This hotel is exactly the place I have looked for! For all the other receptionist's for this position, I am the BEST.

* Organizing shit? Check.
* Calling numbers and shit? Doublecheck.
* Customer support and shit? Mega-check.
* Faxing numbers and shit? MOTHER FLIPPING CHECK ALL OVER THAT.

Don't believe me? Check this shit out:

* I am devilishly handsome: I was prom king with two different queens.
* I am ridiculously smart: I can solve any Rubik's cube in front of your face with my magic fingers. I will bring one to prove it!
* I have pinpoint accuracy: I killed a hawk once with a ninja star (sorry Aviary).
* I am good for office morale: When someone cries I am all sympathetic and shit.

Need my résumé? Nope. Not when you got my FACTS!

* I am honorable: I am the son of a librarian and a Capricorn.
* I am brace: I fight crime on the weekends. I don't wear a cape, yo that shit is for PIMPS.
* I am dependable: Just call my name and ill be there.

I'll pop in tomorrow to get my paperwork all signed up around 11am. No need for an interview, trust me, you'll love me. I got your address from google, because my internet research skills are the shit. I actually have been to a spa near your building a few times so I already know the area!

Love,
Zack.