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Misha - Hidaeki

Nov 7th, 2012
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  1. (I don't know. This is some little scene that sounded cute in my head. Maybe it's not as cute as I thought but I still like it for some reason. KSFFWriter@gmail.com )
  2.  
  3. I hear the door click, and I already know who it is. The thin figure and nervous little steps only make me more certain. Hidaeki closes and locks the door behind him and his confidence increases as soon as the lock clicks. He walks across my guest room quickly and climbs into bed with me without even asking.
  4.  
  5. "Hi, Hicchan~."
  6.  
  7. I keep my voice quiet. Not many people at Yamaku could believe I could be quiet, but I can!
  8.  
  9. Hidaeki presses his face into my shirt, and just wraps his arms around me before speaking into my chest. "Hello."
  10.  
  11. I can't help giggling a little at his expressionless voice.
  12.  
  13. This probably looks bad to anyone else, if anyone else was here to see it. I'm an eighteen year old girl, in nothing but pink panties and that floppy foreign shirt about bushes, and there's a fifteen year old boy in his boxer shorts with his face between my breasts. Not just any fifteen year old boy, but my best friend and I-wish-lover's little brother.
  14.  
  15. But it's really not like that~!
  16.  
  17. Hidaeki proves it after just a minute, his shoulders shaking as he starts sobbing into my shirt. I move my arms around him and press his body to mine as he cries. I don't say anything to him, we both don't have anything to say. It's been like this for a while now.
  18.  
  19. I remember the first time this happened. It's been almost a year~! It was when Shicchan and I were second year students at Yamaku, and had just started being friends again after... well, everything. She invited me to her house for summer vacation~, and I thought that it might be a good way to try again. I used to read too many comics about girls confessing to other girls in all kinds of ways.
  20.  
  21. But~ it didn't happen that way. But I met her dad, and I met her brother too. I think I understood Shizune more after I met her dad. I try to be cheerful and nice to him but it doesn't work. A week after we got here, Mister Hakamichi was yelling at Hidaeki about... being too girly, or his kendo lessons, or something like that. Hidaeki looked blank like usual, but~ I could see it! I don't think Mister Hakamichi or Shicchan saw it, but I could~.
  22.  
  23. Hidaeki was making the same face I do when I remember my confession~ or when Shicchan talks about boys to me.
  24.  
  25. He was trying really hard to stay blank, like I try really hard to stay happy.
  26.  
  27. I couldn't do anything right away, but after dinner when Shicchan was helping clean up, I gave him a little note. It didn't say much, just "You can cry with me if you want to." I wanted~ it to be kind of vague. I didn't know what I meant, just that I know how it feels to be sad and have to cover it up.
  28.  
  29. So that night he came into my room, and we talked for a few minutes, and he did this then. He does it every~ time I come to Shicchan's house now. We've never been caught either!
  30.  
  31. Back in the present, I pet Hidaeki's hair as he cries. I kind of want to join him this time. Shicchan brought Hicchan-- the other Hicchan, Hisao-- with us. Going to Shicchan's house was something I was looking forward to, it was going to be just me and Shicchan again, like before Hisao showed up~. But now he's here, not that it's bad really, I like Hicchan~ A lot~ He's a nice guy and he makes her happy, but I miss being alone with Shicchan all the time.
  32.  
  33. But~ I can't cry when Hidaeki is depending on me. He cuddles up to me as he sobs into my chest, and I'm happy that I don't feel anything weird~ poking me down below. I was worried when we first started doing this, that he might start loving me or something. Hidaeki is a cute boy~, almost like a boobless Shicchan, but he's still a boy.
  34.  
  35. I don't remember what Mister Hakamichi was yelling about today. I'm sure~ it was something. I gently rub Hidaeki's back, and decide to kiss his hair a little on impulse. I feel like a mom~. Does Hidaeki need a mom with his gone? Maybe that's what I am to him~. Or a big sister that isn't like Shicchan. I don't think Shicchan means to be mean but she is sometimes.
  36.  
  37. Hidaeki takes a while today to calm down, but then he stops crying and just hugs me. I can't help giggling again as he nuzzles against my chest. It feels weird to have a boy like this, or anyone~ really. Hidaeki is always so blank and indifferent looking. Shicchan thinks he doesn't really~ feel much of anything. There's some kind of word for that, but I forget it. But Shicchan is wrong~. There's a Hidaeki only I get to see. It makes me feel kind of special~.
  38.  
  39. "Thank you."
  40.  
  41. His words are muffled by my shirt and my body, but I hear them anyway. I rub his back again and smile. He's so thin~ though. He should eat more. Maybe we can go get food together tomorrow~ when Shicchan is doing something with Hicchan. Wait, tomorrow Shicchan and I were going to go shopping, just~ the two of us. Thinking about that makes me happy and a little sad.
  42.  
  43. "It's okay~ Hicchan. Everyone needs to cry sometimes."
  44.  
  45. Hidaeki looks up at me from my chest, and I try not to giggle again. His eyes are all red from crying and his hair is a mess from me rubbing it. His surprised expression quickly drops to that deadpan look he always has. "Do you?"
  46.  
  47. Do I look like I need to? Is that why he looked surprised? But~ that's not why he's here. He's here because he needs help, not because he wants to help me. So~ I laugh and I smile. "Wahaha~ Hicchan, why would I need to cry~?"
  48.  
  49. He looks at me for a few seconds, and I get a little worried~. He's always pretty smart about people when he has time to think. He pulls back from hugging me, now that he's done crying for tonight, and looks at me carefully. "I think... you and Hisao both like Shizune. And she is dating Hisao."
  50.  
  51. No.
  52.  
  53. Oh no, I can feel it.
  54.  
  55. I try to stop it but it's too late.
  56.  
  57. Hidaeki can see it too, I can tell by the shocked and worried look on his face. My eyes mist up and I cling tightly to Hidaeki , burying my face in his hair as I try to at least stay quiet this time. Hidaeki struggles in my arms a little, and I know he wants to leave.
  58.  
  59. It's not what he's here for, after all.
  60.  
  61. I let him go, and try to roll over to face the wall, but he holds me and just moves so I can hug him like he was hugging me. He's not leaving? I press my face to his bare chest, still trying to hold back the tears. It's not working, it never works when it gets this bad.
  62.  
  63. So I let go.
  64.  
  65. I just tell myself to shut up and stop thinking and I just hold this person and I cry. I keep myself quiet as best I can as I sob and gasp and sniffle against his chest. I feel his hands on my back and in my hair as he tries to do what I was doing for him, but it all feel so distant and unimportant.
  66.  
  67. I don't think about Shicchan or Hicchan and I don't think about my parents or what I'm going to do after Yamaku or anything else. I just stop holding back and let myself cry. But when I do this in my room at Yamaku it always feels so lonely and terrible and I hate myself more and more as it happens. This time it's weird, it feels better having someone here. Anyone, even Shicchan's little brother.
  68.  
  69. Is he kissing my hair? I guess I did that to him, so it's okay. His chest is all wet from my crying and maybe it would be better if he had a shirt on. My body aches as sobs shake through me and I can't think straight.
  70.  
  71. I don't know how long it takes before I feel myself calming down, my crying slowing bit by bit until it stops. I'm left just laying against Hidaeki in my guest bed here, both of us half-naked and his chest covered in my tears. Only now I look down and see my legs are wrapped around his waist and my arms are around his chest. I must have been crying in some weird position.
  72.  
  73. This would look really bad to anyone else, if anyone else was here to see it.
  74.  
  75. I pull away a little, untangling us, and bring the bottom of my shirt up to my face to dry it. I don't think Hidaeki minds seeing a little of my stomach, it's not like that anyway. I use my shirt to dry his chest also, feeling exhausted. A little of my cheeriness is coming back though. It doesn't~ take long for me to get back to the right feeling.
  76.  
  77. By the time I look at him again, Hidaeki has his blank face back on. But~ I can see something like a little blush on his cheeks. Maybe even Hidaeki gets a little embarrassed when a girl clings to him like that. I don't~ know what to say to him. So I just do what he did. "Thank you~."
  78.  
  79. Hidaeki nods, but doesn't say anything.
  80.  
  81. So instead I ask what I'm thinking. "How did you know I liked Shicchan?"
  82.  
  83. His blank voice makes me giggle. "She told me. Last Christmas, when you were here and upset. She didn't know what to do."
  84.  
  85. Oh, I remember that time. But she didn't really~ do anything to fix it. I just got over it myself. "What did you tell her?"
  86.  
  87. Hidaeki looks a bit more embarrassed. "I didn't know what to do. I couldn't help."
  88.  
  89. I hug him again, this time just a hug like normal, neither of us lower or higher than the other one, so my cheek ends up pressed to his. "But~ you're helping now."
  90.  
  91. He hugs me the same way Shicchan hugs people. Really awkward~. He doesn't know how to do it. I can't ask Shicchan why it's like that. I think it's just that their dad never hugs them. It's kind~ of sad. Maybe Shicchan will get better if Hicchan can show her how.
  92.  
  93. We stop hugging and a little silence passes. It's weird and we both~ know it. Hidaeki says something first, looking down at my chest. "Your curls are flat."
  94.  
  95. I look down at my hair. My 'drills', or whatever Hisao calls them, are all flat and mashed up, the spray making them stay in a weird smashed shape. I giggle a little. "It's okay~ They do that when I sleep. It's why I wake up so early~."
  96.  
  97. Hidaeki puts on that serious face he sometimes wears, and raises a hand to feel one of the curls. "You should cut your hair. It would be easier to maintain. Shizune and I keep ours short for that reason."
  98.  
  99. I laugh. That sounds like Shicchan! Always~ so efficient~. I only have my hair like this because Shicchan thinks it's pretty~. She never calls me pretty but she said that the hair was. So~ I started wearing it that way. But Shicchan has Hicchan, so there's no~ reason to look pretty for her. We'll be shopping tomorrow, so maybe~ I can get it cut then. It would be nice not to spend an hour in the morning styling it.
  100.  
  101. "Hicchan~ normally boys don't make hair suggestions to girls~! Unless they're dating~!"
  102.  
  103. I've never seen Hidaeki blush this much~! I can't help it and I laugh at him, a real laugh that isn't fake at all. He looks offended for a second but then smiles at me. I haven't~ seen him smile much either. "It wouldn't be appropriate for us to date each other. Also you don't like men."
  104.  
  105. I giggle and hug Hidaeki again. It feels good to hug someone~. "Wahaha~ You're right, Hicchan~! But~ I don't like girls either. I just like Shicchan~."
  106.  
  107. He looks away a little bit. "People often say I am like Shizune. Hisao said it just after meeting me."
  108.  
  109. I laugh quietly but I don't say anything~. He is a little like Shicchan, just a little~! He's competitive and tries very hard to do anything he does. But~ he's hard to talk to sometimes and doesn't know how to talk to people. I think maybe it would be good~ for him to go to Yamaku instead of a normal school. Even if he doesn't have anything wrong with him.
  110.  
  111. Hidaeki looks like he wants to say something but isn't sure how to say it. It's a face~ I recognize from myself too. But~ it can't be the same one. I don't think Hidaeki even likes girls~ and definitely doesn't think of me like that~. If he did, it would be too weird to be like this. So I just hug him tightly again, our cheeks against one another as we lay together in my bed. Why does this make me feel~ like maybe he wouldn't be a bad boyfriend for some girl someday?
  112.  
  113. I push that thought away, and then Hidaeki pulls away from me a little bit, putting his blank expression back on and sitting up in the bed. "I should go to sleep. You and Hisao are visiting for a week?"
  114.  
  115. "Yes~ and then we're going back to Yamaku."
  116.  
  117. Hidaeki looks back at me and nods blankly. But even if he's trying to be sneaky, I can tell~. He's looking at my legs. It makes me embarrassed but a little~ happy too. But~! I still pull the covers up to cover me a bit more. Hidaeki blushes a little more but then fixes his expression again. "Can I come tomorrow night too?"
  118.  
  119. "Of course, Hicchan~! See you then!"
  120.  
  121. He leaves, quietly pulling the door closed behind him. I lay on my back in the dark room for a minute, smiling still because of his awkwardness. When I turn on my side to sleep, I can still smell him on my sheets. I don't know why, but I cuddle the blanket he was laying on, and close my eyes while smelling Hidaeki.
  122.  
  123. I haven't slept this well in years.
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