MIGHTY MORPHIN PONY RANGERS - Episode 1-2

    >Decide to become a Power Ranger
    >Make a suit out of whatever scraps of cloth and trim Rarity throws out at the end of every week.
    >The sleeves are uneven and it really shows off your bulge, but that just makes evil fear you more
    >Too bad there's no evil in fucking P0nyville.
    >You spend your days off jumping out from behind dumpsters and striking dramatic poses on the tops of buildings.
    >You hardly ever fall off from them anymore.
    >Shouting out catch phrases while doing running kicks is especially invigorating.
    >"POWER RANGER PUNCH! ANONYMOUS CHARGE! SUPER INFINITE SPAGHETTI STRIKER FOREVER! COCK KICK!"
    >Your disguise is so good the p0nies actually think there's another human running around Equestria.
    >A few come to your house every so often asking you to chase off the "other crazy bastard" because he's scaring everyone yelling about his cock in front of the foals.
    >You remember when you tried to lecture the CMC's about the virtues of compound interest savings that several ponies chased you off while reading holy scriptures.
    >They're just jelly however.
    >They're not a fucking power ranger like you.


>But still...
>Power Rangers were supposed to be heroes! Not just some lunatic running around town doing half-assed parkour
>You didn't even have a zord.
>So you spent the next few days trying to find a suitable mount from which you can fight for the cause of Justice with Righteous fury.
>You went into the Everfree, hoping to tame a mighty beast from within to join your crusade.
>But after getting your ass ravaged by Chimeras, Hydras, Ursa Majors, and Parasprites, you just hopped on Pinkie Pie and rode her around town.
>She thought you were new and was mostly giving you a tour of P0nyville, but at least you had a somewhat recognizable mode of transport
>You made an outfit for her out of cardboard, plastic cups, and foil, so she looked a little bit more like a proper zord.
>So for a week you sat atop Pinkie Pie as she giggled madly, hopping from street-to-street, rooftop-to-rooftop, parroting whatever catch phrase you cared to shout.
"Pinkie Ranger Away, for cupcakes, parties and Justice! You're a lot of fun Mr. Dressed up In Rarity's Trash!"
>She hadn't quite got the hang of the sort of heroic image you were trying to maintain, but it was still nice to have an enthusiastic sidekick.

>So now you're a Power Ranger who's costume looks totally rockin' and not at all made from Rarity's garbage
>And you have an equally rockin' Zord that's most specifically NOT Pinkie Pie dressed up in painted cardboard and tin-foil
>Life is good.
>You spent twenty minutes helping Cheerilee install a new chalkboard in the school-house.
>The town populace became more tolerant of the Power Rangers once you made you bulge less obvious and stopped exploding out of fruit stands, or yelling about your dong when doing an attack.
>Well, you still yelled about your dong, you just made sure noone was around.
>You've been specializing in helping mares with difficult household labors recently.
"Thank you so much Anon.  I mean, er...Mr. Ranger Rider.  Here, have some banana bread that we baked in class earlier today as a reward!"
>Pinkie Pie makes a mad grab for the bread but you smack her hand with lighting fast mighty morphin' speed.
"Owchies!  What the hay!?"  Her face scrunches up at you, her cardboard mask going slack against her ridiculous hair.
>"A Power Ranger needs no reward.  The satisfaction of helping those in need is all the gratuity we require.  Saving the day proves to be its own compense, you will see the truth of this in time, my young ward!"
"I'm a year older than you silly."
>"I speak from the ageless truths of justice and righteousness."
>Besides, you fucking hate banana bread.
>You hop on Pinkie and slap her flank lightly
>"AWAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!"
>And off the two of you speed, over the schoolhouse and across the trees.
>From Pinkie's unnervingly high jumps you see the vast hills, valleys, and snow-capped mountains that cradle your precious Ponyville.  The peaceful verdant hamlet you've sworn to protect with your very life if need be.  You stand tall, their sentinel against evil and chaos and perhaps light manual labor.
>None shall disturb their peace on your watch.
>
>
>You really wish a fuckhuge monster would attack.

MEANWHILE!

>It was supposed to be perfect!
>It was supposed to be glorious!
>It was supposed to WORK!
>But instead your careful mechanizations ended in humilation and failure.
>And the loss of your husband.  That irked you more than you liked to admit.
>He may have been a complete idiot, but having such a strong, delicious stallion around was much better company than the thousands of blithering idiots that called you Queen.
>He was such a good listener.
>But no.  No, no no no NO! NO! NO!  Even with the Princess disposed and their guards in tatters, that bitch of an alicorn still had her precious little mares cobble together enough resistance, find that lovey-dovey whelp of a niece, and toss you and your army out like so much trash.
>Well, you sniff, at least they didn't send you to the moon.  You remember the last time she tried that.  Took forever to fly back.
>You need to yell at something.  You stand from your ancient throne, silver, black and encrusted with the bluest of gems.  It was also delightfully cold.
>"Pseudo, Ripoff,  Xerox, YOUR QUEEN DEMANDS YOUR PRESENCE!"
>The three changelings bumble into your room, they lodge themselves in your entry way.
"The Mistress of Passion!" Pseudo huffs
"Of Iinfinitely Expressible Beauty!" squawks Ripoff.
"And Our Eternal Black Majesty!" Boomed Xerox!
"QUEEN CHRYSALIS WE ARE AT YOUR COMMAND!" They strain out before exploding out of the entry frame and landing in almost-kneeling positions before your throne.
>You try your hardest not to kill them then and there.  They were about the only subjects capable of following something resembling your orders.
>You fucking hate changelings.
>But you hate p0nies even more.
>"My children!"  Your voice is sweet, smooth and thick as cold syrup.  You step down from your throne.  "Your Queen hungers.  You hunger.  We all hunger."  You step daintily on top of Ripoff's gut, and he horks appreciatively.
>"Tell me of the days we ruled these lands!  Did the dragons not scream in fear?!"
"Oh how they screamed, my Queen!"
>Did our towers not pierce the clouds!"
"They climbed to the stars themsevles, my lady!"
>"Did we not feast upon the secret hearts of p0nies!  Taking their happiness for our own, and make them cry out in gratitude!?"
"From the deepest cavern to the tallest mountain did their sweet sounds echo, my Grace!"
>A sickly green aura sorrounded the trio and you they squeeked as you hoisted them upwards.
>"AND WHO'S THE SELF RIGHTEOUS BITCH WHO CHANGED ALL THAT!?!?!"  Your eyes glow fire "WHO CAST US BENEATH THE EARTH!?!?  SENT US TO STARVE AND BEG AND BE DENIED HER OH-SO PRECIOUS SUN?"
"It was-"
>"I KNOW WHO IT IS YOU IDIOTS!"  You compose yourself.  You throw them against the ceiling.  This was all very cathartic.   "Who...ruined MY perfect little plan to restore our rightful place in this world?"
"Her...student...the purple one.  And her friends."
>"Yes, my dear, sweet Pseudo.  She was catastrophically smart.  So devastatingly loyal.  Finding the real princess Cadence and somehow defeating the entire army I put at YOUR PERSONAL COMMAND I MIGHT ADD!"  You throw him against the ceiling again.  "Such a dissappointment."  The three are quivering now, begging for mercy, bemoaning their countless insuffincies.
>"But, thankfully, your Queen is forgiving.  I have a plan.  We're going to crush that meddling Twilight Sparkle.  We shall destroy her.  Burn her home,  Incinerate her town, her friends.  She will be agony.  She will wish for something as sweet as death when we are yet to get started.  By the end her anguish will be great, unimaginable.  I shall rip away her fur and flesh and her bone 'til nothing but her heart remains, and I shall drink deep, and my children..."
>Your magic lights up the wall behind your throne.  Rock and gem and steel pull away like splinters of wood, revealing a vast chamber.  Fire and smoke leap against the ceiling and an roar that is positively cavernous  shakes your room.  The shadow of your champion dominates where light dare not touch.
>"Vengeance shall never taste so sweet."

MEANWHILE!
>You are Anonymous
>And you've no idea why you have the biggest boner right now.

---------------------------

EPISODE 2


>It's Thursday.  That means training with Roid Rage.
>You got your ass kicked about a month ago by a horde of rabbits led by Angel, and you swore to yourself that would never happen again.  You would've resigned from being a Ranger if anyone had witnessed.
>Battered, bruised, and completely humiliated you've been working out with Roid Rage ever since.  He's loud and has trouble using words with more than three sylables, but you haven't been mauled by small mammals since you've enlisted his help, so he obviously knew what he was doing.
>Seriously, the pegasus's knowledge of physical strength was like a train -limited in direction, but utterly unstoppable.
>Today you're lunging bales of hay up and down hills.
>your shoulders were burning like Fluttershy's loins when you take your morning shower, and your legs would detatch themselves and murder you if they could.
"COME ON!  UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN!  FORWARD!  YEEEAAHHHHH!"
>You were also sure Roid Rage would murder if you stopped.
"I WILL PUSH YOU DOWN THIS HILL AND CRUSH YOUR FACE IN IF YOUR KNEES DO NOT GO BELOW PARALEL."
>He was motivational like that.
>"How many....sets..." oh god, you think your left lung just exploded. "are left?"
"HOW MUCH LONGER UNTIL THE SUN SETS?"  Roid Rage was doing the same exercise as you, with twice as many bales of hay, and with twice the speed.  His freakishly small wings are tied down to his back, so you know he's not getting any assistance.  "WE'RE WORKING ON ENDURANCE BABY, LONG HAUL OR NO HAUL,  KEEP THAT BACK STRAIGHT!"
>"Water...break...at...fuck....least?"
"THREE MORE ROUNDS!  THEN WATER BREAK.  GOTTA STAY HYDRATED  YEEAHHHHHHHHH!"
>No one said Power Ranger training would be easy.
>Your other lung explodes.
>After a few hours you collaps at the bottom of the hill.  You're hyperventalating with such force that it's bending light rays, but the feeling of accomplishment is....well, you're sure it feels fuckin' dandy, but it's eclipsed by the world-ending pain.
>Roid Rage is doing calisthenics.
"Don't forget to eat bananas.  Get that potas...potassum in your system.  They help with the burn.  Don't skimp on your stretches either, good for blood flow.  BLOOD FLOW!  See you tomorrow!"
>He trots off, yelling about oatz and squatz.
>You sit there under the darkening sky.  Tonight Luna slowly turns the stars on, one by one.  Sometimes you think you can see jump from star to star, but that would be far too much micromanagement, even for an alicorn. Well...they were magic, what the hell did you know.
>The past few weeks have been alright.  You actually saved somep0ny in what could arguably be called an emergency.
>There you were, standing in the market square, trying to haggle over the price of tomatoes (because three bits for a tomato what the fuck) when you heard a scream.
>Heads everywhere snapped to attention and there was a Lyra on the ground, eyes welling with tears yelling "My bag!  My bag!"
>A small panic broke out, but you spotted a brown colt leaving a trail of dust.  He jumped over carts, slid under stands and shoved any p0ny that stood in the way of escape.  He made his way into town and tried to dash down an alley when Pinkie Pie, decked out in full uniform,  popped out from around the corner.
"Hault, in the name of-" and promptly and tripped over her cardboard leggings in front of him.
>The momentum sent him soaring in the air when you jumped from the rooftop and his flying face met your mighty foot.  It was fucking awesome.
>Lyra and the local guards turned the corner just then, and there you two stood in glorious victory.  Really, the pair of you were standing in the super cool victory pose that took hours to perfect.  The white trim across your visor shone especially bright that day, or so you like to think.  Pinkie's plastic cups on her ears looked especially vibrant.
>You held out your hand and offered her the bag.  "I believe this is yours ma'am."
>The lock on the bag came loose and its contents spilled out.
>They were photos of your hands.  Hundreds of them.  Thousands.  From all angles and distances.  Many had lip prints on them.
>You could feel the heat of Lyra's blushing from behind your helmet.  The guards shuffled nervously.
"Th...thanks.  Mr...whoeveryouare."  Lyra magicked the photos in her bag and locked it.
>"Yes...no problem.  Anything for a...mare in need."  She eyed your red-gloved hands intently.  "Almost anything."  You stood with your arms behind you and puffed out your chest.
>The colt on the ground moaned in pain.
>"SILENCE VILLAIN"  You kicked him hard in the ribs, desperate to focus attention elsewhere.  Pinkie hopped on him, giggling like mad as he feebly tried to crawl away from the psychos dressed up in cardboard and ill-fuited swatches of fabric.
"Ooh, I LOVE playing tag!  Who's turn is it next, are the guards gonna play?  Winner gets a free cupcake at Sugarcube Corner!  Winner gets TWO cupcakes if it's me!!!"
>You nudged her gently.  "Hey.  Pinks.  Professionals.  Remember."
"Oh."  She smiled apologetically.  "Sorry Mr. Guardsmen, we're supposed to be stoic in the face of victory or whatever because that's what Power Rangers do!"  She was still hopping.
>The guards decided to keep things quiet given the...intimate circumstances of the crime.  They thanked you and Pinkie for your assistance, but insisted that you leave things to the professionals.  They didn't want any untrained civilians getting hurt.
>But...wasn't that why you spent all day busting your ass (literally) out here?  To become trained.  To become strong.  To keep ANYONE from getting hurt, especially if there was anything you could do about it.
>You had friends here.  Lots of them.  You weren't the smartest guy in town, and a lot of days you wondered if you were really giving your friends what they deserved, which is everything you have.  Ponyville was just as much home as the old one you lost.
>And losing that home sucked.  You didn't want to lose this one.
>SO YOU BECAME A POWER RANGER!
>Because they're cool.
>Like you said, you weren't the smartest guy in town.
>Slowly, painfully, horiffically, you were able to stand.  There was a bundle of bananas waiting for you at home.  You put one leg in front of the other.
>Ow...ow...ow.
>Walking down the softly lit streets of Ponyville you could swear you hear the buzzing of insect wings.
>You chalk it up to severe exhaustion and heat exposure.
>Several blocks down you see three ponies hustle towards Twilight's library.  Nothing unusual in that.  She often kept late hours and ponies needing emergency references were not uncommon.
>After what seemed like hours your hand clasps against the doorknob of your home.  Inside await such sweet promises.  Bed.  Booze.  T.V.  Porn.
>But then you hear a shriek that is unmistakebly Twilight.
> You tear off your shirt and pants, reavealing the uniform you wear 24/7.  You grab a helmet from a hidden alcove on your porch.  One of many you have hidden across town.
>All thoughts drain from your body.
>There is no porn.
>There is no pain.
>There's only a friend who needs help
>And a Power Ranger springing into action.