On Touhoufest

It's time to properly talk about what happened at Touhoufest 2025. I don't think I'm in the right, I know I hurt a lot of people then and I know I have hurt a lot of people. And most of all I really do not hate anyone who was involved in any of this, they're great people, they're all really fantastic people and all the guilt is on me. I'll not use any specific names though those who are involved and need to care know who they are.

Saturday night I went to a room with a couple of other individuals, sort of a room party? But mostly just relaxing. A few of them went to In and Out to get pickup leaving just me and two others. Me and, the eventual victim, began drinking a bit. Now neither of us became sloshed at all and, in fact, for the entire duration that the others were gone I can't think of anything that happened that would be even slightly objectionable. It was normal discussion and nothing below board.

After we ate, I don't know what prompted me, if anything but I got into the same bed as her and attempted to cuddle her. I don't remember it totally clearly but I do remember I had my hand on her shoulder for the majority of it and, most importantly, there was absolutely no sexual contact at all. Due to the nature of the situation, I can understand how it can be confused or lost in the discussions going around but the only people who have said I molested her have been people not in the room. My memory may be unclear, but I genuinely do not think at any point I sexually assaulted her.

This, to be clear, doesn't make what I did good. She was made absolutely uncomfortable by it and for entirely good reason. I should not have done it and I don't hate anyone who does not want to talk to me because of it. I didn't really get the gravitas of how she felt until a day or so later. If she reads this, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry and I know that apologizing won't do enough. Because it really doesn't matter what happened, physically, at some point it's about how it made others feel and she felt absolutely horrified afterwards. That is entirely on me, and that is a burden I'll carry. I don't want it to happen again.

As for what happened afterwards, nothing of note either. I got up and left from the bed after some time had passed. And a little bit later the three of us were kicked out since the room host was getting tired.

If nothing else I'd like to say sorry to a lot of people. I wish I could've said it sooner I just think whenever someone cuts me off I might as well dip from their life too. Which, it makes things better for a while but there's no resolution, hard or soft. I've made a lot of mistakes and maybe people have given me too many second chances. Some discipline might have been necessary for a change. I'm really sorry, I wish I could do anything better to make it up but I know I can't, not right now at least.

All that can work is change and time and a lot of both. I don't expect to be forgiven by most people and that's alright with me as long as I can become a better person out of it. I guess we hope that is what happens, for everyone, after all.

- Avi