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- “Ah! then yours wasn’t a really good school,” said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. “Now, at ours, they had at the end of the bill, ‘French, music, and washing—extra.’”
- “You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said Alice; “living at the bottom of the sea.”
- “I couldn’t afford to learn it,” said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. “I only took the regular course.”
- “What was that?” inquired Alice.
- “Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,” the Mock Turtle replied; “and then the different branches of Arithmetic—Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.”
- “I never heard of ‘Uglification,’” Alice ventured to say. “What is it?”
- The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. “What! Never heard of uglifying!” it exclaimed. “You know what to beautify is, I
- suppose?”
- “Yes,” said Alice doubtfully: “it means—to—make—anything—prettier.”
- “Well, then,” the Gryphon went on, “if you don’t know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton.”
- Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it: so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said “What else had you
- to learn?”
- “Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers,—“Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling—the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week: he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.”
- “What was that like?” said Alice.
- “Well, I ca’n’t show it you myself,” the Mock Turtle said: “I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.”
- “Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon: “I went to the Classical master, though. He was an old crab, he was.”
- “I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said with a sigh. “He taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.”
- “So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
- “And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.
- “Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: “nine the next, and so on.”
- “What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice.
- “That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked: “because they lessen from day to day.”
- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 9 - The Mock Turtle's Story
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