I really cant tell if this is because of codependency or pure love, but every part of my brain basically screams at me telling me this break is wrong. It’s only been like a day and a half and that makes it hard and kinda unfair, but I feel like all the problems I brought up a few days prior to this happening are not nearly as significant as I had put them out to be. I keep making excuses in my head for why a break would be a good thing, but all of them feel fake. Like “oh boy I get to sleep around if I want now”. Sounds nice in theory to my brain but bitch what does that compare to love? Lmfao.

Obviously, yes, I think it sucks that you aren’t 18 and that makes it hard to do things I want to do as a couple. But we’ve been dealing with that for over a year now, so im not really sure why I figured now should be a breaking point. It honestly probably relates back to general stress over the past couple weeks. But I don’t want my stress to be a determining factor for us being together. We’re supposed to improve together as a couple, that’s the point of love.

I do think that the idea of codependency and repetition are true though. However I think that’s something we can work through now that we both realize it. Just in general I think we’ve both underappreciated each other, at least I can say I have. Its easy to just assume our bond and connection are weak and replaceable when we have a stagnant schedule, but realizing just how much you’re willing to be hurt and make the hard decision for my sake hit me deep over the last day of thinking.

To be honest, one of the points where I decided that we rushed our relationship in the beginning was when I faced the question of what parts of you I could genuinely compliment. I felt stuck on the question for a while. It really hurt myself honestly that I couldn’t find anything off the top of my head to say I loved about you. I suppose in a more clear light there’s a lot more things that come to mind; the sheer level of your undying love in kindness is actually appalling to me despite your wellbeing, ur short lol but that’s actually a really big deal to me for some reason I love your height so much, how youre really cringey with your jokes sometimes but its really adorable to poke fun at that fact and have you get all social awkwardly pouty, I could probably go on for a while with this if need be, but this isn’t really the time or place to do so, ill save that for when we resolve things.

Anyways, I know it’s kinda unfair and selfish for me to be saying stuff like this now after all I’ve said the past few days. Kinda makes me feel like a piece of shit, and I hate the idea of wanting to refute your extremely hard decision and effort in like, less than a few days. I totally understand if you think this is still for the better, but I just feel like we can make a conscious effort to somewhat ‘restart’ our relationship. Like go on dates as like friends, but still be together if that makes sense. Less affection, more just genuinely getting to know each other. I still stand by my statement that I don’t know you well. I can certainly explain how you are as a person unlike I claimed before, but I want to know the small details that you may be embarrassed to know or just haven’t had an opportunity to talk about. And id be more than happy to relay the same back to you. Just spend the last few months before you’re 18 strengthening our bond instead of expecting a break to fix things, yano? Ill understand whatever decision you make but my shitty ass indecisive brain has resolved a lot of the internalized problems it’s created.

*after note: I really want to deepen our bond tbh. I feel like despite our relationship we aren’t as close as I want us to be. Idk I think you being 18 will help with that but idk I just really really love you and want to share all my deepest experiences and thoughts with you.

*after edit: i really don't mean to play with your emotions im sorry