Christmas In July (A Stephen Colbert Original)

This week,
You and me,
We will witness history, as the RNC crowns their orange manatee!

We'll see wacky hats,
Crazy ties,
Worn by thousands of white guys,
An entire airplane hangar filled with Donald Trump's ex-wives.

We'll see Newt,
Ron,
And Rand,
Maybe members of the Klan,
But no Muslims or Latinos ('cause I think they've all been banned!)

It'll be crazy, you can't deny; it's like Christmas in July!
In Cleveland!

To the Quicken Loans Arena, it's the finest place you've seen-a,
It can nearly fit each person fired by Carly Fiorina.
It's the Q,
But let's be clear.
Q doesn't stand for queer.
Though, it really doesn't matter: there aren't many of them here.

It'll be crazy, you can't deny; it's like Christmas in July!

(Build a wall around me, dancing delegates!)

And there's so much more in store, 'cause it's not one night, it's four!
So...
Reince Priebus will campaign,
Huffing paint to ease the pain,
And Paul Ryan will be cryin' while Ben Carson juggles brains,
Ted Cruz is drinkin' whiskey,
No one's sittin' with Chris Christie,
And Mitt Romney bungees in to say "Does anybody miss me?"

Someone's in the bathroom yellin' "WHY???"
It's like Christmas in July!

The party of Lincoln...
Had better start drinkin'...
It's like Christmas...
In July!