think I’m barking bark bark bark, you think you’re special you’re acting like an alien on purpose you’re telling yourself things instead of asking somebody what their problem is because you want them to be something they’re not by force why would I pretend to be confused because I like being hom*less and like being genuinely happy, instead of just happy, and whatever moment, I find joy that’s why I know I can find joy dying. I found it before by accident.

Now that I can’t walk, I’m supposed to know where I’m going, but if I’ve never known, what’s the point of you telling me I can drive somewhere the same as a ticket to nowhere I’m not even supposed to be here in the first place because of this bullsh*t problem, can you take me to the afterl*fe so I can see Robin and have some sense of rationality in my fu*king life do you want to trick me into going to my mom‘s house so that I can be more confused on top of already being confused? Not to mention things that won’t ever be cleared up confused and just in pain from being around visual stimulation that’s confusing the worst kind of pain I don’t even know what an enemy is because I can’t Convince myself long enough for my enemy I end up getting confused. I don’t talk into loops doesn’t matter I have logic I’ll just confuse myself into not caring, even if I want to k*ll you brutally because of what you did to my life I’m confused, I’d rather not even bother You for you you have to do sh*t to me I already know that means you have to live a sh*t life so me being a victim already means I’m living life better than whatever the fuck you got going on not to put up with they don’t know what I’ve already been through, so this is it makes what I went through as a kid training so that this is capable of being done with a smile instead of how I was acting as a child stuck with a frown pissed at everyone and everything since being hit by lightning. I got blessed where I can be happily confused It’s not that I don’t care. I don’t know doesn’t matter if you believe me or not it’s not gonna change anything.

Yeah, because they keep trying to pull strings from j*il. You just have to be patient for some thing very specific to happen to the j*ilhouse computer systems.

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