NameIsJolly

Paging Dr. Nate - Lavender

Apr 4th, 2012
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  1. >"Paging Dr. Nate."
  2. >You know, they don't always have to say that when you have an appointment or an emergency
  3. >This isn't a hospital, it's a vet
  4. >You say a quick goodbye to Faggoty Anon (Raggety Ann? Fuck you.)
  5. >You hope to god he takes your advice and metaphorically drowns that cumstain Skittles in that anti-shock spray
  6. >You turn around to face the waiting room; you were right at the door
  7. >According to your secretary, your next patient is a guy and a small lavender-colored unicorn named lavender
  8. >Creative naming there, slut
  9. "Mr. Grace?"
  10. >This guy comes up immediately; all the concerned ones do
  11. >"That's me."
  12. "Get over here, man. Let me see her."
  13. >He walks with you down the hallway and you give lavender a look-over
  14.  
  15. >In your office you set the mare down on your table
  16. >It's just sitting there
  17. >Not asking to pway or for skapetties, or any of that
  18. shit
  19. >Frankly, it's kind of beautiful
  20. >A comatose fluffy pony
  21. "I don't see any problems with it."
  22. >"What? It's just sitting there, man!"
  23. >
  24. "I don't see how that's a problem."
  25. >"Ha fucking ha, this is serious. She's been like that for a week now, I haven't found a way to snap her out of it."
  26. "Uh huh. Look, I understand your concern, fluffies almost never act like this, but this doesn't seem like a medical problem. You should find, like, a fluffy pony therapist or something."
  27. >"They have those?"
  28. >You don't fucking know
  29. "I don't know. If they don't, look on craigslist for fluffy pony studs, that should cheer her up."
  30.  
  31. >He is visibly upset by your more-than-liberal attitude
  32. >"Come on, man! Can't you just, like, give her a check-up? There's gotta be something wrong with her that's making her like this!"
  33. >You sigh like a teenage girl
  34. "FINE."
  35. >You give lavender; The Look-Over
  36. >>Temperature check
  37. >>Eye exam
  38. >>Urine examination
  39. >>Checking of blood-pressure using a testing device that resembles a rubber band
  40. >>You even perform a blood-test on her because she's to depressed to squirm away from the needle
  41. >>The sight of her just taking it is visibly shocking her daddy
  42. "Alright. That's that."
  43. >"That's that?"
  44. "Yep, just waiting on the results of the piss test. I still haven't seen those, but I'd say so far that she's the picture of health."
  45. >The owner is almost in tears
  46. >"Jesus, man... you know, it wouldn't be as bad if I just knew what was wrong with her."
  47.  
  48. >Another sigh
  49. >You look to Lavender
  50. >She's just sitting there. Awake, but not making any eye contact or moving at all.
  51. >She's like those pictures of starving African kids you laugh at so much
  52. "I'm sorry, dude, but there's nothing more that I can do. This is a psychological problem, most likely. Has she experienced anything traumatic lately?"
  53. >He stares down a bit and his eyes go wide
  54. >But you don't pay attention
  55. >Because the analysis machine just beeped: popcorn's ready
  56. >You turn to investigate the results of the piss test
  57. >As you hypothesized; nothing is fucking wrong with Lavender
  58. >HOWEVER
  59. >It does say that she has been subject to pregnancy
  60. >Huh
  61. >You turn to Mr. Grace with tears in his eyes
  62. >Okay, you've seen enough abusive owners to know where this is going
  63. >You take Mr. Grace outside the room to talk without Lavender hearing
  64. "Alright, spill it, what did you do?"
  65.  
  66. >
  67. >
  68. >"I may have been too harsh with her."
  69. "What did you do, nigger."
  70. >"Okay, I got her from a pound where they all had this "outside time" thing every day. I live in the city, so I can't just let her play in the street! But one time these religious fucks came to the door and she just rushed out, and I found her getting humped in a fucking alley!"
  71. "Uh huh."
  72. >"Whatever I was doing, she just wasn't getting that she's not supposed to play outside! So I, you know, let her go full term!"
  73. >
  74. "Uh huh?"
  75. >"That's it."
  76. "That's not it."
  77. >"What?"
  78. "Fluffies don't just get the life sucked out of them giving birth. I mean, sure, it hurts, and it's hard enough doing it without exploding, but it usually goes right back to being a fucktard right after it hugs its little demon-spawn. What else did you fucking do, idiot?"
  79. >
  80. >This nigger's fucking crying now
  81. >"I killed it... I took it out into the street and... crows ate it and... I made her watch..."
  82. >That sounds about right
  83. "Yeah, that's too much."
  84. >You bring the guy, crying, to the waiting room and tell him to wait for you
  85. >Stealthily tell the nurse to call the police; this man is guilty of fluffy pony abuse
  86. >She calls the police
  87. >Within a few minutes, the boys in blue are here
  88. >"Topher Grace?"
  89. >His name is Topher Grace? Classic
  90. >"Yeah?"
  91. >"You're under arrest for fluffy pony abuse in the form of mistreating a baby fluffy pony and psychologically torturing a fully grown mare."
  92. >He comes peacefully, but crying
  93. >He gets hit with a baton anyway
  94. >Lol police brutality
  95.  
  96. >You return to your office, stalling on your next appointment
  97. >Lavender is still sitting there
  98. >She quickly realizes that it's just you
  99. >She looks up at you
  100. >
  101. >
  102. "Uh, your daddy's dead."
  103. >
  104. >
  105. >A single tear runs down her face, but no shivering or whimpering or yelling
  106. >
  107. >Fucking weird little cunt
  108. >In moments, uniformed men come to take the fluffy pony to the orphanage
  109. >You pretend to be all happy as they drive away
  110. >You realize
  111. >Lavender will never be adopted because no one wants a shitty sad fluffy pony
  112. >Lol
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