My (35M) wife (27 F) is super cheap and it’s embarrassing.

Edit: thank you so much for the helpful advice. This is clearly a much deeper problem than stinginess. I’m going to talk to her about seeing a therapist.

Let me preface this by saying I have some sympathy for my wife. She grew up very, very poor and was raised by a single father. We’ve been married for three years and I knew about her cheap habits from the start, but she’s really escalated in the last two years.

When I say cheap, I’m not talking about frugal things such as making cleaning products of turning off the shower while you wash your hair/body. That’s nothing compared to my wife’s habits. I’ll give you a few examples.

The water is pretty much on lockdown in the house. Instead of using tap water to wash the dishes or brush our teeth, she gets water from the nearby park. She brings a large jug, fills it up, and then bring a week’s worth back home. And you can bet that we don’t have a washing machine or dryer.

Going out with friends to cafes and restaurants is embarrassing. If we go to a coffee shop, she’ll bring her own pack of instant coffee, order hot water, and make her own coffee. As for dining out with friends, she’ll eat before hand and just order a water.

My wife never forces me to adopt her habits, but she does appreciate it when I don’t use our tap water. She also doesn’t care about me taking long showers. But for herself she turns on a timer and tries to bath in only three minutes.

I’ve talked to her about these problems many time, and she seems very hesitant to change. It would just be nice to go out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary for a change. I’ve also recently developed an interest in travel (I’ve never been on a plane in my life), but I know that my wife would never want to travel together because of the cost.

Is this a lost cause?

EDIT: We’re not rich but we’re financially comfortable. She’s a lawyer and I’m a construction worker. We can certainly afford to travel. In a way, we’re both fairly financially independent. We have separate bank accounts. We do our own thing on the weekend. She doesn’t care if I go out to a fancy restaurant with friends. It’s just the fact that we can’t enjoy those things together that bothers me.

I just feel bad because I know that this extreme frugality is rooted in her childhood experience. She grew up eating pickle and mayo sandwiches for dinner. Even going to McDonald’s was a luxury for her.

TL;DR wife is embarrassingly cheap to the point that I’m ashamed of going out with friends together. I feel we can’t enjoy our life together.