Feb 2026

Social fail, was invited to sit down talk to these two girls and I panicked and left lmao. Damn. That's probably my biggest problem, doesn't matter if I'm a millionaire or something, if I don't get laid in my mind I'm a loser.

It's funny even if I'm at the office and don't have to work, I'm bored and so I'll just work, might as well. Eventually though first I gotta shitpost.

I think I'm gonna write a chrome extension that hides my points on this website so I don't care about it, I'm like a pavlovian dog unfortunately.

Lately I've just been pissed off by having a job. I'm stuck, mental power used up by 8 hours a day. It's my own fault, I've had several six-figure jobs an I'm still broke years later. Crashing cars, burning money on strippers, alcohol, giving away too much money (over $100K at this point).

I did decide until I get my sports car/track, I'll stay under 100 mph.

Assuming my life keeps going as it is (good job, paying off debt) the only real negative thing I have is speeding. It is hard for me to stay under 100 mph. That's something that could potentially immediately stop my life if I got caught. I'm thinking about crippling my car so I physically can't go that fast.

Not drinking is going well, 7 days in. Still have self-esteem problems you know, like getting butthurt over online talk but I'm starting to distance myself from that. It's just a waste of mental energy.

I was bad last night, luckily I came out unscathed but damn. Maybe I do need to quit alcohol unless I'm at a controlled environment like a friend's house. I just bypass my own limits when I'm lit. I'm on an upward trajectory interviewing for a $140K job highest I have ever made if I got it. I guess it is time to quit drinking. Next will be speeding but seems if I stay under a hundred no jail time. I was at 150mph last night damn. Funny I go into a bathroom and this song "wish you would step back from that ledge my friend" is playing which I'm not in that direction but yeah, still negative trend.

I did my first weekend of no drinking, wrote my own code, was good, put the money I would have spent on alcohol towards debt.

Another potential interview for AI Applications Engineer damn that's the hotness right now. I have fear, self-doubt but I'm doing it now. I need the upside, get out of debt faster. I feel like I've gained control of my life again, I've reduced the amount of money I was giving away every month to my families eg. $2.5K+ vs. $600 per month. Also not going out anymore or hitting the strip club dropping $1.2K a night. I want my desert ranch, sports car and no 9-5 job.

https://pastebin.com/XZWrf7kg (Jan 2026)