Agent Nonimo - Ch. 003

Mar 6th, 2017
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  1. >You see that fucker in front of you
  2. >You don’t even want to pronounce her name
  3. >”Looks like Discord fulfilled our agreement, that’s good” says the bacon unicorn mare
  4. “What’s happening? Is this a joke?”
  5. >”What are you talking about?” Lyra inquires with a confused expression
  6. “I refuse to share a room, no… a reality with HER” and you point at your new boss
  7. >”Why? I don’t get you” Lyra asks you with confusion
  8. “Look, I know her and she really messed up everything with those stupid movies and such”
  9. >”Movies? What are talking about, we don’t have time to waste” says Sunset
  10. “Continue with what? Your plans of throwing me in a dimension where I’m going to be a stupid technicolor student for my entire life? Over my dead body!”
  11. >”No, no. I don’t know what are you referring…”
  12. “Ha! Keep dreaming, you can’t fool me!”
  13. >”Fool you? It was my idea to bring you here to begin with” She protests
  14. “Mmm… Can I have a glass of water, please?” You ask Lyra with a calmed voice
  15. “Go ahead Pepe….”
  17. >You leave the hospital room, for a glass of water and return to it, drinking a sip just to spit it an instant later, splashing Lyra. “What! You!?” you point at Sunset.
  18. >”Hey!” screams a wet Lyra
  19. >”Yes… I was doing some research and I reached to the conclusion that It would be a good idea to use the powers of Discord to bring someone who knows everything about our world with so much dedication… ahemm” she stops her speech and looks with a bit of disgust at you.
  20. “What?” you ask with confusion
  21. >”Oh for the love of… what’s wrong with you” protests Lyra at you and you don’t know what’s happening.
  22. >You feel a weird sensation and look in your back to see your wings fully raised. Oh God, it’s this a wingboner? It’s so embarrassing…
  24. >”I think I can answer that” says Jade with determination “You’ll see, I was doing a research about the transformation spell made for Discord and I found out some interesting stuff. It turns out that Discord made some… miscalculations. Therefore you developed  an excess of hormones. Imagine like being an adolescent again, but raised to 100”
  25. >”Oh, that bastard… I knew he was going to screw it somehow” Sunset Shimmer complains in frustration.
  26. >”No, he didn’t do it on purpose. The nature of his magic allows him to do whatever he wants, but in the medium term is quite unpredictable” the pony doctor explains to Sunset
  27. “That explains my feelings for… well, everyone in the room”
  28. >”Don’t worry Pepe. You can balance it with some exercise and.. Goat milk pills”
  29. “Goat milk pills?”
  30. >”Yes, that should work. But now, you need to do some medical tests. Let’s go to the gym first”
  31. “Wait… like a training?”
  32. >”I wouldn’t call it that, it’s more like a…”
  34. “It doesn’t matter I need music to have the climax to do it”
  35. >”If it helps you, i don’t see any problem”
  36. >You search in your saddle bag a cassette with a particular song
  37. >Here it's
  38. >A transparent TDK D90 with some theme songs recorded from the radio
  39. >You play it to search that song
  40. >Bingo!
  41. >The walkman plays Eye of Tiger
  42. "Let's start with the training!"
  43. >"It's not a training, it's more like a test of your stamina and strength..." Jade corrects you while he's looking some papers on a clipboard.
  44. "Whatever, I need to burn this fat" and you start to draw a circle with a forehoof at your belly
  45. >"Oh, but Pepe you're so cute like that!" Says Lyra with a cocky expression. You can't decide whether she's being ironic or trying to complement.
  46. >You brush "I-I-I know I'm cute, but I want to keep my figure, you know..."
  47. >"Good to hear that you care about it" answers the unicorn
  48. >You and Lyra follow Jade through the corridor to a door that has "GYM" written in big bold red letters
  50. >All of you enter to the room. It's enormous and has all kind of gymnasium stuff, like a treadmill, a punching bag and more so.
  51. >Jade walks with his clipboard up to the treadmill "To begin, we need to measure your trotting. Come here and start to walk"
  52. >You walk there and put yourself on the machine "OK Jade, give him all the power! I want to test these legs!"
  53. >"We're going gradually, you shouldn't force yourself until we're sure of your capacity" and he turns on the treadmill. It starts to move slowly. Very slowly.
  54. "Lame... I'm a fucking horse, I can do it better than this"
  55. >"'Fucking'? I don't know what that means, but like I’ve told you, try to not to push yourself for a while. Your body is kind of unstable at the moment. You need to readjust your brain patterns to use it at his full capacity."
  56. >You can't understand very well what he’s trying to tell you, but you want to feel some adrenaline.
  58. >Now you wait until Jade it's distracted at his notepad. You see the buttons on the run machine and start to pulse them.
  59. >Lyra sees you and worriedly asks "Pepe, what are you doing?" You ignore her and the machine grows his speed. "Oh nothing, just seeing something. She turns her head the medical horse "Jade... Are you sure he can operate that". He didn't notice the Lyra question because he's concentrated with their notes. After a minute he starts note a noise coming from the treadmill machine. He turns his head to you see you operating the machine.
  60. >"Pepe! Leave that, you don't know how to use it properly" screams Jade
  61. "Ha! It doesn't seems so, I'm doing a pretty good job" The machine keeps speeding up "Yeah! That's how I like it! Time to shake that butter off this bun”
  62. >”Pepe stop!” Scream Lyra at you
  63. “Jamaaaaaas” and you keep running
  65. >Jade approaches the machine console and presses some keys, making the treadmill stop abruptly and ejecting you from it. You fly straight to a wall and you cover your face with your hooves. But you don’t hit to the wall, instead you have a pissed minty unicorn in front of you.
  66. >”Could you please control yourself? We can’t do anything if you keep that attitude, this is a serious agency, not a amusement park!” Lyra barks at you
  67. >She was right, you need to have some self control.
  68. “Sorry, It’s not going to happen again. I don’t know what happened to me” you notice how sweated you’re and you fall on your belly.
  69. >”Now we don’t have choice but wait until tomorrow to continue with the admission program” Jade complains before letting out a sigh.
  70. >Way to go with your new life, idiot
  71. ”Sorry! I let it go myself, I was so enthusiastic about this that I acted like a... a…”
  72. >”It doesn’t matter Pepe, but please try control yourself the next time” Lyra tries to calm you
  74. “Yes! I swear the next time I’m gonna act like an adult… in a kid body? You understand what I mean, right?”
  75. >”Yes, but now let’s go home. I’m a bit tired and you need to take a rest” Lyra tells you
  76. >”Before leaving, take this” and Jade gives you the pills “This gonna help you with the hormones issue, you need to take one pill every 12 hours with a glass of water”
  77. “Thank you doc., by the way, where’s Bio?”
  78. >”He’s busy right now”
  79. “Ah OK, could you give him this” and you pass him a cassette with a mix of cumbia villera.
  80. >”This is one of your music boxes?”
  81. “It’s called cassette, and yes. I’m sure he’s gonna appreciate to investigate it and such”
  82. >”He’s gonna like to do it. Well, good bye and have a good day”
  83. >You walk through the hallway along Lyra
  84. >She notices how you’re pissed
  85. >”Calm down, everything's gonna be OK.” she says while he’s pats your head
  86. “I hope so, I don’t wanna lose this opportunity due to my stupid antics”
  87. >”Don’t worry…”
  89. “You don’t understand, remember when I told you about my girlfriend?”
  90. >”Oh, Pepe, you don’t need to keep that, I know you only tried to fool me…”
  91. “Well, it was partially right… You’ll see, I /had/ a girlfriend two years ago, but let’s say that I’ve throw the house out the window… literally. Mixing beer, fernet and LSD is not a good idea…”
  92. >”But, what you mean with throwing the house out the window?”
  93. “I began to take every object in the house to throw them through the window, she immediately called the cops and… the things didn’t go well since then”
  94. >”Oh, I see…”
  95. “Don’t worry, I went to the therapist since then!”
  96. >”Hehe… OK” she laughs awkwardly
  97. >Both of you reach the end of the hallway and there’s a door elevator next to a receiver desktop with a gryphon wearing a police uniform and sunglasses
  98. >”We need to leave” Lyra says
  100. >”OK, I have to verify your identities, please wait” the Gryphon says and then he takes out from a desktop drawer a box with a dark green screen, he extends from inside it a metal stick with a wire connected to the box. He pass the stick above Lyra and me and the box makes two bell sounds. “Okay, come in” and the elevator door opens with a loud beeping sound.
  101. >Both of you are inside it, it closes and starts to play some repetitive music as it moves very slow.
  102. “So, how deep we are?”
  103. >”Mmm… like 30 feets?” she answers you”
  104. >”Geez, at this speed we-- AAAAAAAAAHHH!!” Suddenly the elevator increases its speed in a ridiculous way, you end up sticked to the roof. After two minutes stops and the door opens, both of you get out from there and you see a mailbox over the elevator, and after a second the mailbox goes down hiding the elevator under earth.
  105. >You look at the sides “Ufff, we’re lucky nobody saw that”
  107. >”It’s not luck, it’s programmed to open when nobody is around” Lyra clarifies
  108. >In front of you there are some medieval-styled houses, trees and a dirt road; surrounded by a blue clear sky with some spiral-shaped clouds and an enormous sun. This place cannot be other than Ponyville. It looks amazing in real life instead of just a 2D flash animation.
  109. >You stretch your legs “Here we are! I like the place, looks comfy but something is bothering me…”
  110. >”What is Pe-Anomally?” She asks you
  111. ”Can you call me just Anom, please? Sounds better…” you protest with some resignation. You really don’t like too much that name
  112. >”Okay… Anom, so what’s bothering you?”
  113. >You point at a street corner “Do you see that?”
  114. >”Yes…” she’s narrowing her eyes to try to see a possible menace
  115. “You horses don’t understand nothing about urban planning” you sigh and pinch (somehow) your eyebrows “it’s dangerous to have that kind of street corners! You need to have a chamfer in the corner”
  117. >”A chamfer? I don’t understand you” she says with some confusion
  118. “Let me explain. When you make a construction in a corner, you need to do three walls instead of two. If you do only two, the people who walks from the differents side could hit with each other because they can’t see the other person coming from the transversal side”
  119. >”That’s impossible, we the ponies are very careful” Lyra remarks with determination
  120. “I hope so, but for now, we need to go to the flower shop”
  121. >”Flower shop, why?”
  122. “I don’t know, maybe to buy a hat…”
  123. >”Haha very funny, but seriously, why we need to go the flower shop?”
  124. “We are gonna go to your house, where you live with Bonbon, right?”
  125. >”Yes…”
  126. “Well, I can’t just come in with empty hands. I want to make a good first impression”
  127. >”Wait a second… are you gonna try to hit on her?” She complains bothered
  128. “Not at all, she’s yours and I respect that. Just to keep my promise, give me one of those pills, would you?”
  130. >”Sure, here you have” and she gives you a pill from her handbag. You eat it with some bottled water
  131. “I hope it has a quick effect, it’s hurting me…”
  132. >”What’s hurting you?”
  133. “You don’t want to know it, believe me”
  134. >She rubs her chin and after a minute realizes what you meant to say and makes a little ugh
  135. >Lyra leads you to the flower shop
  136. >You open the door and you can hear wind chimes to announce your arrival
  137. >In the shop, there’s a lot of plant pots in tables and two of the flower trio mares
  138. >Daisy is behind the reception desk “Good evening, welcome to The three Daffodils, how can I help you?”
  139. “Yes miss, I want a bunch of petunias and daisies” You change your voice tune to one more childish now
  140. >”OK, give me a minute to arrange your order” and she goes to the back of the store
  141. “I didn’t think you know about plants” Lyra comments with a surprised face
  142. >”Yeah, it’s because when I was a child I travelled with my family around the country selling plants in hippie festivals”
  143. >The magenta mare comes back with the bunch of flowers
  145. ”Can I smell them?”
  146. >”Sure!” and you sniff them a little.
  147. “Smell pretty nice, how much is?”
  148. 15 bits”
  149. >”Auntie, can you pay pleeeaaaaseeee” again, you use a more childish tone to speak in addition to puppy eyes
  150. >She looks at you with a confused expression “Sure, here you have” and you took the bits to give them to Daisy.
  151. >”Oh, thank you kid, have a nice day!” and you leave the shop trotting with a dork expression with Lyra behind you
  152. >Again in the street, Lyra asks you “What was that?”
  153. “You’ll see, the Bonbon coat and mane colors mix perfect with these flowers, without to mention how we are in spring season and it’s a good gift.”
  154. >”Not that, I talking about your attitude there”
  155. “That? I’m supposed to be your cousin, so--”
  156. >Suddenly something gives you chills and you see for a second a quick shadow on the floor
  157. “WHO ARE YOU!?”
  158. >”Anom?”
  159. “Get out from wherever you are” you scream while you quickly move your head to every side”
  160. >”Anom! Calm down, it just Pinkie Pie”
  162. “It’s not Pinkie Pie, is some kind of…” and you lift your face to see a pink puffy mane. You jump from your place “GYAH!” and you fall on the Pinkie Pie forelegs while she’s sitting on her haunches. You try to understand how she could take you if she was ago a second in the same place where you jump from, but then your remember how Pinkie Pie doesn’t give a fuck the laws of time and space or logic.
  163. >“Oh sorry Nommy for scared you” Ponka says in concernation
  164. >You clear your throat to change your voice again “Aunty… what’s happening?”
  165. >”Anom what… are you talking about, she’s Pinkie Pie, she’s the famous party planner, remember?”
  166. “Ohhh, yes, you smell like a cake” and you giggle and then you boop her and she starts to laugh
  167. >”So, you’re new in town, little colt?”
  168. “Yes, auntie Lyra adopted me because…” and you start to rub your eyes, forcing a little cry “...my parents di-di-divorced and they couldn’t be with me… but every is okay because my auntie loves me!”
  170. >”Awww, she loves you so much...”
  171. >You nod and then “Yes, but I have to tell you a secret” and you gesture you hoof to her get close her ear to your mouth “We are spies! We fight aliens and monsters”
  172. >Lyra screams your name and you tell her “Shhh… she’s a hero like us, we can trust her!”
  173. >”Seriously?” she asks with astonishment
  174. ”Yes” and you move your hoof like it was a gun making noises of a laser gun “But it’s a secret” and you wink at her “Don’t tell it to anypony, okay?”
  175. >”Pinkie promise!” and she makes her characteristic vow to close the deal
  176. “Can I…” and you brush “hug you”
  177. >”OK little Nommy!” and you cuddle her
  178. >She carefully puts you on the floor and then she gives you three lollipops
  179. >She hops away humming some song
  180. >”Anom, that wasn’t a good a idea, what if she finds out... “ Lyra moves her eyes to the sides “that we are spies”
  181. “Purrr-es, I look just like a neglected kid who use his imagination to cope with their familiar problems”
  183. >She touches her chin and sighs “I guess you’re right”
  184. “Oh, and talking about how intelligent I am” you take a hair toof from the floor “look at this”
  185. >”It’s… hair?”
  186. “Exactly, hair and it’s in the same place where I saw the shadow”
  187. >”Come on, Anom, you still think that somepony is following us? That could be the hair of anypony who just walked over here”
  188. ”It looks too clean to have been so many time on the floor, it even has” you sniff it “shampoo scent, namely Jojoba”
  189. >“Ok, maybe you’re right… but we should go home before it gets dark and Bonbon doesn’t know we’re coming early”
  190. “Right, these flowers can’t be without water much longer…”
  191. >Lyra and you walk up to your new home
  192. >She knocks on the door and you wait to see one of the most fabulous mares in all of Equestria
  193. >Every second feels like a minute
  194. >The door opens
  195. >There she is
  196. >Bonbon
  197. >You act like a gentleman in front of her
  198. >Well, not much
  199. “Ee… eeh… ehh…”
  201. >You are releasing cold sweat while you tremble like jelly in a earthquake while you try to give to Bonbon the bunch of flowers
  202. >”Anom, are you OK?” Lyra asks you
  203. “Yes”
  204. >You shake your head a couple of times to recover your cool
  205. >”Hi Miss Bonbon, how are you? I brought you these flowers, it was Lyra’s idea”
  206. >She giggles and pat your head
  207. >”Lyra? I don’t think so, the last time she tried to give me flowers she ate them before they arrived”
  208. >”I was nervous that time…” she tries to correct her in embarrassment
  209. >”But you did the same three times” and Bonbon laughs at the antics of her very special friend “Let’s go in. I was about to make some hot chocolate and remove the pumpkin pie from the oven”
  210. >You along the mare couple up to the kitchen. It has a medieval-styled kitchen furniture with a oven, the wall has many pictures of Lyra and Bonbon making things together like climbing a mountain or being in a rollercoaster.
  211. >”How your day?” Lyra asks to Bonbon
  213. >She sighs ”I had to help Berry Punch, she didn’t go to work again”
  214. >”Again with the same problems?”
  215. >Bonbon nods with a serious face
  216. >”I have to admit, you really care about her”
  217. >”You know me, I never let down a friend…”
  218. >”And that’s one of the much reasons I always respected you” Lyra adds before patting Bonbon head
  219. >An egg-shaped timer beeps
  220. >”Oh, it’s ready!” and Bonbon open the oven to remove the dessert using gloves hoof-shaped and puts it on the table.
  221. >The great scent from the pie reaches your nose in concordance with a growling stomach noise
  222. >Your mouth waters so much that you could flood the entire Sahara Desert
  223. >”Looks like somepony it’s a little hungry” Lyra scoffs at you
  224. “Maybe… but you have to admit that smells great”
  225. >”Yes, Bonbon makes the greatests pie I ever eated on my life”
  226. >Bonbon laugh a bit ”Come on Lyra, It's not as if I was Pinkie Pie”
  227. >”But you have an additional ingredient that nopony has, true friendship”
  229. >Bonbon brushes and then embraces with her friend
  230. >”Come on Lyra, let’s eat” says Bonbon with her face red as a tomato and the serving the cake and the cups of hot chocolates glasses on the table.
  231. >You take your cup “Girls, we should make a toast to celebrate the birth of a new team”
  232. >Both of her nod in affirmation and then they and you raise your cups to make the toast. The mares and you shout “For the birth of a new team!”
  233. “So, why did you accept to take the mission of having me living in your house?”
  234. >Bonbon takes a sip from her cup “Well, Lyra was really enthusiastic to meet a real alien and she wanted to have a foal for some time…”
  235. >”Bonbon stop, you’re embarrassing me…” and she giggles while trying to put her hoof in the mouth of the cream mare to shout her.
  236. “Can I make a personal question…”
  237. >”What is?” asks you Bonbon
  238. “Ehhmmm… how did you two meet?”
  239. >Bonbon starts to relate ”Well, that’s a good question, everything started when....”
  241. To be continued
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