How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

 Q:     How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:     Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
 party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
 agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
 from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
 upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
 the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
 at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
 the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
 second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
        The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
 limited to, the following.  The party of the first part shall, with or without
 elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
 means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
 of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
 non-negotiable.  Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
 becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
 have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
 consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
 Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
 shall have the option of beginning installation.  Aforesaid installation shall
 occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
 step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
 should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
 The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
 first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
 produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.