Pokephilic Breeding Thread 4: Regarding Partners

Pokephilic Breeding Thread 4: Regarding Partners
Tags: Pokephilia, 'Ficticious NonFiction', Non-Story Format
(Prequel found here: pastebin.com/uh7fAUF9)

Jarred and Pippa here. You guys like asking really hard questions, you know that?

>Any romantic partners, or does breeding complicate that?

Jarred: For me: Yes to both. Oria, my wife, is a Gardevoir. She does partake in breeding, but she’s more selective than even I am. She’s more inclined to the customer service side of things really. She’s studying university level musicianship (which should tell you a lot about where we are geographically) and plays viola. She wants to get into an orchestra.
It was a painful process for her, but she elected to have ‘lace patterns’ scarified into her dress to turn it into a wedding dress. It came as a hell of a surprise to me, but she wanted it done and was actively using her powers to keep me from noticing. Special occasions she has me all to herself. We’re… not quite financially viable for a family yet, but she’s patient.
Yes she is telepathic, but no we became an item without that being an influence (she always just assumed her telepathy was actually just her own thought process and didn’t realise it until Pippa and I sat her down and made her face it).
Incidentally, I looked into that whole pokeblooded thing since last we were asked. Turns out that there’s a chance the child could come out a noticeably human blooded pokemon too. Either way, it’s strictly a live birth, even if it’s a pokemother. Make of that what you will.
…Don’t pry into how I found out that detail.

Pippa: Yes to both for me too. You… need partners who are willing to share. More to the point, you need to be willing to share your partners, fairness is the only way things work out and jealousy can’t have a place in this line of work. Sex comes with complicated feelings - casual dispassionate sex kind of fucks with the whole point in my opinion. So… as strange and perhaps painful as it might be, yes I do fall in love with all my partners and I do love all my offspring. I can… smell it if they’re mine. It’s strange, but all human mothers say the same thing.
Anyway, my husband, Argus, is a Luxray. He’s… my first love and we’ve been together ever since the beginning of my training career. It’s funny actually, I always assumed he was an intimidating bully, even as a Shinx, but… no, it turned out he was just super protective. I found that one out when a pissed off Quilava decided to try and do me serious damage (I was laid up for ages, I’ve got some burn scarring on my left side from that incident). Argus, a Luxio at the time, got in the way and copped it worse than I did - stone cold fucker he is, didn’t even flinch.
What I do know, is that Quilava lived… Just.

>How’d you meet your partners?

Jarred: I was a pretty shit trainer all things considered. I couldn’t catch shit, zero access to a starter, I just kind of wandered around hoping pokemon would take pity on me. Other trainers would challenge me and I would have to be honest, ‘I haven’t got shit’. Most trainers are nice people though, and more often than not I was met with advice and friendly faces. This one guy however, was the first of the ‘fuck you, if you don’t have pokemon I’m just going to fight you’ persuasion I’d met - of which I met plenty, sent out the mildest mannered Ralts ever. See, thing about Ralts is, they know when you’re a straight-up fuckhead, and generally avoid those people, which means this one was chased down. This one hadn’t been taken to the pokemon centre since she’d been caught - still had Houndour bites all over.
Instead of fighting, she just ran to my side.
Now, I don’t like fighting, but this wound up my personal watershed moment. Prior to this, I was just hoping to… I dunno, just wind up with a pokemon in my lap I guess?
From this day forth however, I was known as ‘that crazy bastard who insists to be counted as one of his six team members’.
Pro-tip, if you ever get into a fight with a Kabutops, base of the skull is softer than the rest of the carapace.
Also, always rake your knuckles downward on impact when punching a Nidoking. If you don’t shed enough momentum, ‘Equal or Opposite Reaction’ means you’ll shatter your knuckles.
Anyway, back to the story.
The Ralts, as you can probably guess by now turned out to be Oria was in a sorry state. Such a sorry state in fact that the guy’s Houndour (he goes by the name Ember these days), flat out refused orders when I started beating the guy’s face in. It’s one thing to chase down a pokemon, it’s another to kick them while they’re down - For those who don’t know Houndour are honourable to a fault and very intelligent, acting dishonourable or just stupid will instantly lose you respect in their eyes.
And, that’s how I met Oria and Ember.
Shortly after, Oria evolved into a Kirlia and that’s kind of when our relationship started.

Pippa: Ember’s an amazing guy and if Argus hadn’t already been in my life at that point, I could easily see myself falling for him. But I suspect that wouldn’t have worked out, he’s kind of always been his own man. Never was either of our pokemon really, he wore his own pokeball on his harness and just kind of stood by whoever he felt like fighting on behalf of when it came gym time. He’s a Houndoom now,
So Argus was my first pokemon, and the story is fairly uninteresting. I drank from a stream one day and this curious little Shinx just followed me after that.
What was interesting was that Quilava fight I mentioned. That was a wild one with a sheer hatred for humans. No idea what’s wrong with it, only that my call-in to the pokemon centre is the only reason it lived, but it tried to kill the nurse tending to it.
That was the second time Argus wound up picking pieces of it out of his claws.
I think that was the point where he and I really started our relationship though, he took a hell of a beating for me and kind of acted like it was no big deal. It was sweet.

>What's the most esoteric partner each of you have had?

Jarred: I’m going to say a Ditto, but bear with me, there’s a story here.
Pippa: Ah yeah, Karen.
Jarred: Most Dittos aren’t… bright. They eat when they’re hungry, sleep when they’re tired, fuck when they’re horny. Really base instincts drive them half the time. Breeders debate on the ethics of keeping Ditto around, but honestly everyone sort of agrees ‘better they’re in breeding facilities than out in the wild’ as a public and countryside… not quite safety matter but… A group of ditto unchecked will outcompete other pokemon in the area for food, run other pokemon out of their territories, and so on - and they’ll do it all without even realising they’re doing it. They don’t drive other pokemon away for instance, but it’s kind of hard to move a Ditto when they’ve decided your den’s a great place to sleep so they might as well just stay and move in.
Pippa: And then there’s Karen.
Jarred: She - I know Ditto are technically… they’re not genderless as such are they? they’re whatever gender they feel like at the time… regardless, Karen is a Ditto that exclusively uses female forms. She goes by about three aliases, lives as a human, runs a breeding facility in Alola where they don’t ask too many questions (Karen’s not the name she uses for her business persona - we’re sworn to keeping that one to ourselves) and she’s a lot smarter than your average Ditto.
Pippa: As in, she got the hang of human language. She said she learnt it off a Lucario which makes sense. She also worked out how to avoid accidental ‘Ditto-face’.
Jarred: Yeah actually, Ditto-face is the result of them not working out the expressions they’re supposed to emulate, so they go slack in a weird uncanny valley kind of a way. Karen doesn’t have that problem. She’s got a masters in economics I believe - her university don’t know she’s not human. Anyway, she’s a good friend… at least after the whole fiasco with Oria was sorted out. Dittos have a weird sense of humour, they think it’s funny when they completely assume another person’s role convincingly - they like seeing how long they can last without being found out. She… kind of managed to emulate Oria… very convincingly…
Pippa: As in, mid-coitus was when he worked it out.
Jarred: Everyone has their ‘thing’ you see. I know some breeders who got into it for the teethmarks. Oria… likes being doted upon. Like, foreplay is me brushing her teeth for her levels of doted upon. I thought she was just having an off day when it wasn’t making her heart skip a beat, so I went for the main event and…
Pippa: Karen’s ‘thing’ it turns out it is mid-sex transformation.
Jarred: She kept it small scale, only transforming her insides… It was like sticking my dick into a front-load washing machine. Felt great but… Gardevoir don’t feel like that. Only later I learnt that Oria left me a message saying she was visiting a friend that night and was going to be home late. Thankfully she found the story hilarious.
Pippa: She did threaten to cut Karen into an array of perfectly even sized cubes if she ever pulled that stunt again though.
Jarred: and guess who’s never pulled that stunt again.
Pippa: That you know of.
Jarred: … moving on.

Pippa: I… had to be reminded the other day that Arbok isn’t what people generally consider ‘vanilla’, so I’ve a very skewed opinion on what constitutes ‘esoteric’. I’ve talked about Slowbros, Mimikyus, Muks… Yeah, I’m the wrong person to ask that question to. I’m tempted to say Weezing or something of that body type for sheer awkwardness, but that’s just me being flippant now. Then again, I expected my brother to mention Lurantis as being his most esoteric, so what do I know?
Hmm… Probably a Yamask making me doing a whole slew of… lets say ‘exhibitionist’ activities while he had me possessed.

>Exhibitionist Activities?

Pippa: Yeah, the Yamask got off on just strutting around their possessed.
So, public flashing, public masturbation, that kind of stuff.
Being a ghost pokemon, they can also pull tricky shit that keeps the consequences of such behaviours from biting you in the arse, which is handy indeed.
Not that he really needed to possess me to make me do it, I've jacked off Argus in public places, but I think part of the appeal was the control and I do have to be honest, there is something kind of hot about ceding *all* control to another for the purposes of lewd acts.
Oh, I think I did a whole gloryhole type deal in that time too… I distinctly remember that not every cock was human…

>Do pokemon with a high percentage of human traits develop any differently than their peers?

Jarred: For an egg made with a human, no developmental differences. Its just they have humanoid secondary sexual characteristics. Strictly speaking, it’s just a regular pokemon with a wider moveset that humans would find more fuckable.
But for live birth pokemon, that’s a whole different ballgame. That’s basically a human with pokemon characteristics. Evolution maps onto human development cycles and is a gradual process. It’s not a big flash of light, it’s a steady growth cycle. It really sucks for the Gardevoir line actually, those horns are part of their bone structure and having to slowly dissolve and eject them as part of growing up isn’t fun - it’s a bloody godawful mess and I hope you have bandages, painkillers and chocolate on hand. Gallade have it worse, those elbow blades have to grow from something after all.

>What's the deal with Nidoqueen's apparent infertility?

Pippa: Reread your pokedex, Nidorina and Nidoqueen are overly protective of *their young*.
Jarred: hey, hey, calm your tits, remember, common knowledge to breeders ain’t common knowledge to most…
Pippa: Fine…
Jarred: It’s not infertility. It’s environment. Offspring are an incredible investment for them in terms of resources - as a result their bodies are super susceptible to environmental and emotional changes, and if it’s not perfect, body just doesn’t ovulate. Nidoran females, due to being underdeveloped, haven’t gotten that sensitivity yet, means they fuck anything that moves and churn out eggs in rapid succession - but eggs also have a high failure rate and many of the eggs they squeeze out turn out to be unfertilised anyway. Soon as they evolve to Nidorina, it’s like shotgun approach becomes a scalpel - Nidorina and Nidoqueen in the wild have the highest egg success rate of all pokemon (it’s near 100%), but they’ll only ever tend to a tiny clutch at a time.
I only know of one human out there who successfully bred a Nidoqueen ‘in captivity’. He is specifically not a breeder (an accountant if I recall). They also happen to be husband and wife and have been together eighteen years and their firstborn was eleven years into their marriage.

>Wait, but if Pokemon are often as intelligent as humans…?

Pippa: Have you ever had an irrational dread in the pit of your gut that stops you from eating until absolutely famished and doesn’t seem to go away no matter what you do?
Jarred: I think you’re just describing depression.
Pippa: Oh… Well, like that but with sex and it takes much less general melancholy to trigger it.
Jarred: You’ll find intellect is oftentimes what lets people (pokemon and humans alike) argue for the validity of irrational bullshit that gets in their own way - easier to come up with excuses if you’ve half a brain and a penchant for self-bullshitting.
Pippa: You’ll find that Nidoqueens that hang around humans get overly apologetic. They’re not obviously tightly wound, but they obsess over how they’re perceived by their humans. Pay attention, you’ll be able to notice the anxious undercurrent if you’re perceptive.
Jarred: They need to be truly, honestly comfortable in your presence. It’s why Nidoqueens who partner up with Rangers seem the happiest, the freedom to come and go with zero expectation of mutual commitment is liberating.


>What's the most 'human' pokemon you’ve encountered, in terms of genes?

Jarred: it’s simultaneously a hard science that can be measured to the micron, and a slap-dashed trade of ‘whatever works’ because you don’t have the time or resources to measure fuck all.
Pippa: In other words, he doesn’t know for sure.
Jarred: We’ll avoid the obvious ones, engineered pokemon like Mewtwo for instance exist because of brute force genetic engineering with a human bodyplan as template.
Pippa: That was a scandal and a half when that became public knowledge…
Jarred: It’s hard to place objective measures, but a few fighting types, the Tyrogue and Machop lines for instance, bears strong resemblances in digestion and musculature to the point where diet and fitness advice that applies to humans also apply to them. Meanwhile, many psychic pokemon, Jynx, Alakazam, Gardevoir, have psychopathology that’s identical to humans - as in, their mental processes are so similar that they suffer mental illness the same way humans do. Psychologists don’t like dealing with Abra line patients because of what I mentioned before about arguing for the validity of own neuroses - cracking one and making them confront the things that make them hurt is often seen as a career making moment for a reason.
Pippa: The big problem with this question is that breeding success is normally where the line’s drawn when it comes to biology and genetics, except pokemon don’t play by the same rules as regular animals for the most part, and humans ‘interacting’ with pokemon break even those rules. This question just leads into a never ending rabbithole of asterisks and ‘I dunno’s’ really.


>Got Another Lewd Anecdote for us?

Pippa: I got this one, been itching to tell it for ages because, holy shit man.
So, we all know who Team Plasma were, yeah?
For those out of the loop, it’s what happens when an idealist decides to start ‘la revolucion’ and winds up being too naive to realise when he’s being played, but too useful to simply be gotten rid of. So it’s basically Team Rocket’s better PR’d little brother.
See, there was a massive schism inside the organisation. There were the genuine crooks who were in on the con of just using this as a way to muscle into power and fortune, and then there were the idealists who genuinely believed themselves harbingers of the pokemon revolution. So, what happens when the former’s ruthlessness colours the demands placed upon the latter?
Well, you get funny shit like what I’m about to spill.
So, Tentacruel as a pokemon is kind of a dick. I mean they’re called ‘gangsters of the sea’ for fuck’s sakes! What most people don’t know is that the 14 tentacles they use to get around, is just the minimum number required to support their bodyweight out of water - it takes them a lot of effort to coordinate them, weaker proprioception (knowing where your limbs are without looking at them) than us. They actually have upwards of 80. Each. And unlike regular squids or octopus, all of them can take role of feeding, beating or breeding arm.
So, back in my trainer days, I was getting paid by one of the Jennys to check out a noise complaint for her - she kind of had a lot on her plate and couldn’t find anyone permanent to deputise so she’d get passing trainers to do the menial ‘keep the peace’ type shit.
WELL. Turned out that the noise complaint, coming from a sea-side cave, was a training ground for Plasma recruits, by one of the idealist clades, but they were directly answering to one of the ruthless clades, and it turned out they higher ups were… unimpressed by the lacking progress of the lower groups’ training and initiation.
So they combined the two into one of the most fucked up, and still fucking hilarious to me, ideas I’ve ever witnessed. It was criminality exam of sorts. You were strapped up in your underwear, in stocks and chains, with a hair pin or a paperclip or something that can make an impromptu lockpick right?  There were pokeballs filled with various ground, electric and psychic pokemon - y’know, mons super effective against Tentacruel. There was another pile of empty pokeballs - guess who wasn’t told ahead of time which pile was which.
There’s a reason they were in their underwear too. It was for easy access to the two dozen Tentacruel locked in a reinforced cage on a timer. It was also so that the body could be sprayed down directly with the pungent odour of mating pheromones - those things that signal to the Tentacruel’s tentacle receptors that your body is willing.
Exam was simple see, pick locks, get out of binds, fend off and catch the Tentacruel, leave via the locked down access tunnel carved into the back of the cave which lead straight to an empty clearing a mile up.
I happened to walk in on an exam where every single participant failed.
Imagine my surprise to witness one girl who was smaller than I am now somehow manage to take the full 80 from one of the Tentacruel. Took me *years* to get to the point where I could pull that off without doing myself damage.
She… I don’t think she’d taken pokecock before…
So here I am, watching about a dozen odd humans, get absolutely *ravished* by these pokemon. Male, female, didn’t matter. Tentacruel have a 50/50 gender split in their population, so whatever, something was there for everyone. Technically speaking, I was supposed to go down and sort it out but… I decided to hold off until the Tentacruel were done and in full refractory period before I did because it was just me and Argus and fuck that fight.
That took hours. Do you know what it’s like to wade through an ankle deep puddle of Tentacruel cum? Now picture a cave full of this. I uhh… liberated the Plasma potentials, some of the Tentacruel had fallen asleep without pulling their tentacles out, and ‘arrested’ them. By that I mean I just kind of dragged them away because they weren’t going to fight with me.
I’m still friends with many of them come to think of it.
So Jenny let them clean up, and impressed upon them the severity of the more ruthless clade’s crimes. In turn, she finally had an answer as to why Tentacool seem to be popping up all over the organisation’s ranks (yeah, all the girls laid eggs later…).
I think they were kind of put off the whole revolution thing after that incident, but they all in one way or another doubled down on their pokemon centric worldviews. A couple of the girls did start a business in Alola where it’s pretty much the same set up - people pay to see if they can conquer and keep one of the Tentacruel before they get out and ravish them… they make a mint now I think about it.
Jarred: Pippa makes it a point to head over every summer to… ‘see how the business is doing’.
Pippa: Unrelated, I save us a lot of money on locksmiths these days.


>Speaking of Jenny, does she/they… with their-

Jarred: Any comment regarding that subject can be treated as defamatory at best or seditious at worst and I can neither confirm nor deny the existence or lack thereof of any pokephilic congress.
That’s… my official statement as we technically do business with them from time to time.
Pippa: When government institutions disallow people from talking about a subject there’s usually a reason. I’m not in the right position to make a judgement as to whether they’re good or bad reasons. Make of that what you will.


>What about the Joys?

Jarred: I dunno.
Pippa: This medium doesn’t let me convey the exacting details of my shrugging, so you’re going to have to take my word on how overwrought it was.


Cheers,
Jarred

XO,
Pippa