The Sultry Swamp Review

The Sultry Swamp Review

Francisco, I've noticed you leave off commas on the end of lines of dialogue. It hurts to read when every break in dialogue for description has a grammatical error. Stop doing that. You are clearly experienced enough to not make such rookie mistakes.

Aside from that, you have several smaller errors throughout the document, like "you no nothing" instead of "you know nothing" on line 62. There's also double spaces here and there.  These mistakes occur more often that they should. I get the feeling you are not a native English speaker, but you still absolutely need to work on that, considering you write so many stories that are so damn long.

The plot is a bit simplistic for my tastes. It's cut and dry and has no real pizzazz to it. You did follow the instructions Smutomancer laid out about what Fernweh's motivations are - finding a home and all that - but it's literally just her and Hammerbane meeting each other, not even getting to know each other, and then just suddenly getting it on.

Fernweh seems to fit the design document Smutomancer gave. Maybe a little too closely - it feels like you were trying to follow his recommendations to the letter. It's understandable since this is the first Littlest Nymph story and you were clearly concerned with establishing the character without straying from the boundaries Smutomancer tried to set, but still.

Hammerbane is a different case. He's fine as far as an evil warlord goes, a bit of a prissy git, and that's good characterization. The big problem I have with him is that he goes from not knowing what love is to being fully in love with Fernweh in the course of one paragraph (one bloody paragraph!). It gets worse because the only impetus for his loving her was her putting out and riding him for a little while. Talk about convenience to the plot! Good thing he did fall in love with her so quickly, or else Fernweh wouldn't have gotten her magic back!

It's contrived, man. The biggest and most common sin in porn. Why would you do this? You even include a long conversation between the characters right after that smut scene is over, you explore Hammerbane's past and stuff, then you timeskip over several days as they get to know each other, but at this point it's a bit belated!

I'm clearly a bit passionate here because you were doing just fine up until that point. That was when you jumped the shark.

The smut scenes are nice. It's an interesting idea, to have a character talking about previous sexual encounters while they gear up for their own little tryst. You keep your prose simple for the sex, which works to your favor. I know I have a problem with getting a bit too fancy when I start a smut scene.

In conclusion, it's an okay story with some interesting concepts at work that does the job you set out to accomplish with it. There's nothing wrong with that, but I can't say that it's great either. I hope to see you improve a great deal, you clearly have potential. This is definitely a 3/5 for me.